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Rath M. Donnelly ([info]rabbitrabbit) wrote in [info]blueridgeau,
@ 2012-07-11 02:49:00

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Characters: Rath and Tatum Donnelly
Setting: First the bar, then Tatum, Michi, and Sam's place, Early fall 2012
Rating: NSFW, Violence and Abusive Language
Content: Rath has something he needs to say

It was supposed to be one of those fun nights with friends that had no consequence, that didn't mean a thing at all. Naturally, it didn't go as planned. Rath had showed up at the bar with his fake ID and started drinking with some of his quodpot and hunting friends. It wasn't so bad at first, they just drank and fucked around like kids would but the drunker they all got, the worse the teasing got. It was like they knew exactly what to say to get Rath riled up since he was the most willing to fight out of all of them.

"Hey Rath, have you visited your sister's gay harem yet?" one of the kids teased.

Rath, who had been having a good time for once, instantly tensed. His hand went tight around the bottle of beer he was holding and he looked over at the other kid. "What the fuck did you just say about my sister?" he growled.

"Oh hey man," he grinned, putting his hands up in front of him. "I thought y'all would agree with me about your sister. The way she's livin'..." he whistled. "Sinful is what."

"Don't you fuckin' talk like you know a damn thing Jacob. Thing's is... more complicated than all that," he said, trying not to tense up anymore. He didn't know if it was possible but he thought he may very likely break the bottle he was holding. "Just shut your fuckin' mouth alright?"

"Rathy, you startin' to sympathize with those queers? Next thing you know this faggot will be totin' around a rainbow fuckin' flag and holdin' hands with that homo friend of his, Seth," another one of the boys teased, elbowing him.

"That's another one we gotta work on, Seth," Jacob said the boys name with disdain. "Fuckin' string him up to the quod posts and teach him a thing or two about bein' a man."

Rath didn't quite remember how he got there but in a matter of seconds he was standing over the other boy with a bloody bottle still shaking in his hand; Jacob was bleeding from a gash above his eyebrow. Rath spoke in a low, clear voice. "You ever even think about touchin' Seth or my sister, my Michiko, I will fuckin' have yer head. You understand me?"

"Sure do, ya fucking queer. I hear ya loud and clear!"

Rath grabbed Jacob's hair and held his head up as he began punching him right the face. Violence took over, three of their friends had to pull Rath away and he was still fighting. They started pulling him away from the bar. It wasn't until Rath's knees hit the pavement that he even realized he was outside. Jacob hobbled out of the bar behind him. "Hey! We're not fuckin' finished yet!" he threw himself on top of Rath and grabbed a handful of his red hair. Jacob pulled Rath's head back and smashed his face into the pavement.

Warm blood spurted from his nose and lip that was when he really lost. He was already dizzy from all the drinking but it got worse when his head took the hit. Rath struggled to gain control of the situation and somehow managed to roll around to his back so he didn't have to eat the pavement. He punched up but missed. Jacob grabbed his wrist. "You think this girly thing is gonna do any real damage?"

Rath knew it was his last resort and he didn't want to do it because he was already dizzy but there were no other options. He reared back and headbutted Jacob perfectly, causing the other boy to fall back uselessly on the pavement. Rath pulled himself up and looked around at his friends, who all just stared at the bloody mess in front of them.

"Some fuckin' friends," he growled, kicking Jacob in the side. "Fuck y'all," he turned on his heel and started back toward campus. Half way back to his dorm though, he realized he didn't want to be there and he didn't want to make Seth deal with his mess again, it didn't seem fair. So he stumbled along the street, stopped at the liquor store and bought some whiskey, then sat down on the curb outside and drank for a while. He knew there was really only one option left and chances were someone was awake but he didn't deserve their help.

He gathered himself off the curb and headed toward Tatum's apartment. It was the only place that would accept him anyways. He staggered up the steps and knocked on the door leaning heavily against the railing. He didn't know what he would even say; he had no clue what time it was, there was dry blood all over his face, he was still angry at the world, and he was drunker than a skunk. What could he even offer? Nothing.

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2012-07-11 08:14 am UTC (link)
Tatum had only been in her first year of university for a little over a month, but she had already taken a good portion of that month off already. Early October was chilly, and she still found it hard to believe that it was even October already, that she had actually had her baby at the beginning of the month. It was still a shock to her that she had survived, just the contractions alone had been enough to make her want to give up. But somehow she had made it through, and now the tiniest baby girl she had ever seen lived with them, she was really here. Their little princesa Kia. It was definitely throwing her for a trip, it was all really happening. She had even taken to motherhood loads better than she had expected to do. Breastfeeding was intimidating and out of the question, so was so ready to have her body back and nothing in her body was good for nutrients, but she would have done anything else for her daughter, right from the beginning.

Just the fact that Tatum was up at nearly two in the morning with her, despite having class the next day, spoke volumes. They had only been home a couple of days and she would have loved nothing more than to smoke a joint and just go to sleep until school in the morning, but having a week old baby to take care of had burst that bubble. Sam and Michi had been helping her more than enough, she wasn't sure it would have even been possible without them, but she decided to let them sleep for a little while as she heard Kia beginning to fuss around midnight.

She had wandered out into the living room with her little girl, laying on the couch and laying Kia on her chest with a hand on her back to steady her. Tatum began absently flicking through the channels on tv in the otherwise dark room, and she didn't even realize how long she had been laying there watching nothing until she heard the knock on the door. She resisted the urge to sit bolt upright, checking the time and furrowing her eyebrows as she sat up carefully instead, shifting Kia into the crook of her arm and hoping not to disturb her. She was calm as could be now, which meant they could probably go back to bed. After they dealt with whatever this mess would be. Her initial gut reaction told her to go and get Sam, or Michi, but she resisted. She was a wolf herself, meant to be tough and rough, and she could handle it herself. She had to grow a more solid backbone sometime anyway.

Her assumption was that, at this hour of the night, it had to be one of Michi's friends. Probably Hunter and Charlie trying to convince her to come out with them for a couple of hours or something. Those two bitches could party all night, if anyone could. But when she stood on her tip-toes a bit to look through the peep hole on her side of the door, Tatum was genuinely surprised to see Rath standing there. She did a double-take, just to make sure she wasn't mistaken, before she shifted Kia around so that she was cradling her against her shoulder before she opened the front door slowly with her free hand. "You must be lost, do you realize what time it is?" she half-joked. He had never really visited their place, officially speaking, and now wasn't really the time. But he really did look a wreck, and he was her little brother, she couldn't just turn him away. "Come on then," she eventually sighed, stepping out of the way so that he could follow her in. She was resisting the urge to put down the baby and go get a warm cloth to wash the blood off him with.

"Shut the door, you're gonna freeze us out," she warned, already sitting back on the couch and making busy work of checking on the sleeping Kia in her arms.

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2012-07-11 04:20 pm UTC (link)
He stood in the doorway silently for a moment before checking his wrist for a watch that wasn't there. "Dunno," he mumbled drunkenly, swaggering into the house behind her when she stepped inside. "Mm sorry," he slurred. "Had nowhere else to go," he looked around before plopping into one of the chairs and taking another swig from his brown bag special.

He leaned forward, his arms resting on his knees and stared at the floor. "How is lil' momma tonight?" He needed something to distract himself from the fight he just had.

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2012-07-16 07:02 pm UTC (link)
"Been better," Tatum replied curtly, leaning back more comfortably onto the couch and shifting the baby gently in her arms. "Pretty tired, I got class in the morning.. might end up just taking the day off. Such is the life of teenage motherhood," she added, smiling weakly despite her frustration. She couldn't complain, she was still making pretty good marks, and it was nice to be entitled to a day off now and again. She pretty much had a pretty pass from class with Kia, most of her professors were very understanding of the whole thing.

"Shouldn't you be home in bed yourself? I know you got class in the morning," she warned him, eying her brother suspiciously. "You been getting into trouble?"

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2012-07-16 07:33 pm UTC (link)
"Did I wake you?" he asked. "I shoulda just slept on the porch," his head lolled to the side a bit.

"No. Couldn't go home," he said looking at his bloodied up hands. "I uh- got into a fight with Jacob. Kid don't know what to shut his fuc-" he stopped himself short and put a finger over his lips so he wouldn't swear in front of the baby. "He was being a jerk," he said quietly. "So I shut him up."

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2012-07-17 08:14 am UTC (link)
"No, I was already up with little miss here," Tatum admitted. "Been up a while, she's only just settling down.. I was trying not to wake anyboddy else up if I can help it."

Sur shook her head at him. "Porch is no place for family," she told him, standing carefully from the couch. She furrowed her brow a bit at his fight, but didn't ask too many questions. Rath was apt to do as je pleased and fight as he pleased even when his sisters nagged him. The twins had always sort have been ruffians. "Wanna hold her while I clean you up?" the redhead asked. She would clean him up whether he wanted her to or not. Thar part wasn't a question.

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2012-07-17 04:35 pm UTC (link)
"Good," he nodded wiping his hands on his shorts. "Figures you'd be up and tryin' to let the other sleep," he smirked. "Gotta take care of everyone else."

"Yeah," he nodded holding his arms out to take Kia. He had only held her a handful of times and each time it made him feel a little more a part of their lives. Normally he would swat her away from him when she tried to clean him up but tonight was different. He just didn't want to fight anymore. He cradled Kia close to his chest and cooed incoherently at her, his voice taking on a soft foreign quality.

"Don't nobody talk about my family the way he did," he grumbled. "Nobody talk about Seth like that..." he trailed off.

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2012-08-06 08:18 pm UTC (link)
"Who else is gonna do it?" she half-joked, carefully handing the baby off to him once his arms were extended. She watched Rath with her for just a moment before ducking down the hall and heading into the bathroom. She didn't know much about first aid, but she knew enough to patch him up, and accompanied by her wand it would be easy work to take care of her brother for the evening.

Returning to the living room, Tatum settled in on the couch beside him and scooted close, taking advantage of Kia distracting his attention while she dabbed a particularly busted up side of his face with a wet facecloth. "You're gonna stain everything," the redhead sighed weakly, wiping the blood away from a gash above his eyebrow.

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2012-08-06 09:09 pm UTC (link)
"Aint you just the prettiest little thing?" he cooed at Kia despite the harsh sting on the side of his face when Tatum applied the cool cloth.

"Stain everything..." he laughed once. "My life is a stain T. Like I said no one talks about the people I love like that..." he trailed off, looking at Kia sadly.

"I just keep thinkin', something is wrong, ya know?" he went on more quietly. "Like if God really loves me an' I aint supposed to be the way I am... it just don't fit. Someone's wrong and it's either me or everyone else. I just... why would God make me love Seth the way I do if I wasn't supposed to? Why would I smile like a goofy asshole every time I'm with him if I weren't supposed to? Why would it hurt to be away from you and the little miss if y'all was wrong? I tried Tate, I tried not to love him but he's the only thing that makes me feel like... like me. I even tried not to love you," he lifted his face to reveal tears in his eyes.

"How can... how can bein' true make you a bad person? I mean, I'm a bad person, it's kinda ironic that the only good in me comes out when Seth is around. It makes me wonder if I had just been honest maybe I wouldn'ta gone bad the way I did... now... now I'm just tired of lying, tired of having to hide and having to act like I do."

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2012-08-06 09:39 pm UTC (link)
"Well, you stood up for yourself, but what good did it do? You don't needa go and get yourself beat up on our behalf," Tatum murmured, trying her best to be gentle as she continued wiping at his face. She needed to get most of the dried blood off, it was grossing her out and she didn't want him sleeping on her couch like that. It was where she assumed he would end up eventually, once she was done.

"Something is wrong. It's like.. how can they preach this stuff about God lovin' everybody, but then turn around and tell us that just kiddin' He only loves you if you're just a certain way. Either he loves everybody no matter what, or he don't. You can't preach about love for everybody an' then.. y'know, exclude people."

She sighed heavily, lowering the cloth and taking a minute to inspect his face. "You can't fight who you are, Rath. I tried it, and it doesn't work. It might work for a little while, but it'll never feel right. You can try as hard as you want, but if you're not true to yourself.. well, what's the point?"

Caught off guard by his tears, she hesitated for a second, before lifting her wand and muttering a charm, closing up a bad split in his lower lip now that he had lifted his face to look at her. "I can't tell you what to do, you're a grown ass man.. but a real man knows when to step down, y'know. When to stand up for what's really right, not necessarily what someone tells him is right. But like.. what he knows is right. And it sounds to me like you know that you've been wrong, that daddy's been wrong all this time."

Tatum chewed her lip a moment, before letting her eyes meet Rath's. "We were born the way we were, all of us. Parents are supposed to love your kids no matter what, no matter who they are. What kinda dad can't even love his own girls, because we're not exactly what he wants? Well, I'm done livin' like that and I gotta love who I love. You should too."

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2012-08-06 09:53 pm UTC (link)
"I deserve the worst kinda hell," he muttered. "For all my lyin and all the hate in me... I don't deserve nothin' better."

"Daddy taught me how to hate... what kinda message is that? He breed that hate in me so deep that I could barely look at myself in the mirror. He..." he took a deep breath to try and stop himself from crying. Crying just made the whole thing even more horrific but it felt like a heavy weight lifting off his shoulders.

"I wanna be strong like you... an' I wanna tell everyone that they're wrong about us, that they're wrong about Seth and Michi," he sniffed and looked at Kia when Tatum mentioned loving their kids. "You lucky you got two ma's and a pa who gonna love you, and don't you worry Princess, Uncle Rath'll always love you too. I aint much... but I got your back baby girl."

He looked back to his big sister. "You'll still me though right? No matter what?" he just wanted to curl up and be reassured. He hadn't felt so vulnerable in his whole life. "I don't know if I can be as brave as you, I don't know if I can tell everyone and live so openly... but...but I can be better, at least I can try."

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2012-08-07 10:58 am UTC (link)
"You don't think I feel the same way? All my lying, whether it was to myself or everybody else around me, I did enough of it," Tatum sighed heavily, focusing on his nearest eye. It was pretty swollen, but with a little flick of her wand, the swelling began to back off just a little. "Don't forget the cheatin' too.. he had me convinced that being gay was so bad that I had myself convinced it was better to have a boyfriend an' a girlfriend at the same time instead of just being who I was all along. I really thought two-timin' was okay cause.. well, I was with a boy at least sometimes. But we see where that got me, right? And dad wasn't too happy about that either, so there."

Glancing down at Kia for a moment as Rath spoke to her, Tatum smiled broadly and reached over to gently push some auburn hair away from her forehead. "Daddy taught us all to hate, and how to be righteous and true, but it's our own job to teach ourselves the right way. It's our own job to see that he's wrong, he's always been wrong. What difference does any of it make. Two moms and a dad, or two dads and a mom, or hell just any two parents, who cares? Does my baby look like she cares who her folks are as long as we make sure she's taken care of? I sure as hell don't think so."

Leaning back into the couch a little, Tatum regarded her little brother seriously for a second before sitting back up straight and loosely putting an arm around his shoulders. "I'm not brave. I'm crazy, remember? I only had.. like, the balls to say anything because I was off my meds, and I knew he'd find out anyway in a few months, and honestly.. maybe it was even easier for me. I had the baby thing to break the ice and then the gay bomb was like icing on the sinner cake. It didn't feel easy an' I'm not brave, but I did my best. What else can you do?"

She tightened the arm around his shoulders a little. "Course I love you, even if you can be a piece of shit sometimes.. I did wonder, y'know when all this happened, if I still would. I remember you just let him throw be out like it wasn't no thing.. but we both did that to Sera, right? We both just let him throw her out and kept our mouths shut, so I dunno why I thought you would stop him for me but.. it hurt you, didn't it? More than I think?"

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2012-08-11 09:20 pm UTC (link)
"Well let's be honest," he said quietly. "It was probably one of the best mistakes you've ever made," he winced as she poked and prodded at his face. "It took seeing her an'... an' knownin' that she would never feel the way we feel... that's what it took to make myself see that we were goin' wrong about it."

Rath snuggled into her like a little boy would snuggle into his mother. "Brave'n me," he mumbled miserably. "I can barely even admit it. It's like it gets stuck in my throat..." he sniffled. "I'm g-gay." He felt like his world was falling apart already and topping it off with a big gay cherry was just what he needed. At least it was out there though.

He was quiet for a minute. "It hurt more than anything. I though if we could survive him for just a little longer then maybe... maybe he would just stop thinkin about all this gay stuff..." he trailed off. "I felt like you were abandoning me the way Sera did, I felt like I got stuck with that bastard. All I ever wanted to do was make my dad proud. I thought... at least I suspected you were gay too but then I thought we could both change... we could either change him or change ourselves."

"I wanted so badly for us to be a family T. It was stupid to think throwin' you out was the right thing to do. I fucked up, I fuck up nearly everything, so when I realized I was wrong... well damn... it wasn't that big a surprise now was it?" he forced a grin. "I want a real family T. I'm so tired of faking it."

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2012-08-12 07:32 pm UTC (link)
"She ain't never gonna be made to feel that way," Tatum assured him sharply, getting a little bit defensive as she looked down at the baby girl in his arms. "Nobody is ever gonna treat her like that, make her think like that.. nobody ever. She's gonna live her life and love her life an' do whatever she damn well pleases.. y'know, within reason an' all."

Tatum sighed a little, snuggling in close to the two of them and pushing some hair away from his forehead a little. He felt warm, but he was probably flushed from the alcohol. "Gay as the day is long, I've been sayin' that about you since we really knew what it was.. they always say the biggest assholes are the gayest ones of all, y'know." Tatum leaned her head against his. "Pickin' on the gays because you hate all the feeling you got in yourself. Guess it's supposed to be easier, but we both know that it isn't," she murmured.

"I always wanted to make dad proud, too. We were raised with this idea that like.. disappointing him was the worst thing in the world, but it wasn't. I was letting you guys down, both of you, by even letting Sera go first. I always knew it was wrong.. fuck, from the first time I let Mack kiss my cheek in the backyard, and I saw daddy come flyin' out the backdoor like a bat out of hell.. I knew I was in shit, but I knew he was wrong. I knew I wasn't hurtin' anybody or doing anything but being happy, and he just.. he's always been set in his ways, as long as I can ever remember. From the day we were all born, he's been set in his ways, his grandpa's ways, the whole family is fuckin' wrong. But you can't always change someone once they're too set in their ways and.. well, daddy is one of those kind of people, Rath. Nobody is gonna change his mind."

She swallowed thickly, nodding her head numbly when he said he wanted a family. She had always wanted the same, but their parents had made it so hard. It was either live a life being fake and have a perfect family, or be themselves and have no family. It wasn't really a fair ultimatum to give to three kids. "I want a real family too, buddy.. you know I do. Y'know I was almost kinda happy I was pregnant? I mean, I was real scared, terrified.. but I thought, we'll raise this little girl right, and we'll be happy, and I can give her everything I never had and she'll be better than me, and smarter than me, and go farther than me, and love whoever she wants. Isn't that what a real family wants for each other?"

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2012-08-12 11:04 pm UTC (link)
"Good," he said quietly. "I won't let that hateful man near her. Aint no sense in taking somethin' so good and so pure and taintin' her before she even gets a real chance."

He sighed heavily. "I thought I could push it all away," he admitted. "If I pushed it harder, then maybe I wouldn't feel it. It only made me hate myself even more."

Rath listened carefully to Tatum. "He let us down," he said finally saying what had been weighing him down for years. "He aint good enough fer you an' he aint good enough fer Sera," he tried to sound reassuring but his voice was still weak.

He nodded. "Some people say ya can't pick family. I don't agree with that, not anymore. I think the best families are the ones you pick, the ones you wanna carry."

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2012-08-13 01:58 pm UTC (link)
"I won't let that hateful man anywhere near any of my family," Tatum replied, reaching up with the cloth again and dabbing at his lip, which was bleeding again. "You can only push so far before you push yourself over the edge, kiddo. You can't deny your feelings, who you are.. you were born this way, baby. Sorry to go all Gaga on you, I know daddy doesn't approve of her music," she grinned. "But bein' a gay dude, you better start listenin' up."

She pulled one arm around him tightly, pressing a kiss into his temple. "And listen to this, too.. family is the ones you pick, who you want your family to be. Family isn't something that someone can just, define for you.. you gotta do it yourself, make your own decisions. Family is where love is, stupid. It's home."

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2012-08-18 04:29 pm UTC (link)
Rath snorted and shook his head. "I don't care, I can have all these feelings and shit but I aint never gonna be a boa wearin' Gaga freak," he grinned crookedly. "Don't gotta be flamboyant or nothin'. That aint who I am."

"I'm sorry I've been such a terrible shit," he said lightly when she kissed his forehead. "I love you sis, an' I wanna be your family. I wanna be good fer lil' Kia and I'll try my damndest to be nice to Sam if that'll make both of y'all happy."

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