Log In

    - Create Journal
    - Update
    - Download

    - News
    - Paid Accounts
    - Invite
    - To-Do list
    - Contributors

    - Customize
    - Create Style
    - Edit Style

Find Users
    - Random!
    - By Region
    - By Interest
    - Search

Edit ...
    - User Info
    - Settings
    - Your Friends
    - Old Entries
    - Userpics
    - Password

Need Help?
    - Password?
    - FAQs
    - Support Area

michimonster ([info]michimonster) wrote in [info]blueridgeau,
@ 2012-08-18 17:57:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Characters: Michi and Tatum
Setting: Tatum's room
Rating: SFW
Content: Apologizing for the train wreck of the day before

Things had not gone at all to plan. Michi had felt betrayed and angry at first but the look on Tatum's face, that was what really broke her heart. She was mad at herself, mostly for the way she reacted and again for the way she had been insensitive about Sam in the first place. If she had been more honest in the first place, maybe they wouldn't be where they were, but that was the thing wasn't it? They were there together, no matter how much Michi tried to fight, there was something about Tatum and that baby that she couldn't... she wouldn't walk away from.

She didn't know what to do. She didn't know what she could even say to make up for it so she skateboarded into town to get her head on straight. There were a thousand things to say to her girlfriend but she had to show her. After stopping in a few stores, she was sure she had the right gifts that said she was sorry and that she was in it too. She got home early enough but she didn't think she could go right over at the time. She walked around campus, punched a few fence posts, and even got into a minor fight with a boy from her building over bumping into her.

After noon though, she couldn't stand it anymore. She forced herself to cross the Commons and walk right into Shawnee house. Tatum had come to her for comfort and the one thing Michi was good for... she had failed. With a shaking fist she knocked on Tatum's door and then pushed it open, glad to find that the red head was alone. She cleared her throat and shut the door behind her. "I fucked up," she said, feeling incredibly dumb for saying it.

(Post a new comment)

2012-08-20 10:26 am UTC (link)
Tatum had been doing a whole lot of nothing since talking to Michi the day before. Her confidence on the matter was shot down, after the way Mack had reacted and then how angry Michi had gotten, she didn't know how she was supposed to tell anyone else. It seemed like at the rate she was going, she was going to be entirely on her own by the end of this, but maybe that would be for the best. If her girlfriend and ex-best friend couldn't even accept her, the chances of her parents accepting the fact that she was pregnant outside of a proper marriage wasn't likely. They were going to go as ballistic as everyone else, and the day kept ticking by.

She was still avoiding Sam, which was easier said than done, but she really did feel like crap so it wasn't very hard to put on a convincing exhausted face. She was dragged out, feeling like doing nothing more than laying in bed and sulking, crying every now and again when she knew her roommate wouldn't be coming back too soon. She couldn't smoke, couldn't talk to anyone, and she would just have to get to it.

When her dorm door flew open, she hadn't been expecting her roommate back for a while, and she had been taking advantage of the chance to get some of those tears out. Her arms were wrapped around her pillow, and she just barely peeked out from behind it with watery eyes as Mich shut the door behind her. She quickly tried to clear her own throat and straighten up, like she hadn't just been sobbing into the other side of the pillow a minute ago.

"You did," she told her easily, her voice cracking a little and making her clear her throat again. "So what?"

(Reply to this)(Thread)

2012-08-20 12:09 pm UTC (link)
"Guess that makes us even now," she felt her jaw clench tight. This wasn't how it was supposed to be though. She couldn't stay away from Tatum... didn't want to either.

Michi moved over slowly and got onto her knees in front of the bed. She rested her chin on the edge of the bed and looked at the other girl with bog eyes. "I panicked... an' I got scared like... well... I didn't know what to think. I aint cut out to be a parent, we're still in high school. An'... an' there was other stuff too."

"I was angry Tatum and you can't blame me for that. Sam was supposed to be a cover up but last night when you told me... I thought for the briefest minute that maybe it wasn't just a cover up for you. Maybe it was something more. Why would you sleep with him if you wanted me? Hell, I was angry with myself for letting the whole damn thing go on as long as it did. I wanted... I want you, I want all of you to myself all the time and maybe that's selfish but god damn it the things you do to me... it aint even fair," she could feel her heart tight in her chest.

"And you needed me... and I wasn't there to pick you up the way I promised I would. I wasn't there to fix things and hold ya and make it better. I never..." she looked away and stared at the bump of blanket obscuring her view. "I told myself when we started dating that I would never force you out, that I would never leave you alone in this and what did I do yesterday? I walked out on the only person I have ever loved when she needed me most. The way yer dad makes you feel, the way your friends make you feel... I was never supposed to make you feel that way. I was supposed to be god damn different."

She shook her head and looked back at Tatum with tears in her eyes. "My temper got in the way... and my pride. I just... I've never had someone get to me the way you have T. I've never let someone in and I sure as hell never let anyone turn me into this fuckin' puddle of mush but I can't help it when you're around. But the whole damn thing with Sam..." she finally let a tear slip down her cheek. "I know you said he was nothin' and you kept reassuring me that he was nothin' more than a friend but it still hurt to see you together and it hurts even more knowin' that when we was fightin' you was with him and even it was just the one time..." she trailed off.

"Knowin' that I was just as guilty about it because I pushed you away. I don't... I can't..." she took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry and if you'll have me, I'll make it up to you I swear. Every day for the rest of my life I will make it up to you."

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

2012-08-30 10:31 am UTC (link)
When Michi came approaching the bed, Tatum did her very best not to flinch back, just drawing her arms tighter around the pillow and resting her chin on it as her girlfriend settled in and looked at her. "Guess so," she agreed weakly, breaking eye contact as Michi looked at her with big eyes. They got her every time and the other girl knew it, Tatum didn't doubt. "You think I'm not panicked? Or scared? I can't.. I can't be a parent when I don't even know how parents act. I know this, stupid facade that my parents put up, wanting to make us seem perfect, make us seem.. better than other people, but I don't know the first thing about what a good parent does because I never had a good parent," she blurted out, face sinking deeper into pillow as she spoke. She had lashes out at Michi the day before about her parents, about how she couldn't understand because her parents already didn't want her, but it had been her own insecurity showing. Showing because she knew that soon, she wouldn't have parents either, good or bad. They'd probably prune her off the family tree or something.

"I want you too," she mumbled back quickly as Michi spoke. She reached over, taking her girlfriend's nearest hand and squeezing it. "I need you, I needed you but.. more than my mom or my dad, I do. They don't care about me like you do, they only care about.. themselves and how we reflect on them and all this bullshit, you never should have started dating a coward like me who couldn't even see that. I never meant to hurt you," the redhead sniffed a little, shaking her head. "I just.. I swear, it was a cover, Sam's just.. I really care about him, okay? I love you so much, but I still.. he's still important to me and i want him in my life.. our life, if he wants to be. I was just so mad at you, and you said do it and I was so mad and high i figured why not, you accuse me all the time anyway so I just.. it wasn't fair to him either, two wrongs don't make a right and now I haven't even told him yet.. about anything, I'm still just a coward. You should get out while you can, I'm not even worth it."

Tatum rolled over onto her back, keeping the pillow with her, covering half her face as she stared up at the ceiling. "He never slept here, if that makes you feel better.. not like that anyway. I only wanted you here," she murmured. "You are different, all those people.. they don't get me like you do and break me down like you, they can't. That's why this can't be wrong because.. like, how can being this in love with someone be wrong? I don't care gay or straight, or like.. a fucking whatever, love is love and I love you and I'm sick of hiding it and fucking it up, making messes.."

(Reply to this)(Parent)

2012-08-30 10:32 am UTC (link)
What had being in the closet ever done for her anyway? Besides make ger miserable, get her into situations that were bad news. It made her into a liar, to herself and everyone else. It was Michi, always Michiko from the minute they met, and it had been Mack before her. Her parents knew it, had seen it in her, and she knew that was why they were so hard on her. The day that her parents forbid her to see Mack again, the fight that day, never left her for a minute even if she never told anyone about it. She could never forget the look on her father's face every time Mack was around, how he treated her. It was hate. It was why she had to work so hard to seem normal, to not stand out, to do what her father wanted. It was a coward's way out, easier than fighting it like Sera did, but Sera was stronger and she had Hunter to help her. It was so easy with Sam, they were already best friends, but she knew now that dating him was a coward's escape too.

She had let her parents, and her own weakness, take Mack away from her. Their confusing relationship, the way they couldn't stand each other but could never stay away from each other, was her father's fault. He got between them and separated them and Tatum was sure if that had never happened, they would be together right now. But they weren't, and she had met Michi and fallen for her, and she couldn't let the same thing happen with Michi now. She had to stop being afraid, and stop letting her father push away the girls she cared so much about.

"I wish I was like my sister, and just.. told them I was gay long ago and got away and never went back. Now they have two things to be ashamed of me for instead, pregnant dyke with no future. I was already the least favorite kid beside the other two," Tatum whispered weakly, feeling herself tear up along with Michi. She reached over, clumsily brushing a tear off the other girl's cheek with her palm. "You fucked up, but I fucked up more, and I don't.. know why you'd want me, but if you really do then.. well, baby, I do need you too. I need somebody, I can't do this alone. I'm so scared," she admitted finally, her tears breaking through again as she buried her face in the pillow. "I'm sorry too, I just.. I never wanted to hurt anybody, now I fucked up our whole life and Sam's and probably this baby's whole life because it's grandparents aren't even going to want it and it's uncle is an asshole and babies are expensive and.. and just everything. I wanna do right by all of us, but I'm scared. All I know how to do is drugs and sell drugs and play stupid video games, so what if i get some high score online, I'm not a mom."

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

2012-08-31 11:39 pm UTC (link)
Michi listened intently, demanding herself to be quiet while Tatum spoke even as her heart pounded hard in her chest. She focused on Tatum's words and breathing deeply. "I know you're scared and I know it's probably a lot worse with that baby growing in your belly and not mine. I just... I knew if you were in this, then I was in it too. You aint gonna do this thing alone, got it? And me... I just... I gotta get used to being the other baby daddy, especially if you want that Sam clown to stick around," she added a bit gruffly.

Michi squeezed her hand back and sniffed. "Don't you dare ever talk like that Tatum," she said fiercely. "You're worth a thousand Madeleine and Michael Donnellys. You're better than them and don't let anyone ever tell you different."

She pressed her face into Tatum's hand when Tatum wiped her tears away and kissed it. She couldn't help herself, when Tatum began to fall apart she did the only thing that was natural to her and rolled into bed with her girlfriend. She wrapped her arms tightly around the other girl and rested her hands on Tatum's belly. "I love you and there aint nothin' wrong with it."

"If those bastards can't see the good in you the way I do... if they can't accept you and love you, then fuck them. We don't need 'em and our baby don't need 'em either. You see what they did to you, you know how badly they hurt you and Sera and even that little fucker Rath. I don't want them in our baby's life and I don't want them in my girlfriend's life. It's gonna be hard, there are gonna be days when you wanna rip my head off but we're gonna do right by each other from now on and we're gonna do right by the baby. Aint no one gonna hurt our baby and aint no one gonna hurt you no more."

"I know they're your parents, but look at what they did to you. Look at the way they make you feel. They're the reason why you feel so bad about yourself. I'll tell ya what though, you're better than that and you're amazing and whatever you end up doing... you're gonna do better than anyone would imagine," she pulled Tatum closer, spooning her and getting lost in the other girl's red hair.

"We'll do what we can, I'll start workin' even harder on the field, try out for some of the local leagues and see if I can't get a decent quodpot position and if that don't work well hell, I'll start workin' for the god damn league of wizards," she said trying to sound stronger for them both. "We're going to do this and we're gonna do it right."

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

2012-09-01 09:32 am UTC (link)
"You sure you're on board? I don't mind if I have two baby daddies, I guess.. it's twice the people to do my running around for me," Tatum joked weakly, immediately sinking into the other girl's embrace as her arms wrapped around her. This was exactly what she had needed all along, it felt so much better not to be fighting, not to be at each other's throats anymore. Their last fight had been bad, and Tatum was still having a hard time letting go of some of the harsh things that had been said. "I really would like him to stick around," she added seriously, after a lapse into silence. "He's my best friend, and I.. I don't know, teen dads always get a bad rap, but I know he'll be a good dad. If he wants to be, then.. he'll do great at it. And I guess since we're.. probably getting a furry little surprise, it might be nice to have another wolf parent with me.. you know, moons and stuff."

She placed her hands gently over Michi's, resting them on top of her stomach. She wasn't even big yet, hardly gaining weight, but that protective streak was still rampant. It was still amazing to her that something so significant was growing inside of her. "You guys would both be super cute with a little girl, all overprotective.. but I guess a boy would be okay too. Is it too early to worry about that?" she laughed weakly, her face still damp with years as she snuggled it into her pillow again. "I don't care what it is, as long as I don't fuck it up," she admitted.

Listening to her girlfriend talk about her family was hard, even if she knew every word was true. She had lived her life, made herself miserable, for as long as she could remember just to appease them. Pushing friends away, doing things she never wanted, acting and saying things she didn't mean, feeling ashamed and pressured, just to her mother and father wouldn't get mad at her. They had always been strict. Michi was right though, she wanted and needed to be herself, to focus on the baby and their future. If her parents didn't want to help her or accept her, then she was probably better off without them. But breaking the stern hold they had over her wasn't easy. Tatum could still remember the summer before when Sera had left home, practically trashed the house, and stormed out like it was nothing. She had tried her best to act scandalized by it, but she had been and still was jealous of the brunette's courage. She couldn't even tell their dad 'no' half of the time. It had always been easier to just not rock the boat at home, easier to play the part of the perfect little heteronormative catholic girl. Until the act got her pregnant, at least. That sort of put a damper on it all, but she had needed it, the final straw had broken and now she could be free. If she just listened to Michi and tried to believe what she was being told. Her parents had ruined her, had ruined her life in a lot of ways. This was as much on their plate as it was on her own.

"I love you, and I.. I want them to know. I want them to know I can do this, and we'll have our own little family, and well if they don't like that then.. they can just fuck off, you're right," Tatum agreed after a few moments if listening. She tucked herself back closer against Michi, sighing a little. "If I'm okay with it, then why should they care? I'm the one doing like, all the hard work," she suggested quietly. "Carrying a baby around and trying to act like somebody I'm not.. it kind of sucks."

She craned her neck around a little to look at her girlfriend as she nuzzled onto her hair. "You'd really go work at the league of you had to, for me? Even though Hunter would totally make fun of you? You know she wants you to go pro with her," Tatum reminded the other girl. "You're a better player anyway though and you look much sexier in your uniform, so.. just impress the scouts before she can," the redhead half-joked.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

2012-09-05 07:48 pm UTC (link)
"Ain't nowhere else I wanna be," she muttered into Tatum's hair. "I'll kick that Sam's ass if he's got anything to say otherwise," she grumbled protectively. "He got you into this mess just as much as you and me did so he better turn right the hell around and help out."

"We are gonna be a good family for this little baby, fuck bein' proper. Fuck what anyone else thinks. We're gonna do what's right for our baby and we are gonna take care of her and raise her to know that no matter what there are three people who are gonna love her regardless. We know what not to do because it's been done to us, so we can turn it around and raise her up good. We can make her proud to be our kid," she whispered fiercely. "We're gonna love the hell out of this kid no matter what T. We are gonna be the parents we never had."

"Hunt can shut her god damn mouth," Michi grinned. "I'd do whatever it takes to make sure our family gets the proper care and attention. I'm gonna make damn sure we're all happy before I take care of anything else," she laughed into Tatum's red hair. "Yeah, I know she does. I still got a shot at goin' pro I think but if I don't make a team I aint gonna waste time sittin' around and mopin'. I got a family to provide for now."

Speaking of provisions reminded her of how she had spent her time down town. Her eyes lingered over to the bag that was laying just over to the side of the bed. "Hey... I got you some stuff... and the baby too," she reached over and scooped the bag off the ground, handing it to Tatum. "This... uh... the cocoa butter is for yer belly. I figured you got some sensitive skin and it's supposed to make it feel better when the baby starts growin' and it won't give ya none of the stretch marks, not that I would care about that stuff anyways," she shrugged, feeling slightly awkward. She had given her girlfriend gifts before but nothing as meaningful as the bag sitting between them.

"There's a little something in there... just to kinda remind ya..." she trailed off, looking away as she thought about the necklace that was laying in a small box toward the bottom of the bag.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

2012-09-05 08:29 pm UTC (link)
"I think he will.. help out, I mean," Tatum replied quickly, snuggling back closer to the other girl, ducking her head under her chin. "He'll make a good dad. He's really protective and strong.. like someone else I know," she smiled. "Little girl is gonna have three people looking after her, looking out for her.. I hope. We'll make it, we got to."

She exhaled heavily, closing her eyes and cracking a little smirk. "You'll make one," the redhead assured the other girl, "You're gonna be great, there's no way the scouts will turn you down. Whatever you do, it'll be great. 'Sides, least you're not a stripper, right?" she laughed weakly. "Maybe Sera will hook me up with some of her tip money."

Tatum sat up a little, taking the bag carefully from Michi. "Maybe she could at least hook me up with some of her co-workers.. I'm gonna have to pick up the hustling," she admitted, rolling her eyes a little. "Gotta make ends meet."

Opening the bag, she had to smile all over again as how nervous Michi was looking, avoiding even looking at her. "You didn't hafta get anything," she told her girlfriend, as she began looking through the present, happily piling things out onto the bed beside them. "Gummi candy, you bitch.. making me wanna smoke a joint," she teased her. When she reached the bottom, she hesitated for a second as she saw the little box waiting there. She flicked her eyes to Michi before picking it up, carefully opening it. "Mich," she breathed, looking up at the other girl even as Michi looked away.

"Fuck," she laughed, letting out a watery sob. "I love you so much. I'm sorry for.. everything, I'm sorry I'm so shit."

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

2012-09-27 11:02 pm UTC (link)
"We're gonna get through this," she assured the other girl. No matter how scared she was feeling, she knew she had to times that by one hundred to understand how scared Tatum was. Tatum was the one who was about to loose her family and probably some of her friends. Tatum was the one who was about to blow up like a balloon with a baby growing in her belly.

Michi felt herself smiling softly, her cheeks burning up as Tatum piled the gifts on the bed. She played with the ears of the baby bear suit nervously as she waited. When Tatum got to the necklace though, Michi averted her eyes and stared directly at the spot on the bed next to her own knee. It wasn't easy to admit to this kind of stuff, not even when it was just the two of them and especially when things were turning so serious. She had always taken her relationship with Tatum seriously, but she had never imagined it would work itself out like this.

However it worked out though, she knew that where she wanted to be was by Tatum's side. Through the worst and the best of it; she wasn't going anywhere.

Michi finally looked up, slightly caught off guard and put her hand on Tatum's cheek gently. "Ya aint shit," she said softly. "You're... you're my everything, my whole world. I love you so much T... I'm finally seeing that none of the other shit matters. None of it compares to the good that I feel when I'm with you," she swallowed hard. "I love you more than anything, you're my family and soon Sam and this baby are gonna be a part of our family. An'... fucked up as it is... I wouldn't want it any other way."

She wrapped her arms around Tatum and pulled her into a tight hug.

(Reply to this)(Parent)

scribbld is part of the horse.13 network
Design by Jimmy B.
Logo created by hitsuzen.
Scribbld System Status