BasicDOB/AGE: December 23, 1985 | 24
BIRTHPLACE: Boston, MA
RESIDENCE: New York, NY
Saturday Night Live (2006 - present) ........ himself
American Pie (2009) ........ Jim Levenstein
American Pie 2 (2010) ........ Jim Levenstein
Twilight (2010) ........ Mike Newton
The Hangover (2010) ........ Eddie Palermo
New Moon (2011) ........ Mike Newton
American Wedding (2012) ........ Jim Levenstein
Funny People (2012) ........ Ira Wright
Pineapple Express (2012) ........ Dale Denton
Breaking Dawn: Part 1 (2013) ........ Mike Newton
Breaking Dawn: Part 2 (2013) ........ Mike Newton
Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World (2013) ........ Scott Pilgrim
with Xanax Racket
1. Who Said We're Whack?
2. Santana DVX
3. Jizz in My Pants
4. I'm on a Boat
5. Sax Man
6. Lazy Sunday
7. Normal Guy
10. Like a Boss
11. We Like Sportz
13. Ras Trent
14. Dick in a Box
15. The Old Saloon
16. Punch You in the Jeans
17. Space Olympics
18. Natalie's Rap
For most of his life, Kenny Parker was a pretty average guy.
By all accounts he should have grown up with a big ol’ NERD sign taped to his back but he managed to save himself from complete public ridicule with his quick tongue – something that made him popular among his peers but often got him into trouble with adults. He learned early on that he could get himself out of just about anything if he could make people laugh and as a kid that worked to his advantage but the older he got, the more determined people were to keep him in line.
By the time high school rolled around, the faculty knew what to expect and tried to whip him into shape but he wasn’t having it. This was a pivotal time in a young boy’s life and he planned to make the most of it while he still had time. He mouthed off, receiving raucous approval from his classmates and detention from his teachers, but in the end he still managed to pull off an A grade in every class so no one really knew what to do with him. They couldn’t punish the top of the class, but they couldn’t let him get away with it either.
Things really came to a head in the spring of his senior year when prank day rolled around. The city happened to be doing some work on the streets around the school at that time and, as always, Kenny used these circumstances to his advantage. Just after the pavers had left for the day, he pulled the principal’s car up onto the still-wet cement sidewalk and hurried off to Calculus class knowing that he’d be in for it once the man found his car locked in stone at the end of the day.
And he was right. No one ever doubted for a second that it had been Kenny who pulled the trick and once he was called into the office and admitted to his evil deed, he was promptly suspended – six weeks before he was scheduled to graduate. This, of course, sent his parents into panic mode and they scrambled to find away around the mess that their youngest son had managed to get himself into. His redemption came in the form of a very expensive prep-school, whose headmaster just happened to be an old college friend of Kenny’s dad Jack Parker. It was a last-ditch effort to save his future but it turned out to be just the thing he needed to really help him make his mark on the world.
Kenny entered Phillips Academy with the entire student body glaring down their noses at him but by the end of those last six weeks he was a household name on campus. He had toned his cheek down just enough to get by and he’d brown-nosed his way into the hearts of all the faculty. Behind closed doors though, he was just as brazen as ever and the students found him a breath of fresh city air in their stuffy suburban lives. Academically, he did better than ever – not only rising to the top of the class but setting the curve for the entire senior student body. His parents were convinced he’d had a change of heart and promised to buy him the car of his choice if he managed to graduate quietly and with honors.
Their wishes were more than met when Kenny strode proudly across the stage at graduation to deliver his valedictorian speech, after which the headmaster announced to the crowd that he had been accepted to Harvard University – and on a full scholarship no less. Kenny was destined to join the Crimson ranks the following fall and his parents had big dreams for him. He might be a doctor someday, his mom told her hairdresser. We’re thinking law school, his dad said to his buddies during a Sunday night poker game. But Kenny wasn’t sure the whole suit or suture route was really the one for him.
RelationshipsPARENTS: Jack(54)-Contractor, Diane(52)-Dental Assistant
SIBLINGS: Jimmy (29), Kate (20)
EXTENDED FAMILY: Neice: Lena (3) SIGNIFICANT OTHER: None
CHILDREN: HELL NO
PAST LOVES: Abby Dale
BEST FRIEND: Eloise Henny, Dylan DiLuca
Ladies:Haylie O'Neill, Harper Healy, Sloane Grey, Gladys Donald, Hailey Graham, Joanna Livens, Lydia Ayres, Bree Richards, Gents: Zach MacIntire, Nate Livens, Rogerson Loew, Gabriel Wellington, Jayson Francon, Bennett Edison, Wes Mills