VI
Today is the day that everyone on the face of this giant rock should be celebrating because today is the day that the most beautiful, kind, and fitter than fit fit fit goddess I am blessed to call my wife who is known to us mortals as simply Julia Bethany Kirke was born to the Joneses twenty-seven years ago.

ARE YOU CELEBRATING? I DEMAND TO SEE SOME BLOODY CELEBRATING. AND THERE BETTER BE FUNNY HATS. AND PIE. MAKE HER PIE, DAMN IT. YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT MY ATTEMPT AT A PIE WOULD LOOK LIKE AND I'LL NEED BACKUP SINGERS. SOMEONE NEEDS TO SING OVER THE GNOME AS SHE BABBLES SOMETHING NOT QUITE LIKE THE HAPPY BIRTHDAY SONG.

BUT PLEASE, WARN ME BEFORE YOU BRING SOMETHING OVER. OTHERWISE YOU'LL FIND A IN-PERSON DEMONSTRATION OF NAKED JOURNALING. I'M NOT ALLOWED PANTS BUT I CAN HAVE A TOGA VERY MANLY MAKESHIFT TOWEL OR SHEET SKIRT PREPARED WITH PRIOR NOTICE.