She's coming over like a suicide

And so it begins...

2009-05-20T00:06:08Z

So... I finally decided what to do with my life. Yep. I'm actually amazed that I never considered it before. That's right, before Sunday, I had never considered it but now I am in love with the idea. That means it isn't graphic design or web design or anything like that. What have I decided on?

Journalism

Yeah, it might be a bit of a dying life form in this digital era, but you have no idea how perfectly it just clicked in my mind the moment I thought of it. No, I don't want to be a "reporter". Yes, I want to be a journalist. It's just so... right. I want to write about stuff, but I don't want to write books. I want to actually give my opinion and have it be presented as a true thing. The more and more I think about it, the better it feels. This is what I want. This... This is what feels right.

The idea manifested because I was trying to think of what I wanted to do with my life. I was talking to Dan and I was talking about how I would love to do something with music, but I didn't really want to work in the music industry. I just want to write about music. And right there, I knew it. I want to be a music journalist. Or, at least, that would hopefully be the end result. But being a journalist... it stuck in my head. The moment I started looking it up, I knew. That is what I want. It is everything I've always said I wanted in a career and it is something that I honestly believe that I could do. And so, I will do just that.

I asked the people who knew me best what they thought about it and much to my surprise, they said that it would fit me perfectly. So now I'm in a state of awe. I finally found my one thing. It is a good feeling. The moment my brain decided on this, that feeling of insecurity left me. The feeling of not knowing what I would do or how I would do it, it's gone. I'm ready to start moving forward.

My plan, as of right now, is to try to move to Vancouver by the end of the year. Once I'm there, I'm going to enroll in school. I will get my GED if I don't already have it by the time I get there and soon after I will begin to take my pre-requisite classes. From there I will start taking the classes in my major.

Wow... I have a plan. I have an idea for the future. I finally feel good with myself. I believe that this is the path that I need to take. I'm happy with this. ^_^

ilucifel @ 2009-04-30T00:56:00

2009-04-30T05:52:26Z

1. First off, my desktop kinda went into a coma, so until Luci comes to, I will be a mite bit hard to reach. Text me or catch me on Facebook. It is the only site my mom doesn't mind me using.

2. I'm kinda freaking out right now because someone asked me out tonight. I may say yes. We'll see. ^_^ Yeah... no. Never NEVER gonna happen.

3. It's cold, I'm going to bed. Night!

stolen from malicious

2009-04-27T05:30:34Z

01) Bold what is true about you.
02) Underline what is half true.
03) Italicize what you wish was true about you.
04) Add one true thing about you to the end of the list.
~~05) Tag five friends.~~
06) Ask me anything about the bold/italicized/underlined.

• I miss somebody right now.
• I don't watch much TV these days.
• I own lots of books.
• I wear glasses or contact lenses.
• I love to play video games.
• I've tried marijuana.
• I've watched porn movies.
• I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
• I believe honesty is generally the best policy.
• I curse sometimes.
• I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
• I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
• I have broken someone's bones.
• I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
• I hate the rain.
• I'm paranoid at times.
• I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
• I need/want money right now.
• I love sushi.
• I talk really, really fast.
• I have fresh breath in the morning.
• I have long hair.
• I have lost money in Las Vegas.
• I have at least one sibling.
• I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
• I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
• I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
• I like the way that I look.
• I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.
• I am usually pessimistic.
• I have a lot of mood swings.
• I think prostitution should be legalized.
• I slept with a roommate.
• I have a hidden talent.
• I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
• I have a lot of friends.
• I have kissed someone of the same sex.
• I enjoy talking on the phone.
• I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
• I love to shop and/or window shop.
• I'm obsessed with my journal.
• I don't hate anyone.
• I'm a pretty good dancer.
• I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
• I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
• I've rejected someone before.
• I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
• I want to have children in the future.
• I have changed a diaper before.
• I have a lot to learn.
• I am shy around the opposite sex.
• I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
• I have at least 5 away messages saved.
• I have tried alcohol or drugs before.
• I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
• I own the "South Park" movie.
• I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on my journal.
• I enjoy some country music.
• I would die for my best friend(s).
• I'm obsessive, and often a perfectionist.
• I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
• Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
• I have dated a close friend's ex.
• I am happy at this moment.
• I'm obsessed with guys.
• Democrat.
• Conservative Republican.
• I am punk rockish.
• I go for older guys/girls.
• I study for tests most of the time.
• I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I’ve ever met.
• I can work on a car.
• I love my job.
• I am comfortable with who I am right now.
• I have more than just my ears pierced.
• I walk barefoot wherever I can.
• I have jumped off a bridge.
• I love sea turtles.
• I spend ridiculous amounts of money on makeup.
• I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
• I am proficient on a musical instrument.
• I hate office jobs.
• I went to college out of state.
• I am adopted.
• I am a pyro.
• I have thrown up from crying too much.
• I have been intentionally hurt by people that I loved.
• I fall for the worst people and have been hurt every time.
• I adore bright colors.
• I usually like covers better than originals.
• I hate chain theme restaurants like Applebees and TGIF.
• I can pick up things with my toes.
• I can't whistle.
• I have ridden/owned a horse.
• I still have every journal I've ever written in.
• I talk in my sleep. only sometimes
• I've often thought that I was born in the wrong century.
• I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
• I wear a toe ring.
• I have a tattoo.
• I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with.
• I am a caffeine junkie.
• I am completely tree-huggy spiritual, and I'm not ashamed at all.
• If I knew I would get away with it, I would commit at least one murder.
• I've cosplayed or know what cosplaying is.
• I have been to over 15 conventions.
• I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
• I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner.
• I'm an artist.
• I am ambidextrous.
• I sleep with so many stuffed animals, I can hardly fit on my bed.
• If it weren't for having to see other people naked, I'd live in a nudist colony.
• I have terrible teeth.
• I did this meme even though I wasn't tagged by the person who took it before me.
• I have more friends on the internet than in real life.
• I have lived in either three different states or countries.
• I am extremely flexible.
• I want to own my own business.
• I smoke.
• I spend way too much time on the computer.
• Nobody has ever said I'm normal.
• Sad movies, games, fics and the like can cause a trickle of tears every now and then.
• I am proficient in the use of many types of firearms and combat weapons.
• I like the way women look in stylized men's suits.
• I don't like it when people are displeased or seem displeased with me.
• I have been described as a dreamer or likely to have my head up in the clouds.
• I have played strip poker with someone else before.
• I have had emotional problems for which I have sought professional help.
• I believe in ghosts and the paranormal.
• I can't stand being alone.
• I have at least one obsession at any given time.
• I consistently spend way too much money on obsessions-of-the-moment.
• I'm a judgmental asshole.
• I'm a HUGE drama-queen.
• I sometimes wish my father would just disappear.
• I need people to tell me I'm good at something in order to feel that I am.
• I can speak more than one language.
• I can fall asleep even if the whole room is as noisy as it can be.
• I would rather read than watch TV.
• I like reading fact more than fiction.
• I have pulled an all-nighter on an assignment I was given a month to do.
• I have no piercings.
• I have spent the night in a train station or other public place.
• I once spent Christmas completely alone because there was a miscommunication on which parent was supposed to have me that night.
• I've been married and am now divorced.
• There have been times when I have wondered "Why was I born?" and may/may not have cried over it.
• I like most animals better than most people.
• I own a collection of retro games consoles.
• The thought of physical exercise makes me shiver.
• I have hit someone with a dead fish.
• I have written/read erotic stories.
• I am compulsively honest.
• I was born with a congenital birth defect that has never been repaired.
• I have danced topless in front of dozens of complete strangers.
• I have gone from wishing I was a boy to reveling in being a girl to feeling like a boy again in the span of five minutes, and not cared a whit for my actual sex.
• I am unashamedly bisexual, and have different motivations for my desires for different genders.
• I sometimes won't sleep a whole night or eat a whole day because I forget to.
• I find it impossible to get to sleep without some kind of music on.
• I dislike milk.
• I obsessively wash my hands.
• I always carry that something significant around with me.
• Sometimes I'd rather wear a wig in day-to-day life than use my own hair.
• I love talking about myself to the point where I need to be stopped.
• I often sing whenever I can.
• I have experienced some type of traumatic abuse in my lifetime.
• I've experienced visions and dreams which I know/believe are from my past life.
• I have déjà vu so vivid that I feel faint.
• I love Harry Potter.
• My parents are not together.
• I don't believe in love.
• I hate people who walk incredibly slowly.
• I have extreme contempt for the vast majority of people.
• Sometimes I don't shower before work.
• To me, procrastination is like a disease!
• I want to sleep now.
• I enjoy watching two guys kissing each other.
• I am a typical Gemini born.
• The more I searched the less I've found.
• As a child I was a huge crybaby.
• I'm feeling alone very fast.
• I always have to spell my (real) name.
• I want to die in my sleep.
• I have a strange laugh.
• If they let me, I can sleep 12 hours in a row.
• I wish I could transform myself into a boy every now and then.
• I dance in the rain and don't feel like a fool.
• I have a favorite stuffed animal that I will not ever get rid of.
• I sing 80's hair metal songs into my hairbrush on a daily basis.
• I have a speech disorder.
• I'm infatuably attracted to men with long, blond, curly hair.
• I sometimes have the urge to take a shot of whiskey or open a can of beer at odd times in the day.
• I have a weakness for guys with nice bodies.
• I plan to move to another country at some point in my life.
• Ever wanted to be a certain fictional character.
• My dreams are so vivid, they feel real.
• I'm a huge geek, the comic-book and video game kind, not the smart kind.
• I can get jealous easily.
• My computer and hard drive are pretty much my most prized possessions.
• I prefer to buy CDs than download music, free or otherwise.
• I haven't had my first kiss yet.
• I have had teeth pulled.
• I listen to music in at least five different languages.
• I think boys/guys/men are icky.
• I prefer dim lights or candlelight to bright lights.
• I fully acknowledge that I love lame jokes, because they're lame.
• I get happy when I buy food on sale.
• I can find beauty and something to love in anything around me.
• Desperate to find where I belong.
• I am a home-owner.
• I more often feel like an outsider than that I belong.
• I'm very spiritual, but not religious at all.
• I've been to 10+ concerts in my life.
• I worry a lot about my future, but at the end of the day, I know I'm going to get everything I'm working for.
• I'd rather be told I'm funny than be told I'm smart.
• I don't actually dress-up to go nowhere, unless I'm supposed to impress someone.
• I prefer savory stuff to sweet stuff.
• I believe that sometimes a picture isn't worth a thousand words, and that writing can mean more than visuals ever will.
• I can't wink.
• Despite hearing how much of a pain it is, I actually enjoy/enjoyed being in math class.
• I hate crying.
• I hate the sound of my voice.
• I've slept with a friend's ex-girlfriend.
• I miss someone I used to date.
• I'll go through Hell if it means that someone I love is happy. and it is going to end up killing me

Take it or leave it, but now is your only chance.

2009-03-15T02:04:08Z

All comments to this post MUST be anonymous, otherwise I might not believe you.

Tell me what you think of me. Tell me who you think I am.
Tell me everything.
Your secrets.
Your history.
Anything.

ilucifel @ 2008-04-22T20:55:00

2008-04-23T01:58:17Z

What I need is something that none of you can or will offer me.
I need a friendship that doesn't hold conditions.
I need an understanding in someone.
I need someone here for me and just for me.
I need to keep from breaking.

Goodbye.

We all have our weaknesses... this just happens to be one of mine.

2008-04-16T21:53:19Z

If you are willing to help then I will be much obliged. This is the list of music I am looking for to load up my psp for when I walk to work tomorrow and Sunday.

Sara Bareilles - Fairytale (or anything else by her)
The Kooks (anything)
Nirvana (anything)
The White Stripes - Blue Orchid, Icky Thump, and Conquest
LIGHTS - February Air
Paramore (anything)
Dido (anything)
Avril Lavigne (anything)
Korn (anything from Follow The Leader)
The Killers (anything but Mr. Brightside)
Akon ft. Eminem - Smack That
50 Cent ft. Justin Timberlake and Timbaland - Ayo Technology
Eminem (anything)
Colbie Caillat - Realize
Panic At The Disco (anything new)
Regina Spekter - Fidelity
Mat Kearny - Undeniable
Robin Thicke - Lost Without You
Plain White Ts - Hey There Delilah
P!nk - U + Ur Hand
Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars
DHT - I Miss You, Listen To Your Heart, I Go Crazy, Someone, and My Dream
Ludo - Love Me Dead
Manchester Orcestra - Wolves At Night
Spoon - The Underdog
The Hush Sound - Honey
The Veronicas - The Is How It Feels (or anything else by them)
Ingrid Michaelson - The Way I Am
Alicia Keys - Like You'll Never See Me Again
Jason Mraz - I'm Yours
Mariah Carey - Always Be My Baby
Jefferson Airplane - White Rabbit
Incubus - Love Hurts, Wish You Were Here, and Stellar
Stabbing Westward - Save Yourself
Brandie Carlile - The Story
Puddle of Mud - Control
The Academy Is... (anything)
Natasha Bedingfield - Soulmate

And if anyone has any suggestion for stuff to check out, I'm more than open to them! ^_^

EDIT TOTAL EPIC WIN http://www.digitalpimponline.com/strips.php?title=movie&id=339

ilucifel @ 2008-02-29T17:32:00

2008-02-29T23:33:35Z

HIATUS

Computer issues abound. Surge protector has a short in it and my computer will not read my wireless card. Sucks since I REALLY want some new music, but I'll have to deal.

Be back when I'm back.

~~I was doing so well in WoW too. My mage has 25 quests to do, that I can actually do!! And my paladin is so much fun to play!! T_T So much for my plans.~~

ilucifel @ 2008-01-17T17:48:00

2008-01-17T23:50:38Z

Okay, so maybe I have lost it...

Everyone, I have just made the animeaddme of Scribbld. Go join! Meet new people, make new friends, find people lost through the big GJ move, or just make your friends list bigger.