(no subject)  
07:18pm 09/12/2008
 
 
So when I think things will get better, they only get worse. I've basically been really depressed about my body lately..i can't even fit in some of my jeans. I have been focusing a lot on school but now it's time to focus on me over winter break. It's my goal. I NEED to get into better shape, beacuse right now it's not helping alex(my boyfriend) & my relationship with him. He says I'm gorgeous, but when i look in the mirror I feel like he deserves much better, and it affects the way I act around him. Right now I can really say I fucking hate myself..I feel like the fattest person alive and it need to be fixed NOW. I'm going to try so hard over break now that I wont be busy studying..I'm not going to make any excuses.beacuse guess what..the one thing i thought could get me not thinking about how sad i was(a job)..is NOT going to happen. I applied at KinderCare awhile ago and she kept delaying the interview..finally I had one last week and i thought it went really well...turns out they went with a girl with more experience. Seriosly..i needed this...i am broke. But now this will give me more time to work out. I rather be broke than fat...but I just really needed money for christmas presents and shit like that. I bought a cute pair a jeans from Buckle that were tight on me so they can be my inpiration to fit into after I've been working out a few weeks..It's going to be hard to stay away from all the holiday food ahh! Next time I update, I'm hoping to be 20 pounds lighter and much happier. We'll see.
mood: depressed depressed
 
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(no subject)
 party
 
02:43am 10/12/2008 (UTC)
 
 
ραятy ♫
KELLIE :[ It really makes me sad knowing my best friend is depressed. We can be depressed together heh... In my opinion I think you are beautiful I'd have to agree with Alex, don't hate yourself! But I know what you mean when you say you look in the mirror and you don't like what you see. I'm the same way but instead of your reasons, it's cuz I'm too skinny, my hair's gross, my face is gross (so dry right now ugh), my skin is terrible, I have a whole list of reasons I hate my appearance and Jesse says the same thing. So do what you want that makes you happy, We should push each other to work out! My doc is stressing it over and over to me for my health not so much weight I have to excersize 5 times a week.. So We can push each other!! You can do it i Know you're strong, Kel<3
 
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(no subject)
 party
 
02:43am 10/12/2008 (UTC)
 
 
ραятy ♫
exercise **
 
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(no subject)
 kelmo
 
05:09am 10/12/2008 (UTC)
 
 
yeah we should push each other,,i dont even care about weight that much its also bc i want to be healthy and have a good lifestyle! i just want to feel better about myself...i know we can do ittt!
 
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(no subject)
 freebird
 
06:14am 10/12/2008 (UTC)
 
 
won't you fly high,
i know what you mean! i'm trying to lose 40 lbs in all. that's going to be such a bitch. =/
 
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