demetria devonne lovato. |
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dear demetria,
since apparently i am never going to live down my last failed project, i'll go ahead and start a new one. i wasn't aware that you women remember everything but you learn something new every day, go figure. anyway, i forget what my old idea was but since i missed your birthday (august kids unite or whatever) we'll go ahead and make this all about you. you rock, demetria devonne. and i'm saying this with full knowledge that you hang out with marc from time to time, so you better appreciate that i'm able to say all of this without gagging or anything. you got good tastes and a whole lot of guts which i guess is needed when you look at who you hang out with on a regular basis, so what can i say? technically, a lot. i could say a lot. but i'm going to go ahead and just make a list of pros and cons for you to set out why you are awesome and ways in which you should look to improve. keep in mind these are just suggestions. ...but i'm just saying. i still can't get over the fact you just told me i have no career, jesus christ on a bike. i still love you but this is going in the vault.
-lucas
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-you like tucker max more than any female on this earth who has not slept with him (i don't know how much this is saying considering you are like one of 3 women on earth who has not slept with him, but still, i salute you)
-you like good horror movies and would probably not class i know what you did last summer as a slasher film because clearly anything with jennifer love hewitt in it should get the axe, no pun intended
-you're down with my boy mitchel...i don't know if this should be a pro, though
-you like to listen to guns 'n' roses and no job for a cowboy and this isn't even negated by the fact that you were on barney, so good job
-on that note, you were on barney. seriously, how badass can we get
-you also sang this is me and APPARENTLY you sang this thing in spanish? lo que soy amigo or something? why did they have you sing this, we all know you can't speak a lick of espanol. doesn't even matter, this is officially my new favorite spanish tune
-"today is christmas. there will be a magic show at zero-nine-thirty. chaplain charlie will tell you about how the free world will conquer communism with the aid of god and a few marines god has a hard-on for marines because we kill everything we see. he plays his games, we play ours. to show our appreciation for so much power, we keep heaven packed with fresh souls. god was here before the marine corps, so you can give your heart to jesus, but your ass belongs to the corps. do you ladies understand?" ENOUGH SAID
-what is this...you know what, i don't even care, this is awesome, it can go on this side of the list
-the gap, 40 on the curb, r.i.p., etc etc etc
-most importantly, you can put up with me which i guess is worth a whole lot of points by itself even though we all know i'm about as awesome as it gets. i might be joking about that, but i'm not sure yet |
-you bring up certain things that should not be brought up AND YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
-you hang out with marc...seriously, what's wrong with you
-you also hang out with mitchel. this goes on both sides because i legitimately can't figure out whether to high five you or head desk over this
-you were in camp rock. but you made it good and you sang THIS IS ME so this isn't even really a con
-you don't speak enough spanish. seriously, shape up or ship out and by ship out i mean we're sending you to mexico and you won't even get to stay with selenas
-you refused to finish jennifer's body. we aren't on speaking terms after that
-WHY DIDN'T YOU SHOW ME THAT VIDEO OF YOU DANCING BEFORE? THAT'S A CON, THAT YOU DIDN'T SHOW IT TO ME BEFORE RIGHT NOW
-you got rid of the gap, 40 on the curb, r.i.p., etc etc etc
-you have a career, what can i say, i'm jealous
-i wish your eye wonked out, you'd be easier to make fun of |
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