e v o l v e

paper.wingss@gmail.com — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 04:27:25 GMT

[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:05:19 AM] Kristin F:
so, how long is this mad at kristin thing gonna go on for

[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:06:47 AM] amanda: I'm over it.
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:07:09 AM] Kristin F:
thats it

[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:07:14 AM] amanda: what, do you WANT for me to be mad at you?
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:07:18 AM] amanda: I knew you werent gonna come.
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:07:21 AM] amanda: You could have just told me.
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:07:35 AM] Kristin F:
no, i told you amanda

[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:07:39 AM] Kristin F:
i had to work

[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:07:57 AM] Kristin F:
by the time i got home on sunday it was 7 30 and to be honest with you after a 12 hour day i needed to sleep

[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:07:50 AM] amanda: no kristin, you said you had cheer gym on friday
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:07:54 AM] amanda: and I said well there's a show friday
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:07:56 AM] amanda: and you said oh ok
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:08:05 AM] amanda: I mean saturday
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:08:16 AM] Kristin F:
I WORKED all day friday and saturday

[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:08:12 AM] amanda: Ok.
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:08:27 AM] Kristin F:
its not likei was littin at home doing nothing

[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:08:22 AM] amanda: But you didnt tell me that. You only said you had work friday.
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:08:33 AM] Kristin F:
*sitting

[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:08:44 AM] Kristin F:
no i told you saturday morning i was working all day

[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:08:51 AM] amanda: Buuut you didnt
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:08:53 AM] amanda: whatever
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:09:06 AM] Kristin F:
and its not my fault sasha decided to call in sick with her "menagitus" and i was stuck there till 3

[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:08:57 AM] amanda: like I said Im over it.
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:09:11 AM] Kristin F:
ok

[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:09:20 AM] amanda: the show was at 8pm kristin lol
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:09:48 AM] Kristin F:
I was at the cheer gym from 330 to 730

[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:10:31 AM] Kristin F:
not like you care though since your over it

[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:11:06 AM] Kristin F:
i am sorry for not making it..i dont mind coming to see it, but i had to much going on both days to try and work it in

[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:11:31 AM] Kristin F:
because as of right now money is more then important then anyone else

[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:11:43 AM] amanda: oh cool
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:17:07 AM] Kristin F:
amanda you can be as mad as you want at me..because you know im the only one you can stay mad at and wont say anything but its not something that should be all on me

[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:18:14 AM] amanda: kristin it's NOT. You're the one who IMd me like I did something wrong
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:18:29 AM] amanda: You never told me you werent coming. I know what you said to me.
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:18:40 AM] amanda: And I told you I was over it
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:18:59 AM] Kristin F:
because you didnt call me back or texrt be back..and from your little status on facebook its obvious i should give you a lil more to cool off

[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:18:51 AM] amanda: But you could have apologized, I got into this same conversation with Erin
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:19:05 AM] amanda: Omg kristin seriously that was like two days ago
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:19:20 AM] amanda: I texted you asking "are you coming" and you never texted me back either
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:19:38 AM] Kristin F:
i was WORKING

[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:20:19 AM] amanda: OK KRISTIN I seriously wasnt even that pissed at you but now you're aggrivating me!
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:21:01 AM] Kristin F:
k i always aggrivate you apparently, but thats fine goodbye

[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:20:55 AM] amanda: You're the one who said 'that's it'
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:21:00 AM] amanda: Omg be more dramatic, please
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:21:38 AM] Kristin F:
no your the one making yourself seem like the dramatic one

[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:21:38 AM] amanda: omg give me a break
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:22:06 AM] Kristin F:
your radther stay pissed off with this grudge thats how you are

[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:22:03 AM] amanda: you're the one who IMd me and made yourself sound victimized in some way
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:22:17 AM] Kristin F:
no no

[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:22:09 AM] amanda: Kristin seriously
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:22:11 AM] amanda: shut the fuck up
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:22:34 AM] Kristin F:
yup im done

[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:22:29 AM] amanda: Me too
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:22:33 AM] amanda: peace the fuck out
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:22:44 AM] Kristin F:
..and just a little hint for you

[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:22:38 AM] amanda: you're starting drama
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:22:49 AM] Kristin F:
dont be late to work tomorrow

[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:22:53 AM] Kristin F:
-goodbye

[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:22:46 AM] amanda: fuck off
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:22:48 AM] amanda: -peace
Kristin F:
and one more thing for the record..dont think i didnt feel bad because i did i even had a huge conversation with erin and me feeling bad that i didnt make it and i did apoligize to you, you were just to busy telling me i was being dramatic to read it. so please next time instead of being a total bitch and completely ignoring someone how bout you take chance and actually understand were someone is coming from because your so quick to make me have to explain myself to you when it all had to be was i am sorry, thats ok next time, kinda thing

[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:32:17 AM] amanda: Kristin, seriously, I wasnt even mad at you until you started saying btichy things about me!
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:32:22 AM] amanda: Ive cooled off
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:32:26 AM] amanda: it's been like FOUR days
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:32:30 AM] amanda: And you IMd ME
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:32:31 AM] amanda: And started
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:32:32 AM] amanda: soooo
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:32:48 AM] Kristin F:
bitchy things..i wasnt being bitchy you just dont beleive that i was working

[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:32:42 AM] amanda: KRISTIN
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:32:59 AM] Kristin F:
i imed you because if i didnt you wouldnt be talking to me still

[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:33:09 AM] Kristin F:
and prob for the next two weeks maybe longer

[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:33:13 AM] amanda: SEE
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:33:20 AM] amanda: WHy are you telling ME what I would be doing!?
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:33:26 AM] amanda: That's pissing me off!
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:34:37 AM] Kristin F:
amanda im not fucking telling you what you aare doing, but to be completly honest i know how you are you will stay mad and talk about how you mad to everyone else instead of calling me up and saying something

[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:34:37 AM] amanda: OBVIOUSLY YOU FUCKING DONT
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:34:41 AM] amanda: YOu're assuming things and you're WRONG
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:34:47 AM] amanda: and as a result you're really pissing me the fuck off
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:34:53 AM] amanda: So stop!
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:35:12 AM] Kristin F:
grow up amanda

[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:35:09 AM] amanda: Are you serious!?
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:35:13 AM] amanda: You're out of fucking control
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:35:14 AM] amanda: Seriously.
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:35:26 AM] Kristin F:
ok

[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:35:19 AM] amanda: Go to bed
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:35:22 AM] amanda: Night.
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:35:34 AM] Kristin F:
your the one that started to curse at me

[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:35:38 AM] Kristin F:
out of control

[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:35:29 AM] amanda: Because you sound crazy
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:35:30 AM] amanda: ok
[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:35:42 AM] Kristin F:
ok

[Thu Apr 30 2009 12:39:15 AM] Kristin F:
god you just fucking make me laugh so hard trying to turn this all around on me..i was wrong i told you that i said sorry and im the crazy one trying to talk about it but you are just blowing up..i may not be in the right with everything but im sure not in the wrong this time sweetheart

paper.wingss@gmail.com — Sat, 06 Sep 2008 14:52:19 GMT

I haven't updated in this thing in forever. But I have some things I desperately need to get off my chest, so I figured this was the best outlet short of calling my friends and whining like a loser.

So here it is: I am a slut when I drink. I am one of those girls that I hate more than anything. I'm a hypocrite and I swear it makes me sick to even think about it. I really think I need to either stop drinking completely or get a boyfriend, because this loneliness is obviously starting to get to me. I'm pretty sure I've hooked up with or at least kissed every single guy friend I have, and it bugs the shit out of me. It makes me hate myself, and that's not just a dramatic exaggeration. I literally wake up almost every morning after I drink with this sickening feeling of regret and humiliation because I know, I just know that they all run their mouths. I know how they talk about the other slags they've all hooked up with and now I feel like one of them. It's horrible. For example, Brady told everyone that we hooked up at Victoria's house. I almost threw up when Rich told me.

Ugh, Rich.

I think I told him I liked him last night. Or that I could like him. Something like that. It's not a lie but I'm just a social fucking retard. I'm glad that even wasted I had enough sense not to hook up with him beyond kissing. But it still doesn't make me feel any less like a tramp.

paper.wingss@gmail.com — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 05:26:19 GMT

Jolene Flint

01. Happy
02. Angry
03. Sad
04. Concerned
05. Scared
06. Crying
07. Giddy
08. First Crush
09. Yule Ball
10. Innocent
11. Betrayed
12. Baby
13. Best Friend
14. Working
15. Traumatized
16. Wary
17. Drunk
18. Flustered
19. Bitchy
20. Paternal-Love
21. First Year
22. Graduating
23. Pick-Your-Own
24. Pick-Your-Own
25. Pick-Your-Own

Martin Boot

01. Happy
02. Angry
03. Sad
04. Concerned
05. Scared
06. Crying
07. Giddy
08. First Crush
09. Yule Ball
10. Innocent
11. Betrayed
12. Baby
13. Best Friend
14. Working
15. Traumatized
16. Wary
17. Drunk
18. Flustered
19. Bitchy
20. Paternal-Love
21. First Year
22. Graduating
23. Pick-Your-Own
24. Pick-Your-Own
25. Pick-Your-Own

paper.wingss@gmail.com — Thu, 15 May 2008 06:01:08 GMT

He wants to know why I won't be his girlfriend again? You've got to be kidding me. I've been doing everything for that kid, treating him like gold and being there for him every fucking step of the way. And then he goes and hangs out with Rob for one night and when he finally decides to call me at 1:30, he sounds completely fucked up and he accuses me of being a bitch.

Fuck him. I'm not bothering anymore. Rob hasn't been there for one fucking step of his recovery thus far and he just shows up and everything's fine again?

Screw them both. I'm not doing it anymore.

Woah.

paper.wingss@gmail.com — Sat, 03 May 2008 06:29:11 GMT

Sorry for neglecting you, journal. A brief update is in order, methinks.

1. The play went well. Saturday night Dave came to see me, but he could only stay for the first half of the show because his breathing got bad. I was glad he came though, it meant a lot.

2. Finals and papers are absolutely kicking my ass. I'm starting to worry that I might not do as well this semester as I'd hoped. Ugh, I'm just not a good student I guess.

3. RP is going well. I've taken on a lot more characters at Chesire that I'm excited for. :D

4. I miss my friends.

I'm too lazy to write more right now.

Here We Go

paper.wingss@gmail.com — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 14:11:03 GMT

So begins Hell Week.

My Personality


Neuroticism	56
Extraversion	82
Openness to Experience	76
Agreeableness	36
Conscientiousness	57

You very rarely feel depressed and are usually in a good frame of mind, however you feel strong cravings and urges that you have difficulty resisting. You tend to prefer short-term pleasures and rewards over long-term consequences. You lead a leisurely and relaxed life. You would prefer to sit back and smell the roses than indulge in high energy activities. Familiar routines are good, but sometimes you like to spice up your life with a bit of adventure or activity. You find helping other people genuinely rewarding and are generally willing to assist those who are in need. You find that doing things for others is a form of self-fulfillment rather than self-sacrifice, however you are not adverse to confrontation and will sometimes even intimidate others to get your own way. You have a strong sense of duty and obligation, and feel a moral obligation to do the right thing.

Take a Personality Test now or view the full Personality Report.

The best Ugg Boots.

The Road Is All

paper.wingss@gmail.com — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 06:56:26 GMT

The fact that the semester is coming to an end is really exciting... I'm looking forward to this summer more and more. But right now, it's definitely crunch time. Finals, wrapping up my millions of observation reports, and making up last-minute papers has me stressed beyond belief. Add to that drama rehearsals (the show is in a week and is nowhere near ready) and Dave's recent accident and it's truly a miracle that I haven't had a mental breakdown and/or collapsed from exhaustion.

Today started with me waking up to the sound of my dad shampooing the carpets in the house. Random. But not as random as the fact that I got out of bed, walked right into the kitchen, grabbed the pledge and started dusting right away. I don't know why. Then after everything was dusted and windex-ed, my mom made me an omelet and coffee for breakfast, I got dressed and headed to rehearsal. We painted the sets today, and I have to say they looked pretty damn good. We also got our headshots taken, and I'm pretty happy with how mine turned out! We even took a family photo of the McAfees, and it was adorable.

After rehearsal, Erin called me and asked me if I wanted to go to the mall with her. Since I was in need of a few more things for my costumes, I said yes and my mom gave me money because I'm so poor and we went. I ended up getting the cutest pair of white heels, I absolutely love them and they were only 26 bucks at Penny's! And I'll definitely wear them again after the play, so yay! The rest of the time was spent running from one end of the mall to the other trying to find Erin something to wear to her god-son's baptism tomorrow.

Dave's doing much better. They moved him to a rehab facility but it's a nursing home too so he's pretty depressed, but he's still making great improvements every day. I went and saw him tonight after the mall. When I got there I realized that beyond giving me directions to the place, Dave's dad had failed to give me a room-number or the visiting hours and naturally his mom wasn't answering her phone. So I walked in and approached these two ladies who were talking down the hall and asked if they could help me find David. The referred to him as the 'young guy on D', and I just sort of nodded because how many young guys can there be in a place packed full of sick old people? She told me that they were closed and visiting hours were over, but agreed to let me poke my head in and say hi. So she walks me to the room, opens the door and I see Dave asleep and his mom jolting awake from where she'd obviously passed out in a chair in the corner. I felt terrible, but after the nurse left me and Stephanie started talking and after I'd been there for about ten minutes or so Dave woke himself up in a coughing fit. He's having a lot of trouble breathing. :[ But he woke up and it was so nice to see him act more like himself. He's a bit depressed (who could really blame him?) but he smiled and joked around with us about his behavior while he was delirious; he was mortified when his mom told him that he'd grabbed her boobs. XD And he was like a little kid on Christmas when he showed me the new PSP and DS systems his parents bought for him. THe only thing that worried me a little was his left eye... it sort of swam outward from where he was supposed to be looking. But hopefully it'll correct itself.

My feet are cold and I have to be up early. I have to stop staying up so damn late.

Be Still My Heart

paper.wingss@gmail.com — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 04:37:03 GMT

This past week just flew. I feel like time should have slowed down, but instead it's going much too fast and blurring my days into one exhausted mess. School is definitely starting to get me down... I just feel like I'm in over my head and no matter how many papers I write, ten more pop up that I still have to do. I can't wait for this semester to just be over with.

Speaking of which, I completely forgot to sign up for my schedule today. Fuck.

Last night I hung out with Rob. We got high and watched Weeds.

And he kissed me.

Hey world, stop fucking with me. Thanks.

How Am I Supposed To Feel?

paper.wingss@gmail.com — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 03:43:12 GMT

I've been going to the hospital every day. Today was my first day not going, and during rehearsal I just started crying for no reason because I was so scared and kept thinking about last night. It was just such a rough night... it hurt to have him wake up and be himself only to lose it less than fifteen minutes later. He didn't know who I was at one point. He kept asking me what my rank was. And he was in so much pain... the way he was looking at me and begging me to help him, it killed me.

Today they took him into surgery for his shin and decided to work on his knee and thigh-bone while they were at it. And now they're saying that he might have had bleeding in his brain but it isn't bleeding anymore. It's freaking me out. The last time I talked to his mom was aroud five thirty. I asked her to call me back, but she didn't, and when I called on my way home her phone was off. I just get itchy and anxious not being there with him. And not knowing anything just makes it worse. I want him to wake up and know what's going on just so he stops fighting us and gives himself a chance to heal.

I need to go and see him tomorrow.

I haven't seen my friends in over a week.

Scar Sized "Extra-Large"

paper.wingss@gmail.com — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 03:44:52 GMT

I went upstate with my cousins this weekend and kissed the boy that took my cousin's virginity. Needless to say this added drama to a somewhat boring night. The kid is a total asshole.

On the way home I got a phonecall from Brian asking me if Dave was in the hospital. He'd heard that he'd gotten hit by a car. I laughed and told him no. David was leaving for the Marines tomorrow, he was fine, those were just rumors. But then I remembered that that was what I'd thought about D. And then Brian called me back and said that David was listed at Stonybrook in the OR.

He did get hit by a car. Last night, crossing Middle Country Road. The man was supposedly doing 65mph.

He broke two ribs.
He had to get staples in the back of his head and stitches in his left hand.
His left shin split through the skin and shattered so badly that he's missing two inches of bone.
His right ankle snapped and had to have a pin put in it, and his right thigh bone, which is supposedly the hardest bone in the human body to break and also the most painful, snapped three inches above the knee.
His pelvis is broken on both the left and right sides, and just below his spine.

I went and held his hand. He woke up and seemed to calm down when he saw me, but he was saying some pretty outlandish things because of all the pain medication and the shock he was in. By the end of the night he was more coherent, but he was crying and begging his mother and me to help him because he was hurting so badly. I wanted to vomit.

I need sleep. I have a lot of observations to catch up on, and I'm going to the hospital tomorrow to see him again.

Recovery!

paper.wingss@gmail.com — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 07:30:27 GMT

Ok, so tonight ended up not being so bad at all. As a matter of fact, it was a good night afterall! I talked to Erin and she invited me to go to Shamrocks... I very hesitantly asked if I was really wanted there, since I wasn't invited to Jackie's, and she explained that she didn't invite me because last night I had mentioned how I don't like Donna. Apparently I also said that I could 'take or leave' Jackie, which... isn't really true, admittedly. I like her, her and I always have a great time together when we hang out. I have to stop being so childish.

Well anyway, I went over to Erin's after I got ready and we all sat around and played Kings and recalled stories from way back when. It was really nice. Kristin, however, did not look at me or make eye contact, so after she left to pull the truck into the driveway I asked Erin if she had told her that I was upset with her for lying to me. She said she had, so later when we were walking across the street to the club Kristin ran up to me and grabbed my arm and apologized. It was all good... I just jokingly told her that she had to learn how to lie better. x___X

I had a great time. The only bad part was that my self-esteem took a rather serious beating. Every girl there was extremely thin... and more than once I played the part of the 'invisible girl' while guys came up to either Erin, Jackie or Kristin and shamelessly flirted. It was very uncomfortable... I actually almost started crying at one point, I was so upset. I hate being the lonely fat girl out of my friends.

BUT I did not let it ruin my night! No sir! On our way home Kristin pulled into a parking lot and showed Jackie and Christina her infamous 'doughnuts'... hillarious, we were all hysterical.

Ok. I have work way early tomorrow, so I think that's all for tonight.

...With the Sound of Its Beating

paper.wingss@gmail.com — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 02:08:05 GMT

Ok, so tonight I was under the impression that my friends and I were going to Shamrocks. Turns out I was really wrong, because Erin and Kristin are both going to Jackie's for 'girls' night'... and I'm clearly not invited.

It didn't help that Kristin played her sneaky bitch card with me and completely lied to me about it. I had to find out from Erin. And the only thing I can think of is that maybe they're embarrassed to hang out with me because I've been such a sloppy disgusting drunk lately. It's gotten to be a real problem, I know this... I hate being that girl. Last night I passed out in the downstairs bathroom I was so wasted. I've decided not to drink, and if I do it's going to be maybe two beers and that's it. I won't do this anymore. But then again, that theory doesn't really make sense since they're hanging out with Donna tonight. So... I don't know. I really don't.

This sort of ruined my night.

Crazy, Baby

paper.wingss@gmail.com — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 08:09:01 GMT

I haven't really been able to update lately because things have been pretty eventful these past few days! On thursday, Sharon and I left for Hunter Mountain. Just in time, because it was barely an hour after my Grandma had showed up! The drive up wasn't so bad, but to be honest I slept most of the ride after we left the city. I woke up to a rather freaked out Sharon, whose anxiety only got worse as we got further and further up the mountain. She kept on pulling over whenever someone's headlights came around a bend to let them pass her. It was funny, but it made the ride a little longer than it had to be. So after a lot of uphill driving through dark, creepy woods and deserted ghost towns, we finally arrive at the house, which is this big cabin secluded in the middle of the mountainous forest. Kinda creepy. So we unload the truck in one go, since Sharon was completely adamant about not making another trip, climb the uneven front steps, open the door... and hear that there is music playing from the completely black interior of the house. Sharon freaks out, jumps out of the way of the door and demands that I go first. Gee.... thanks. So me, being either really brave or really stupid, stick my head in and call, 'hello?' Like if there was a huge murderer in there he was really gonna say "Oh hey!" and come out of hiding. But I manage to find the lightswitch, and the house is thankfully void of any other living creatures. It turns out that the stereo just had a timer on it. Thanks for the heart attack.

So we finally get situated in the house and turn the thermostat on since it was absolutely freezing outside and all the heat had been off since the last people had been there. Needless to say we were not happy about this. But we sat around in our coats until it warmed up and then finally went to bed since both of us were pretty beat. Sharon refused to sleep alone so we both slept on a bed that, whenever you moved the slightest bit, crinkled like you were laying on layers of newspaper. But both of us were so drained and so cold that neither of us moved very much anyway.

The next morning I wake up to find Sharon already up and about. I stayed in bed, repeatedly asking Sharon if the house warmed up before finally getting up and getting dressed and ready. We took a tour around the house since it was too scary to do so when it was dark out... the house was huge, with two stories, four bedrooms and a loft overlooking the downstairs livingroom. The rooms each had a theme, too. The one we stayed in was boring and plain, and the one across from it was decorated with creepy vintage pictures. Then upstairs there was a room with a big Buddha statue and ceremonial chimes and incence and stuff, and then the last room was decorated with... clowns. You walk in and there's this terrible clown doll with black eyes just staring at you. Not good. Needless to say we didn't stay in that room very long at all.

After our tour had concluded, we took a drive down into the town and looked around. We had lunch at an overpriced deli, then drove to Hunter Mountain to inquire about the cost of rentals and tickets. Turned out Sharon's brother had only told us about the price of the ticket without including the price of rentals and lessons, so I had nowhere near enough money to go snowboarding. But Sharon offered to cover the price of my rentals, so of course we had to check a little rental shop nearby to compare prices. Turned out that the shop we went to was willing to offer us a better deal, so we went in to get our boards and check and see if they had any hats for sale, since my mom got rid of all our winter hats and Sharon just forgot hers. The guy running the place was creepy to say the least and kept insinuating that he found us attractive. He also smelt like farts. But we endured and got a deal on both our snowboards and the hats we purchased before making a hasty retreat.

When we got back to the house, we popped in some movies and just relaxed the rest of the day, helping ourselves to some of the liquor that the previous tenants had left behind. We attempted to make mudslides (we put ice trays out on the front porch to make ice), but they tasted funky. So we just stuck to Malibu shots with sprite chasers. Haha, we felt like such poor kids. Then for dinner Sharon made us some canned chilli and attempted to make Rice-A-Roni cheese rice... but she ended up throwing the rice away and we mixed the cheese powder that was left over in our chili. Not half as bad as it sounds, but we were very amused by the fact that we were eating like homeless people. So after the chili was done and I had washed the dishes, we cleaned everything up and headed to bed because we had to be up early. Halfway through the night I woke up sweaty and uncomfortable... apparently we had turned the heat up too much in our room. But there was no way I was getting up to change it and eventually I fell back asleep.

We woke up around 7:30 and left the house by 8. We were so excited! So we get our tickets, grab our boards and head out onto the snow. And had no idea what the fuck we were doing.

Since we couldn't afford the lessons, we were self-taught, which probably wasn't the best idea in the world. I'm pretty sure I almost broke my ankle at least three times while we were trying to make it to the lifts, which were a challenge all their own. After a lot of screaming we finally manage to get on the chair, which takes us up a hill that ended up being way too big for us. Upon getting off the lift, Sharon faceplanted right away and I tripped over her; the lady from the lift-control booth had to come out and help us and tell us how to get on and off next time. So embarrassing, but we were laughing our asses off. Then it took us... oh, probably a good half hour for us just to figure out how to stand up on the board with both feet strapped in. And the mountain was frozen solid since it was so cold, so everytime we fell (which was a LOT) it was like falling on concrete. People riding the lifts above us were yelling down to us, "You should really take lessons!" The same people must have passed us three or four times on their way up and down the mountain.

So finally we manage to get down the hill enough to where it's more our speed. By the end of the day I figured out how to stand up, how to steer and how to keep my balance on the board. I did pretty damn good, if I do say so myself. But stopping and slowing down was a problem, and so the only way to stop myself was to fall. I'm very bruised and very sore as a result of this, but I still had such a good time. Sharon and I had a lot of laughs and we both agreed to bring enough money for lessons next time!

We left relatively early to avoid holiday traffic, got lost in the city for about an hour, then finally made it home. I got changed almost right away and then went out to dinner with my mom, dad, grandma and sister. For some reason I was craving a cheeseburger (which is weird since I typically don't eat red meat) so I got one and made a real pig of myself. Even my mom couldn't believe how fast I ate! When we got home Kristin and I opened our easter baskets and then everyone headed in for bed since we had to be up for easter the next day.

I woke up around 7 am and could not believe how cold it was in my room. But when I went to roll over and curl further into my blankets, I found out that my entire body was just a big mess of cramped and strained muscles; it literally took me five minutes just to turn over and get comfortable again! When I woke up later, I found out that our oil burner had broken in the middle of the night. Hence the frigid temperatures! So I putzed around in my robe until the repairman came, then jumped in the shower to get ready to go to my Aunt Nancy and Uncle Bill's house. Mom, Dad, and Grandma took a seperate car, so Kristin and I were going to drive there together.

Mistake.

We ended up driving for two hours, when it usually only takes 40 minutes or so to get there. We were so lost, and for anyone who isn't aware, being lost is probably the worst sensation for me in the world. I get very angry very quickly, and usually once I'm lost it's very hard for me to get back on the right track. It got so bad that my cousins had to come and get us from Jones' Beach (don't even ask how we got there) and lead us back to their house.

As per usual I had a great time with my cousins. I might be going out with Jackie and Grandma on Wednesday, but... we'll see. It's not exactly something I'm dying to do. To be honest, I've been pretty lucky thus far with not having to see Grandma too much this visit. My interaction with her is brief and relatively pleasant, and then I make a quick exit. But like I said, we'll see.

Today I finally got a case for my ipod and picked up my good-as-new camera from BestBuy! Thankyou, Geek Squad! <3

And on that note, it's time for bed.

Watashi wa koko ni iru yo

paper.wingss@gmail.com — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 08:46:38 GMT

I've been neglecting my poor journal! It's definitely time for an update. Especially since my life is oh-so-exciting.

My cupcake obsession has not ceased since the last time I updated. I have literally eaten three boxes this week. This is a problem. I am a fat ass. Self confidence is at a record-breaking low.

I so wanted to go into the city tomorrow for the St. Patty's day parade. My sister, my cousins, my uncle, and all of my friends are going to be there, but not me. And you want to know why? Because my Psychology of the Exceptional Child professor refused to move the date of the midterm and wouldn't let me take it early. And the crazy lady doesn't give makeup exams, so I'm more or less forced to be there. And I guess I wouldn't be quite so annoyed if, during the review for the test, she hadn't stood at the front of the room and answered more than one question with "I don't know". How do you not know!? You wrote the test! Ugh. It drives me crazy. And I guess it doesn't help that I was absent for an entire week of class due to that strep. But I'm learning almost nothing in that class. She does nothing but stand there and flip rapidly through her slides of notes and draw vague relationships between what we're learning and her own semi-interesting past experiences teaching special ed kids. But I'm going in to teach highschool, and she's openly admitted that she knows absolutely nothing about teaching highschool children. How in the world does that help me?

In about a half hour I have to start getting ready to do my teacher observations, then I'm taking another test in Adolescent Psych. I'm not going to do well tomorrow in my classes. I can already feel it. I've already decided I'm not going to go to my Educational Psych class because I don't see any point if she already said she's going to put the test online.

I don't even think my parents are going to make corned beef and cabbage tomorrow. :[ It's going to be the lousist St. Patty's Day ever. At least Easter should be good... we're going to Aunt Nancy and Uncle Bill's. They came over today for Palm Sunday. Victoria and I went to see the Boys' football game (which they won, yay boys!). When we came back, Aunt Nancy, Uncle Bill and Diana were already at my house. So we had antipasta and Easter Bread and Pizza Rustica and watched old home movies of Kristin's fifth birthday party. I think mom started crying while she was watching it. Then we had a big ziti and eggplant dinner, which started with my dad saying "Happy Palm Day!" and everyone holding their hands palm-out at the table and slapping high-fives. Then my Uncle held up a piece of lettuce and handed it across the table to my dad and said "Here's your palm." Then he took a cucumber and pretended it was a eucharist. Then they both blessed their wine and my dad broke his italian bread, while my cousins, my sister and I sang the "Halleluja" hymn. We're all going to hell. :]

I just applied for Lucy/Nyuu at Chesire Crossing. I really hope I get her, I'm psyched about it. ^^

Cupcakes, Nom Nom Nom!

paper.wingss@gmail.com — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 04:49:00 GMT

I seriously can't stop eating these Entenmann's cupcakes. They're the holiday ones... the vanilla cake with the fudge layer and then the frosting dyed according to what holiday it is? Oh my gah. I just... can't help myself. I seriously sat down and ate four last night. :[ They're my favorite thing in the world. And the Saint Patty's day ones are green, so naturally that just makes them that much better. They should sell them year-round, but if they did I'd probably weigh a bajillion pounds.

I have to do my teacher observations early in the morning since Mrs. Moore moved our cleaning back to eleven. That means Friday I have to work, but I really can't complain since I'm all kinds of poor.

Maybe if I fit in my two hours of Inclusion Observations before 10 I can go to the gym in between! I really have to start going. Spring is coming, and so is the play. I probably should have reminded myself of this before scarfing down those cupcakes.

"Ryan is..... dead."

paper.wingss@gmail.com — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 08:12:13 GMT

Sleeping habits are back to being really wacky. I hate it... I have to stop staying on the computer so late, but it sucks because night time is like the only time I get to go on.

I'm starting to feel excluded from my friends. I don't really know why, but it's frustrating.

I'm obsessed with the Office. John Krasinksi is my new crush.

Music Pirate

paper.wingss@gmail.com — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 04:31:42 GMT

In love with my new iPod touch. <3

Springing

paper.wingss@gmail.com — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 20:10:20 GMT

Hello, gorgeous day! I sincerely hope that this is a preview of how Spring is going to be, because this breezey, sun-through-the-clouds , crisp-not-cold, smells-like-Spring weather is just making my day.

I'm currently taking a break from pretending to write papers to update, since school-work is effectively frying my brain. But I'm determined not to procrastinate, and so far I can honestly say I'm doing well with that. Yesterday started my going back to the gym, and I am most definitely feeling the burn today. I swung by after class again this morning, and all by myself, too! For those of you who know about my extreme phobia of working out in front of grunting, sweaty men, you'll know that this is a big deal for me. I have to work myself back up to where I was before I got sick though, because right now I can't run more than a lap without getting that "stop or I'll throw up" cramp in my stomach. Frustrating, but as long as I start seeing results I'll deal with it.

I found out that the warranty on my camera is for four-years, so it's being repaired right now by the Geek Squad up at Best Buy. Thank jebus that I spent the extra cash on the guarantee back when I bought the thing, otherwise I would have had to buy a new one. Bank account and current income indicate that this would not have happened any time in the near or immediate future, so yay for me and my wise purchasing decisions.

Ok, it's back to homework for me.

A Simple Dissertation...

paper.wingss@gmail.com — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 04:25:08 GMT

Today I feel like I did nothing but write papers and drive back and forth to school all day with an hour nap snuck somewhere in the middle. Draining and stressful, I'm just glad it's over.

I was doing well on my diet: Special K cereal, half a cheese sandwich, cup of fruit from the campus cafeteria. Then I came home and saw White Castle and scarfed down three chicken burgers with cheese before I could help myself. Now I want to be sick. I can feel them sitting in my stomach and it's grossing me out. :[ Only two more pounds until I'm back in the 150's.

I so do not want to work tomorrow, but I need the money. I have less than three months to save up enough money for that cruise.

here's a simple dissertation on a complex situation
money and intimidation and mass graves make strong foundations
for the giant corporations that own all the TV. stations
telling us to take vacations to their big theme park plantations
rather than to hearts of nations

where we might meet people on the street who say
"i don't want my mtv 'cause it brought viva to its knees"
and mom and pop are begging "please, globalization's killing me"
while we think that they think they need all of the things we think we need
like martha stewart shams and sheets and sugar free powdered iced tea
vanilla coke, lemon pepsi, friends episodes on dvd

C'mon get happy!

paper.wingss@gmail.com — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 22:34:34 GMT

My sister says that my entries are depressing. I guess this past week or so they have been. But it's my journal damnit, I don't make fun of all the stupid Harry Potter crap she puts on hers! (Although I guess I just did, huh? :P )

But, just to prove that I'm not depressed... here is a happy entry, complete with happy Jim Sturgess icon, and a list of things that make me happy, in no particular order.

1. Tea
2. Long naps.
3. Down comforters.
4. Girls' nights.
5. Cute boys.
6. Accents.
7. Anime.
8. Pets.
9. Family.
10. Friends.
11. Good movies.
12. Bad movies.
13. Music.
14. Dancing.
15. Performing.
16. The beach.
17. Summer.
18. Hair dye.
19. Photography.
20. Art.
21. Broadway.
22. Manhatten.
23. Bookstores.
24. Literature.
25. Chocolate.
26. Designer cakes.
27. Flavored chapsticks.
28. Creating.
29. Videogames.
30. Shoes.
31. AIM.
32. Aimless drives in the car.
33. Fondue.

And there's a bunch of other stuff, but I think that's more than enough Happy for one entry. I'm fine, kids. Really.

PostSecrets

paper.wingss@gmail.com — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 11:01:05 GMT

Sometimes I feel like I'm on the road to a mediocre, unfulfilled life. The kind of life I'd never want for myself.
I do not want regrets. I want excitement and learning and new places and people and things. I want to go to shows and museums and coffee shops and bookstores... I want to travel the world and do crazy and unpredictable things... I just want to broaden myself and see what's out there and live.
Being 20 scares me to death, only because I look back now and see that the last two decades of my existance have truly passed me by in a heartbeat... and I know that time only speeds up from here.
Sometimes I look back on the times, places and people I've lost that I can never get back, and I become completely and utterly overwhelmed by the bittersweet ache it brings. Sometimes I can smile about it....most of the time I cry.
Sometimes I'm excited by the thought of the career I've chosen. Other times I can't help but feel like I'm settling.
I'm not conceited about my talents, but I know that I'm gifted in many ways and often wonder if I'm wasting those gifts by not using them or strengthening them.
I've always tried to be honest. Some people don't like that about me, and even though I've been trying to make adjustments to myself for the better, that is one thing that will never change.
Winter is always a time of year that makes me feel very small... whether it's parking by an abandoned pier and watching the ocean, looking up at the sky at night, or just lying in my bed listening to the wind howl. Sometimes it humbles me, and sometimes it makes me feel lonely.
I've skipped the pill for three days. This... doesn't seem to fit, does it?
Sleeping with him only makes me feel sad because I know that I'll never be in love with him again.
Being with the other boy makes me feel beautiful, because I know deep down that girls that look like me do not end up with gorgeous boys like him. But when we're apart that knowlege isn't glamorous, it just hurts, and I feel used.
When my stomach growls and I feel dizzy from being hungry, I can't help but think that maybe this is what being thin feels like. Then it doesn't bother me anymore.
My greatest fear is being alone, without friends or family. Which is why I hope that I die before I can know that kind of pain.
I can be cold, strong and unrelenting... but I'm also capable of completely breaking down and falling to pieces, which forces my other friends to be strong for me. I hate that second side of me.
It's seven am and I still haven't slept yet.

Boo Lethargia!

paper.wingss@gmail.com — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 07:18:35 GMT

I find myself spending more time sleeping than living this past week. While some people might think that sounds pretty nice, I can tell you right now it's not by choice. I can't seem to do anything even mildly exerting without getting completely wiped out by it a short while later and needing a nap. At rehearsal today we ran through the newest choreography maybe twice and I felt about ready to keel over. I can not wait to get back to feeling 100%.

However, if there is one positive thing to be said about my being sick, it's that I've lost six pounds already and, from the looks of things, I'm still losing. I'm determined to keep things that way, too... which is why as soon as I feel like I can hit a treadmill without falling flat on my face, it's back to the gym.

I have school work that I really have to get done, but my level of motivation has been admittedly craptastic lately. Whenever I tell myself I'm going to do something constructive with my time (and this weekend I've had nothing but time), I find myself losing interest or getting distracted just when I'm about to start. I would like to blame that on my Strep-throat-lethargia as well, though I'm pretty sure that that's not one hundred percent of the problem. I'm telling you, just thinking about school gets me really stressed and anxious. I don't know why. :[

My god I would kill for a cupcake right now.

Every Girl Just Wants to Feel Small

paper.wingss@gmail.com — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 09:24:54 GMT

That's right, it is 4 am and I'm still awake. Please don't ask me why. Tomorrow is going to kick my ass, but I'm determined that after my observations I'm going to get thoroughly smacked on RedBulls so that I can stay awake through the day and get my sleep schedule back into "healthy person" mode. That may sound contradictory to some, but that's only because it is.

My stomach is growling and I kinda feel like I wanna throw up on myself. I think it's trying to eat itself, and I am more than content to let it do so.

I've been doing this thing lately. I'm not sure if it's creepy or not, though I'd like to think it leans more towards the not... but anyways, here it is. Myspace browsing. Yea. It's a guilty pleasure of mine. I go through my friends' friends lists and then go through their friends lists and... you get the point. I don't know why I do it, more out of boredom than anything else, I guess. But anyway, I ended up looking at this one girl's myspace tonight. She's a year older than I am, but she has a gorgeous seven month old baby and is married to her baby daddy, some grungy-cute 18 year old from Ireland. And her life, at least from an outsider's perspective, is absolutely fucking beautiful. And this might sound weird and crazy, but reading through her blog made me kind of want that too. I mean, obviously not the whole married to an 18 year old thing (even though from what I've read the kid is more responsible and thoughtful than most of my older friends put together), but the whole having my own family thing, the whole having an apartment and being in love thing. Don't get me wrong; I like my life the way it is. I love being able to go out and come home whenever I want. I like going to my tiny little college and working towards making a career for myself. I love having time to do reckless things and go places with my friends. I'm not stupid. Trust me, I'm not. And no, this does not mean that I'm gonna be going around punching holes in condoms and skipping days on the pill (not that it matters, since I haven't gotten laid in who knows how long!) But seriously, I know how lucky I am. I'm just saying, I'm envious of people who have found that kind of solidity and love so early on in their lives. And sure, you can say that young marriages and young parents seldom stay together, but I have faith that there are still people out there who find each other and fall in love and stay in love forever and ever. I may not be a die-hard romantic, but I think it would be an awful fucking shame if everyone lost faith in that belief.

This was so random. I have to be up in an hour for Observations.

Virus

paper.wingss@gmail.com — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 03:20:35 GMT

Finally able to update. When I got home from work on Monday, I literally felt like someone had taken a big stick and had just repeatedly clobbered me with it. I was sore and miserable. So when I got home I putzed around for maybe an hour, then finally just relented and crashed in bed.

About an hour later my entire body was aching and my throat felt like it was lined with broken glass. I couldn't lay still or else this numbing pain would spread into my ankles, my knees, my knuckles... pretty much every joint. So I literally laid there in bed jostling myself until I finally fell asleep again, only to be woken up minutes later by body aches. My mom and dad came home, made me eat something, drugged me with motrin and nyquil, and sent me back to bed telling me it was probably just the flu.

I slept for five hours and was awake again, still in pain and even more feverish. Not even the nyquil kept me asleep. I tossed and turned until my mom woke up and saw me crying; she gave me a sleeping pill and told me she'd check back on me on her break. Well, during that six hour span my fever just grew worse to the point where I was delusional. I was literally convinced that there were bugs under my skin and all inside me, and they were controlling everything I did. I remember actually visualizing them. It was really scary, because even though the rational side of me knew it was just in my head, the sick, hurting side of me really thought they were there. So every time I had to swallow or cough, I would yell at these imaginary bugs and tell them to stop. I remember this even though most of that morning and afternoon was a blur.

So my mom came home, saw my condition and rushed me to the doctors. Apparently (because, like I said, I don't really remember) he inspected me and told my mom was a mess, and that there was a lot of bacteria building up in my throat. Ick. I know. And he said that I had a severe case of Strep (shocking) and an ulceration on my right tonsil (this was a new one for me).

So basically I've been home on bedrest and just loading up on antibiotics and these other foul-tasting pills he gave me. When I woke up this morning I was relieved that my body didn't hurt anymore (still sluggish and clumsy, but it didn't hurt to move), but my throat was still really bad. My sister made me some plain scrambled eggs and we watched Robbin Hood, then I went back to my room and played Playstation until my mom came home on break. Then I slept. When I woke up I felt loads better. Not great, not 100%, but better. I can now swallow without wincing and crying.

This entire weekend my mom is putting me on strict house-arrest, which kind of sucks but at least it'll give me a chance to get some papers done. I can't even start thinking about school without having a tiny little panic-attack. It just feels like I'll never get done with everything. Tomorrow I have to go over to Comsewogue and spend a full 9-period day there doing observations since the people at the Secondary Ed offices clearly didn't take the Highschool's Spring Break schedule into consideration before they assigned the due-dates for the Observation reports.

I somehow knew that I was going to get sick this semester, it was just a gut instinct. I'm just glad I got it over with now, because if this had happened the weekend of Bye Bye Birdie it would have been pretty devestating for me.

Oh, and since I never updated about Saturday (aka Jungle Juice night), let me just list some highlights:
nearly 9 gallons of Jungle Juice. In a tub. In my kitchen.
me, my family, and my friends, all completely wasted
Victoria and I taking first place in the sloppy shitshow... yet again
Having to hide the alcohol from Erin so she would stop trying to add more to the Jungle Juice.
Kissing Bobby
Singing "I Want To Hold Your Hand" while Bobby played it on the guitar... and being completely and unforgiveably off-key (I get embarrassed just thinking about it, seriously)
Yelling at Bobby for hurting my feelings
Waking up and finding that after I passed out, everyone went around drawing on each other. I escaped with painted toenails and a strange gathering of dots along my hip-bone, courtesy of Brady and Tommy. I'm pretty sure whoever drew those dots saw some vag, they were way low. But Bobby had it worse... I woke up on the couch with him and when he turned to look at me I saw... a big... penis. On his cheek. Good mornin' sunshine!

I love the people in my life.

paper.wingss@gmail.com — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 08:44:53 GMT

Part I: The Basics

1. What is your full name? Christian Jude Entwhistle. And I really can't believe I'm doing this...

2. Where and when were you born? My birthday's February 21. Which is... in a few days, actually. I probably would have forgotten it again if not for this. And as for where I was born, that would be in Liverpool, home of the Beatles. Been living there with my mum since.

3. Who are/were your parents? My dad was Jude Entwhistle. Don't really know much about him, since he went and died when I was a kid. But mum said he was a nice enough bloke... says I get my eyes and my shyness from him. She always gets this sad look in her eye when she talks about it though, so I don't really talk to her much about him anymore.

Which brings us to her, I suppose. Margery Entwhistle, my mum. A muggle like my dad, she was born and raised in London. SHe married my dad when she was eighteen years old and had me a short while afterwards... I think they got married because dad knocked her up, to be honest. Not to say that I don't believe they loved each other or anything like that, because my mum loves my dad to this day. A few hopeful blokes have tried for her, but it never works out because she can't let him go. Bastard died over twenty years ago, you'd think it'd be easier for her. But that's just the kind of woman mum is, I guess. Besides, she did a well enough job raising me on her own. Worked two jobs cleaning houses and doing laundry... typical story, really. She was more excited than I was when I got my acceptance letter to Hogwarts... didn't seem to think it was strange at all when it showed up at the house. But when I moved out, it almost broke her heart... having that house all to herself, guess it just made her lonely. Even if she'd wantd to, she wouldn't have asked me to stay, though.

4. Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like? No siblings. Mum said she wanted more kids, but it was a blessing she didn't. Don't know how she would have afforded it.

5. Where do you live now, and with whom? Describe the place and the person/people. I live on my own in muggle London, and to be honest it's not all great shakes. My flat is more like... well, it's more like a closet, really. Barely have room to move in it, and it's not exactly a dream to have your kitchen and your bedroom practically coexist in one cramped space. But as they say, it's home. My landlord is a nice enough bloke, lets me do whatever I want to the place. His wife even brings me meals up sometimes, seems to think I'm starving to death up there (which isn't far from the truth). But yea, I was sitting alone in there one night, and after a few drinks it suddenly struck me as a totally brilliant idea to start drawing on the walls. So I did. And I just sort of kept doing it. Now the place is covered with my work... sketches drawn right onto the paint. Probably makes it seem even smaller than it already is, but I like it.

6. What is your occupation? Starving artist. A small, independent wizarding paper pays me to do advertisements and logos...just enough to keep a roof over my head, really.

7. Write a full physical description of yours. You might want to consider factors such as: height, weight, race, hair and eye color, style of dress, and any tattoos, scars, or distinguishing marks.

8. Which social class do you belong to? I'm in league with the rest of the artistic revolutionaries... right at the bottom of the social ladder. Was raised in poverty, and will probably continue to live in it.

9. Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses?

10. Are you right- or left-handed?

11. What does your voice sound like?

12. What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently?

13. What do you have in your pockets?

14. Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics?

Part II: Growing Up

15. How would you describe your childhood in general?

16. What is your earliest memory?

17. How much schooling have you had?

18. Did you enjoy school?

19. Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities?

20. While growing up, did you have any role models? If so, describe them.

21. While growing up, how did you get around with the other members of your family?

22. As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

23. As a child, what were your favorite activities?

24. As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display?

25. As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like?

26. When and with whom was your first kiss?

27. Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity?

28. How did you first learn of your magical abilities (or lack thereof)?

Part III: Past Influences

29. What do you consider the most important event of your life so far?

30. Who has had the most influence on you?

31. What do you consider your greatest achievement?

32. What is your greatest regret?

33. What is the most evil thing you have ever done?

34. Do you have a criminal record of any kind?

35. When was the time you were the most frightened?

36. What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you?

37. If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why?

38. What is your best memory?

39. What is your worst memory?

Part IV: Beliefs & Opinions

40. Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic?

41. What is your greatest fear?

42. What are your religious views?

43. What are your political views?

44. What are your views on sex?

45. Are you able to kill? Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable?

46. In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do?

47. Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love?

48. What do you believe makes a successful life?

49. How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)?

50. Do you have any biases or prejudices?

51. Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why do you refuse to do it?

52. Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)?

Part V: Relationships With Others

53. In general, how to you treat others (politely, rudely, by keeping them at a distance, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how?

54. Who is the most important person in your life, and why?

55. Who is the person you respect the most, and why?

56. Who are your friends? Do you have a best friend? Describe these people.

57. Do you have a spouse or signifigant other? If so, describe this person.

58. Have you ever been in love? If so, describe what happened.

59. What do you look for in a potential lover?

60. How close are you to your family?

61. Have you started your own family? If so, describe them. If not, do you want to? Why or why not?

62. Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help?

63. Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why?

64. If you died or went missing, who would miss you?

65. Who is the person you despise the most, and why?

66. Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict?

67. Do you tend to take on leadership roles in situations?

68. Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not?

69. Do you care what others think of you?

Part VI: Likes & Dislikes

70. What is/are your favorite hobbies and pasttimes?

71. What is your most treasured possession?

72. What is your favorite color?

73. What is your favorite food?

74. What, if anything, do you like to read?

75. What is your idea of good entertainment (consider music, movies, art, etc.)?

76. Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? Do you want to quit?

77. How do you spend a typical Saturday night?

78. What makes you laugh?

79. What, if anything, shocks or offends you?

80. What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself?

81. How do you deal with stress?

82. Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan?

83. What are your pet peeves

Part VII: Self Images & Etc.

84. Describe the routine of a normal day for you. How do you feel when this routine is disrupted?

85. What is your greatest strength as a person?

86. What is your greatest weakness?

87. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

88. Are you generally introverted or extroverted?

89. Are you generally organized or messy?

90. Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at.

91. Do you like yourself?

92. What are your reasons for being an adventurer (or doing the strange and heroic things that RPG characters do)? Are your real reasons for doing this different than the ones you tell people in public? (If so, detail both sets of reasons.)

93. What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime?

94. Where do you see yourself in five years?

95. If you could choose, how would you want to die?

96. If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left.

97. What is the one thing for which you would most likely be remembered after your death?

98. What three words best describe your personality?

99. What three words would others probably use to describe you?

100. If you could, what advice would you, the player, give to your character? Umm... wear a condom. Yea, most definitely. I know it's the 70's and all, but that is going to get you into a lot of trouble, mister! Also, watch out for the crazy red-headed broad.