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michimonster ([info]michimonster) wrote in [info]blueridgeau,
"Guess that makes us even now," she felt her jaw clench tight. This wasn't how it was supposed to be though. She couldn't stay away from Tatum... didn't want to either.

Michi moved over slowly and got onto her knees in front of the bed. She rested her chin on the edge of the bed and looked at the other girl with bog eyes. "I panicked... an' I got scared like... well... I didn't know what to think. I aint cut out to be a parent, we're still in high school. An'... an' there was other stuff too."

"I was angry Tatum and you can't blame me for that. Sam was supposed to be a cover up but last night when you told me... I thought for the briefest minute that maybe it wasn't just a cover up for you. Maybe it was something more. Why would you sleep with him if you wanted me? Hell, I was angry with myself for letting the whole damn thing go on as long as it did. I wanted... I want you, I want all of you to myself all the time and maybe that's selfish but god damn it the things you do to me... it aint even fair," she could feel her heart tight in her chest.

"And you needed me... and I wasn't there to pick you up the way I promised I would. I wasn't there to fix things and hold ya and make it better. I never..." she looked away and stared at the bump of blanket obscuring her view. "I told myself when we started dating that I would never force you out, that I would never leave you alone in this and what did I do yesterday? I walked out on the only person I have ever loved when she needed me most. The way yer dad makes you feel, the way your friends make you feel... I was never supposed to make you feel that way. I was supposed to be god damn different."

She shook her head and looked back at Tatum with tears in her eyes. "My temper got in the way... and my pride. I just... I've never had someone get to me the way you have T. I've never let someone in and I sure as hell never let anyone turn me into this fuckin' puddle of mush but I can't help it when you're around. But the whole damn thing with Sam..." she finally let a tear slip down her cheek. "I know you said he was nothin' and you kept reassuring me that he was nothin' more than a friend but it still hurt to see you together and it hurts even more knowin' that when we was fightin' you was with him and even it was just the one time..." she trailed off.

"Knowin' that I was just as guilty about it because I pushed you away. I don't... I can't..." she took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry and if you'll have me, I'll make it up to you I swear. Every day for the rest of my life I will make it up to you."


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