I have never before been so proud of Sirius Black. (Is it weird to be proud of a person who only exists in your imagination? Probably. I don't care.)
Lis's writing is stellar and heart-rending, but. But for me...
Sirius. Sirius walking out of that room, ceding the place and moment he could have shared with James to James alone, watching his best friend lose the one thing Sirius has always most wanted for himself and not trying to take that loss. Not making it about him, at all, though he could, he could share half the status of 'bereft' and it would be true, because deep down she was his mother, too, because blood means nothing and love means everything and in an incredibly small circle of people whom Sirius can truly trust- and within that circle women are nearly nonexist- Dorea Potter was one of the most important: not a Marauder, but family.
Family. Which is, ultimately, all he's
ever wanted.
He wanted to stay. He wanted to be there when she left them. He wanted to keep pretending that he was as much hers as James was, that she was as much his as James's.
But he loves James. And so he gave him what he could. Which is so
bloody Sirius of him, and so much why I love him. He wouldn't have been capable of it at age fifteen, but at seventeen, he's turning into the man that he'll never have a chance to become, and by God, that would have been a
good man.
It's actually been a really, really good week in terms of Sirius-development (although a baaad week for the poor boy in my head.) This for Sco-Sirius, and then PSL-Sirius had...the biggest emotional breakthrough I have ever had the pleasure of playing with him, my
god, even I don't realize how guarded he is until he finally lets that guard come down. So that was a pretty wild ride. I wanted to talk about it at the time but scribbld was effing down, sigh.
For the record, I'm not praising myself here, though that's undoubtedly what it sounds like. The thing is, I don't write Sirius. All my other characters I write. Sirius I don't. He is
completely his own; I watch and I transcribe and that's it, and while I'm aware that sounds insane, it's also true, and it's why I love him so, and so when I say I'm proud of him I don't mean I'm proud of me, I mean I'm proud of exactly who I say I'm proud of.
