Tatum & Mack.Setting:
Shawnee dormitory and outside; February, 2012.Content:
Tatum is just realizing she's pregnant, but Mack already noticed.
She couldn't stop her eyes from flitting back and forth, from one problem to another. One the edge of her desk sat the pregnancy test, staring back at her obnoxiously with it's bright positive result on the end. On the other end of the desk was everything that she had gathered up from around her room; dimebags of weed, pill bottles, a nugget of hash. It all had to go then, she had already decided. She could feel herself dying for a joint, especially with all of the stress and emotions pulling her right now, but she knew she couldn't do it. She was due for her bipolar medication as well and she knew that too, but there was no way she could take that. She wanted to flush it down the toilet, all of it. She was no strange to drugs, prescription and otherwise, and it was already making her panic as she wondered what damage she had already done.
If the test was right, she wasn't far along, there was no way. She knew exactly when it had happened, or close to it. How was she supposed to tell anyone? Sam, for one. Michi, more importantly. It was bad enough that she had been keeping the other girl like a dirty little secret, befriending her in the open but only loving her behind closed doors. They had done enough fighting about their relationship, the strain that her family put on it, her parents. Oh god, her parents, telling them was out of the question. But how long could she go before they would find out? They loved Sam, had wanted her to be with him, but this probably wasn't what they had been expecting. It sure as hell wasn't what she
had been expecting. It was all supposed to be harmless; Sam was harmless, he was her best friend. Things weren't supposed to fuck up like this.
But despite all of her fears, her panic, not knowing what was going to happen or how long this had been going on, she was already feeling protective. She had been feeling protective as soon as she realized it was true, it stirred something of the wolf inside of her, she couldn't explain it any other way. Keeping the baby was the only option she wanted to consider, even if she knew that there was an easier way out. She had always felt that she would have taken another option, but now that it had happened, she surprised herself with feeling so attached. Even if everything went to shit, if Michi and Sam didn't want her, or if her parents went ballistic, she still had to do right by the baby. That began with getting rid of all of the drugs in front of her, and that was causing more panic. She would have to go and see Doctor Lisi tomorrow, but she couldn't take any of this stuff anymore. He'd have to give her something else, something that wouldn't hurt the baby. She had already googled the effects of lithium on fetuses and scared the shit out of herself. Diagnosing oneself online was never a good idea, but the worry was already implanted now. It all had to go, prescriptions and all.
Standing up from her desk on shaky legs, Tatum gathered all of the bottles and baggies up in her arms, heading into the bathroom attached to her room, shoving the door open with her shoulder. She dropped the armload of medication into the bathtub, and letting out a strangled sob of disgust. She had never been religious, even as her parents tried all of her life to drill it into her and her siblings, but she was thankful to some higher power of some kind. That she had taken the test, that she had been cautious for once. She hadn't felt any different before, but she knew now. She took a brief glance in the mirror, hating how much like shit she looked. Pale and shaky. "I'm sorry," she murmured to her reflection. She had read somewhere before that babies were supposed to be able to hear things in there, and even though it might be a bit early still, it made her feel better. "It's okay, we'll do it now. I'll take care of everything."
She wasn't sure where to go, she didn't think she could handle confrontation of telling anyone tonight, but she couldn't stay holed up in the bathroom with all of her contraband. She hadn't felt even a bit of morning sickness yet, it was a bit early for that too, but she suddenly felt like she was just on the verge of getting sick as she shoved her way back out of the bathroom. She didn't know where she was going, just out, as she grabbed her coat
from the back of the door and headed down the stairs. It was freezing outside, for Georgia anyway, and Tatum still didn't really care where she ended up. She didn't want to go to Roanoke to see Michi, she still didn't know what to say to her. She could go see Sera, but she doubted that would be much help. Rath would likely throw her down the stairs or something, she figured. Leaving her room was mostly to avoid Sam; he lived across the hall, and the chance of him dropping in on his own girlfriend was a big one.
Outside was a better alternative to facing anybody. Tatum just pulled her jacket tighter around herself and headed for the edge of the woods, where she normally went to relax and calm her mind. Normally she went there to smoke too, but not tonight. She just wanted to be alone, mostly, until she could figure out what to do with herself.