Dead Letters

deadletters @ 2011-05-31T19:50:00

2011-06-01T02:24:33Z

You,

I have tried not hating you... but I don't think that it's possible. Because even when you're out of my life you're effecting someone who matters to me. If I could kill you and get away with it, I wouldn't hesitate. I wouldn't look back. I wouldn't regret. In fact, I would rejoice.

Me

deadletters @ 2011-02-21T12:53:00

2011-02-21T22:11:58Z

Dearest you,

Its been awhile. We met so long ago but it still feels surreal to me at times. Can this be real? Could this actually be happening to me of all people? If you had asked me when I was much younger... I would have thought that I wouldn't even be capable of what we have now.

I never thought I could change. I could act. But you... You came into my life like the most unlikely whirlwind and changed me. It wasn't easy and it wasn't fast, but you never relented. You did the one thing that no one else has ever done. You never gave up on me.

I don't think I could breathe without you.

Forever,
Me

deadletters @ 2011-02-19T11:25:00

2011-02-19T19:21:54Z

Dearest you,

I want to marry you. I hope you want to marry me too.

Forever,
Me

deadletters @ 2011-02-13T18:16:00

2011-02-14T02:13:02Z

You,

Same to you.

All of my friends think you're creepy (when it comes to me) and I can't say that I disagree. You're fooling yourself, even now. It's sad and scary and I'm tired of it. I am tired of you.

I hope you get some help. Real mental help. I definitely hope that you never feel about another girl the exact way you feel about me. ...Its been a long time and I'm done ignoring the fact that the fantasies and thoughts you have of me... are horrifying. Seek counsel. It is not okay to be the way you are.

Me

deadletters @ 2011-02-01T16:14:00

2011-02-01T20:57:01Z

Cassasndra

I thought I was done with you. Then I remembered you owe me my 1099. And surprise, surprise, you're fucking late on giving that to me too. It was due YESTERDAY. I have half a mind to call the IRS on you! And now you're asking if you can HIDE it somewhere IN THE TOWN? IS THIS A FUCKING SCAVENGER HUNT TO YOU? WHY CAN'T YOU FUCKING DO THINGS? WHY CAN'T YOU NOT BE A FAILURE AT LIFE FOR FIVE MINUTES!? UGH!

Ax

deadletters @ 2011-01-20T03:06:00

2011-01-20T07:50:13Z

You,

Grow a pair. Really. It's very unbecoming to be so cowardly.

Amused,
Me

deadletters @ 2011-01-19T20:27:00

2011-01-20T01:10:19Z

You,

I have absolutely had it with you. I tried to settle this privately and discreetly, I tried to ignore it for the sake of keeping as much peace as I could but it only keeps getting worse and I have had it. I can't take this anymore.

You leaked Shini's entries and when you were called out on that you gave some bullshit excuse that you were doing it to "help". You cried to Axelle when I made one mention of her on my tumblr thus starting a lot of crap and stress that wasn't needed from anyone. You can give whatever excuses you want, but it's nothing but bullshit. Shini had the right to write whatever she wanted and because her entries were locked, she also had the right to privacy with those entries and you violated that, not to mention completely obliterating any kind of trust her, I, and probably others had in you in the process.

I already went over this with you when I emailed you telling you I was cutting you but apparently you haven't learned a fucking thing.

In my case, I know my tumblr is public but there is no fucking reason for you to go crying to Axelle when I made one tiny fucking mention of her. Guess what asshole, it's my fucking blog, I can say what I want in it. Finding out you did that was the final fucking straw and you can sit here and deny it but I still have Axelle's facebook messages.

But now, it gets even better. Not only have you done all this, but now you're also stalking my tumblr and Shini's tumblr. As a matter of fact, Susie DID tell me that you told her I needed psychiatric help or some shit because I'm still grieving over my dad who died over two fucking years ago.

Let's get a few things straight, shall we?

I haven't been in any kind of depression for over a year. However, it is perfectly normal to have days where you miss someone you've lost more intensely than you would other days.

Sometimes I get upset over other things in my (*gasp*) life and I write about it on tumblr, or I'm simply venting there because haha it's my fucking blog and I have that privilege! I haven't gone to your blog or whatever else to pull this shit with you because quite frankly, I don't give a rat's ass how you live your life and you shouldn't care how I live mine. If you actually DID care how I live mine, you would have said a lot more than "I understand" when I emailed you that day. You would be doing more than stalking my blog for ever little text post and going to my friends talking shit to them about how fucking pathetic you think I am.

That is not friendship, that is not caring for someone. This is harassment and it has got to stop. Susie doesn't need this bullshit, neither do Shini or Kei. I don't know what kind of shit you may have said about Shini, but it shouldn't be anything at all. And I hope to fucking God you don't find Kei's blog because she, too, has more to worry about than what a fucking snake is doing lurking on her blog.

There is a difference between venting to your friends when you're upset or concerned about a mutual friend and just fucking starting shit. And you crossed that fucking line.

I have done nothing to you and when I cut you, I confronted you privately about it. But I'm doing trying to keep the peace and trying to civil about this. This shit has been going on far too long. I am done.

You are the biggest motherfucking snake I have ever met and you need to stop this shit right now. Again, we don't give a shit about your life. Stop trying to start shit by snooping about ours, no matter where we are.

And before you even dare asking, Susie does in fact know that I'm making this post and gave me my blessing to do so.

Crossposting to dear_you

deadletters @ 2011-01-18T17:54:00

2011-01-18T22:38:10Z

Dear you,

I'm extremely unhappy with you; I just wish I could have the courage to do something about it.

Nothing,
Me

xxx

Dear self,

Please don't fuck this semester up. This is your chance.

Yourself

Old Man Winter can gtfo.

2011-01-13T05:47:05Z

Snow & Ice,

Over you. Please go away.

Axel

deadletters @ 2010-12-31T12:24:00

2010-12-31T19:09:34Z

Dear Scribbld,

Happy New Year!

Sincerely,
Me.

Ya nada volvera ser como antes.

2010-12-27T20:45:17Z

You,

No hard feelings. I'm removing you again, but not because I'm mad. It's because there's nothing between us. We don't talk, we don't tweet, we don't comment. There's really no point in continuing this charade. I do hope for the best, that you enjoy your life to the fullest and have a good one.

I'm being honest and sincere.
Me

deadletters @ 2010-12-25T05:05:00

2010-12-25T09:50:02Z

Dear Scribbld,

Merry Christmas. ♥

Spreading the holiday cheer,
Kei

la conquista

2010-12-05T06:58:37Z

Roma,

¿Por qué te sigo dándo oportunidades para romper mi corazón?

España

deadletters @ 2010-11-26T10:46:00

2010-11-26T17:39:36Z

Dear you,

Well well well... Looks like you really haven't changed a bit in the past three years. No job, no money, no real friends. Are you really expecting everything to be peachy-keen come New Year's with her?

I'm hoping someone kicks you in the ass so hard you won't sit right for a month. Maybe that will straighten you out. Or better yet, they can mutilate your body and leave you begging for death.

No emotion whatsoever,
Me.

deadletters @ 2010-11-17T17:48:00

2010-11-17T23:37:43Z

Dear You,

Go die.

Good Ridiance,
Me

deadletters @ 2010-11-16T02:29:00

2010-11-16T07:28:02Z

Dear you,

You have it all wrong. That's not why at all. Please don't tell other people it is. I really don't appreciate being made to sound like some pathetic moron who can't tell the difference between reality and make believe. I think what hurts the most is that I recall telling you what it was. Maybe you don't recall, maybe you misunderstood me then.

Ax

deadletters @ 2010-11-08T02:02:00

2010-11-08T06:50:48Z

Dear you,

I guess we couldn't last. To say that I won't miss you would be a lie but since you moved, since the distance between us became an obvious problem, you turned into this person that I never really knew. Yes, people change. Yes, I changed and you changed and I guess those changes were the difference. You didn't want to try, I stopped trying and by the time you actually wanted to try, it was too late. I find myself very indifferent towards this. If this were a year ago, I'd be in tears, thinking 'Oh God, I just lost my best friend. What can I do to make this better?' But now, I feel...nothing. I'm not happy, I'm not sad, I'm not angry. I'm lost within the thoughts of us for the past almost seven years and thinking about how it only took a year for us to fall apart. 365 days, maybe a few more. Things were weird from the day I left Florida from my two weeks there last year, last October. So, yeah, about 365 days for me to lose my best friend.

It doesn't really feel as real as it is, to be honest. I was expecting this in a way, truly I was, but the fact that it actually happened is a bit of a shock, even if I can't feel it. I think I know why; I didn't expect to lose Craig last year when I did. It came as a shock, I cried about it, I was hung up over it for about 9 months. It took me by surprise. I guess the reason why I can't cry for you is because I expected it. I told you last month that I was ready to give it up but we agreed to try but apparently, words aren't enough. I think my physical presence is what you needed, someone there to tell you things were going to be okay, a different outlook on your problems. I couldn't be there and even if I couldn't, you needed what I couldn't give. You needed me when I was busy with work, with family, with other friends, and I couldn't offer you an ear as often as you needed it. I would apologize for that but I don't feel that I should. My life remained in New Jersey and yours now was in Florida, yet you wanted to keep me bounded to you even with the distance. You never called and you yelled at me for not calling. I couldn't do much more than I already did. I couldn't be here and there. I couldn't accept your pleadings to move down to Florida because that wasn't my dream; it was yours. Nothing was going to stop you from living in Florida but that would never be my choice. I have no want to live down there but you kept trying to interject the idea into my head. I think that made you mad, made you sad, made you resent me in a sense. You'd never admit it though. I always had to be wrong.

Is this the end? I don't know. We've fought before and found our way back to one another but this, I don't know, feels more permanent. This feels like it really is over and if that's the case, then I'm sorry I couldn't be that person that you wanted me to be. I'm sorry I couldn't be the one who was always there for you, always trying. I'm sorry that you felt the need to end it this way but that is all I'm sorry for. I won't apologize for living my life without you in the center of it. I won't apologize for anything like that because when you moved, it sealed that envelope, that particular chapter in my life. I couldn't let everything revolve around you because I knew that nothing revolved around me in your life. Nothing did. I held you in the highest regard...even when my Mom told me how badly you treated me, I defended you. For seven years, I defended you but I just can't anymore. I can't go on thinking that you're this goddess because you were my friend. It takes too much out of me. You're human, I'm human. That's just it, really. We grew apart and that's really all that's left to say.

No matter what you've ever thought, how you've ever felt, I loved you. You were something beyond a friend to me before all of this started happening. I believed that you would always be that person in my life, that big sister that I could always turn to. Somewhere down the line, that changed and I began to feel this cold, cruel indifference towards you. Even now, it's sitting in the pit of my stomach, gnawing at my insides. Things changed and in a way, I hate that they did. I lost you to change, you lost me to distance.

Maybe one day we'll cross paths again. It could be in two days, a week or even in another lifetime. But for some reason, one I don't understand, I still feel that things will end up the same. Your anger, my indifference. Something is going to drive us apart and if that's the case, next time I'll know to cherish the days we had so that when and if this day comes, I can walk away with only the smiles from yesterday in my heart.

That is why I can't cry. That is why I feel only the sting of remorse. We had good times and I can look back on those and know that those seven years of my life, I was glad to have you with me but now, maybe it's time that those smiles became memories and I step forward and take a stand and it's time for you to lead that life that you want to lead so badly without constantly resenting me for whatever I did to make it that way. I can't be your scapegoat anymore and you can't be my reason to resent the past. We're moving on.

I have more words to say but right now, I think it's best to let these swim in the atmosphere, let these be the words that I remember in a month when your name is mentioned and I think back to when this ended and how it ended. November 8th. That's when you realized that despite all of the pretty little words you said to me, you could live without me and I rediscovered that I could live without you.

If this is goodbye, so be it.

Wordless,
Lauren

deadletters @ 2010-10-28T15:39:00

2010-10-28T20:32:49Z

Dear Vegas,

Don't suck.

Love,
Me

deadletters @ 2010-10-26T00:47:00

2010-10-26T05:53:35Z

Dear You,

I'm not liking what I've heard about you from friends during last weekend. Even your number one supporter is starting to think she was wrong about you. Stop treating her like a trophey girlfriend. You've become controlling of her and apparently only care about her when you're horny. One of the last few times my friends and I have invited her over to hang out she was stuck at your house babysitting your younger siblings, which you and your parents just dumped into her lap without as much as asking her first. Now add in the convient fact that after trying more than once to invite her over last weekend we can't get a response from her;yet the moment we asked you suddenly you and her are too tired. On top of that, when she went on a vacation with a girl friend recently she had to apply for a job out of state behind your back. Why? Because you would refuse to let her spread her wings and make her sit at your house being your personal maid and fuck toy. She gave up a career to be with you, a dream she's had since she was a child because you promised to be her knight in shining armor. I guess that was a bold lie since now the poor girl is unable to do the most usual things without you meddling in it first.

I admit I'm only hearing one side of this story. However, getting a chance to talk to you privately without you constantly worrying some guy will snatch her away from you the moment you blink is almost impossible. I'm trying my best to stay neutral and calm, but it ain't easy. I started having misgivings about you long before the topic about you came up last weekend. All I am going to say is if you dare to hurt one little hair on her head I promise I will cut off your head, stick it onto my car's antenna, and parade it around town like one of those toys you buy from a Jack In The Box restaurant.

I'll keep my eye on you,
Me

deadletters @ 2010-09-26T01:47:00

2010-09-26T05:53:41Z

Dear you,

I don't wanna hear it, you coward, so don't even dare to try to start. You had your chance and blew it to pieces. Your approach is what ruined any other chance. So when I'm there, I don't wanna hear jack shit about it. I can be civil and mature. But if that is brought up at all, I can guarantee you, you will regret it. That's not a threat, it's a promise. But seeing as you're a huge coward, I'm sort of banking on the assumption that you won't say two words to me, work related or otherwise. Maybe the fact that you're a coward will work to my benefit here. Because I have bigger fish to fry than to worry about you and your games.

Sincerely,
the one who told you she was tired of games

Dear you,

Look, I'm very protective of him, so if you say so much as one bad thing, you will lose any chance of a connection with me that you have right now. If I wanted that, I'd be talking to his parents. So instead, why don't I give you a shot, hear you out, and we talk about the stuff that matters and the good things? The fact that I'm saying this is a huge step for me emotionally. Don't blow it up in my face.

Sincerely,
the one who wonders if you even know her name

Prepare for tl;dr

2010-09-25T06:20:19Z

Dear You,

You know, it's not the fact that you asked where the officers got the money for the start of the year pizza party or how much was in Guild's treasury (btw, we have plenty, thnx), but the way you did it that has me pissed off. You fucking ambushed Nicole as she was cleaning up after the pizza party, something she set up for the benefit of making and keeping new members, as well as something nice for the rest of the returning members, demanding information in front of other new Guild members. Nicole handled it rather gracefully, in my opinion, asking you to speak to her later where she was better prepared to handle your concerns, and where they could be discussed in private. However, you seemed unable to accept that and just kept on the topic. That's when most of the officers decided that it was not your God-given right, and decided that you would not get such information at this time. I'm not saying you wouldn't get it in the future, but for that night, I think it was fairly reasonable that they decided that you didn't need that information.

On top of this, you never informed Guild that you were taking classes again. Yes, I know you're a professional student and you couldn't find a job to save your life even if our economy wasn't in the toilet, but you had all the officers thinking that you were just an alumni, which honestly, limits your right to demand a whole lot from the officers. Guild provides you with a safe area to game with many other gamers. That's literally the bare minimum they have to give you. At that point you are a guest. Yes, members can ask about money, but when you start demanding information like you still run the club, then you're going to run into some problems, and I can't blame them for being slow to help you with the attitude you've copped all these years. I'd be slow to help you too because I know as soon as you got the information, you'd either get into a lecture about how they're not being smart about it, or you'd go straight to the faculty adviser, crying about how the officers are "incompetent".

Yes, Scwartz didn't fill out the paperwork for a table at Fall Fest. However, I don't see our Guild suffering because of it. We're looking into getting rooms on another FLOOR because the ones we currently have are filled with new groups and new members. Yes, we used our connections in the Free Thought campus atheist/agnostic group to help pass out fliers, but you don't seem to understand that that's where the connection ended. We have a few members in Free Thought. They passed out fliers to anyone who spotted them and sounded interested in Guild. No one said all of Guild is atheist, or that Christians/others weren't welcome. Also, lets make note of the fact that you didn't seem to have a problem with our Wiccan and/Pagan friends over at the PSA giving us a helping hand when we needed it in the past couple years. Honestly, all this is starting to make me think is you just have a problem with atheists, and I'm sorry, you need to leave that problem at the door when it comes to Guild issues.

Oh, and by the way, that fit you pulled on Facebook wasn't cute. Yes, we saw it. In fact, nearly all of Guild saw your little temper tantrum because you're not getting your way. And don't think that planning a little "rebellion", as you so worded it, is going to come as shock either. However, I find this rather ironic that you're having a fit on Facebook and trying to overthrow officers when you had that exact same problem with Michelle trying to do that to YOU. I guess you forgot about that one, right? How she tried to remove you as president? How much you got upset about that? The fact that you dragged me into that mess? I guess we'll just have to blame temporary amnesia, won't we? Obviously you forgot.

Bottom line is, Guild is getting along just fine without you. WITHOUT. YOU. Not saying you can't contribute. If you have questions, great. I'm sure if you acted discreetly, and stopped trying to pull underhanded, passive aggressive actions all the time, and tried to behave with some kind of decorum once in awhile and not look to be ready to fly into a lecture when someone does the slightest thing you disagree with, the officers would be happy to answer any questions you have. However, if you decide that you're going to show your ass, and act like a spoiled brat who was just told he can't have a candy bar (trust me, I've seen my share enough to know what it looks like and that's definitely how you're acting), then I can totally understand the officers not being as ready to hand over that information.

I know you haven't learned this lesson in your life because your parents obviously haven't taught it to you, but the world doesn't owe you shit, and that includes Guild. Try growing the hell up first. Might help you, if only just a little bit.

No love,

Shini

deadletters @ 2010-09-23T17:32:00

2010-09-24T00:25:41Z

Dear Powers-That-Be,

Please let me nail this interview tomorrow and nab the job. I really could use a change of scenery instead of being stuck at home all the time.

With lots and lots of luck and fingers crossed,
Me.

deadletters @ 2010-09-17T23:50:00

2010-09-18T03:53:32Z

Dear you,

How's the high life, asshole? You know what? Let me tell you something. I've met your type before. And I fucking hate it.

As a matter of fact NO I CAN'T quit the job I hate just because I hate it because I have to help pay bills! (But this is why I'm putting in applications, but I digress). The consequences of quitting do NOT "out way" (nice grammar btw) the "consequences" of me staying there. And that doesn't even make any fucking sense anyway. Clearly, you've never had to pay bills before. Enjoy it while you can because it doesn't last forever.

For the motherfucking record, just because I have to help my mom pay the bills doesn't mean she's a motherfucking invalid. You're damn right I'm offended. Excuse us for not being filthy fucking rich. You wanna know what? We lost my father a year and a half ago. So I don't have a choice. And my mom's current boyfriend has to pay child support and that's expensive as hell.

But even more than that? She's my mother and I don't wanna let her down. Even if she never asked me to help out with bills when we lost my dad, I would have been doing this anyway.

You can keep your judgmental mentality to yourself. My mom's not an invalid but maybe you need to take a second glance in the motherfucking mirror.

I hate how I can never get my words out right when I'm pissed.

Bitterly,
me

deadletters @ 2010-08-30T19:55:00

2010-08-31T02:55:20Z

Dear you,

You know... even though everything about our past was drama-filled and we are more like oil and water than anything else, I think that there might be a chance we could work things out and actually get over ourselves enough to be good friends. Not right away, of course, but just maybe somewhere down the road...

Willing to extend the olive branch and a hand in friendship,
Kitty-1.

deadletters @ 2010-08-24T14:31:00

2010-08-24T19:28:43Z

Dear Satoshi Kon,

http://www.animenewsnetwork.com/news/2010-08-24/award-winning-director-satoshi-kon-passes-away

Rest in peace and you will be sorely missed.

Still shocked and devastated at this news,
Me, a long time fan of you