Your lips move but I can't hear what youre sayin'

017.

2012-02-15T23:47:37Z

[Malcolm]
How was your Valentine's Day?

[Bess]
~~You're the only woman I know~~

You're the only woman I know who doesn't cry when I'm mean to them. Therefore, it is my hope that you won't do something silly like cry when I tell you that I'm marrying Daniel and I need reputable wedding planner references.

[Dan]
I can feel you smiling from here. Stop it or they'll think I've gone nice.

016.

2011-03-17T20:27:42Z

~~It pains me to say this---~~

The office of Cornfoot & Trimble will be taking on a new select group of individuals as paralegals and interns. You'll find the list of requirements and address to which you may submit your resumes in our ad in Friday's edition of the Daily Prophet

015.

2010-10-25T18:16:26Z

MALCOLM BROWN

My wand has slithered away underneath the front room lounge. Again.

Fix it.

014.

2010-07-04T05:55:25Z

peace - (pees) n.
1. The absence of war or other hostilities.
2. An agreement or a treaty to end hostilities.
3. Freedom from quarrels and disagreement; harmonious relations.
4. Public security and order.
5. Inner contentment; serenity.

That certainly turned out well.

013.

2009-12-25T01:36:29Z

My son just socked good ol' St. Nick in the nose. I have never been more proud.

012.

2009-11-28T04:54:23Z

[Malcolm]
I need you to do something for me, as soon as fucking possible.

011.

2009-08-14T09:32:58Z

Oh look, it's Friday. Let's not have a repeat of the last one. I'll even say "please."

010.

2009-08-04T16:49:07Z

After the long, tiresome, and headache-inducing interview and job shadowing process -- our interns have been selected.

Congratulations are in order for Bess Zeller and Phoebe Smethwyck, the new interns in defense law at Cornfoot & Trimble. You will be receiving owls from the firm with more information on your assignments.

Now, it so happens that I suddenly find myself in the need of a new legal secretary. I wish to fill this position immediately. Those who are faint of heart and those who possess less than or equal to average intelligence need not apply.

009.

2009-07-22T13:04:10Z

~~I can't believe I actually have to write this~~

The rapidly increasing number of clients and the general level of chaos in this office has forced my superior's hand. The office of Cornfoot & Trimble will be taking on a new select group of individuals as paralegals and interns. You'll find the list of requirements and address to which you may submit your resumes in our ad in Thursday's edition of the Daily Prophet.

008.

2008-11-02T07:36:28Z

[Warded from Aland Avery and Vivica Sloan]
Bugger all.

Large estate disbursements always pan out fabulously.

007.

2008-10-28T03:26:37Z

Ah, Halloween. It never fails to impress. I believe I could draft council documents for misuse of magic claims in my sleep by now. It's the defense attorney's proverbial Christmas.

Which means you are about to be buried in filing work, Bess. Have your sorting and binding charms at the ready.

Last week my son was dead set on dressing himself in the likeness of the Youngest Brother along with an "invisibility" cloak. Now he wants a dragon costume which is entirely random from my perspective. Though I suspect that one of the children from his party had something to do with his mind being swayed.

Thank you to those who came. Terry is rather enjoying his new toys and his father is glad that it was the least eventful of his son's birthdays thus far. No crayons in the oven or cake icing on the ceiling this year. Prying him away from the new toys on Monday morning was the difficult part. Curse whoever gave him the toy broomstick.

Dad is going for a much deserved drink without paperwork and the fussy child refusing bed once the babysitter arrives.

[Malcolm]
You're not allowed to follow. I still hate you. Just so we're clear.

006.

2008-10-19T15:05:16Z

My son has turned my wand into a serpent--a skinny greenish-brown one.

I'm pondering the significance of his choice (on a vast number of levels) and how the bloody fuck I'm going to transform a snake into a wand without a bloody wand.

On a related note--MALCOLM ELLERY BROWN, WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN TEACHING MY SON?

005.

2008-10-09T04:25:46Z

Trust the Ministry to be controlling bastards. Trust the not-so-adoring wizard public to be prompt with their rebuttal.

My desk may or may not have just collapsed under the weight of a ridiculous number of case files. The vast majority are less than a week old. All of them are now strewn about the floor. It looks like somebody shook the bloody snow globe.

I need a secretary.

004.

2008-09-13T04:38:07Z

[Malcolm]
May I ask you what you're doing this evening or are you still moping and making my feigned curiosity more pointless?

003.

2008-08-20T04:57:12Z

Honestly. Who does a bloke have to go down on to get a job?

002.

2008-04-23T00:37:48Z

You are such a cheery lot in-writing, you know. How anyone could withstand the dirge in-person is beyond my attention span.

001.

2008-04-09T18:02:40Z

[Malcolm] Are we going out tonight or are you too preoccupied with the lonely cocktease? [/Malcolm]