So yesterday when I was miserable I was thinking about predestined fate and all the things that go with it. I'm not even going into any reasons why I was so gloomy but there was definitely a big one. And I was thinking that a sign or something out of the ordinary happening would be pretty great. So then last night something did happen...completely random and I wasn't expecting it.

I'm not even saying something retarded like "OMG that's sooo awesome!!" or anything. I'm just always in a better mood when things like that happen. When I feel like I'm not just thinking all these things to myself. I guess it's just this religious/spiritual thing that I won't go into. Not because I'm afraid of what people think but because it's one thing I'll never be made to feel that I have to defend myself over.

This thing could end up being nothing, forgotten by tomorrow. But it's still the fact that I was thinking about something out of the ordinary happening and in that same day it did. It's just kind of cool that's all.

Other than that...I got nothing. I finally opened up a bank account. The lady talked me into some premium thing to try for 3 months, and she talked me into buying checks that I didn't want. Damn you Snoopy decorated checks, damn you! And my contacts were killing me ALL day. I'd get the lasik surgery but even knowing that one person who now can't see for the rest of his life because of it...that changes things. My vision is extremely bad but at least contacts and glasses fix it. Once they mess up doing that there's no going back.

P.S. eye drops don't work.

---

cmnt

Today was one of those days where I was so miserable that I didn't even want to be able to hear my own thoughts. Yesterday kind of sucked too, just not as bad as today.

NO I don't want to hear "Aw you look miserable today" because if you're saying that, you're lucky that I just look miserable and that I'm not voicing it.
NO I don't want to hear things like "Miss Cranky" or "Miss Pissy" as if that's your idea of "cheering me up".
NO I don't want to talk about it with people who just "listen" and won't contribute more advice than that generic "Tomorrow will be better" or "Don't worry about it, everything will work out" crap.
Obviously those people never truly had a bad day and needed to talk to someone. Because if they did, they'd know how irritating it is to hear things like that. Actually, those should be banned. And if they were literal objects, they could be torched.

I don't know what one's worse. To not be able to figure out why I'm sad and angry all day or to know exactly why and just keep thinking about it over and over. Probably to know. I wish I couldn't figure it out. Knowing doesn't fix much.

I'm thinking that I'm the most screwed up person that I personally know. For different things there are different opportunities and they all come swing past my way. And I just avoid them or refuse them. Me saying that it's "the smart thing to do" is getting old because doing the smart thing never really gets me anywhere good. Only to places like today where I feel like my thoughts are so horrible that they're actually burning into other peoples minds. No kidding, I'm an asshole. Ask anyone. I think it's in my genetic code. I think when dad died he planted his bad attitude in my head. He must have, I'm getting to be just like him.

Mom says I'll always be miserable even when I think I'm happy because I have "hate in my heart." She gets that kind of crap from watching religious things on TV. (*Note to self: shoot out all mom's TV's) But after she said it for the millionth time I realized that she's right. That so sucks to admit. Thank God it's just something she's saying and probably doesn't know the half of though.

---

cmnt

I don't like Sunday. It's a day off from work but it's still like...that impending doom day where you know when you wake up in the morning, the weekend is really over and you have to do some actual work again. I'm just lazy today. I'm in a gloomy mood. Sleeping in only made it worse.

---

cmnt

Third time's a charm? I got my permit again. This is the third time I've had it. The other two I didn't use because I only got them to make my parents happy. This time around I realize how much it sucks being 21 and not driving. So, cheers to enclosed spaces and inevitable car crashes...!

Today was okay. My feet weren't hurting me so bad today. Eff you Nike for making me think there might be some magic to your product!

Nothing really happened today. I went to work, got out early because there was nothing to do, and went straight to the DMV. We got to the there at 3:20 and my ticket said an estimated 17 minute wait. So 45 minutes later my number was called and 6 minutes after that I was done with the questions. In conclusion; the DMV is Satan's asshole.

I feel ready to pass out now.

---

cmnt

My friends page on GJ reads like an obituary for the site. Oh kids, we'll all be okay.

[

mood

|

calm

]

---

cmnt