shosty @ 2009-01-03T19:32:00

2009-01-04T00:34:46Z

Is it an okay thing to be very happy with where you are at the very moment in time without feeling guilty for anything (or anyone) else? I guess this is as good a time as any to be actually happy with things and start the year off. Not that it matters what time of year it is, really. We still have to practice just as much, no matter what time of the year it is.

I have a cousin.

shosty @ 2008-12-23T21:22:00

2008-12-24T02:27:48Z

I attended my first rock and roll concert just the other day. It wasn't exactly what I expected, but it was absolutely fantastic. Everyone around you is dancing or moshing or whatever you all call it, and the music was extremely loud and the band members were very into it and Sergei is a rock star. I should like to go to another one of his concerts, if not more.

Christmas break is for intense practicing. I've been at my cello more and more lately, and I've found that sometimes, I just need a break. The halls are empty and gloomy and there's nothing to do. How many of you have gone home? How many of you have been practicing over the holidays?

shosty @ 2008-12-17T00:25:00

2008-12-17T05:25:40Z

out of character.
hello my name is BOOOOOM shaka laka.
i am this many in years 2138407214980124.
am i experienced? no of course not.
you can contact me at lawwwwwwwlz pirate.

in character.
hello my name is Elena Shosty.
my major is cello performance.
my age/year is sophomore/18.
i come from Manhattan, New York.

one. My parents grew up in a town close to St. Petersburg, Russia, and came to America by jumping ship on a cruise boat. They pretended to be housekeepers working there for the remainder of the trip and then found the cheapest apartment they could in New York, where they landed.
two. I was never like the other kids, and I knew it. None of them had an accent like me or spoke Russian like me or believed in strong Communism like me. Everyone was utterly clueless, and I guess the teachers thought I was quite gifted because they let me skip second grade. I was the youngest of my entire class.
three. I grew up a lot differently than everyone else I knew. While everyone else was watching television and watching movies, I was practicing the cello. I was going to communist meetings with my parents. I was praying for a miracle.
four. My father taught me to look at music like a building; architecturally and mathematically. The other kids in the cello competitions that I talked to never learned it like that, and I knew I was different.
five. The first time I did not win a competition, my father beat me. I learned to always be successful, and never let anyone get in the way of my studies.
six. I don't talk to other people. I just can't. I wish I could learn how, but there's really no way I can do it. It's always awkward and hard and I just don't know what to say because really, who wants to know all about communism or how my father plans to overthrow our government one day?
seven. I don't really think I'm that great at the cello. I just feel like I can't really do anything else with my life, so why even try? I know it's silly, but I do it to make my dad happy.
eight. Someday, I want to go back to Russia and meet the rest of my family. I feel like there's so much of me that needs to be connected to something else but I just haven't found it yet.
nine. Music is the only thing I really have sometimes. Whether it's listening to music or spending hours in the practice room, I can really learn a lot and it makes me feel better about myself. I need that sometimes.
ten. I'm really self-conscious about my accent. It's half Russian, half Manhattan. I don't know what people will make of it, and I'm worried that when people smile when they hear it coming out, they think it's funny.
but if you promise not to tell. I fall in love much too easily. And then I know I'm going to get myself hurt and don't even care. It's masochistic, but I can't help it.

pb/picture Clémence Poésy