Michi & Tatum.Setting:
Michi's room, very early March of 2012.Content:
Tatum telling Michi what's actually been going down.
Tatum had kept her mouth shut ever since her run in with Mack a few weeks, except for going to and see Doctor Lisi after classes the day after. It wasn't an easy thing to tell anyone, but he was a doctor, and since she was over seventeen there wasn't any reason to tell her parents about what went on. Telling them was something she was still considering, time was definitely a factor because she could only hide it for so long, but she was still early on. She had a bit more time to worry about telling them. Mack's reaction had been awful and what had happened between them had been awful, and she hadn't told a soul about it or about the baby. She had been keeping it cooped up inside, but Lisi had been a necessity.
She couldn't smoke joints anymore, couldn't do much of anything, and she was feeling miserable now that Lisi was helping her to switch her prescriptions. Switching dosages and types, it was taking a toll on her, and keeping her mood in check was a challenge in itself. She had always been pretty stable on her medications, she had things under control, but now everything was different. Many types of mood stabilizers and anti-psychotics weren't exactly meant to be given to babies or pregnant women, and changing her medicine around had been necessary, but she was still adjusting. On top of that, there was keeping everything a secret, and that was hardest of all. She knew she was snapping at everyone, but she couldn't very well help it.
Sleeping a lot was becoming a problem, half because she was exhausted and half because she had just plain been feeling depressed about everything. She knew she wasn't exactly being the best, to Sam or Michi, and she still had both of them in the dark for the time being. She had been scared that Mack would tell them, to try to fuck her over, but it hadn't happened yet. She still couldn't shake how disgusted with her the blonde had looked, and she had to keep reminding herself that she was nothing like the girl she had grown up with, Mack's opinion meant nothing now, and their every interaction was nothing but toxic. But it kept nagging at her. Who else was going to be disgusted? Time was running out to tell everyone, not just her folks and her siblings, but everyone. She was only a tiny girl, and with someone of her size she would be showing before long. It was only lucky that so many of her clothes were baggy as it was, because she was pretty sure that she could see just a hint of a belly starting to form. It was all downhill from there.
Her plan all along had been that once she felt she was ready, she would tell Sam, and then Michi next, and her parents after that. She planned to tell them all before her birthday on the fifteenth. Each encounter would go as it would, she couldn't do much to change how any of them would feel when they found out, but she was hoping for the best. Sam, she figured, might actually be the most accepting of the news. But she had to wonder how breaking up with him would taint that acceptance. She knew it was necessary, she loved her best friend but she wasn't in love with him, and if this didn't prove that what she was doing was all wrong, she didn't know what did. She wanted the baby, would do anything to make sure things went well even though she felt like crap all of the time lately, but it had still been a mistake. She would never cut Sam out, but she couldn't be with him.
Which led her next to Michi, her next hurdle. How was she supposed to tell her what was going on? She had been snapping at the other girl loads more than usual lately, and the tension was high. Even just now, Tatum found herself sulking in bed, after they had been screaming at each other just a couple of hours before. It was hard not to get worked up, to end up going over the deep end and she regretted it but it didn't stop her. She wanted to apologize, but that meant she'd have to explain. She laid there sullenly, her face buried against her pillow, wondering if maybe it wasn't best to tell Michi first after all.
Even though they were fighting lately, and even though she couldn't stop thinking about all of the things that Mack had said to her, Tatum wanted Michi. If she was supporting her, then she knew she could do everything else, tell everyone else. Even if Sam ended up hating her for breaking up with him or something, then if she still had Michi, she could make it through. She didn't know what she was going to do if the other girl decided that she wanted nothing to do with her, which was a possibility that weighed heavily on Tatum's mind. Not everyone was ready to sign on for a baby, particularly a baby that wasn't anything to them.
Unless she decided to make it something to her, and Tatum hoped she would. She wanted her to, wanted them to be a family, like she had never been able to have at home. Her parents would be angry with her, she was sure of it, but some part of her begged her to believe that they couldn't hate her. If Michi wanted to help her, then her parents would just have to accept that, and let her be happy for once. But telling Michi was the current problem, and the redhead was still feeling put out from their earlier argument, and that was influencing her more than just a little. It had only been over something stupid at first, but it had snowballed, as often happened.
If she wasn't so stubborn, she knew that she could just be over at Roanoke with her right now, instead of just laying in her own bedroom alone. It was just after dark, but she knew her girlfriend would still be awake, if she hadn't gotten pissed and gone out somewhere with Hunter and Charlie already. Running back to their friends had always been either default reactions, Hunter was always ready to get Michi piss loaded at the drop of a hat, and Tatum usually went to Sam. But she felt less like doing that lately, and she usually ended up alone, just like this. Pushing herself out of bed, she mustered up the energy to get changed
, and head out into the commons, crossing them in practically a jog as she made her way from Shawnee, trying to ignore the need to stop and having a joint that still nagged her daily. Smoking on the commons had been one of her favorite activities, and she knew that both Sam and Michi had noticed her lack of smoking lately. She had been telling them both simply that she was quitting, it was too expensive.
With weed still on her brain, she ducked inside of Roanoke, glad to find that the common area was pretty empty as she passed through and proceeded to Michi's room. She didn't bother to knock, shoving the door open as soon as she found that it wasn't locked, and almost slamming it behind her. She only took a quick inventory of the room, and as soon as she saw Michi was home and her roommate wasn't, she felt herself getting worked up and getting ready to go off.
"Listen, I'm sick and tired of just this.. shit
, with you jumping down my throat for every little thing!" she told her, brandishing her index finger at her girlfriend as she leaned back onto the door. "We didn't used to be like this and I don't wanna be like this now!"