(no subject)  
07:35pm 24/02/2008
 
 
well my life is pretty boring so i havnt really updated. Um..yesterday i saw definitely maybe. It was cute. Then went to perkins will my old buddies ian and allen. We used to hang out like everyday at the end of last school year. Lindsay and Jenny also came. Then we all went back to my house and played rockband haha. Then alex came over at like 1 and chilled and slept over. Yeah didn't get like any sleep last night ;)..and i had to work all day so im freakin tired and have to do stupid homework. I just can't wait for high school to be over. Ugh.
 
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(no subject)  
12:45pm 18/02/2008
 
 
 

...clubbing with sophia & jenny sat night..

heres some pictures from last night..i barely took any but if other people put some on fb ill post more. i went to this party like 5 houses down it was sooo much fun. i found out another guy that was there lives like 3 houses down...crazyy shit. so yeah me and alex could just walk home like trashed. but its starting to get a lotttt better in minnesota after all=)









music: see you again-miley cyrus
 
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(no subject)  
10:58pm 14/02/2008
 
 
soo i had the most amazing vday ever=)

i got two of those chocolate roses you send thru school and one was from my MOM bahaha(cuz she works in the cafeteria) and alex.
alex  took me out to ruby tuesdays then he gave me roses, 25$ caribou gift card, those yummy chocolate mint things u get at like olive garden i didnt even know u could buy??, & some other candy. then we watched a movie at my house and went it in hot tub even tho it was like 5 degrees it was still fun our hair was like frozen lol. 

tm night im probably going to a 18 plus nightclub with sophia and some other girls. and alex is like have fun and stuff its awesome cuz brian would fuckin flip if i told him i was going. ahhhh im in loveeeeee=)
 
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(no subject)  
11:02pm 12/02/2008
 
 
brian texted me today saying i read one of your old love letters and almost cried. hahahayour the one who fucked me over and all this shit then have the nerve to say all this stuff. me and my friend kinda laughed at that text..i was like well im happy with alex and shit and hes like well you really deserve the best. im like oh pahleaseeeeeee.

but yeah i got alex a card for vday its says when you kiss me i can feel it from the top of the my head to the tips of my toes. then you open it and it says..but mostly about halfway inbetween. hahaha i had to get it im such a pervv bahaha

i cant wait till thursdayyyyy i rented we own the night for after dinner cuz i saw that movie in theatres and liked it=P
 
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(no subject)  
08:00pm 09/02/2008
 
 


im a hopeless romantic and i fall in love too fast.


I am crazy about this boy and we have been dating what, a little over a week? These feelings of being in love with someone are rushing back to me so fast...and at the same time  feelings of being scared of getting too close just to be fucked over. How much time does it take to love someone? I feel like I want to say it to him...

it's too late to take things slow. We didn't have sex but you knoww we had some fun;) Last night I went to dinner with his family. They are all super nice and his sister talks a lottttt. She lives with her bf and has a twin brother that still lives with alex..they are 22. I went to his house and he is so funny when he's drunk and he knows his limits..his friend wess stopped by for a few beers he's pretty cool too=P We ended up passing out in his heated bed and i went home around 4. I don't think I've ever fallen for someone this quickly..its crazy.. 

oh and i had a fucked up dream last night. I cheated on alex with brian...i was so sad when i woke up=(
 
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(no subject)  
10:36pm 06/02/2008
 
 
so brian called me and said that him and rebecca were going out..((you guys dont keep me updated. not that i care too much)) but im like uh okay is that what you called for..hes like no i wanted to see how your doing and stuff. DONT say this stuff to other people cuz i trust u guys but hes like im not expecting it to last shes kind of a geek..its weird bc im not comfortable around her like the way im with you and we had so much better of a conncetion..and told me he applied to ou. but yeah im like okay..idk why your telling me this..and i started going on about how alex makes me so happy and shit..i hope i made him feel like crap bc he deserves it. but i was like so you should take her out to dinner for vday. ..hes like uh i dont have money. HAHA what a fucking idiot. i feel bad for her.

so i told alex i need help with his bday present/ vday and hes like i was thinking maybe i could get some polos and nice clothes like from AE. he wears sports stuff and band shirts..i was like um u dont have to change for me i like you how you are. hes like no i really want this..so im pretty excited to pick out some clothes at the mall for him=P he also asked if i had plans for vday and im like noooooo duh!;) so im excited for thatt!
 
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(no subject)  
10:42pm 04/02/2008
 
 
me and alex hung out all todayyyyy, its crazy it feels like we have been going out a lot longer..he is just so sweet and i cant believe i was with that idiot for so long..alex actually wants to pay for me going out places and shit..i always feel so bad cuz i guess im not used to it..i hate people paying for me lol. ugh im not doing so good in school i havnt done any homework lately cuz im either with friends, alex, or work. i dont even have time to work out..school is just a big fucking waste of my day..i want summer so bad.

and his birthday is on friday and were going out to this nice italian place with his fam..i have nothing to wearr?? fay and i are going to the mall for an outfit and to get his fucking present..any ideas??? and should it be for bday and vday?? or get seperate gifts..or nothing for vday! im so confused and have little time..help meee!
 
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(no subject)  
12:14pm 03/02/2008
 
 
 


he is the captain of the bowling team haha dork=P but thats a senior pic..so um yep. im fucking pissed i have to work tonight i wanna see the commercials of the fucking superbowl god damnit!
 
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(no subject)  
11:44am 01/02/2008
 
 
alex asked me out!#$%^

well kinda...we were both kinda drunk..(me more than him bc he can hold his liquor unlike my EX bahahaha) and i was like so how come im not your girlfriend..and hes like ive been thinking about that but i didnt want to do it like this but hes like were official if u can remember one word to tell me in the morning..peacock..HAHA?? 

but it turns out hes like best friends with this guy i had the biggest fucking crush on last year..connor. so connor and some other guys ended up coming over for a while and left..and then we passed the fuck out. but anyways looks like alex has some cute friends for you ladies when your SINGLE in the summer;)
 
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(no subject)  
11:21pm 29/01/2008
 
 
um so i pretty much reallllllly like alex. we went to the movies and his house yesterday and we were like holding handssssss hehehe=) ugh why hasnt he asked me out yet..i would say yes..in texts and stuff he says babe!? but we are hanging out thursday night since no school friday and we never get to hang out friday and saturday nights cuz he works till 4am at perkins! omg! but yeah he said hes buying me a bottle and were gunna party in my basement...umm hahah i prob wont drink much i have been feeling like shit  and have really bad stomach pains to the point where i cant freakin walk. hurts soo bad. i really hope im better by thur night!#$

but the one bad thing might be that he drinks too much..kinda like jens matt. he talks about drinking a lot and its kind of annoying but idk he doesnt get to party much cuz of working. but the good thing is we agree about smoking..he talks about how he doesnt hang out with his freinds as much cuz they just smoke weed all the time..it feels like everyone around me thats ALL they do. i swear. and people invite me to hang out from my work or school and theyre like were smoking and im like ugh..
 
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(no subject)  
09:07pm 23/01/2008
 
 
so brian texted me today saying wow you look hott in your new facebook picture fyi. im like wtf? you just broke up with me what am i suppose to say to that..what an asshole. ugh. i called him and was like you couldnt even tell me happy bday and were talking a bit and he was talking about hes been hanging out with new people and kind of brought up this rebecca girl that works with richard...and obviously kt..(( is she pretty or whatever...)) see i knew i didnt wanna know about girls and brian this always happens.

anyway..alex came over and we watched saw 4. for some reason he got cuter today..and isnt that bad..i think i have a little crush;) but yeah we will see..i shouldnt be rushing things i always regret it. being single again is fun..
 
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(no subject)  
02:43pm 21/01/2008
 
 
okayyyy so friday. went to see 27 dresses with catherine, jenny, and lauren R( not lauren griep..the ugly ex friend bitch who wants to beat my ass) . it was so freakin cute! then came back to my house for a girls night and lauren was like um my boyfriend is really drunk and i need to pick him up. im like okay whatever i think he can take care of himself hes in college but whatever. i knew she was lying bc i can see right thru her she prob just wanted to leave to fuck him all night. but yeah i got a text saying its sam(her bf) like a text where you try wayyyy to hard to be drunk. seriously when im drunk off my ass i can still text decent..and so can most people..she tried way to hard you would have to see it. and she hasnt talked to me since..not even to say happy bday. 

but yeah. the story about lauren G and I. basically she hasnt payed me back yet..and i dont let people walk all over me..so i called her out on it and we were going back and forth fighting.  her check bounced so i guess she didnt have money in it so my bank ends up charging me double. shes like its not my fault you didnt cash my check when i had money in my account. OH YEAH bitch like i would know when you did its not my fault your broke. later on she texted me happy fucking bday bitch. we started fighting again..and she pretty much said shes going to beat my ass. hahaha. kind of amusing. 

anyway. saturday i worked and hung out with jenny kind of boring. we were going to hang out with brandon(from stats) and his friend aaron..but it was too late he told me to call him the next day.

so sunday i worked then called brandon and i asked if he wanted to go to the casino at midnight..and hes like that sounds boring. then he said he can only hang out till 9 cuz he said he was sick. he was playing a game and said ill call u back. he then said um my mom took my temp and said i cant do anything even tho his friend was over. whatever. why cant people just tell me the truth like im busy or maybe another day. excuses are lame. i saw part of cloverfeild with linz, jc, & jhonny. i left bc the camera was making me sick and it was the part when they got the girl and climbing down the building..i talked to some guy at the theatre and said yeah they get out of there and die under a bridge. good thing i didnt stay haaa. but yeah ended up texting this guy alex that was in my class for the hell of it and he came over along with jenny linz and mulder. i got some mikes hard and ended up mixing green jones soda and vodka. i was like im fucking getting drunk for my bday lol. so that was fun my parents are so clueless..but yeah we watched a few movies. ended up cuddleing with alex. hes not really cute but hes nice? whatever im lonely. hahahaha. i know its sad. 

today is my bday and i just got back from caribou cuz jenny got me a gift card for there..its already 3 and i havnt started on my million projects due tm. im soooo screwed =[  hopefully my mom made reservations for the melting pot laterrrrr. its so depressing school is tom. whateverrrr.  
 
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(no subject)  
02:00am 19/01/2008
 
 
 my heart hurts. even more than when we first broke up..it keeps getting worse. it feels like someone squeezing my heart and somehow making me want to tear up with each beat. i cant go through one day without being reminded of him at least 100 times..i am trying so hard. i try to keep myself busy and its like im in some kind  of hole and can never get myself out. i cant explain it. i just want to text him and say i miss you its so hard not to. i wish his number was erased from my mind. everyone around me has a guy to text or talk to on the phone and i want it so bad. i love the feeling of love. feeling so secure and settled. thats how i felt with him.i trusted him and let go of everything..he had my whole heart im affraid i wont get it back for a long time. people say just keep your head up and find a new guy or blah blah..but its harder than anything imaginable. i love him more than life, and he just threw me to the curb and is done with me. i feel so alone and unwanted like a little ant thats ready to be squashed and would go unnoticed and not cared about. i dont care if anyone reads this i just want to get my feelings out. i want to be loved and cared about and looked at the way he did. he loved me so much. i could see it in his eyes when he told me im beautiful...or how he told me he loved how i played with his baby cousin and could see us having one day and i would be such a good mommy. its like my whole exsistance is a blur and i need someone to hang on too. not just anyone..him. hes like only one i want...but i have to face reality. everyone says you will find the right guy someday. but i compare everything to him. even tho people dont think hes cute i can point out a million things i love about him. his smile makes me want to melt inside and the things he says to me and how we connect and relate easily. i should be talking about the bad things but its like ive always been with him..i want to focus on the good and push the bad out of the way to move on and make the relationship better...now i need to learn how to destroy him. its hard doing that to someone i love. i dont want to say bad things. i try but i hate it. i wish i was stronger and more independant..i have let myself become so comfortable with him thats its hard to know how to live any other way. even tho i try to fit in and like parties...i know i am just a girl that wants to snuggle up on the couch with someone that loves and cares about her...the best feeling i have experienced is laying in his arms..i want it back so badly..more than anything in the world..all my problems go away..please god just give me mercy...
 
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(no subject)  
08:46pm 14/01/2008
 
 
so friday i went bowling with jenny and catherine and got the best score of a 70. damnnn were good ;). hahaha then went to walmart and no vitamin water=( and saturday went to see the orphanage. ok soo after the first 5 min i wanted to leave bc it was in spanish with english subtitles but it got reallllllly good. normally i would never watch something like that but its actually a good scary movie. made me jump and normally suppose to be scary movies like one missed call suck but this one was actually goooddddddd. so yeah. and my parents might change the dates for paris & london untill may so im super excited. i really want brian to come here for spring break that would be awesomeeeeeee. and if he somehow cant i will be soo pissed bc he made a big deal when i said he couldnt come bc my parents were going out of town
 
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(no subject)  
07:40pm 11/01/2008
 
 
k  so fuck this. brian was actually going to come up here for spring break and be apart of my life and meet my friends and everything. i was so excited. but no my parents have to go to paris or london or whatever over spring break and expect me to watch my brother. yeah right im getting the fuck out of here. i want to go to florida or cancun or something but brians parents are stupid and wouldnt let him so im like fucking pissed. i dont want to go to mason when everyone gets to go to florida or mexico or whatever. but i need to be with brian..its too hard being in this long distance relationship. i dont know what to fucking do.
 
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(no subject)  
07:53pm 10/01/2008
 
 
umm i switched to this even though it doesnt really matter since i have two friends hahaha=P umm me and linz are playing rockband right now. school is suckingggggg but yeah. i dont have much to say ill update when i do i guess.
 
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