On Thursday I waited and waited for a call or text from my boss telling me what time I needed to be in on Friday. Eventually, after receiving nothing, I gave up and went to bed. Friday morning I woke up in time to catch a text from her that told me to arrive at her house at 9:30am. So I got up earlier than usual, showered, packed up everything I thought I would need for the party just in case I didn't get an hour or two off to come home and change, and left. I arrived at her house on time, only to discover that she hadn't bothered to get up yet, and there was nothing for me to do until she did. So I twiddled my thumbs for a good hour and a half before she finally got out of bed. By the time she came out and started to give me instructions, I had already begun working with one of the other assistants to help her finish her work while I waited. I was then given a huge load of things to be done "NOW!", and started working on them as fast as I could. At about noon, I finished everything I could do from her home office, and drove out to another part of Beverly Hills to deliver an invitation for the party that night. I then drove to the restaurant, and proceeded to run around there helping anyone who asked for anything, while my boss got her nails, hair, and makeup done for the party. Finally, when the party was about two hours away from starting, I called and asked her if I could return to her house to get changed and do my makeup, as all of the restaurant hostesses had. I was then told that I had to change in her office, and to do wait there for her to arrive. So I had to kick out all of the people waiting to get their uniforms for the night out of the office for 5 minutes so I could do a musical theater style quick change into my dress, and then proceeded to do my make-up in her office while people walked in and out fetching uniforms and doing what they needed to get ready.
I then ran downstairs, found that my boss had arrived, and grabbed a walkie talkie, to which I was to be glued for the rest of the night. I then spent the entire night chasing after her and running errands for her in tall heels, while attempting to listen to the instructions and questions being fed to me over the radio while the DJ and performers blared music so loud that it hurt my ears and made my head feel like it was going to split open. I also hadn't eaten anything since about 1pm, and was never allowed a break for dinner, so I was doing all of this running purely on water and stress. I was supposed to stick by her side all night and be the liaison between my boss and all of the staff, but she kept sending me on errands that HAD to be done in person rather than over the radio, and every time I would return to the place I last left her, she would be gone and I'd spend a good 30 to 45 minutes searching for her. By the end of the night I was fighting back tears, and was incredibly relieved when she finally said I could go home.
Saturday morning I managed to sleep in until 9am before my body finally refused to stay in bed any longer. I got up, called Taylor, and then headed out to pick him up from the doll show he'd been helping his mother and grandmother at. I got there all right, grabbed him and we stopped by my house so I could get directions to my appointment with my new therapist. I'd found her on psychologytoday.com, and was going to do an initial session with her just to see if she'd work out for me. We then raced to my appointment and just barely made it on time. When I walked into her office I was hit by a wave of healing energy and the strong scent of fresh lavender. It instantly calmed me down and made me relax a bit. She's also got several crystals strategically placed about the room, and is very open to any and all religious beliefs. I talked to her for about an hour and felt much better, if not also a little emotionally raw, when I left her. She is the first therapist that I felt almost instantly comfortable with, and I think she will work well for me. After my session ended, I grabbed Taylor from the waiting room, and we went over to Jack in the Box for lunch, which we ate at my house. Then I took him back to the doll show, and waited with his grandparents and mother while he helped several of the women at the convention clean up and pack up their things. After it was over we went out to dinner at a nearby Bob's Big Boy with his mother and grandparents. I know his grandmother likes me, but I think his mom is finally getting used to me as she was really nice the entire time and was very friendly. She's even told me that I can call her Martha, which is very nice of her, but will take some getting used to. After dinner, we went back to my house and watched Doctor Who and cuddled on the couch. We wound up going to bed early as we were both exhausted. Unfortunately, I spent a decent amount of time tossing and turning because I was stressing over Sunday. After a bit I got up and spoke to my mom, which helped, before being able to crawl back into bed and finally pass out.
On Sunday I woke up at about 10ish, and spent much of the morning watching more Doctor Who with Taylor. Mom made pancakes, which were very good, and we relaxed a bit while we worked on finishing season two of Doctor Who. I spent most of the morning in a kind of anxious and depressed state though, as I was waiting to receive a call from my boss telling me when I needed to show up at the restaurant to work the party that night. She finally called at about noon, and I wisely didn't answer. I checked the message, and when I learned she wanted me there at 5pm, I was suddenly hit with another anxiety attack just as bad as the one I experienced on Tuesday. I immediately talked to my mother and to Taylor, which helped keep me from going into that mental state of being frozen and rocking back and forth like a completely insane person, and with their help made the decision to call back my boss and tell her I was unwell and therefore unable to make it to the party that night. I called her several times in an attempt to talk to her and explain, but wound up having to leave a message on her cell phone. I then called my therapist, and spent a good 30 minutes or so on the phone with her, which calmed me down a great deal. After that I went back to the couch and cuddled with Taylor while we continued watching Doctor Who. I waited anxiously for a good hour or two for my boss to return my call and yell at me, but she never did. Eventually I relaxed and was able to put the worry out of my mind for a bit, and enjoyed the rest of my day with my boyfriend. We spent the entire day watching Doctor Who, and managed to finish all of season two and the first three episodes of season three. Eventually though I had to take him home, though we waited as long as possible before making the drive back to Ventura, if only because it meant spending more time together. Eventually though it had to be done, and I took him home so that he could be on time to work the next morning. I managed to make the drive back safely in spite of the rain, and crawled into bed and passed out.
Ultimately, the major change that has taken place this weekend, is that I have decided to quit this job as soon as possible. I spent I good hour or so online on Sunday while watching Doctor Who, searching Craigslist for a new job and submitting my resume to anything that looked remotely decent. I am resolved to spend an hour online each night, regardless of when I get home, submitting my resume and searching for a new job. The moment I get even a hint of a possible new job, I am going to submit my two weeks notice here, and leave this place entirely. My mother has even offered to help me hunt for a job by searching craigslist for me when I'm working too late to do it myself.
Also, in an effort to speed up the process of moving out and becoming completely independent, I am focusing my job hunting efforts on Simi Valley, Thousand Oaks, and neighboring areas in Ventura County. Partially because both the job market and housing market out there seems to be much better than in LA, and mostly because I would really like to be closer to Taylor. While he is well worth the commute from Arcadia to Ventura and back a few times each week, it would be nice to live close enough to make it possible for me to visit after work during the week if I have a particularly bad day, or if he has a bad day, or if either of us just wants to see the other. Though I am not looking to move out as far as Ventura itself, if only because I am planning on getting this new job first, and commuting for a bit from Arcadia while I find an affordable place to live. Though looking in that area means that no matter what I do I will find a job that will have me getting up even earlier for work than I do now just to make it there on time, but I am willing to put up with an even worse daily commute than the one I have now if it means I am A) no longer working at my current job, and B) closer to my boyfriend.
So here is hoping that all of this goes well, and that I'm able to find a new job soon. This morning when I got into work I took advantage of my time alone in the office before anyone else arrived by cleaning out my desk and putting everything that belongs to me (not the company) into my bag, just in case my boss decides to fire me when she gets in today for not showing up to the party like I was supposed to last night. While I certainly hope that doesn't happen, if it does it would be good for me in the long run, and I'm preparing myself to handle it.
And I'm sorry for such a long entry, but one of the things that my new therapist and I agreed on in my initial session with her, is that this blog is an excellent means of venting for me, and one of the few ways I "self-medicate". So I am going to attempt to post more frequently for the next few weeks while I'm working all of this out, as doing so really does help. So please bear with me as I do so.