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Tatum Donnelly ([info]ojandtostitos) wrote in [info]blueridgeau,
When Michi came approaching the bed, Tatum did her very best not to flinch back, just drawing her arms tighter around the pillow and resting her chin on it as her girlfriend settled in and looked at her. "Guess so," she agreed weakly, breaking eye contact as Michi looked at her with big eyes. They got her every time and the other girl knew it, Tatum didn't doubt. "You think I'm not panicked? Or scared? I can't.. I can't be a parent when I don't even know how parents act. I know this, stupid facade that my parents put up, wanting to make us seem perfect, make us seem.. better than other people, but I don't know the first thing about what a good parent does because I never had a good parent," she blurted out, face sinking deeper into pillow as she spoke. She had lashes out at Michi the day before about her parents, about how she couldn't understand because her parents already didn't want her, but it had been her own insecurity showing. Showing because she knew that soon, she wouldn't have parents either, good or bad. They'd probably prune her off the family tree or something.

"I want you too," she mumbled back quickly as Michi spoke. She reached over, taking her girlfriend's nearest hand and squeezing it. "I need you, I needed you but.. more than my mom or my dad, I do. They don't care about me like you do, they only care about.. themselves and how we reflect on them and all this bullshit, you never should have started dating a coward like me who couldn't even see that. I never meant to hurt you," the redhead sniffed a little, shaking her head. "I just.. I swear, it was a cover, Sam's just.. I really care about him, okay? I love you so much, but I still.. he's still important to me and i want him in my life.. our life, if he wants to be. I was just so mad at you, and you said do it and I was so mad and high i figured why not, you accuse me all the time anyway so I just.. it wasn't fair to him either, two wrongs don't make a right and now I haven't even told him yet.. about anything, I'm still just a coward. You should get out while you can, I'm not even worth it."

Tatum rolled over onto her back, keeping the pillow with her, covering half her face as she stared up at the ceiling. "He never slept here, if that makes you feel better.. not like that anyway. I only wanted you here," she murmured. "You are different, all those people.. they don't get me like you do and break me down like you, they can't. That's why this can't be wrong because.. like, how can being this in love with someone be wrong? I don't care gay or straight, or like.. a fucking whatever, love is love and I love you and I'm sick of hiding it and fucking it up, making messes.."


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