Current mood:	contemplative
Current music:	The Smashing Pumpkins - Thru the Eyes of Ruby

Field day
Today I skipped school, faked sick. Not much has happened, but my mood has been stable. I don't feel hopeless, but I don't think there's much to look forward to, either. It's just surviving through the days.

I stopped taking Risperdal about a few weeks ago, and was doing fine without it. However, my pdoc suggested that I could take 1,5 mg in the morning and another 1,5 mg in the evening to reduce hypotension which I got. I also was very tired, was out of breath when walking very soon which I find abnormal.. But I'm not sure if it's because of Risperdal. It could also be that I have been a vegetarian for a good while now and haven't taken any supplements.

I started eating fish and other sea creatures on March 24th. I think it has improved my health already. If I get tired when I walk my dog again, I know it's because of Risperdal and I'm going to have to ask my pdoc for a change. She said that if the hypotension doesn't go away, we can lower my dose. Ha.

Internal life has been peaceful. The only thing that sort of bothers me is the constant chattering that goes on inside the head. Sometimes I don't understand any of it, but apparently I'm not supposed to hear it. Sly, huh?

The reason why I find it difficult to move on is, I think, because we as a whole are having difficulties with deciding what to do with our life. It's six human minds in one body, and we all have different plans and goals. I think I need some time to myself to figure those out, to negotiate, to try and make sense and try to figure out this crazy world and myselves.

Then I think I can carry on studying, or whatever it is that we decide to do.

Lyra