Anti-Semitism?

Sat, 20 Dec 2008 04:47:04 GMT

I love how people at this school act like insensitive pricks and forget that, oh, that's right, not everyone is of the Christian denomination. Stop telling me 'Merry Christmas' every five fucking minutes like you forgot I'm a Jew, bitch.

I am a figure of fun...

Sat, 20 Dec 2008 00:31:49 GMT

hello my name is... Antony Laith Dohm. No, Laith is not my middle name, and yes, I have two first names. Go away.
my major is... composition.
my age/year is... 20 / junior.
i come from... Southend-on-Sea. It's this itty thing hanging off the arsehole of England. Don't ever come here. It's pretty much a seaside resort where OAPs come to lounge around in tracksuits and wait to die.

oo1. Wait. Wait just a fucking minute. I need to get this out in the open. I know what it says on the cunting roster but if you so much as breathe the name "Antony" or "Tony" or whatever the fuck, you smug bastard, I will literally kick six shades of shit out of you. It's Laith, or Dohm. Okay, continue.

oo2. I was actually born in Israel. Jerusalem to be exact. Dad was on holiday from London, Mum's a native, blah blah blah. I was born out of wedlock because they're idiots and didn't get married till I was four and Baby Numero Two, AKA my darling little sister Anna, was already baking in the proverbial oven (that's the uterus if you didn't get it, idiot).

oo3. Our last name sounds like shite because Dad's family is German-Jewish. Dad can barely speak anything that isn't English without sounding like a sputtering car, so it's really fucking hypocritical that I was forced to learn German and Hebrew, all whilst attending a backward Catholic school. Talk about a total mindfuck.

oo4. My parents coerced my musical education on me when I was three. Honestly, you can't expect someone who just got finished being toilet-trained to pick up the violin, okay. It's wrong. But thankfully I'm naturally talented and better than you. I play violin, viola, and the organ. Yes, the organ. Specifically electric ones. Got two Farfisas and a Hammond back at home.

oo5. Someone called me a misanthrope the other day. That's totally uncalled for. I only hate about... 99% of the scourge known as mankind. That practically makes me an optimist when you think about it.

oo6. Sarcasm is the highest form of wit. Why? I'll tell you why: what can be more clever than belittling someone? It takes a master to be truly scornful and contemptuous, and I, good sir, speak it like a second language. And for fuck's sake, I'm not being mean. How else are you going to learn if I don't call you an idiot?

oo7. Not that it's anyone's business, but yes, my father is the world-renowned neurologist Dr. Avner Dohm. Both my parents were born into poverty and worked their arses off, so I'd like to think they instilled some of that humility in me... No, we don't have an estate, and the only hired help we have is a sodding gardener, all right? I didn't get into school with my family paying my way if that's what you're thinking. Prick.

oo8. My mother, Yael, has psychiatric certification. Should I be comforted by the fact that both my parents are doctors? Well, at least that means I'm sane. Right? I used to steal their prescription pads and sell meds to kids at school. It's perfectly justified, of course, because I never took any of the drugs myself.

oo9. I used to be a Russian and Slavic Studies major at NYU, and I was only in New York to get the hell out of Europe. Unfortunately, I had to take Russian and Czech courses. Like I really need to learn anymore bloody languages, thank you very fucking much. My Czech is excellent though. Russian... erm... a little rusty but it's not like I'll ever use either of those.

o1o. You can only put up with so many symphonies and concertos before you get to that point where you're like, holy shit, I need to write opera, you know what I'm saying? It's this gorgeous melting pot of art, visually, aurally, and... Hey! If you say otherwise, I will club you like a baby seal.

do you promise not to tell? Despite his "go fuck yourself" attitude toward nearly everyone, Laith is terrified of being alone and tries to fill that loneliness with music. He's trying his damnedest to be original, but his work always sounds too similar to his influences - maybe that sounded too much like Beethoven and for the life of him this is turning out like Brahms. A huge blow to his pride came last year when he proudly showed some of his professors his beginnings for a symphony, only to be shot down and called out on his obvious inexperience.

pb/picture Louis Garrel.

{First and last and always}

Anti-Semitism?

I am a figure of fun...