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| Eeyep, that's what I'm up to right now. BUT GUESS WHAT I FOUND ON TUMBLR GUYS Have you ever kissed someone who’s name started with L? Nope, just C and G! As much as I love snakebites, I doubt they'd work for me. I'd rather not get any piercings. Honestly, who are you Im-ing? I don't like instant-messaging, love. Do you cross your legs when you sit? Nope. If I'm not business then I usually end up sprawling. Always. This situation seems to be a constant in my life. But hey, I'm only hurting because I want them to feel the like; I don't demand reciprocation. There is never just one 'person' in my life, and yes, I do. Uh... I'm not a fan of kissing. I'd pick younger though. In May? Hm, who was I focused on... ah yes. Childhood loves. Anyone can, potentially. Heck, give me the wrong sort of glance and you might trigger an entire breakdown. Do you know what the last person you kissed is doing? He is chilling out in my head and laughing out loud at this question. Not at the moment. When I'm on a computer, I prefer to be alone-- otherwise I get incredibly panicky and paranoid. What’s your favorite color? Deep red. White and mint are close seconds. No. I'm not a fan of holding hands casually, and it's more of a 'comfort' action than anything else. Oh heck no. God, then Laurie if she's not already standing there waiting. Do you think you will be in a relationship three months from now? Yes (please let it be with a Victini). XD Would you take $40,000 or a brand new car? I need the cash, bro. Pay off these infernal college loans and surgery expenses. Once again, there is never one person for me... but initially there is often some sort of physical attraction (especially for the inhumans), but I always push that aside and go for who the person truly is. Looks are just a bonus. Any plans for this summer? 2011? Summer of Sonic. GOTTA BE THERE. In my head. Not unless a certain blue dude pulls a fast one on me during my job tonight. Yes because that's my Jimmy and I adore that kid more than he knows. My mom did. She still does, and she still complains about it. I personally despise the 'spoiling' though. I think I was asleep. If so, then I was casting freezing spells on a ghost town about to be hit by a tornado and taking job applications from flowerbirds. No kidding. Every time you ask 'the one you like' I think of a certain girl... and I hope to heaven that I am good enough in her eyes. Have you ever dated someone who treated you like crap? That depends on what your judgment criteria are, love. In a dream, like all of the others. 90% of the time. If I don't, it's because I'm scared and panicking. It happens more than I'd like. I do this every day the way it is. I have to admit, I typically have a poker face... if I'm paying attention. If I am even the slightest bit disconnected from reality, my emotions will show on my face clearer than I could ever hope to emulate. Nope, but I'm praying for both. I think it was Chaos. He usually does. Everyone and no one. You can't be entirely open in this world, and it's heartbreaking. Do you know anyone that smokes pot? Yeah, a few people. I worry, as I don't want them to be hurt by it, but I wouldn't dare condemn them. My 'best friend' is... I'm not sure. I guess I could, but I'd have to learn to stop trying to 'live up to' other people first. Would you rather have big or small dogs? I'd rather not have any dogs. I don't like animals being in close proximity to me. No. That's not right, it's just terribly sad. Will you be married by the time you’re 25? I'm celibate, love. And seriously, you shouldn't marry that early unless you are absolutely sure it's a wise decision. It's a lifelong commitment, remember. I doubt it. I can't be closed up in one space for long, especially not without means to accomplish anything of worth. Still, I suppose I could be convinced. Do you want to see somebody right now? Just my boss. I am incredibly tired, and it's starting to creep into the physical sense. Jacob and Melody. We sadly don't sync as well as I hoped we would. I don't even remember last night. I'm tired of forgetting days like this. Do you trust the police? I do, but as always there's that level of unfortunate wariness. If you’re mad while driving, do you flip people off? I don't get mad at anyone but myself while driving. If someone cuts me off or the like, I'll justify their reasoning and just keep rolling. Did the last person you kissed have tattoos? Oh geez, I've joked about this one before... Yes, because I have seen what damage they can do biologically and I don't want that happening to them. What were you doing at midnight last night? When was the last time a picture of you was taken? I don't recall. It's probably in Melody's possession, though. I don't like photos of myself because I despise my current physical form. Not that I can recall... Two days ago. God willing I'll never go back. ...Yes. Well, halfway. First time, too. Water. It's all I can drink, mind. I'd rather drink than eat. Honestly, I don't like eating very much. I'm not sure... homesick? No... like I was looking for a feeling I couldn't see clearly. Every last inch of them, and both colors, he says. I've had to share my room/bed since I was an infant, so I think that's a bunk question. It's 11:33 PM, I'm listening to ELO and feeling painful amounts of love for my kids, seriously. I have so much to do with my future... I should really get some sleep between now and then. | ||||||||||
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chances are i'm half awake
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September 1st, 2010
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thoughtfulJanuary 6th, 2010
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| New quiz time! This is good news indeed. Where did you get the pants your wearing? My closet. Honestly, I've had these since elementary school-- I have no idea where they're from. Who are you more like, your mom or your dad? I can't answer that. I don't know that much about either of them to make an assessment. Do you chew gum like a cow? I have no idea what that means, and I sure hope I don't. Is it okay to like someone else when you have a girlfriend/ boyfriend? I'm ace-neutrois, so I can't really talk... but assuming you mean 'like' in the romantic sense, it's not okay if you're already committed to someone else and consider 'cheating' or however you put it. What do you like more, fruits or veggies? Vegetables. Fruits are awesome but sometimes they're too sweet. Do you know anyone who doesn’t eat meat? I might but I can't think of anyone right now. Do you have someone who you can be your complete self around? I wish to God that I did. Were you happy when you woke up today? I'm always happy when I get up. I have a new day ahead of me. You have to get a piercing, what do you get? Ears. That way I can wear my Chaos earrings to SoS! *rimshot* Do you miss anyone? Always, my friend. Always. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? Yes, as far as I know. I try hard. Who was the last person you rode in a car with? Not counting Selph, that would be my three brothers. I drove them home from piano lessons the other day. What woke you up this morning? I think my brother Viral did, but I'm not sure. When was the last time you talked to a sibling? About an hour ago; I've been talking to them all day but now I'm the only one left awake. Not cool. What jewelery are you currently wearing? Just a scapular and a Pikachu pedometer. I don't typically wear jewelry. What is a compliment you receive often? "You're so nice/ polite/ considerate/ etc.!" It'd be funny if it didn't insinuate that said people aren't used to such behavior. Do you look more like your mom or your dad? My mom. We're frighteningly similar in appearance. What was last thing you drank? Water, as always. Are you happy right now? I suppose so. I'm just very tired. Who makes you happiest right now? Melody and Dori. ^^ Dori because she updated and Mel as I'm talking to her right now! When was the last time you cried really, really hard? Two days ago? My grandmother had an emotional breakdown and it hit me hard. Tell me the truth, why did you fall in love with your last ex? I don't have any ex's on principle, but I fall in love based on who a person truly is. Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex? Yes sir! My current 3 best friends all fit that category. Has anyone said they love you in the last week? To me? Just my grandmother. Could you go the rest of your life without doing any drugs? Watch me, my friend! Have you faced any of your fears lately? I beat one-- my singing in public, haha! We got Rock Band for Christmas and I had no other choice. Have you ever kissed under water? I've kissed someone who looks like he's made of water, but... *rimshot* Your ex calls wanting to hang out. What do you say? Sure, why not? Has anyone told you they don't ever wanna lose you? Yes. It means more to me than I can ever hope to express. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? "Why the heck does my hair always end up like that?" Who's car were you in last? My grandparents'. I don't have my own car. What are you doing tomorrow? Probably sketching plushie patterns. I'm having a lot of fun, which I need. Have a best friend? Yes, thank God. Have you ever liked anyone that treated you like crap? Yeah, I can't really dislike people anyway. Ironically, the people that treated me 'like crap' as a kid are the people I adore to this day. You can't hold grudges based on transient behavior. They're all amazing kids now. Want something you can't have? The only thing I 'want' and can't have is an ace girlfriend... not as long as I'm living in this house. What did you do today? I sewed a bat plushie out of leftover material. I named him Niko. What is bothering you? My future, as always. Also the time. When was the last time you laughed really hard? This morning-- Viral and I spontaneously watched "The Stupids" on TV and we were dying of laughter. Do you like the song 'I will follow you into the dark' by Death Cab for cutie? I haven't heard that song, unfortunately... but I have heard "What Sarah Said," and that is amazing. Your best friend likes your last "ex", what do you say? I don't mind; why should I? If you were kicked out of your current residence whom would you call? Jacob or my dad; they're the only two people I have to turn to. If your number 1 needed you at 3 in the morning would you go? Yes, as long as I could wake up, haha. I sleep like a rock. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you? Yes, a lot of people. You know me. Your phone is ringing. It's your ex. What do you say? "How've you been?" If your boyfriend or girlfriend smoked pot, would you care? Yes, I'd worry about their health most of all. What makes you mad about most girls? Most of the girls I've been exposed to have been materialistic, flippant, shallow, perverted, etc. Maybe I'm just unlucky, but it is making me a little misogynistic. Either way, I typically don't get along well with women, as I have no idea how to deal with them. Who's the first person you text today? I don't text. Was last night terrible? No, I don't even remember it. When will your next kiss be? God only knows; I've only ever had 3 and they were all in dreams. Who's the last person you talked to? My mom; she just wandered into the kitchen to remind me of the awful time. Do you like water? Yes sir, very much. Is the last person you hugged older than you? No; that was Viral, and he's one year younger than I am. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? 6 at the least (3 bros and 3 buds). Where were you Saturday at 10pm? Saturday? I was playing Rock Band with my brothers. It was the day after Christmas! It's 2 in the morning and you get a text message, who is it most likely? Heaven only knows, as said cell phone is nonexistent! Are any of your friends are so close that you consider them family? Most of my good friends, actually. Are you good at giving directions? I try, but I'm not all that great at it. What does your mom call you? As always, it depends on her mood. Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn't do? A few times. Ironically, it's usually because someone else told me to to it. Is it awkward when you run into your ex's? I wouldn't know; I don't have any! Do you treat others as you'd like to be treated? Yes, that's one of my life rules. Has someone ever told you they will love you forever? Yes. It's pretty stunning. Do you hate being alone? At home? No. In the world, with no contacts or support? Yes. What would happen if you were suddenly in bed with the last person who you text? Thank God I don't have a cell phone, right? Do you still talk to the person you fell hardest for? Yes, I do. If you were 12 and you could see yourself now, would you be disappointed? All I would want to know is: "Are you still working on Dream World?" and "Do you still like Pokemon?" As those are both affirmatives, I would be happy, haha! Geez, but putting those facts aside, my life was amazing when was 12... Is there anyone you wish was still in your life? Yes, and God only knows how much so... Who did you have a meaningful conversation with last? Me? I can't remember. Most of the important messages I've received lately have been through my own research. Who was the last person you hugged? My brother Viral, which you already know as you asked this question earlier. What's the last secret someone told you? People don't tell me secrets. Name four girls you talked to today. My mom, my grandmother, Melody, and... I think that's it. Can you go a month without swearing? Why yes I can. How many TRUE friends do you have? A handful, I think. I hope so. What's on your bedroom floor right now? Boxes of stuff to give away, and everything else belongs to my mom. I share a room, remember. What are you listening too? Nothing, but "I'm Glad There Is You" by Tony Bennett is stuck in my head. Do you like texting? Please, no more texting questions. Who was your first text this morning? *releases the hounds* Are you starting to realize anything? Yes, actually. Many important things. Is there a girl that you would do absolutely anything and everything for? Too many loopholes there! But yes, there are a few girls I would do almost anything and everything for. Is your hair longer than your shoulders? No sir, it's a boy cut. If you were outside and a red car drove by and started shooting up your block what would you do? I would be baffled as I do not live on a block, let alone near a road where a car could drive by. Do you have any text messages that you don't want other people reading? What have you done with my hounds?? Do you keep any secrets from your best friend? Yes. However, they are secrets that must be kept. Did you have a good birthday this year? I got a Jayce hat, Klonoa for Wii, a heart/star belt, and a custom cake. It was brilliant. Is there a boy that you would do absolutely everything for? Ditto what I said about the girls earlier, buddy. What's upset you the most in the past week? The fact that I might seriously have to pull out of college to be admitted into a psychological facility. Can you live a day without TV? Yes, I often do. Has anyone laid on your bed besides you? I've shared a bed with my grandmother since I was a baby, so yes. Would you rather dye your hair or go tanning? I don't tan, so I'd just dye my hair red again. Is sex before marriage okay? I don't think it is, no. The fact that I loathe sex in every aspect has little to do with that. Is there anyone you wish to fix things with? Yes, and I pray that I will get that chance. Do you really know how heartbreak feels? Yes. Do you tend to hold things against people? No, I do my best to always forgive. And now it's 2AM so I am getting the heck to sleep oh man | ||||||||
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Pretty good, although it's 1AMJuly 21st, 2009
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| Dude how is it already 12AM? Geez. Still, I spent 9 hours in my favorite cafe today, typing nonstop, and I got an amazing amount of work done on DW-P11. I'm also finally at the part where I get to write for some of my favorite characters; I freaking love those guys and I've been waiting since 2002 to write them in! Anyway my friend General-Grievous101 on dA posted this so now it's time for a SONIC QUIZ OH MAN - THE SONIC QUIZ!!! - Theme no 1. - You and Sonic 1. Who are you? Jewel W. Lightraye, actually. Can't change that fact no matter what. 2. How did you first get into the World of Sonic? I think it was when my grandfather randomly bought a Genesis back when I was a tiny kid; our first game was Sonic 2 and we had no clue what it was! Man but it was fun. I have such good memories of just running through Chemical Plant on summer afternoons... 3. How long have you been a Sonic fan? At least 10 years, I know that for a fact because I vividly remember playing the original Sonic Adventure demo in stores (as Knuckles, because he was my best buddy a kid). It's probably closer to 12 years as a total, though. Theme no 2 - Games 1. The greatest Sonic game(s) you've ever played was..? Oh man, I can't answer that! Sonic CD is insanely fun (even when it makes you want to eat the controller in frustration), but both the Sonic Adventure installments are a close second. Sonic Battle was also incredibly addictive, and of course I still enjoy Sonic 2. 2. The worst Sonic game(s) you played was...? I enjoy them all, actually. They all have their good qualities. 3. Which was the first Sonic game you ever played? Sonic 2 for the win! 4. ...And which year was that? Geez, maybe 1997? I have no clue; it was ages ago. 5. For you, Which Sonic game has the best soundtrack? The original 3, and the 3 Advance games. Classic style. Still, the Japanese version of Sonic CD is a very close second once again. 6. List your favorite song(s) from any Sonic game. I'll do so in layman's terms, haha. There's a lot. These are only from games I've played, mind you (except for that one Unleashed song). -The original 1991 Green Hill and Special Stage music from Sonic The Hedgehog -"When We Reach You ~Could It Be Right~" from the Japanese version of Sonic CD (It's a remix of Cosmic Eternity) -The music for Meteor Herd and Death Chamber in Sonic Adventure 2 (YA DAMN RIGHT KNUCKLES) -The first Aquatic Base stage in Sonic The Hedgehog 2006 (which I still call Sonic 360) -The nighttime 'Jungle Joyride' music in Sonic Unleashed -The Japanese version of Palmtree Panic's 'Good Future' in Sonic CD... BUT BACKWARDS -The Japanese version of Palmtree Panic's 'Bad Future' in Sonic CD -The Japanese special stage music in Sonic CD (which I thought was Metal Sonic's theme for years before I played it) -The Extra final boss music in Sonic Advance -The 'Theme Of SEGA Carnival' in Sonic Riders -The Aquatic Mine music in Sonic Adventure 2 -Tikal's and E102's themes in Sonic Adventure -The 'Tricky Maze' music in Sonic Adventure -The Cyber Track map and first zone music in Sonic Advance 3 -The Special Stage music in Sonic Advance 3 -The credits music in Sonic Advance 3 -Chaos Zero's battle theme in Sonic Battle (The real name for this song is Blackboard Eraser, oddly enough) -The 'Extras' jazzy piano music in Sonic 360 -The credits music in Sonic Advance -The Desert Palace and Chrome Gadget multiplayer music in Sonic 3 -Chemical Plant and Casino Night in Sonic 2. Everyone loves them. -Big the Cat's theme in Sonic Adventure (hey, it makes me SMILE LIKE CRAZY.) -Also, Super Sonic's theme in Sonic 3, just for the heck of it. It's an auditory sugar high. -The Electric Night Zone music in Sonic Riders 3 *shot* 7. Your favorite level/zone all the time is...? Probably Meteor Herd and the Grind Race mini-stage (both multiplayer) in Sonic Adventure 2... the first because of the awesome mid-air exploration, and the second because of JUMPING OFF THE RAILS YEAH 8. Which console do you prefer playing Sonic games on? Gamecube or Genesis. 9. Did you ever get Sonic Unleashed, if yes, What is/was your opinion on it? Don't have it yet; no money. Might get it for Christmas or something if I have spare cash left over from my Chao plush. 10. Are you excited for Sonic & the black knight? Eh, no real opinion, as I've had other things on my mind lately. I haven't played it, but I hope it's not too bad. 11. The rumor for a second Mario & Sonic was true. Are you going to get it? Unfortunately, no. I'm not much of a gamer. 12. A /quote/level/song/something else from a Sonic game you won't forget: Quote: "The servers are the seven Chaos Emeralds. Chaos is power, enriched by the heart. The controller is the one who unifies the chaos." That's the 'legend' from Sonic Adventure. I'm getting the second part of that as a freaking tattoo one day, mark my words. Level: Both Meteor Herd in Sonic Adventure 2, because it holds some real personal significance for me; and Mystic Cave in Sonic 2, because it gave us SUCH BAD MEMORIES WHAT WAS WITH THOSE SPIKE PITS FFFFFFFF Song: The original Special Stage music. I've re-written that so many times over the years; I just love it. Pure and simple stuff. Something else: Chaos Zero. Theme no 3. - Characters 1. Your very first favorite character was : KNUCKLES! (I was partial to Tails before that, but Knuckles was definitely my first 'fave.') 2. Why was he/she your very first favorite? Because he was red, had spiky hair, and was an overall cool dude. Also Lego shoes. 3. Your current favorite character now: Chaos Zero. ♥ 4. Your current second favorite character now: Shade the Echidna because she is so cute it hurts. Otherwise it's Big the Cat! 5. Is there any character(s) you think was unnecessary? No, but I COULD HAVE DONE JUST FINE WITHOUT THE SPIKE PITS 6. If you could bring back one old school character, Who would that be? Tiara Boobowski. She has a ton of potential, I think, but I'm just afraid she'd clash too harshly with Amy. 7. Are you sick of SEGA throwing in so many new characters lately? Yes, because the poor characters are becoming nothing but 'plot devices' instead of real individuals, if you know what I mean... but I still love the new guys. I wouldn't mind adding more new characters if they weren't being tossed so quickly as well. 8. Name some characters you really dislike? I think they all have their good qualities, but I dislike Robotnik the most because of his motives. If he wasn't written so comically most of the time, he'd be a serious threat... thus, Sonic Inversion! 9. Why do you dislike them? Well, it's basically because of what I just said... but I also have a sore spot because of the end of Sonic Adventure. Theme no 4 - What if.... 1. Eggman was your long lost grandfather, How would you react? I'd be a little shaken up, but if there were Robotniks in my family tree, that means I'm also somehow related to Shadow, I guess. THAT'S PRETTY COOL 2. Rouge told you she had feelings for you, What would you do? "Sorry, Rouge, but I really don't think it would work out at all..." (I do like Rouge, though. She's cool.) 3. Sonic was walking around in your town.. And you saw him, What would you do? Get over the initial shock, grin like a maniac for a minute, and then walk over to the blue guy and have a conversation about those good old days, yes sir. Also I'd let him know (again) how fantastically awesome he is. 4. Knuckles was in your shower.. would you kick him out? Nah. Echidnas need baths too. 5. Silver said he wanted your food because he was hungry, Would you give him the food? YES, how could you resist that fluffy fiend? He can eat everything in the fridge if he wants. 6. Shadow was sleeping in your bed, What would you do? Quietly close the door, run back down the hall, go outside and then laugh. That is hilariously adorable somehow. 7. Vector asked where the computer room is, Would you answer him? I would stare at him with eyes of ANGST. Then I would show him all five of our computer rooms 8. Espio wanted to hug you, would you accept that? Course I would! Espio is awesome. 9. Blaze said you had nice shoes and she wanted to know where you bought them, Would you tell her where? I'd tell her I only have two pairs of shoes, but I'd still try to think of where I got them so I could tell her. 10. Jet was flirting with you.. What would you do in return? Point behind me to the angry blue dude and hear the pickup lines stop immediately, haha. Jet's a pretty cool guy, though, so I'd probably offer to still be friends or something. I'm not one for relationships anyhow. 11. Charmy wanted to play video games with you. Would you accept that? Oh man of course I would! I'm actually quite a fan of that little bee. *gets out every game system in the house* 12. Amy was the new kid in your class, Would you be her new friend? Why not? Amy's fun to be around. 13. Chip asked if he could share a pie with you. Would you say Yes? I'd give him the whole thing-- I can't eat pie; I get sick! 14. Tails was playing in the snow, would you play with him? Why yes, I would! Don't give away where I am, though, we're having a snowball fight. 15. Big wanted to take you out for fishin, Would you want that? DUDE GRAB THE FISHING RODS AND WE'LL FISH ALL FREAKING WEEKEND 16. Cream and Cheese wanted to sing on your Singstar game, Would you allow that? I would first ask who in the world bought me said game, but yes, I'd allow them to sing as much as they wanted. 17. Mephiles wanted to live in your freezer. would you allow that? DO IT. AND MAKE SURE YOU EAT ALL THE ICE CREAM, YOU'RE AS THIN AS A RAIL Theme no 5. - Random Questions 1. How do you think the future of Sonic is? It's all right; it has it's hits and it's misses. I think they're trying too hard to work with gimmicks and fads, though... I'm one of the kids who supports the old-school style (First 3, both Adventures, all 3 Advances). 2. The greatest Sonic animation you watched is: I'm actually rather uneducated as to the animations. I've sadly only seen a few minutes of the movie, almost nothing of SatAM, and virtually only the Chaos episodes for Sonic X (I bought the DVD of course). 3. Do you wish the Sonic characters were real? You know what? Yes, I do. I do support the idea of them having their own world, though, instead of living here. 4. If they were real and you could choose one character to hang out a whole day with, Who would that be? Chaos Zero, hands down. We'd make the best of every second for those 24 hours, no lie. 5. Why did you choose him/her? Because I love him, simple as that. (there is no question 6, so I shall invent one.) 6. Do you have the Japanese lyrics to SONIC DRIVE memorized? DARN STRAIGHT I DO. 7. Something you wish would happen in a Sonic game/TV show/other: In a game, I'd like to see Robotnik come up with a really evil idea-- but thankfully, one that would set the stage for a darn good plotline! 8. Have you read the Sonic comics? Some of 'em. I used to read them regularly when my local stores carried them, but that was before the 'green Knuckles' arc; that was one of the last issues I saw before they stopped carrying them. Even so, I currently own three issues of the Sonic X 'parody' series (it's great)-- three guesses which issues. 9. Do you believe in the Tails doll curse? No, but I think it's a very amusing running joke! And dude it's suddenly 2AM now... but guess who just found the Gamecube downstairs? *plugs it in and plays some SA2B multiplayer* ♥ | ||||||||||||
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Amazing, really!June 30th, 2009
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| Yep, I thought of an interesting idea and I'm going to keep the WIP list here, because I love this journal. Top 30 Best Song Endings (from my current iTunes library!) In no particular order. I came up with this idea because some songs have endings that absolutely haunt you, that rocket a song right up to 'favorite' status thanks to a few brilliant final seconds. I decided to list my favorites right here. And yes, I agree that some songs like Billy Talent's Red Flag and Incubus' Anna Molly have great endings (plus I love those two songs), but the endings I'm listing here are the ones that made a song really stay with me, the kind that then echoed in my head for hours afterwards. Unfortunately, this doesn't work with songs that fade out! These endings are actual endings; they're a special case and that's why I'm singling them out. (Note: I'll typically add some extra seconds to the ending times so you get an idea of what the song preceding it is like.) Lastly, this is all my humble opinion. It's okay if you disagree with me; we all have our own likes and dislikes! I'll add this to my Last.fm page when I'm done, but without the links. Yep, you lucky Scribbld readers get actual webpage links to the songs. Enjoy! 1. "Broken Bones" (Aqualung) Ending starts at: 3:00 (song), 3:03 (movie) It starts with a simple but sad piano solo, which is slowly overtaken with a "bad reception" fuzz, and then ends with a sudden burst of static. I find it very moving, actually. 2. "City Of Blinding Lights" (U2) Ending starts at: 5:12 (song), 3:48 (movie) If this song starts playing on a store radio or in any other public place, I will always stop whatever I'm doing during the last 40 seconds of this song, just to hear that closing piano note. It's simply euphoric. 3. "It's About Time" (Barcelona) Ending starts at: 3:23 For some reason, I just love how the powerful chorus suddenly dissolves into a single voice with piano for the last few moments. It gives the ending a very touching feel, and the lyrics suddenly mean so much more. 4. "Echoes" (Cousteau) Ending starts at: 3:17 As if this song wasn't gorgeous enough, it had to have a perfect ending as well. The instrumental ending fades into a simple yet moving finale at 3:46, when the piano takes over and carries the echoes to the end. This song more than deserves it's spot as one of my all-time favorites. 5. "Damaged" (Danity Kane) Ending starts at: 2:54 Shocker, huh? But seriously, the only real reason I listen to this song is because of the ending. Granted, it has an entirely different feel from the rest of the track, but it's just that good. Bonus points for the pizzicato. (Trivia: I listen to this song at an 80% pitch reduction. I tried it at random one day and I now prefer it to the original.) 6. "From Bath With Love (feat. T-Lace)" (Danny Byrd) Ending starts at: 4:46 Come on, a liquid funk song that ends with not only an acoustic guitar, but also a whistled version of the melody and the sound of an actual bath draining? That's genius right there, and it's ridiculously fun to listen to. 7. "Mister Blue Sky" (Electric Light Orchestra) Ending starts at: 3:46 You knew I was going to list this. Not only is this an incredible song, but the ending is completely unexpected-- and extremely well done. They combine guitars, strings, piano, a choir, and a vocoder to create one of my favorite song endings of all time. 8. "Lupinne" (The Drowners) Ending starts at: 1:58 This ending actually begins halfway through the song, and then gradually builds up to the finale-- progressing from solemn to shouting vocals and then abruptly falling into the sound of shivering breathing. I was caught when I first heard this, and it still gets me every time. And hey, here we can forgive the fact that the last 3 seconds fade out. 9. "Desperado" (The Eagles) Ending starts at: 2:29 (song), 2:44 (movie-- watch it, it's fantastic) Sorrowful, reflective, emotional, and absolutely classic. Need I say more? 10. "Move On Now" (Hard-Fi) Ending starts at: 4:03 Very different from Hard-Fi's usual fare, this song is simply arranged and beautiful despite the subject matter. The ending is unusually haunting, though, considering that it doesn't really end-- it just trails off. The last sound you hear is that of the piano's damper pedal being released, and then the sound stops... it's a very unique feeling. 11. "Let's Talk Turkey" (Ima Robot) Ending starts at: 2:25 I won't give away exactly how this one ends, but I'll just say that it makes me smile every single time. 12. "The Moment I Said It" (Imogen Heap) Ending starts at: 2:56 Just listen to this one right now. Seriously. The ending borders on surrealism with it's use of unique sounds and harmonies, but it's those freaking chords starting around 4:12 that get me every time. They can give me chills on a perfectly sunny day, I swear. 13. "Here In My Room" (Incubus) Ending starts at: 3:09 Forgive me, but the harmonies in this song are incredible enough to make me want to feature the whole song, not just the ending. However, the final minute of this song is quite interesting-- they basically repeat one line while the instruments fade out around them. It's surprisingly well done, though, and downright hypnotizing to the point where I keep hitting 'rewind' just to hear it again. 14. "Beady Eyes On The Horizon" (Jukebox The Ghost) Ending starts at: 3:14 (song), 7:33 (movie-- this song doesn't start until 4:05) Listen to the piano accompaniment in this thing. Seriously, it just makes the ending-- but I have to admit, my favorite part of it is simply the last 20 seconds, with those simple yet foreboding final words and lingering last note. The perfect ending to this song. 15. "Can't Stop Now" (Keane) Ending starts at: 2:40 Beautiful song, and another one of those with the 'surprise' endings. The mood completely switches once the piano kicks in, and the final surge of instruments during the last 40 seconds is simply gorgeous to hear. I really don't know how else to describe it; it's truly a memorable ending for me. (Trivia: This song will forever remind me of General Grievous because I listened to it almost daily in 2005-- the same year I was obsessed with the General.) 16. "This River Is Wild" (The Killers) Ending starts at: 3:31 An amazing song in every respect... but the last 30 seconds of this used to make me tear up, seriously. I don't know if it's just their stark contrast in sound to the rest of the track, but they sure sound fantastic in there, and that's why this song is on the list. 17. "Saigo No Mameshiba" (Maaya Sakamoto) Ending starts at: 1:41 Unusual pick? Maybe, but this song has an absolutely beautiful ending. It starts with that string section and the fast rhythm, sure, but they quickly fade to leave just the piano notes-- and what sounds like a music box-- echoing for the last 40 seconds. It's simplicity at it's best. 18. "What I Gotta Do" (Macy Gray) Ending starts at: 2:32 ... 19. "Blue" (Mai Yamane) Ending starts at: 4:06 ... 20. "Ao no Ether" (Megumi Nakajima) Ending starts at: 3:01 ... 21. "Eternally Missed" (Muse) Ending starts at: 5:29 ... 22. "Northern Girl" (Orson) Ending starts at: 2:33 ... 23. "Still Grey" (Pendulum) Ending starts at: ... 24. "Pluvius Aestivus" (Pain of Salvation) Ending starts at: ... 25. "LAST DINOSAUR" (The Pillows) Ending starts at: ... 26. "I'm Shakin'" (Rooney) Ending starts at: 2:40 ... 27. "Only A Fool Would Say That" (Steely Dan) Ending starts at: ... 28. "Experiments In Mass Appeal" (FROST*) Ending starts at: ... 29. "Smile" (Michael Jackson) Ending starts at: ... 30. "Big Julie" (Jarvis Cocker) Ending starts at: 2:56 (song), 2:26 (movie) Saving the best for last. I adore this song, and the ending is nothing short of amazing. Jarvis takes the building chorus and keeps it running, turning it into a driving finale which ends on a cymbal crash and a few simple words. It's beautifully brilliant, and my description doesn't do it justice-- go buy the song! 31: BONUS: "No Jokes - Fact" (Hot Hot Heat) Ending starts at: 0:00. It's the whole freaking song. For being stuck in the middle of an album (and right between my two favorite songs, no less), this tiny little track is simply beautiful. I've picked up a habit of burning it as the last track on most of my CDs, and listening to it as the ending song for my day. 32: SECOND BONUS: "Family Theme Waltz" (Sondre Lerche) Ending starts at: 0:00. Yet another little gem. ... That's it for now... class tomorrow and I'm still feeling sick. | ||||||||||
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June 29th, 2009
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| Why do I always take people so granted? Why am I so stupid? Why couldn't I have been able to see like this back when I was 13, when I first found myself getting caught up in this whole situation? I'm guilty of it too. Few of us realize that the things we might think of as worthless, expendable, forgettable... are the things that someone else might treasure. | ||||||
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June 27th, 2009
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| The truth is, I really want to write something, even if language has once again failed me. I don't know why I always go looking for answers to questions I would never have asked of my own free will, but here I am again. Heck, you all know I'm a theoretical physics addict, and I've done far more than my share of strange medical research in the early morning hours... but the problem is that I don't always understand everything I read, and what I do understand often scares me to death. I don't have any answers to give the world, and everyone is asking questions. There are so many freaking questions and way too many possible answers. It scares me, to not have the knowledge or awareness of things like that. I saw one too many children today, both on and off my workshift, and as a result I'm feeling horribly nauseous and disoriented. I have an irrational fear of younger kids for multiple semi-logical (considering my conditions) reasons, and considering all the stuff that's been happening recently, it's just getting worse. I mean, come on, I can't even check out noodles at a cash register without averting my eyes because holes make me so severely nauseous. It's a pain in the neck. All my weird phobias/ dislikes/ etc. are getting worse... guess which one is hitting a fever pitch once again? Yep, the Julie-related ones. The things I've been seeing/ hearing/ etc lately have been contributing greatly to my sensitivity, and now I'm literally terrified of the fall semester, because I still have to take a figure drawing class and I still don't have the slightest hope of getting my surgery done anytime soon. My daily life is still quite agonizing. I'm also scared because I don't have much of a choice in the matter either way. I can't wear my binders much anymore because my grandmother gets extremely prejudicial when I do. I'm also a little distraught because my mum is tossing around double-opinions again. I got my hair cut and she said "oh, I love it, you should keep it like that" and now, when I mention that I want it trimmed a bit so it's not in my eyes, she blows up and once again starts calling me a lesbian/ freak/ insert derogatory stereotypical term here. It's hurting nonstop. No, not the insults... the situation. I never thought I'd be in the same sort of stressful situation that homosexuals/ transgendered/ etc. individuals suffer through, but here I am. I feel their pain now, and I feel absolutely awful because there's nothing I can do about it, for any of us. I've tried offering different perspectives, clearing up misunderstandings, and promoting tolerance... but those approaches only work if your 'audience' wants to listen. They don't want to listen. So I spend my time screaming at the mirrors, trying to lower my vocal range, sneaking off to ALLY meetings on campus, saving up for extra binders and doing rather unsettling things with kitchen knives. I'm getting more than a little desperate at this point. Speaking of those ALLY meetings, though... I hope this isn't a common reaction, but I just couldn't get along very well with anyone else in the group. I don't know if I should attribute that to the fact that 1) I was the only one there who didn't experience some sort of sexual attraction toward another gender, 2) I'm a genophobe as well, 3) I'm a schizoid, 4) I was the newbie, 5) I don't know anymore. I seriously don't. Everywhere I go, I'm shunned unless I make a major effort to 'join the group' that often forces me to temporarily rewrite my personality. I have to do that every week when I go to work, and I'm having a hard time keeping up the facade, no matter how good of an employee they all say I am. It's just tough hiding everything. I had three 'close' friends in elementary school, two of which constantly changed their minds about whether we were friends or not, and one who I found it very tough to get along with. Ironically, I still love all three of 'em. I had zero friends in high school, and although I honestly don't mind, it does sting a bit to realize that I made a stupidly sincere effort to associate with my fellow students every day of those four years, and no one wanted to be bothered. College is still 'eh' in that respect. I have about two close acquaintances but that's it. I don't know how it will all turn out, and I can't say I'd prefer it to go one way or another, so I guess I'll just wait and see. My only close friends are online, and all of them live at least 25 hours of solid travel time away. I guess I should just blame it all on myself, though, and my schizoid disorder here. Heck, I say I want connections, but then I spend no time maintaining them or putting effort into them. I feel so shallow because of it, but usually I just can't work up the motivation to bother. I have 'better things to do,' I always say. I have to focus on my future and my own personal improvement, not idle talk with someone who might not even remember my name three months from now. None of that will matter if I screw everything up, so why bother? I don't know if that's the right thing to do or not anymore. But I'm getting off topic. Oh yeah, and I've been overeating too. It's a stupid childhood-based habit due to my biting compulsion; I used to combat it with literal self-abusive biting, but since I've quit that too, I'm going back to spending a stupid amount of money on gum. Seriously, though, you know how Wrigleys has that awesome "5" gum out? I picked up a package of the Solstice kind today, and I swear the stuff tastes like freaking Christmas. I don't even know what thats supposed to mean, let alone how it's possible, but that's what it makes me think of so I'm buying several more packs ASAP. Mark my words. It helps. I just feel so sick, though... physically, mentally, emotionally. I know that I typically use the word "tired" to describe my all-encompassing state of mind, so to speak, but I really do feel entirely sick. It's a disgusting feeling. I'm disgusted with so many things... I'm literally ill from the ills of the world. So many things feel completely wrong to me... things which the vast majority of my fellow humans consider normal, typical, non-problematic. Me? I'm left fighting back the horrible need to immediately run out of the room sobbing hysterically and/or screaming in rage, because there's too much stress and too many thoughts and too much sickness and I simply can't take it anymore. You can't imagine how debilitating this is unless you're living with it, I swear; and I sincerely hope you're not living with this. Well, it's already 4AM, and despite how much more I'm dying to say, I have a ton of work to finish tomorrow... I'm just going to sleep on the couch again. I get better rest there anyway. See you later, space cowboys. | ||||||||||||
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![[mood icon]](http://www.scribbld.com/img/mood/aikaterina/sailer_moon_sprites/sad.gif){kind=small}
disgusted.June 24th, 2009
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| I'm really wishing I had a better life right about now. I'm doing silly little things to cheer myself up... coloring SI artwork and watching my brother play Team Fortress 2, mainly... but I just can't get the worries out of the back of my mind. I need to get out of this house. I need another job, I need money for a car and an apartment and college, I need to pass college... I need to find someplace safe, I need to find a purpose in the future... I have class again tomorrow but I just feel so agonizingly dead. I want to just sneak off to Borders afterwards and sit in the cafe with Selph, a latte, and my laptop for three hours or so. It would keep me away from the dangerous nightmare that is my home, and maybe I'd have some peace. 1) Are you really ready for 100 questions? Anything to clear my head from this other junk. 2) Was your last real relationship a mistake? The only 'real' relationship I've ever had was not a mistake, no, and never will be. 3) Do you believe in God? Yeah. I once went searching for a long time, as the world's twisted views and questions had me worried... but God gave me something I could hold on to despite all that. So yes, I still believe. 4) Who did you last say I love you to? I think I said it to Chaos about three days ago. 5) Do you regret it? No. It just hurts so much to look up at the sky at night and wonder, is anyone really up there? 6) Have you ever been depressed? Considering I've been diagnosed with severe depression twice, I guess it's safe to assume I am. 7) Have a best friend? A few, yes. I don't pick faves with people. 8) Are you a boy or girl? Neither. Born a girl, though, so there you go. 9) What is your relationship status? Single in the sense that I have no physical relationships (although I never consider myself single). Taken in the sense that I still consider myself devoted to several people. Bizarre in every single freaking aspect, haha. 10) How do you want to die? Martyrdom. It's the only decent way to die. 11) What did you last eat? The excuse for food we have around the house. No wonder I'm chronically sick. 12) Play any sports? No, but only because I don't like the 'serious business' vibe people give it. I love being active like that. 13) Do you bite your nails? Nope. 14) When was your last physical fight? I'd rather not say. 15) Do you have an attitude? Not that sort of attitude. If I ever do talk back to people, 90% of the time it's about my gender problem, and the other 10% is from pent-up frustration. Very pent up. That's why I tend to explode. 16) Ever been in love? Too many times, too many different ways. 17) What is your real name? I don't know anymore. 18) Like reading? Yeah, but it's hard to pay attention anymore. I haven't read much in over a year. 19) Are you gonna get high later? Only if I decide to play a Medic in TF2. OKTOBERFEEEST *cough* 20) Do you hate anyone at the moment? Julie. That's it. 21) Do you miss someone? You have no idea how much I do. 22) Twirl or cut your spaghetti? Twirl, I guess. Haven't eaten it in ages so I don't remember. 23) Do you tan a lot? I've never intentionally tanned for any reason. 24) Have any pets? Not personally, but my family has a few. 25) How exactly are you feeling? Have you ever walked into a musical auditorium at night, but it was completely soundless and empty, and all the lights were out except for a few small white spotlights above the stage? Kind of like that. 26) Ever ate food in a car while someone or yourself is driving? When I was younger, yeah. 27) Ever made out in the bathroom? First off, I don't make out. Secondly, the very thought of doing what you suggest is making me feel sicker than I already am, and for various reasons. 28) Would you take any of your exs back? Don't have any exes, thank God, but I would take them back if I had any. 29) Are you scared of spiders? Nah, I like bugs. I just don't like them crawling over me, as I read far too much Animorphs as a kid (one words: yeerks). 30) Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? If only to be able to re-think what I thought as a kid, then heck yes. 31) Do you regret anything from your past? So many things. 32) What are your plans for this weekend? Idk, depends on what comes up when the weekend comes around. 33) Do you want to have kids? No. Multiple vital reasons play into that and I am sick of people questioning them. 34) Ever kissed somebody that name start with an M? Nope. I'm not a kisser, and I've only done so to one person anyway, although that was in a dream. 35) Do you type fast? Only at home, ironically. In public I tend to trip up for some inane reason. 36) Do you have piercings? No, I have a stupid fear of holes and I don't like the idea of someone poking holes in me anyway. 37) Want any more? No sir. 38) Can you spell well? Yes, I've always been a good speller. 39) Do you miss anyone from your past? A ridiculous amount of people, all for different reasons. 40) What are you craving right now? Real understanding. 41) Ever been to a bonfire party? Nope. I wouldn't be much fun anyway; I've been a closet pyromaniac since my childhood, so I'd probably be staring at the fire the entire time. 42) Ever been swimming in a lake or river? I think I once swam in a lake as a kid, but I don't recall. 43) Have you ever been on a horse? No, I don't really like horses (which is ironic as my mum adores them). It's hilarious because I'm still obsessed with unicorns. No lie! 44) Kissed someone in a pick up truck? Oh man, you're cutting it dangerously close there, but no. 45) Have you ever broken someone's heart? I'm not aware of it, but judging by my stupid actions and terrible misjudgments, I probably have... and that breaks mine. 46) Are you happier single or in a relationship? In a relationship, as long as it's not physically-based. I don't like romantic/ fairytale/ touchy-feely relationships, but I can't help but platonically love a ton of people at all times. I need love in my life. 47) Have you ever been cheated on? Not that I know of, no. 48) Have you ever made a boyfriend or girlfriend cry? Get rid of those stereotypical words and replace them with one of the terms I use, and the answer is yes. Unintentionally, though, and for odd reasons, but it still hurts horribly. 49) Would you live with someone without marrying them? I don't know; that's a loaded question. I'm okay with family, although I like being alone, but I'm so cripplingly paranoid that I don't know if I could handle living alone (I'd probably spend 95% of my time out of the house). However, marriage is out of the question due to my religiosity, and my paranoia is actually worse when I'm in any sort of non-ignorant relationship with anyone. I guess I'm just scared of myself, though. 50) What should you be doing? Sleeping/ working on my online classes/ living a better life. 51) What's irritating you right now? The fact that I'm not physically androgynous. I'm telling you, this mirror in front of me is a source of great exasperation. Also, people who quote song lyrics in the Last.fm track shoutboxes. 52) Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts? All the time, kid. All the time. 53) Does somebody love you? I never thought I'd say so, but yes. It's stunning. 54) What is your favorite color? #DC1D1D is close. I also love black and white, green, and aqua. I can't stand earth tones (brown, yellow/ orange/ red in any combination) though. Don't know why. 55) Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle? I was forced to do so once as a kid; I wouldn't do so now if you paid me! 56) Do you have a best friend? Repeat question, and yes I have a few. 57) Do you have trust issues? That's a twisted one. I trust people far too much, but at the same time I am chronically paranoid. For example, you know my therapists? I trust them to the point where I'll tell them far too much for my own good, and yet I'm simultaneously waiting for them to stab me or something. 58) Do you sing in the shower? No, I vehemently loathe showers/ baths/ anything which involves removing clothes. I only sing in cars. 59) Have you ever shaved in the kitchen sink? No, that's just strange. 61) Are you secretly in love? Used to be, but only because I didn't realize it until several months after I was in it. Now I don't hide such things. 62) Do you think your ex secretly thinks about you? I don't have any exes, and it's no matter of mine whether or not they think of me. It's their choice. 63) Who was the last person you cried in front of? Don't recall, actually. I try not to cry unless it really means something. 64) Do you give out second chances too easily? You can say that. I simply don't hold grudges or anything like that. 65) Is it easier to forgive or forget? Forgive. My mind will forget everything except the things I want to forget. It's a proven fact. 66) Is this year the best year of your life? Not by a long shot, no. 67) What was your childhood nickname? Didn't have one. I was a lonely kid. 68) Have you ever walked outside completely naked? No, and I never plan to. 69) Do you think your a good person? In some aspects, mostly the 'non-personal' ones. In the personal aspects, meaning those that deal with my own self and my own actions, I am an absolute idiot. 70) Do you believe everything happens for a reason? Yes. 71) MIA? No, but In a few cases I'd like to be. 72) What is on your mind? Self-disgust, barely repressed terror, some sort of anger, and a lot of pain. 73) What is bothering you? At this exact moment? The facts that I am 1) out of shape, 2) still cursed with stereotypical expectations, 3) my lack of self control, 4) my laziness, 5) my habit of making promises I can't ever possibly keep, 5) the time. 74) Have you ever been out of state? A few times, but only within the USA (and in the states nearest to us). 75) Do you play Wii often? No, I'm not much of a frequent gamer. Too much work! I typically play Klonoa, Pokemon and NiGHTS on it, though. 76) Are you listening to music right now? Yes, I have my Last.fm library on radio. It's currently playing "Smile Like You Mean It" by The Killers. I've always loved this song, actually. 77) Do you like Chinese food? No, I don't like food much in general, and eating out is not a favorite pastime of mine. 78) Do you know your fathers b-day? Unfortunately, no. My family never made a fuss over it, but I know it's in either October or early November. 79) Are you afraid of the dark? Not typically, but if I'm in a potentially dangerous place and I can't see, then yeah I'm going to be afraid of the dark. 80) Is cheating ever okay? Not in any sense I'm aware of. 81) Are you mean? I have the potential to be mean (we all do), but I choose not to be. It goes against who I want to be, and who I am inside. 82) Can you keep white shoes clean? I wouldn't know; I only wear black shoes! 83) Have you noticed this survey stopped getting personal? No, I'm just answering the questions, and I forget what 99% of them were already. Fun stuff though. 84) Do you believe in true love? Yes, but I believe that it's also very rare and typically mislabeled. Lust is NEVER love, obsession/ infatuation isn't love, and in my opinion romance isn't love either. My definition of true love is rare, and I don't know if I really have it or not. I hope to God that I do, because it really feels like it sometimes. 85) Are you proud of the person you've become? Quite the opposite... I am sickened, saddened, furious, and almost entirely out of patience with the mistake I've become. 86) Do you want to change? More than anything else in the world. 87) Who was the last person to make you mad? Me. 89) Are you currently bored? No, I'm just somewhat empty. 90) Do you want to get married? No. Too many strings there. 91) Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? No, I personally find it 1) creepy, 2) disrespectful, 3) personally nauseating, 4) apt to get you punched in the teeth if I'm unhinged enough (which I hope to never be, honest). 92) Are you hungry? I rarely ever get hungry, but I'm chronically thirsty. Problem is, I eat so freaking much that I can barely ever choke any drinks down, so it's a very frustrating cycle. 93) Do you have a bank account? Yes I do. I wish I knew how to manage it better, though. I'll have to teach myself. 94) What makes you happy? Chaos Zero, Jewel Monsters, every single world in my head, talking on Skype, music in general, hanging out at the local Borders cafe, driving to/from class and pretending that I have no real destination, rainy days, photographs, and all this stuff, straight from my Youniverse profile: Sitting in coffeeshops all evening with a sketchbook, piano chords, walking in the rain, smiling at people I'll never know, pinstripe suits, cathedrals, fedoras, cyberpunk/ rave/ extremely unique outfits, outcasts, gemstones, saxophone solos, red hair and freckles, driving in the sunshine with the volume turned up high, jester hats, insects, graffiti and breakdancing, espionage novels, original character tournaments, superheroes with their hearts in the right place, monsters and mythical creatures, moonlit oceans, giant robots, Gimmelwald, typing too much, talking to my muse, old school sugary cartoons, creepy watercolor/ink paintings, glitter, wandering through the woods for hours, flying dreams, natural sunlight instead of lightbulbs, parallel universes, staying up until 3AM and listening to music, wandering through dreams, thinking about impossibilities until the room starts spinning, chaos theory, the butterfly effect, the starfish principle, streetlights, falling in love with girls in photographs, falling in love with monsters in video games, seeing the world through the eyes of a child, daring to believe in your imagination, and appreciating the little things in life. 95) Would you change your name? I've been planning to since my childhood, but I don't know what to change it to anymore. It feels like my 'real' name has been dirtied by my mistakes, but the name I was given at birth makes me sick. I'm still holding fast to Jewel Lightraye though, on the inside. 96) Ever been to Alaska? No, but I might go there one day. I'm a hopeless wanderer. 97) Are you paranoid? Extremely. I don't show it though, like many other things, and hence my skewed psychiatric test results. 98) Do you watch the news? Whenever I'm able to. I want to stay up-to-date on the world. 99) What is your zodiac sign? I'd rather not say; it makes me ill. I just pretend I don't have an age most of the time. 100) Do you like subway? No, I don't like eating out very much. Taking another one because I just want to stay in this little music bubble for a little while longer. Currently "nothing i ever imagined" by dead mellotron, in case you're wondering. The text changes every time I copy/paste something, amusingly enough... Are you saving money for anything? If so, what? I'm long-term saving for college, super-long-term saving for surgery, and short-term saving for this shirt and this shirt. (I'll probably snag 'em on Tuesday or something.) Is there anyone you would really like to see right now? Not right now, with how awful I feel-- plus I look like a vagabond, which I might very well be. Do you listen to Punk Goes Acoustic? Never heard of them, sorry. I am currently listening to Jeff Beck, though. Do you have any plans for this week? I have classes tomorrow, work Friday/Sunday, class Saturday and tons of artwork to finish in the meantime, so yes I'm busy. Do you have a Facebook account? I have one for the purposes of keeping in touch with my super-old acquaintances (think elementary school), but I rarely ever use it. What are you wearing? Red snowflake pajamas, strangely enough. I don't like pajamas (too loose!) and rarely wear them; I typically sleep in jeans and a t-shirt. But the red snowflake pajamas are my Sandman pajamas and therefore I will wear them, yessir. Do you like your family? I love them dearly but I don't like their attitudes. They hurt. Do you play guitar? If so, what type? I'm trying to learn acoustic, but I'm having trouble with it due to my awful memory and bad joints. Do you have a religion? I'm Roman Catholic, but there's corruption/ misinterpreted ideas/ etc. in every religion so you have to be careful. It's tough though. Are you currently in a relationship? Not in the sense you're thinking! I am in love with several amazing people, though, and 3 of them are on this lovely planet. Have you ever played the drums? No, but oh man I am dying to. I've always wanted to play drums for some weird reason. Do you know anyone in a band? My brother's guitar teacher is an extremely well-known artist in our area, and I was in the same graduating class as these kids, haha! (They're absolutely amazing, by the way.) I'd freaking love to be in a band myself, but unfortunately I'm a schizoid (and I'm not a fan of the fact that I have a feminine voice and therefore a higher range). People have never wanted to associate with me much anyway. I can hope though. How is your heart doing? I can't feel it much anymore... that is, unless it's killing me with inexplicable physical and/or emotional pain. What is the last thing you ate? Useless junk with sugar in it, so not only did Julie hack me (she always does, I don't know why I never learn) but I'm now physically sick as a result. What are you doing today? Seeing as it's 12:19 AM, I will be going to class at 10AM, finishing my health homework and therapy papers when I get home, coloring the rest of Virus 207, exercising and maybe drawing some TF2 stuff if the motivation hits me. I just wish that, for ONCE in my life, my family would let me keep my own schedule. Sour Patch Kids or Trolli Eggs? Neither; not only does sugar make me physically weak, dizzy, and nauseous, but sour candies give me migraine-like headaches. Do you know anyone who is pregnant? I actually have an extremely strong fear of that subject in general, so thank God no I don't know anyone. Do you listen to mainstream music? Sometimes, yes. I'm more into stuff like Erast, Midicronica, J-MACHine and Cousteau though. Do you ever drink energy drinks? No, unless Vitamin Water counts. Then yes, I drink that stuff (mainly this and this) like mad. Does your hair curl when it's humid? Used to, but since I cut it short it doesn't curl much anymore, thank goodness. I'm cutting it even shorter next month, even though my parents are no longer supportive of it, haha. Eh, but I'm still kind of dead. Oh well. Current song is "Broadway Alien" by 3, and I absolutely adore this song, so once it's over I guess I'll just get some sleep. Hope you're all doing okay. | ||||||||||
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Best thing to ever happen to the TF2 fandom, courtesy of www.tf2chan.net/fanart/res/1495.html : | ||||||
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June 22nd, 2009
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Just pulled a Johnny-nighter for the exact opposite reason than I usually do!
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June 13th, 2009
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| Yeah, just a random public update. This quiz is from deviantART. I'll probably take another one of D's quizzes later this week... Eh, felt like filling this out. FIRST REAL BEST FRIEND: Um... no idea. Although, the three best friends I've ever had are Jacob, Jimmy, and Ben. FIRST SCHOOL: Confidential, aha! FIRST CELL PHONE: A red one with dragon designs, way back in 2003 or so. I put Pokemon stickers on it. FIRST FUNERAL: I... it might have been Sister Symphrose's. I was 6 when she died. FIRST PET: Peaches, my miniature collie! Bless her, she was a lovely dog. FIRST BIG TRIP: My family took me on a huge trip out West when I was barely a year old. Don't remember it, but apparently I almost died at one point, haha. Unfortunate almost-accident. FIRST FIGHT: The only real fight I've ever had was with my bro, Viral, when I was in 3rd grade. Still regret it. FIRST CELEBRITY CRUSH: No one, unless you count cartoon characters! Then it's Nightcrawler from X-Men. FIRST TIME OUT OF THE COUNTRY: Canada. I'm still bent on visiting the UK and maybe Singapore. LAST PERSON HUGGED: My little brother, Excalibur! LAST CAR RIDE: This evening; I had work until 10PM. LAST TIME I CRIED: My eyes watered up earlier today. Pure heartache. LAST MOVIE I WATCHED: Wolverine, in theaters! LAST FOOD I ATE: Tofu? That or an orange. LAST ITEM BOUGHT: I bought 2 orange Vitamin waters at work, and an iTunes gift card last week. Still have $16 left. LAST SHIRT WORN: Black one with a copper-glitter Rorschach-test design (home)/ black one with a silver studded fleur de lis (work). LAST PHONE CALL: My dad, yesterday morning. LAST TEXT MESSAGE: I've never received one! LAST THING I TOUCHED: The keyboard and my Wacom tablet. I'm typing, geez! LAST FUNERAL: I think it was my cousin's.. LAST TIME AT THE MALL: About two months ago-- finally bought TF2 for my PC! Yeah! LAST TIME I WERE EXCITED FOR SOMETHING: When I found a gold mine of new Chaos Zero pics on dA today, haha. LAST PERSON I SAW: My mom, when she was in her room about 2 hours ago. LAST THING I DRANK: Orange vitamin water (the 30-cal a bottle kind). It's way too good. LAST PERSON WHO BROKE MY HEART: It was probably my own fault, with all my guilt... LAST TIME I WAS REALLY HONESTLY HAPPY: Taking everything into perspective... I'd say I haven't been honestly happy in years. LAST THING I DREW: Selph. Seriously, I'm coloring a quick sketch of him for secret reasons. [relationship status] Taken in several unusual ways. [parents still together] No. [siblings] Three younger brothers... and a little sister. [pets] 3 cats, a small army of ants, three crickets AND A TANK FULLA FISH FAVORITES... [color] Red, white, and black. I also like all the 'higher spectrum' colors (from green up). [number] 7, 36, 251, 0 [animal] Bats, pterodactyls, and praying mantises. LOVE THEM. [book] Catch-22. [flowers] Wisteria and lilacs. DO YOU... [have tattoos] Not yet, but I swear I'm getting at least 3. [cheat on tests] No. [like roller coasters] Used to as a kid, but now my stupid paranoia won over. [wish you could live somewhere else] In a sense. [clean] Yes sir! CURRENT: [hair] Reddish-brown, short layers. Getting it cut again this month. It's very comfortable short. [playing] Team Fortress and Half Life 2. YOU LIVE IN A VAN [rePlaying] Klonoa! [believe there is life on other planets] Wholeheartedly. [hate yourself] In a twisted sense. Wish I didn't. [collect anything] Used to collect SD Gundam figures (until they went out of production) and Pokemon items, then focused solely on Celebi. I also save the stickers off everything I buy and put them on my sketchbooks. [like your handwriting] Yep. LOVE... [first crush] Nightcrawler and Ryou Bakura, seriously. NC wasn't much, just a 'kid' thing, but Bakura... geez! [you believe in love at first sight] I believe it can definitely start there, but true love takes a heck of a lot of time. [you believe in "The One"] I don't really know. It's a weird question for souls like me, who love so many others. ARE YOU... [sarcastic] Not at all. That's not sarcasm, either! [shy] Not shy so much as being chronically unsure how to deal with people. If I knew, I'd be talking to everyone! [talkative] Around my brothers and friends, yes. Otherwise, not very much. WOULD YOU RATHER... [pierce your nose or belly button] Holes make me sick. No piercings for me. [be serious or funny] Serious. I love being funny, sure, but it only gets you so far. ABOUT YOU... [what time is it] 1:46 AM. [name] Jewel. WHAT DO YOU WANT... [where do you want to live] God only knows. [how many kids do you want] Zero, although I do love kids. [what kind of job do you want] Something that will allow me to reach out to the world. [just in general, what is it you want right now] Reconciliation, hope and an honest chance. IN THE PAST 24 HOURS HAVE YOU... [bought something] Yeah, my vitamin water and a song from iTunes. I think it was "Rosey" by Hoarsebox. [gotten sick] Yes, don't know from what though. [sang] Yes-- to Gabriella Cilmi, Efterklang, Midlake and Keane. [felt stupid] Yep. [missed someone] You have no idea... [gotten drunk] No. [gotten high] KRITZKREIG [danced crazy] Nope. [gotten your hair cut] No, wish I did though. It's in my EYES. [watched cartoons/Anime] Yeah, watched some Chouja Reideen. [lied to someone] No. IN THE LAST FEW DAYS WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON THAT... [slept in your bed] My grandmother and I. We've had to share a bed since I was born. [saw a movie with you] Haven't watched any movies in the past few days. HAVE YOU EVER... [been to California] No, but Rani lives out there. [Florida] Nope, but Daisy lives over there. [been to Europe] No, but I'd sure like to! [wished you were the opposite sex] Change that to 'neither' and the answer is YES. I just want to be me, not a label. HONESTLY... 1.[honestly, what color is your underwear] Don't know, doesn't matter. Probably red anyway. 2.[honestly, what's on your mind right now] Just Jeff Beck's guitar music. It helps. 3.[honestly, what are you doing right now] Trying to relax, and wishing I knew what I did wrong. 4.[honestly, do you think you are attractive] In rare cases. I could care less though. 5.[honestly, have you done something bad today] Unfortunately, yes.. 6.[honestly, do you watch Disney Channel] Not typically, but if there's something good on, then yes I'll watch it! 7.[honestly, are you jealous of someone right now] Nope. 8.[honestly, what makes you happy most of the time] Watching the rain while listening to music, cities, dreaming, feeling like the world is made of awesome... all sorts of stuff. 9.[honestly, do you bite your nails] No. 10.[honestly, what is your mood right now] Tired, in the emotional sense. 11.[honestly, what do you want to see at this very moment] "Listening now." 12.[honestly, do you have a deep dark secret] Yes. 13.[honestly, do you hate someone right now] No. 14.[honestly, are you satisfied with life] Not really. Not yet. 15.[honestly, do you like someone] Too much. 16.[honestly, does anyone like you] Yes, thank God. EVERYONES CONFESSIONS... [ ] I still watch cartoons on Saturdays. (the good cartoons went off air years ago) [ ] I eat Froot Loops [ ] I go trick or treating. (only because I can't eat candy!) [ ] I've taken a bubble bath in the last month [ ] I have water balloon fights with my friends [x] I still believe in Santa (the real one's out there somewhere!) [x] Mommy's still the coolest person ever [x] Sleep till noon (not on purpose; I'm just always tired nowadays) [ ] I still pass out little Valentines Day cards on Valentines Day. [ ] The boy/girl that sits next to me is cute [ ] I still drink apple juice [x] There are monsters under my bed (and I kiss 'em goodnight, too) [ ] I can't sleep with the lights off [ ] I can't sleep with the lights on [ ] I still like piggy back rides [ ] Boys/girls still have cooties Aw man, and I forgot to watch Craig Ferguson tonight. And he always cheers me up, too... darn. That's terribly upsetting for some reason. I'll have to watch the episode on Youtube tomorrow or something... Geez, I feel like a raindrop... good night. | ||||||||||
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![[mood icon]](http://www.scribbld.com/img/mood/aikaterina/sailer_moon_sprites/lonely.gif){kind=small}
detached.May 6th, 2009
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| You know what? Here's another quiz. I really enjoy these things. First Name: Jewel Middle Name: Wisteria Last Name: Lightraye Age: 19 Gender: Female, but I just ignore that and say 'nothing.' Eye color: Brown. Would like white contacts for fun. Hair color: Naturally dark brown, but I frequently dye it slightly red. Nicknames: J, Spinny, Spinzor, Cannon, Jam, cyberface Birthplace: That's a secret, kids! Birth date: May 1990 Time of day you were born: 6PM, I think. I was also 3 months premature. Height: 5'8" Shoe size: I have no idea and I don't really mind. Right or left handed: Right. Zodiac sign: Taurus. Job: Dream World Ambassador, haha. I'm also an artist/ writer/ musician/ idea bomb. Single or taken: Taken but open to anyone who needs me; always have been and always will be. Family Name and age of father? Starts with a J; 54 I think. Name and age of mother? Starts with an S; 51 Are your parents still together? No. Do you get along with your parents? I try extremely hard, and usually do, but I screw up a lot. Also my father is never around and my mother works most of the time. Which one is more strict? My mother. Names and ages of siblings? Viral: 17, Excalibur: 15, Ranndall: 15. All pseudonyms! Do you get along with your siblings? Extremely well. Pets? Four cats: Banshee, Sweetie, Taffy, and Delilah Samson Feathercake. Cutie (my little fluffball) and Patches have passed away, God bless 'em... Education What school do you go to? A local university. What grade are you in? Freshman. 13th, if you want to use numbers that way. Whats your GPA? No idea... but I hope to God it's good enough. Do you want to go to college? I'm in it, and I want to get my diploma come hell or high water. I need a future. If so, where? I'm very happy with my current campus, but I'm still undecided on my major... so I might eventually switch to some other university/ college/ what have you. No idea what or where, though. Are you... Good at reading people? Rarely. I'm too naive in that respect, which is why I frequently don't understand sarcasm. Too nice for your own good? Very, very often. Stubborn? When the thing I'm being stubborn about is important or vital, yes. Otherwise I'm surprisingly movable. Shallow? I hope not. A pansy? Not sure what that means. Arrogant? Oh heck no. Short? Nope. Freakishly tall? Nope. An atheist? No sir! Always mad? No, but I'm chronically upset with myself. Always happy? Not really, but I come extremely close! Lazy? Not that I know of. I honestly can't stand being lazy. Friendly? Oh man, I try to be, but I think I'm terrible at it... Strong? I do my absolute best. In love? Very much so. A health freak? Actually, yes. Loud? Yeah, I have a loud speaking voice. It's funny. Quiet? Ironically, yes! I only speak if spoken to, unless I'm talking to Selph or mindlessly rambling. Intelligent? Many people say I am, but I personally don't think so. Empathetic? God knows I try my absolute hardest to be. I do have some strong natural empathy, though. Talkative? If I know what I'm talking about yes! Outgoing? I can be to an extent. I surprise myself sometimes. Organized? Look at my work station, dear. It's a mess. I like to be organized though. A vegetarian? No, I eat like a real man, haha! Seriously, though, I could live as a vegetarian if I had to. Forgetful? All the... wait, what was I saying? A nerd? A little bit, but not much. I'm too mentally frantic to be one. Lactose intolerant? Yeah; it runs in my family. Athletic? Not too much, as I have arthritis and don't often breathe right, but I do what I can. I work out a lot. A pain in the ass? To several people, I've been told.. Ticklish? Yes, but it also makes me panicky, as I'm very nervous about being touched. Favorites Color? Red, black, white, green, aqua, orange. I love all colors, though. Movie? Metropolis-- the Osamu Tezuka version. It's the only movie I can remember, and it's gorgeous. TV show? I don't watch much TV, but I do enjoy Trigun, Futurama, and the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (yes I often am up that late) when I'm able to watch them. Animal? Bats, cats, chameleons, hummingbirds, stuff like that. I also love bugs (mantises!) and fish, but all animals (and the like) are awesome. Food? Currently: tofu, oranges, and Wasa crackers. I'm getting sick from a lot of other foods. Drink? Water, tea, orange Vitamin Water. Car? Doesn't matter, unless I'm driving-- then I need something to accommodate my horrible back. Day of the week? Saturday is good, but I also like Mondays. Season? Spring for the newness and green of it, Summer for the rain and the life of it, Autumn for the smell and the color of it, Winter for the feel and magic of it. Song? http://www.last.fm/user/spinningca Sport? Basketball. Radio station? The local college radio channel, because they seriously rock. I've been a fan of theirs for years. Restaurant? I don't typically eat out. Holiday? Christmas. It's full of love and redemption and sparkles. Book? "Catch-22," "The Green Mile" Flower? Everything, but I love wisteria and lilacs, as well as any 'climbing' flowers. TV channel? Sci-fi, Cartoon Network, and Comedy Central? I'm not much of a TV person. I also watch several 'criminal mystery' shows whenever I find one on, but that's few and far between. Number? 7, 0, 36, 251, 9 Type of music? Virtually everything, but I have one rule-- if the song doesn't feel like it has some sort of 'soul' written into it... I can't listen to it. It just doesn't catch me. Candy? I don't like candy. I'll sometimes look for sweet stuff, though, but that passes quickly. Scent? Rain, forests (just the smell of trees and all that), autumn, foggy mornings, plushies, spring air... mostly outside stuff. Letter? J, Q, X, R, S, K, I, Z. Ice cream flavor? Teaberry! Toothpaste? Pepsodent, but only the kind in a blue tube. Band? Most of my favorite artists aren't bands. Comic strip? The Far Side/ Brevity/ Mother Goose and Grimm/ Get Fuzzy/ Rose is Rose/ Non Sequitur... I love comics, I really do. Arcade game? Cyber Troopers! DDR is always a blast, too. Type of cheese? I'm actually not a fan of cheese. Salad dressing? Nothing, typically... but if I have to I'll just use vinegar and olive oil. Cereal? Can't eat cereal; it gets me extremely sick for some reason. Fruit? All kinds, but I'm extremely partial to oranges, apples, watermelon and blackberries. Vegetable? Tomatoes and carrots. Berry? Blackberries for the win. Actor? I quite admire the work of Nicolas Cage, Russell Crowe, and Jackie Earle Haley, even though I haven't watched many movies. Actress? Don't have a real favorite, actually. Keira Knightley is very cool, though. Month? I like all months. House color? Aqua green. Boys name? In general? Sean, Lucius, Giovanni, Xenophon, James, Angelo, etc. Girls name? Aw man, I'd be too partial with this question... still, I like Alexandria, Lephise, Rika, Tiffany, Lita, Lauren, Audra, Vontricia, Crystal, etc.! Board game? LIFE is fun from what I remember. I also used to have some sort of 'unicorn' board game when I was little... that thing was surprisingly awesome. I miss playing board games. Computer game? Starcraft and TF2! Breakfast food? At the moment? Tofu. Seriously. Soda? I've never had soda and don't plan to. Picayune would kill me if she knew. Subject in school? I enjoy Psychology, Religion, and Philosophy the most, but when I can understand Math and Programming, I absolutely love 'em. I've had bad teachers in the past though. Kind of pet? I like cats, but I don't know how good I'd be with taking care of pets all the time. Vacation spot? My backyard. Have you seen it? Then you understand! Genre of movies? Anything that will move me. Shape? Hearts and stars in combination only. Personal thing. Otherwise I like triangles and circles (not holes!). Lunch meat? No thank you; too salty. Ocean? I love all of 'em. Fairy tale? I don't know... I don't remember. I'll have to look some up. Sports team? None, don't pay attention to that. I don't dislike sports, though. Planet? Jupiter! Tree? Weeping willows and all flowering trees. Comedian? None specifically, but I enjoy watching all comedians as long as they're truly funny and not dirty. If Craig Ferguson counts, put him down. Soap opera? My grandmother watches a few, but I don't really enjoy them when I see them. Too much junk in 'em. Game show? I don't watch game shows. Fast food restaurant? None, they make me very sick. Juice? I don't drink juice; too sweet! Ninja turtle? Would you believe I never watched that show? Wish I did, though! I was a pretty 'enclosed' child. Grade you were in? SIXTH GRADE WAS DA BOMB. Also 11th, as I had the coolest Chemistry teacher ever. Thing about the opposite sex? Nothing; I don't think about the opposite sex in that way. Book gone movie? Lord of the Rings? I don't know; I haven't seen many. Meal of the day? Breakfast, because I have control over that. Otherwise, I like my late-evening coffee breaks. Card game? I don't play cards nowadays. Musical instrument? Piano, saxophone, cello, drums, and harp are my personal faves. Do you like... Cooking? Yes, actually. School? Yes, it gets me out of the house and I love learning. Doing chores? Yeah, keeps me occupied and I like helping. Your job? Yes... once again, keeps me busy, and I have the best co-workers ever. Children? Eh, kind of. I love the way their imaginations/ world views work, but they can be so cruel too... and it scares me to think of how much very young kids don't know. For some reason, ignorance terrifies me. Animals? Yes, they're awesome in their own right. Who you are? Difficult question. I like the things I can do if I try, and I love what I'm able to see and understand, but... I cannot stand the mistakes and bad choices I make, because I've seriously hurt people. I have a very twisted self-identity. Cheese? Not really, never did, but I'll eat it. Football? Not for watching or playing, but I admire the strategy and strength in sports. Baked goods? Eh, no. Too sweet and/or oily... they never agree with me. Black jelly beans? No candy for me. Soda? Nope. Coffee? I like skim-milk lattes from Borders and that's it. Even those are too sweet for me if I'm not careful. Loud music? No, I treasure my sense of hearing and loud music hurts. Baseball? Ditto the football comment. Bowling? It's kind of fun, but it's not productive so I wouldn't choose to go out and do it. Croquet? Used to play it as a kid, but I find it a little tedious. Do you have... A DVD player? My godmother once bought me one, but I gave it to my mum. MP3 player or iPod? I have a Zune, and although it's a nerve-wracking bugger at times, I like it very much. Cell phone? Yes, but I only use it in emergencies. Your own room? No, never did. Car? No, I use the family car. AIM? Yes, usually only use it for talking business with darkjester-reala. MSN? Yes, rarely use it unless Ben/ Dark-Velox/ Ayame/ Shubby/ Anna are on. YIM? Yes, almost never use it. I'm sorry; I don't have the time! Asthma? No, thankfully. Any kind of STD? No, thank God, and I guarantee you I never will. Any regrets? Too many. Have you ever... Sat on your rooftop? No, unfortunately there's no way up there. I'd love to, though. Kissed someone in the rain? No. Laughed so hard you cried? Yes, many times! Peed your pants after age 8? Geez, I wouldn't remember. Gone out of your way to befriend someone? All the time. Gone roller skating since 8th grade? I think I've only roller-skated once, when I was 7. Been in love? Yes, perpetually. Drank alcohol? I tried it once, but the idea of it scared me so no more. Smoked? Nope. Had sex? No. Been to a concert? Yes--- Cher, David Bowie, Yanni, and EW&F. Been out of the state? Yes, but only to Canada or New York or places like that. Been out of the country? No, but I want to one day. Toilet papered someones house? No, that's not something I'd want to do! Been tickled so bad that you cried? I think maybe as a kid I was. Gone camping? Nope. Had a crush on your brothers/sisters friend? Nope, I'm not a 'crush' kind of person. Worn clothes your parents didnt approve of? Yeah... chest binders. Been called a whore/slut? Too many times. Wanted to be in the Olympics? Yeah, but only to be able to say 'I'm good enough to be here!' Cried during a movie? Yep, 'Crash' and 'Metropolis.' Shoplifted? No. Gotten seasick? A little, but not much. Been embarrassed by someone in your family? Yes... my father when he drinks, my grandmother when she gossips like crazy, and my mother when she doesn't know when to stop talking (and loudly). Felt bad about eating meat? A few times, yeah. Screamed in a library? No, I'm not that sort of person. Wished a part of you was different? All the time. Been sunburned so bad you blistered? I have no idea. I don't think so. Kicked a guy in the nuts? No! Thrown up in a public place? No. Been on TV? Nope. Went to school/work drunk? Nope. Been paid to date someone? No, that's kind of sickening to me. Been strip searched? No, thank God, I think I'd break someone's arm if they tried. Been on an airplane? No, wish I have. Been on a cruise? No. Thrown your shoe at someone? No. Sang in the shower? As a kid I used to sing 'Moonraker' whenever I dried my hair, but I hate baths for weird reasons so I just hurry out of them. Been walked in on while you were dressing? Yes, by my mother and grandmother. Been walked in on while you were showering? Almost, but no. Had detention? No, thank goodness. Pretended you were scared so you could cuddle with someone? No, I'm not like that. Dyed your hair? Yes. I've also considered both bleaching it white and shaving it all off. Crazy! Done drugs? No. Eaten sushi? Yes. Been to Africa? No. Maybe one day. Been in a car accident? I was in a minor bus accident, but that's it. Been slapped? Yes, but mostly by myself. Slapped someone? Not that I know of. Been suspended from school? No. Been fired from a job? No. Gotten a tattoo? No, but I plan to one day get at least three. Dated someone younger than you? I don't date, but I do love some people younger than me. Dated someone older than you? Ditto the above! Had surgery? Yes, wisdom teeth removal. I want some extreme surgery done, though. Slept outdoors? No, but I'd like to and have considered it lately for some reason. Talked on the phone all night? I used to be on Skype for all hours of the morning... I miss that. Slept with someone of the opposite sex without actually having sex? No, too paranoid. Slept all day? No, I can't stand losing days like that. Broken the law? No. Had a dream that kept coming back? Yes, the one where I'd walk through my bathroom wall, end up in an airport, walk through a door and end up in my elementary school, and then get run over by a train. Licked a 9 volt battery? No, that's kind of weird. Been in a beauty pageant? Twice-- once as a kid and once about 2 years ago-- both times because my mother pushed me into them. Ordered from an infomercial? No, but they're darn persuasive! Ran into a wall? Yes, and then I said 'excuse me!' Fallen asleep in a movie theater? No, but I spend most of my 'movie time' in my own head anyway. Climbed a tree? Yes, as a kid. I want to find some more climbable trees! Been to Disney World? No, never wanted to. Spun around until you were immensely dizzy? Oh gosh, as a kid that was one of my favorite pastimes, haha. Explains a lot! Seen a dead body? In coffins, yeah. I also saw a dead rabbit with it's spine torn out, which was horribly disturbing. Caught a fish? Yes sir! Hurt someone you love? Unintentionally... Seen the movie "Donnie Darko"? No, and I'm dying to! I can't find it anywhere local though. Cried at a wedding? No, I get all panicky at weddings, which is sad. Ridden in an ambulance? No. Hitch-hiked? No. I will admit I've considered it though. Gone on a road trip with your friends? No, but I wouldn't mind! Stayed online for more than 10 hours straight? During my Johnny-nighters, I might have. Been in a play? Only Christmas plays as a kid, and I loved those things. Been attacked by seagulls? No, but that would be strangely unnerving. Had a deer jump in front of your car? No, thank goodness. Used the bathroom in front of a friend? Nope. Played a kazoo? Yes, they're ridiculously amusing. Been attacked by ladybugs? Yes! Once, when I was 12, I counted about 300 of 'em on our front door alone. Smashed a guitar or any other type of instrument? No, I love instruments too much. Scuba dived? No, but I want to one day. Saved someones life? Yes... Eaten calamari? Yes, but then I felt amusingly terrible because that was in 2006, haha! Played lacrosse? Nope. Slept over at someone of the opposite sexs house? Nope. Had someone of the opposite sex sleep over at your house? No. Dated two people at the same time? I don't 'date,' but I am 'polyamorous.' I just love so many people. Played a full game of Monopoly? Yes. Been in a relationship that lasted more than a year? Aha, many of them! Seen a shooting star? Yes, once. Laughed and had some kind of beverage come out of your nose? Yes! Bitten someone? Yeah. Me. Been in a taxi? I think once, in New York. Had your head dunked into a toilet? Nope. Kids at school didn't even acknowledge me. Fallen down a flight of stairs? Yes, several times. Found money on the ground? Yes. Been to prom? No, and that still shocks people for some reason. Said you loved someone and didnt mean it? Oh no, I try not to lie about anything, and I'd NEVER lie about that. Jumped into a pile of leaves? Yes! Made a snow angel? Yes. Eaten anything gross for money? Nope, won't risk my health. Been on a game show? No. Had strawberry applesauce? Yes, but applesauce tends to burn my mouth for some reason. Eaten something so gross it made you gag? Yes. Ridden a camel? No. Jumped on a trampoline? Yes, they're fun. Eaten cottage cheese? Yes, it's good but it makes me sick! Gone streaking? Heck no. Touched a tarantula? No, but they're cool, so I might if I was sure it wouldn't bite me or anything. Spent more than five hours trying to win on a video game? K-L-O-N-O-A! Eaten dog food? No. Can you... Write with both hands? No, because my pen grip is screwy. Wish I could, though. Whistle? Yes. Cross your eyes? Yep. Touch your tongue to your nose? No, but I once knew a kid who could! Dance well? No, I'm not good at dancing! I will admit I wish I could dance, though. (Breakdance, too!) Gleek? What the fish is that? Stay up a whole night without sleep? Yes and I don't like that, because not only does it drain me but then I've lost a dream. Make a card pyramid? Yep! Cook anything? Yes, but my memory is awful so I forget how soon after. Unwrap a starburst with your tongue? People have actually learned how to do that? Geez. Open your eyes underwater? Yes, but I wear goggles. Need to protect my sight. Walk in high heels? No, I loathe those things. Multitask? Yes but not very well! Taste the difference between Pepsi and Coke? Not a soda-drinker. Sing well? Pretty well. I highly admire people who can sing. Play an instrument? Yep, piano and violin! Walk with your toes curled? I've done it. Drive? Yes! Stick your fist in your mouth? I've done it once as a kid, seriously. Roll your tongue? Yeah. Sing the alphabet backwards? If I try, yes, but not offhand. Moonwalk? No, unfortunately. Ice skate? Nope. Sleep with the lights on? M'dear, I'll fall asleep in a crowded cafeteria if I'm tired. Fall asleep in the car? Yes. Type correctly? Correct hand position, you mean? Nope. I use three-four fingers and that's it. I'm slowly learning how to type somewhat correctly, though. Kiss your elbow? Nope. Swim? Yes. Do the worm? Nope. Milk a cow? No, wouldn't want to try. Name all of the former U.S. presidents? No, but I once had a classmate who could. He was awesome. Do a back flip? No, seriously wish I could. Move your ears? Nope. Raise one eyebrow? Yes. Belch voluntarily? Ahaha, if I try! Pat your head and rub your stomach in a circle at the same time? Yes, I don't see why that's so hard. Make a clover leaf with your tongue? Holy heck no. Last person... To tell you they love you? Seriously? Jacob. You hugged? My mom! She has awesome hugs; I swear she radiates energy. To write you a note? Jacob, but only because I just got one in the mail (I need to send him one too). Otherwise, Ben sent me a note this afternoon. To call your cell phone? No one, actually. I've only used it for outgoing calls. To buy you something? My mom bought me a Pinstripe (my Gen) hat for my birthday! You went to the movies with? My family, a while back. To text message you? I've never received a text message. To IM you? Um... maybe Dark-Velox. I don't recall. You called? My dad, but he wasn't home... To come to your house? Jacob, once again! I'd like to visit his house one day. To help you fix something? My brother Blase helped me with our insane new printer. It needs a name. Who drove you somewhere? My mom drove me around on college errands today because my meds are giving me some horrid side effects and I couldn't even walk straight, let alone drive. Last... Movie you watched? Watchmen. Song you sang? Some random song I composed spontaneously yesterday. I was just having fun with my piano. Drink you had? Water. Speaking of, let me go get some. Number you dialed? My dad's phone. Book you read? In the middle of reading 'A Clockwork Orange.' Food you ate? Chicken and some random stuff in the kitchen... not sure why. I think I went to get a drink and forgot. Store you went to? K-Mart, to buy a dress jacket. Time you swam in a pool? AGES ago... too paranoid of swimsuits now. CD you bought? 'Viva la Vida' (the Prospekt's March edition) by Coldplay. Shout-out to Dori there. Movie you saw in theaters? Watchmen. I cried. Time you showered? I don't shower unless I'm in a hotel. Concert you went to? Oh geez, I don't recall. I think it was Bowie, about two years ago. That was awesome. Nightmare you had? I'd rather not talk about it. Car ride? Today, all over the place for about 7 hours. Time you took a pill? This morning. Time you went to the grocery store? Sunday, because I work at one. Time you had a snow day? November? I only had one snow day. Vacation you went on? Haven't been on vacation in ages. Time you dressed up for Halloween? 2007, maybe... I was a harlequin. I want to dress up as this character this year for awesome reasons. This or That Dog or cat? Cat. Pepsi or Coke? Neither. Chocolate or vanilla? Vanilla. Flowers or candy? Flowers. TV or movie? Movie. Bracelet or necklace? Necklace. Gold or silver? Silver. Pen or pencil? Pencil. McDonalds or Burger King? Neither. Hot tea or iced tea? Hot tea. Water or milk? Water. Coffee or hot chocolate? Coffee. Scary movies or romantic comedies? Both? Love or money? Love. Croutons or bacon bits? Croutons. Ford or Chevy? No preference. Morning or night? Both. Chips or popcorn? Neither. Orange juice or apple juice? Orange. Sprite or 7-up? Neither. Being a millionaire or finding true love? Millionaire; I already have the second. Colored pencils or markers? Both! Button or zipper? They're both cool. That 70s Show or Simpsons? Neither. Bart or Lisa? Neither; don't watch the Simpsons. Waffles or pancakes? Waffles, which are what you must always eat after staying up late and swapping manly stories. Strawberries or blueberries? Both. Cake or pie? Neither, I get sick from both. French fries or onion rings? Neither. Hamburger or hot dog? Hamburger. Pepperoni or sausage? Neither. Egypt or France? Both, they both have awesome qualities. Baths or showers? No preference. Crunchy or creamy peanut butter? Crunchy. Books or movies? Both. MTV or VH1? Neither. 1% or 2% milk? I don't typically drink milk. I'm like Edward Elric. Walmart or Target? No preference. Tape or glue? Tape. Writing or typing? Both. Halloween or Christmas? Christmas. Fear Factor or the O.C.? Neither. Disney Channel or the N? Neither. Sit down restaurant or fast food? Sit down. Rugrats or Doug? Doug. Sweet or sour? Neither, they both give me headaches. English or history? English. Science or math? Both! Couch or bed? Both. I like sleeping on couches for some reason. Cough or sneeze? Neither? Jump or skip? Jump. AC/DC or Guns N Roses? Guns N' Roses! The Princess Bride or Robin Hood Men In Tights? Never saw the second; don't recall the first. Baseball or basketball? Basketball. Volleyball or football? Neither. Musicals or ballets? Musicals. The Ring or The Grudge? Neither. Sunrise or sunset? Both. I'm partial to sunsets though. Swings or seesaw? Swings. Phone calls or text messages? Neither. Bowling or mini golf? Neither. Snow or rain? Rain, but I love both. Pants or shorts? Pants. Winter break or Spring break? Winter. Tree or flower? Both. Ketchup or mustard? Ketchup, but it burns which isn't good. Water or Gatorade? Water, unless it's bottled. Then it's Gatorade. History or geography? History. Geometry or algebra? Both. Chinese or Mexican food? Neither. Red or orange? Red, but it's really a tie! Yellow or green? Green. Indigo or violet? Both. Fall or summer? Summer. Winter or spring? Both! Fido or Fluffy? Feathercake. Roses or daffodils? Both. Green Day or Fall Out Boy? Um... can't say I've really heard much of either band. The Goo Goo Dolls or 3 Doors Down? Ditto the above. Knife or spork? Knife. Carpet or wood? Wood. Johnny Depp or Orlando Bloom? Johnny Depp, because I've read some of his interviews and he is an awesome guy. Pringles or Doritos? Neither. Vampire or mermaid? Mermaid. Comedy or drama? Comedic drama? Dramatic comedy? Shrimp or crab? Both. VHS or DVD? Both, but DVDs do have better quality. Revenge or forgiveness? Forgiveness. Always, always forgiveness. Being liked or being respected? Both, although respect is tops, it hurts too much when people dislike others. Dr. Pepper or Mr. Pibb? Neither. Peaches or pears? Both, unless I'm Castor Troy. Zing! Pink or blue? Both, but pink sadly does get labeled as 'girly.' Yummy or delicious? Is there that much of a difference? Horse or cow? Horses. Now-and-Later or Laffy Taffy? Neither. Car or truck? Car. Long sleeves or short sleeves? No preference, but bonus points if it's both! Slipknot or Nickelback? Ditto the other band questions. Sublime or The Used? What I just said. Chicken or beef? Chicken. Brad Pitt or Vince Vaughn? No preference. Jennifer Anniston or Angelina Jolie? No preference. Jay Leno or David Letterman? Haven't seen either. Dr. Phil or Oprah? No preference. Diamonds or pearls? Either; I'm just a gemstone addict, if the name wasn't a big enough hint! Desperate Housewives or Greys Anatomy? Neither. In the man/woman of your dreams... Eye color? Green, blue, brown, purple, gold, grey, white, red... no preference! Short hair or long hair? I'm extremely partial to short hair, but I like both. Tall or short? No matter, although a ridiculous difference would be rather awkward. Looks or personality? Personality. I'm not going to judge anyone; looks are highly deceiving and they always, always fade. Hot or cute? Neither. This is my definition of hot; this is my definition of cute. BUT I cannot deny that this guy is just freaking adorable. Older or younger? Either. Right now I'm going 3 years younger and... let's not even bring Chaos into this. Outgoing or shy? A bit of both. No crazy party addicts, but please don't sit around like a mouse all day either. Tattoos? I don't mind, as long as they're not risque or ridiculous. Funny or serious? Both, but bonus points for clean humor and deep seriousness. Party hopper or more stay-at-home? Stay-at-home. Play sports? I won't mind. Play an instrument? It's preferred but not needed. Clean or messy? Once again, no preference but please don't be extreme either way. Curly hair or straight hair? Either. Complex or simple? Complex with the ability to be simple. Laugh loudly or chuckle quietly? Both! T-shirts or tank tops? T-shirts, I don't like seeing skin on anyone. Personal bug. Holding hands or arm in arm? Either, but I might get a bit nervous. I only really like things like hugs, because they somehow feel safer than smaller kinds of contact, which tend to make me panic. Bake you a cake or make you dinner? Neither; I'm not a food person at all. (Geez, man, if I love someone I'm not going to pick them apart! Don't worry!) Do you believe in... Santa Claus? I believe there probably was a guy once. God? Yes. The Easter Bunny? You never know, haha! Magic? Kind of. True love? Yes. Heaven? Yes, but I'll admit I've practically gone mad trying to think about it. Hell? Yes, and ditto the above... Love at first sight? Not at first sight, but I believe it can sure start there. The Tooth Fairy? Not really, but I can't help but wonder about everything. Karma? Yes. Life on other planets? Oh heck yes. I've said it before: the Fermi Paradox has been known to drive me to tears. Evolution? Yes, but with a religious twist, haha. Fate? Yes. Miracles? Yes. Ghosts? Yes. True, selfless happiness? Oh yes. Selflessness in general? Yes! Reincarnation? Not typically, but I think it may be possible. Luck? Not really. Astrology? No. Devil? Yes. I've seen things, I've felt things.. Second chances? Always. Future Dream job? Something, anything that will let me share my worlds with the world. Do you want to have kids? No. If so, how many? Zero. Not a pun. Do you want to get married? No, for various reasons. Country you want to visit? Britain, Switzerland, Hong Kong, Germany, Egypt... I want to see as much as I can. Where do you want to live? Any world that I'm welcome to! What kind of car do you want to drive? No preference, as long as it's safe and efficient. Whats something youre looking forward to? Finally making a major difference in the world. I will do it. Would you ever be... A fireman? No, but it's an admirable job. Policeman? No. Doctor? No, too paranoid. Writer? Not just a writer, but I need my words. Artist? Ditto the above; it's the only way I can show what I see. Musician? Once again, ditto the above. Too many ideas. Interior designer? No. Soldier? No. President? No, haha! Pilot? No. Mortician? No. Forensic scientist? No. Lawyer? No. Store clerk? No. Banker? No. Professional wrestler? No. Rapper? Ahaha, it would be amusing, but no. Country singer? No. Pop star? No. Actor? I've thought about it but don't think it would work. Bartender? No. Dentist? No. Teacher? No. (And then I wonder why I have problems with school...) Do you know anyone named... Sarah? No. Tony? No. Mark? Used to, in kindergarten! Stephanie? Yes, two of 'em from elementary school. One was a friend for a while, and the other actually shows up at my workplace now and then. Amanda? Yes, another elementary classmate. Samantha? Yes: my co-worker, and this girl in my high school who wanted to work on Broadway. She was a wonderful girl; I hope she makes it there. Amy? I do, but I forget who. Matthew? Used to, from elementary school. That kid was brilliant! Jennifer? Yes, but only upstairs! Jamie? Yes, a girl in my high school. She tried too hard to be a 'boy magnet,' though, poor kid... Zachary? No. Megan? No. Brad? No. Brian? Used to, elementary school. Gabe? No. Steve? Two of 'em in elementary school; both great kids. Michelle? No. Nikki? No. Erica? No. Phil? No. Carrie? No. Ron? No. Christie? No. Rick? Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna tell a lie and hurt you! ...You know, when you really think about it, that song has some pretty great lyrics. Now to sleep. Have a great night, kids. | ||||||||||
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Amazing.April 23rd, 2009
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| More music for the heck of it. 51 "Ao no Ether" (Megumi Nakajima) ... 52 "The King" (Hard-Fi) ... 53 "Doctor Wu" (Steely Dan) ... 54 "Mister Blue Sky" (Electric Light Orchestra) This song should NOT be #54, but at least it's on the list! Honestly, as a kid, this was my all-time favorite song, hands down. It's still in my top 5 to this day. Also, to quote a fellow listener on last.fm-- this song "nullifies road rage." Heck, it nullifies any and every bad mood, ever. Lastly, this song inspired the creation of dark-velox's character of the same name, which gives ELO a huge amount of bonus points. 55 "Bluebird" (Electric Light Orchestra) ... 56 "Move On Now" (Hard-Fi) ... 57 "All Star" (Smash Mouth) "Somebody once told me the world was gonna roll me, I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed!" Put quite simply, this song is not only freaking awesome and feel-good, but it was the second track on the metaphoric OST of my childhood (Bluesky was #1!). Seriously. As a result, I love it. 58 "Allegro ma non tanto" (Sergei Rachmaninoff) You heard me, Rachmaninoff is on this list. Get the song, listen from 3:54 to 6:27, and tell me that's not absolutely gorgeous. You can't. Bonus trivia, I had this song on loop for hours as I was coloring/ drawing the last three Puremaren. It's that good. 59 "Face To Face" (Daft Punk) ... 60 "Love of the Loveless" (The Eels) ... 61 "Peace and Tranquility" (ABC) ... 62 "The Moment I Said It" (Imogen Heap) ... 63 "Oracion" (Shinji Miyazaki) Probably the most easily understandable reason why I will always love Pokemon. This song is 3 minutes of pure beauty. 64 "The Whole New World" (Phantasy Star Online) I have dubbed this song my musical drug, as I literally get shivers every time i listen to it. I first heard it in 2004 (shortly after I was introduced to NiGHTS), and it literally blew me away. I thought it was one of the most beautiful songs I'd ever heard-- I once played it on loop for about 3 hours on a car trip, nowhere to lie. The orchestration is gorgeous, and it's deservingly one of my all-time favorite songs. 65 "SONIC DRIVE!" (Sonic X) Classic. 66 "Surrender" (Billy Talent) ... 67 "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" (Kenny G) ... 68 "Pokemon World" (Youngstown) Yeah. I still love this song. 69 "Amrita" (Yui Makino) ... 70 "Hide In Your Shell" (Supertramp) ... 71 "When We Reach You ~ Could It Be Right?" (Sonic CD) Honestly, I love this song. 72 "Jojoushi" (L'Arc~En~Ciel) The melody is perfect, it really is... but the lyrics hurt. Doesn't mean it's not beautiful, though. 73 "Mezase Pokemon Master" (Rica Matsumoto) ... 74 "Singin' In The Rain" (Mint Royale) ... 75 "Love At First Sight" (Kylie Minogue) ... Until next time. | ||||||||
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burnt out.April 21st, 2009
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| Stole this from HOMOTIME on dA. (Yes, I'll start posting actual entries again soon... although that breaks my heart. You know why.) YOUR BOY SIDE: [x] you love hoodies [x] you love jeans (not blue ones, though.) [ ] dogs are better than cats [ ] it's hilarious when people get hurt and fall [x] you've played with/against boys on a team [x] shopping is torture [ ] sad movies suck [x] you own a XBOX [x] you played with Hot Wheels as a little kid [ ] at some point in life you wanted to be a firefighter [x] you owned a DS PS2 or Sega [x] you used to be obsessed with Power Rangers [ ] you watch sports on TV [x] gory movies are cool (that depends, but I loved Alien so I can't talk) [x] you used to go to your dad for advice [ ] you have at least 1 trophy of a sport [x] You used to play Yu-Gi-Oh (HECK YES) [ ] baggy sweat pants are nice to wear [x] it's kind of weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people [x] green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors [x] you love to go crazy and not care what other people think [x] sports are fun [ ] you sometimes talk with food in your mouth [x] you sleep at night with your socks on [x] you have fished at least once TOTAL= 17 YOUR GIRL SIDE [ ] you like to shop [ ] you wear eyeliner [ ] you wear the color pink [x] you go to your mom for advice [ ] you consider cheerleading a sport [ ] you hate wearing all black [x] you like going to the mall [ ] you like getting manicures and/or pedicures [ ] you like wearing jewelery [ ] you cried watching The Notebook [ ] skirts are a big part of your wardrobe [ ] shopping is one of your favorite hobbies [ ] you don't like the movie Star Wars [ ] you are/were in gymnastics [ ] it takes you around one hour to shower and get dressed [x] you smile a lot more than you should [ ] you have more than 10 pairs of shoes [x] you care about what you look like majority of the time [ ] you like wearing dresses [x] you like wearing body spray/deoderant [ ] you like high heel shoes [x] you used to play with dolls as a kid (They'd hang out with my dragon figures) [ ] you like putting makeup on others [x] you like being the star of almost everything (I only want to feel purposeful.) Total= 7 That's... kind of funny. NOW FOR MUSIC! 26 "The Color of Jade" (Uyama Hiroto) ... 27 "Shoot Me Down" (Boy Kill Boy) ... 28 "Love of The Common Man" (Todd Rundgren) ... 29 "Know Thyself!" (SEGA) My muse's theme song. 30 "Can't Smile Without You" (Barry Manilow) ... 31 "Xenon" (Tomoyuki Uchida) ... 32 "Celebi's Revival" (Pokemon) ... 33 "Ink" (Cubbiebear) This song is pretty much the story of my life. 34 "Difficult To Say" (Eriko Imura) ... 35 "Emily's Smile" (Commix) ... 36 "Someday" (Nickelback) ... 37 "All These Things That I've Done" (The Killers) ... 38 "This River Is Wild" (The Killers) ... 39 "The World We Live In" (The Killers) ... 40 "You Only Live Twice" (John Barry) Yes, this is a James Bond ending theme, but it's lovely. 41 "I'm Shakin'" (Rooney) This song has quite a fun history. 42 "Brothers Forever..." (Jimmy Theed) ... 43 "Almost Forgot Myself" (The Doves) ... 44 "Micro Cuts" (Muse) I absolutely adore Matthew Bellamy's falsetto--it's absolutely brilliant-- and this song shows it off better than anything. This song shivers with a crazy energy and haunts you for hours... but it also has some amazing (and very personally symbolic) lyrics: "I've seen what you're doing to me; destroying puppet strings to our souls!" 45 "Chip Off The Block" (Ima Robot) This song really resonates with me. I find it terribly sad, but it also makes me think. "Your life's a waste like mine, I know you don't care at all. But what if right before the end we quit? Now why don't we just stop before we die?" I don't know what else I could say about it, but it means a lot to me. I first found this song on 052508, literally while I was writing a very stressed-out IJ entry. It's not only fantastically energetic and catchy, but the lyrics are freaking brilliant... "A line around gravity, spiritual individual, corrosion and humanity-- the mathematics of love and the science of sanity!" It's one of those songs I never get tired of.46 "12=3" (Ima Robot) 47 "Influtusa" (Erast) For some reason, this is one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard. I found it through one of my obsessive cyberpunk searches, and I am eternally glad I did. It's instrumental, sure, but it fills my head with echoes better than any other song has ever done... 48 "Original Of The Species" (U2) Celebi's song. No lie! I first heard this song during a Celebi obsession phase, and for some reason I just linked the two together. The orchestration is beautiful, and it rings in my head for hours... I love the lyrics to pieces, though. "Please stay a child somewhere in your heart!" 49 "Left Behind" (Aqualung) I actually first heard this song on my workplace radio station, and for 3 years I thought it was U2-- so, for 3 years, I couldn't find it! I finally got it late last year, and I love it. What completely caught me when I first heard it, though, were the lyrics-- "Why are you leaving me now? There must be some doubt in your mind. Can't you open your heart? Don't want to be left behind..." 50 "Black And White Town" (The Doves) I got this song off my brother's old file-sharing program in 07, as I had just discovered the Doves and wanted an idea of what the rest of their music sounded like (this was before I had iTunes). Well, I found this one at random, and when I hit play-- no lie-- my eyes watered up. It was that freaking beautiful. I love the lyrics as well: "Here comes the action, here it comes at last. Lord, give me reaction... Lord, give me your chance." Also, random trivia, I loop this song whenever I play Sonic 360. It fits Soleanna perfectly, haha! To this day, I can't get enough of it. I hope the 30 days never run out. | ||||||||||
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April 11th, 2009
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| I know that I usually don't post this sort of thing in this journal, but I figured my Johnny page needs more love, so here we go. Apparently, one of my friends on dA started a very interesting "100 picture" list. Why 'interesting,' you ask? Well, instead of listing random words, it listed 100 blank spaces... each to be filled with the name of one of your favorite songs. Yep, I have to pick the 100 songs that mean the most to me and draw a picture for each of them. I hope I can do it; it would mean a lot to me.. I'll be breaking the list into 4 parts (seriously) in no particular order, because I want to give a brief explanation of why the listed songs mean what they do to me. The '25-song' updates will also be spasmodic and possibly after actual entries, because I'll only update them as I think of 'em. So, without further ado, here's the first 25 explanations! (Explanations will be added in intervals as well; sorry.) 1 "LINK" (L'Arc~En~Ciel) I've always associated this song with Chaos 0, even before I found out that the lyrics apply to 'us' shockingly well. "Even if we are far apart, our hearts are linked... even if a mischievous fate befalls us, the link won't break..." Seriously, even without being familiar with my jargon, you have to admit that's perfect. So, for me, this is his song. It's quite beautiful. Random trivia... Hyde is one of the few vocalists I've heard with almost the exact voice I picture Chaos with. 2 "Big Julie" (Jarvis Cocker) My theme song. It has an interesting history, too. On 031207, around 3AM, I woke up for no real reason and spontaneously decided to see what was on the radio. I tuned in to my favorite local college station, and there was some rock song finishing up... immediately after, this song started. The piano chords caught me immediately, but as the song progressed, I knew that I couldn't possibly let it go. I wrote down the chorus-- "big Julie rules the world"-- and looked it up the next morning. I found the artist, and bought the album a few days later. The lyrics apply to me more than I can say... 3 "Racing Green" (High Contrast) This song is, quite literally, the auditory embodiment of a perfect summer day. It's fast, catchy, uplifting, and optimistic. It brings a smile to my face every time I hear it, and it never fails. 4 "Living" (Todd Rundgren) This is the other song I associate with Chaos 0, but this time it's entirely because of the lyrics. Don't get me wrong, the song is absolutely gorgeous, but the words get me every time. "Fate is cruel; you're made a fool... and when I'm falling from grace, I look for comfort in your face. So look me straight into the eye, swear to God and tell me I'm not living a lie..." 5 "Sincerely" (Tsutchie) I love this song to pieces. 6 "The Sound" (Orson) ... 7 "Northern Girl" (Orson) When I first heard this song, I started to cry, because the lyrics fit my life all too well. They still do. It's an absolutely gorgeous song. 8 "H! VLTG3" (Linkin Park) This song + sunny weather + sitting in a Starbucks parking lot = vo!t@ge. No kidding. As a result, this song means quite a lot to me. Also, it's addictive as heck. 9 "Easy To Please" (Coldplay) This song will forever remind me of Dori. That's all I need to say.10 "Lupinne" (The Drowners) I first heard this song on my favorite college radio channel (yep, the same one i heard 'Big Julie' on), but I heard this one on a snowy afternoon in December 2005. I was drawing Hokthai at the time, when then this song came on and I was left speechless. Thank God I had a tape recording the entire time I drew, because I never heard the song again-- and I couldn't find the name OR lyrics to it anywhere. God works in funny ways, though-- last week, I randomly decided to look up the lyrics again, and I found it. It's still just as beautiful as the first time I heard it. 11 "Place" (Senri Manaka) I find this song extremely calming. I don't even know how I came to like it so much-- one day, it just started playing through my head without warning, and after that, I couldn't stop listening to it. 12 "If You're Not The One [Dance Remix]" (Daniel Bedingfield) When I was 12, I heard this remix on the radio and immediately thought of Bakura. I still do, really. It's a beautiful remix-- much better than the original, in my opinion-- and the lyrics actually work pretty darn well. 13 "Winter: Allegro non molto" (Antonio Vivaldi) ... 14 "Hamburg Song" (Keane) I empathize perfectly with this song. 15 "Jingle Jangle" (Hot Hot Heat) Yet another song that I first heard on my local college radio channel! I remember how sad this song made me back in '05-- it still does; the lyrics are heartbreakingly sobering. It's a fantastic song. 16 "You Go To My Head" (Tony Bennett) ... 17 "Can't Stop Now" (Keane) ... 18 "Meteor Herd- Space Trip Steps" (Hunnid-P) This one has a long story behind it. 19 "What I Gotta Do" (Macy Gray) I first heard this song entirely by chance on a cable R&B station, and as soon as it came on, I literally stopped whatever I was doing to just listen. It's gorgeous in every aspect. Macy has a wonderfully unique voice, and the song itself is richly constructed. One of my all-time faves, actually. 20 "Empty Streets" (Starsailor) ... 21 "Starlight" (Muse) This is the song I currently associate with Marik. Not sure why, but the first time I heard it, it just clicked. 22 "Hard To Beat" (Hard-Fi) ... 23 "Anna Molly" (Incubus) Yet another great story behind this one. 24 "The Big Jump" (Angelo Carter) ... 25 "Hit The Road" (Angelo Carter) ... That's it for now... | ||||||
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March 24th, 2009
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| Happy 2009, kids. A little late, but hey. It's still 2009. I'm going to edit my icons soon, too... sure, I love my crazy Johnny faces, but I need a different set of expressions... I'll fix them up whenever I'm able. But... Dori's happy. I haven't stopped by her page in so long, and she's happy. God, please let her stay happy for a long time. Please. She doesn't even know I care, and somehow that's okay... It hurts, but it's okay. EIGHT WHOS 1. Who was the last person you saw? My mother. She just walked in here to speak with me about work I have to complete. 2. Who was the last person you kissed? No one; I don't kiss people. 3. Who was the last person you called? Oh geez, I rarely use my phone... I did call Steve about two months ago, though. 4. Who were the last buddies you had session with? Spoke to Steve on AIM, and spoke with Ben and DV on MSN! 5. Who was your first crush? Nightcrawler from X-Men/ Ryou Bakura from Yu-Gi-Oh, simultaneously, when I was 12. I wouldn't call Celebi a 'crush,' but I do love her dearly. 6. Who was the last person to text you? No one; I've never been texted. 7.Who is the last person you texted? Steve, with my alternate phone number. Also my only text ever. 8. Who did you last yell at? Me. SEVEN WHENS 1. When was your last shower? This morning before class. 2. When did you last see your dad? Geez, a few months ago, I think. 3. When was your last kiss? Unless you count dreams, never. 4. When did you you last dress up? Like I remember, dear. I rarely dress up anyway, unless I get to wear a suit. 5. When was the last time you cried? After I saw Watchmen in theaters for the first time. 6. When did you last go to the movie Saw Watchmen for the second time last Wednesday. 7. When did you last drink liquor? Never; I don't drink. Scared of it. SIX WHERES 1. Where does your best friend(s) live? In real life? Utah, Great Britain, Canada, the USA, and Singapore. Otherwise, they're all upstairs. 2. Where did you last go to? Class, of course. 11AM-7PM. 3. Where did you last hang out? I neither have the time nor the reason to 'hang out', sorry. 4. Where do you hang out? Well, I do all my work in the science lounge or local cafe, so that might count... 5. Where is your favorite place to be? Alone in the forest near my house. Sadly, I haven't done that since I was 13. 6. Where did you sleep last night? My bedroom, which I share with 3 other people. FIVE DOS/DOES 1. Do you like someone right now? Yes, far too many people. 2. Do they like you too? Most of them, thank God. The rest of them don't even know I exist. 3. Do you ever wish you were someone else? Every single day. 4. Do you know the muffin man? Nope, but I know Zelprup, and it tastes better than muffins do. *shot* 5. Does the future scare you? Yes. FOUR WHYS 1. Why are you best friends with your best friend? Add an 's' to "friend," please... and the answer is because they've inspired me, picked me up when I'm down, and made me smile even when I feel absolutely worthless. 2. Why did you get a downelink? Dear, I have no idea what a downelink is. 3. Why did your parents give you the name you have? I have no idea and it doesn't matter. They named a squirming infant, and that personality died over a decade ago. I have no name right now, just a few letters. 4. Why are you doing this survey? Because Dori filled it out first, and I freaking love that girl. THREE IF YOU 1. If you could have one superpower, what would it be ? Either flight or emotional influence. 2. If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you? I would have told a friend that I cared more than she'll ever know.. 3. If you were stranded on a deserted island and could bring one thing what would it be? Beats me; I doubt I'd last long with one item, unless it was a cruise ship. TWO WOULD-YOU-EVERS 1. Would you ever get back together with any of your ex's if they asked you? I don't have any exes as I don't date. I'm sorry to say I would have to say 'no' if someone asked me for a romantic relationship. I just.. don't work that way. 2. Would you ever shave your head to save the person you love? Darn straight I would, it's just hair. Besides, I've contemplated shaving my head before. ONE LAST QUESTION: 1. What will you do next after this? Fill out another quiz. | ||||||||||
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| I wonder if, perhaps, something is dreadfully wrong with me. Oh well. Would your parents be mad if you were in a relationship? My parents want me to have a 'by the book' relationship... but unfortunately for them, I'm not only an asexual, but all my relationships are completely unusual in that sense. I wouldn't lose them for the world, though. If you could cuddle with anyone right now, who would you pick? I don't cuddle, but there are several people I'd like to hug. What's irritating you right now? The fact that I still haven't finished coloring my art trade for Ayame, and the fact that I'm being lazy. How many kids do you want? Zero. What were you up to at 11pm last night? I think I was reading random blogs, smiling at people I'll never know. That or I was browsing freeplaymusic again. What happened at 10:00 am today? I was at the hospital for a bone checkup. How many hours did you sleep last night? Five? I haven't been getting much sleep lately. Does anyone call you baby? No, thank God. I wouldn't be able to handle that. Did you hug anyone today? No, but I hugged my brother yesterday. Would you get married if you could right now? Nope, I'm a celibate. Too devoted to my purpose to be tied down; I'm sorry. Are you in a good mood? I guess so. I'm just sad. Who was the last person you cried in front of? Selph. What are you listening to? Currently, "Seventeen Forever" (Piano Tribute Players). My iTunes is on shuffle. Do you love someone right now? So many people. Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot? I used to use them far too much when I was 14/15... now I'm trying very hard not to use any. I try to look professional. Do you wear glasses? Not currently, but I need prism glasses because my eyes don't focus correctly and it takes a toll on my comprehension. Are you there for your friends? God knows I try. Do you get along with girls? In general, no, which is sad. I've never gotten along with girls, even as a kid... not much in common, and I've had some very bad experiences with women. Do you get 8 hours of sleep everyday? Rarely, and I wish I did. I'm so exhausted. Are you a forgiving person? Always. How is life going for you right now? ...In the big picture, it's not going well. In this moment, it's lovely. Do you believe what goes around comes around? Always. Who was the last person you ate with? I don't eat with people, sorry. I don't like eating the way it is, and I'm uncomfortable being with people in social situations. When was the last time you saw your dad? A few months back, as far as I remember. Are you mad about anything? Just my own incompetence. Do you miss anyone? Oh, if you only knew. What was the last thing you did? Switched my iTunes song. Now it's "The Big Jump" from Freeplaymusic. Do you hate being alone? Alone at home? No. On campus? No. Relationship-wise? Yes. In the world? Yes. Do you drink more water or juice? I drink Sobe Vitamin water like an addict. Are you the same person as you were at the beginning of 2008? No, thank God, but I'd do almost anything to live all that again as who I am now. When was the last time you felt like your heart was actually breaking? Ten minutes ago, when I realized all I had left of her was a photo that wasn't even mine to have. Looking forward to something this weekend? Nothing in particular... just waiting for my Celebi stuff to come in the mail. I need some childhood joy. Do you hate it when people smoke around you? I don't condemn them, but it burns my throat... and I feel terrible because I know that they're really hurting their health. My mother is a respiratory therapist; I know all the bloody details. Is there someone you will never forget? Yes. Many, many someones. Where’s the guy/girl you love right now? Salt Lake City, England, Singapore, and heaven knows where the others are... Do you like waking up in the morning to find that you have new texts? You mean messages in my dA inbox? Heck yes! Are you a morning person or a night person? Both, but a little more of a night person because there are no fights when people are trying to sleep. Do you like someone right now? Yes, many people, near and far. Can you keep a secret? I can keep everyone else's secrets, but not my own. Are you open with your feelings to people? In a sense. I tend to say things in secretive, even cryptic ways, but it's like I said... I can't keep my own secrets. What are you thinking right now? Will I ever be truly happy? | ||||||||
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December 27th, 2008
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| I don't know. Something is apparently dreadfully wrong with my personality. Everyone gets fed up with me so quickly. I wish I knew what I was saying, what I was doing wrong, so I could fix it. My mother was complaining to me today that all I ever do is talk about how frustrated I am with my weight... I've been really packing on the pounds lately and it's driving me mad. Oh no no no, it's not because I'm trying to attract people... it's not because I want to 'look pretty'... It's because most women have this body shape and I loathe it. I'll never be able to pass as anything else if I don't lose these freaking curves and fast. Plus, I can't exactly tell my mother how Laurie and Julie taunt me about my size, either. Julie and her manipulation... accusations. Laurie telling me the painful truth, over and over until I can't stand myself because I keep ignoring it. I can't tell my mother about most of my problems ... can't tell anyone, honestly... because if I did, they'd lock me up in a mental hospital like they did to my brother because he was suicidal. Except, for me, I'd be locked up for an entirely different and much more dangerous reason. Are you single? Yes and no. Have you ever wished you had a different last name? Always, especially since my parents always insult my birth name. If a stranger looked in your closet, what would they think? Beats me. I don't wear most of that junk anyway. What's bothering you right now? Me. Do people underestimate you? No, they overestimate me constantly... but they misjudge how unhinged I am. That's what they always underestimate. What are you doing tomorrow? Going to church, going to work, coming home and exercising, then sleeping. Packed schedule. Have you ever hated someone, but ended up being friends with them? I can't hate people. I can dislike something they did, sure, but not the person. Plus, I try to be friends with people all the time but I either fail or lose them in a very short time. Did you sing at all today? No, don't think I can work up the spirit right now, as I feel like a total slut. What side of a heart do you draw first? Left. Do you wear a lot of black? Always. Do you have a tan? No. Do you like orange juice? Yeah, but it makes me sick. I can only drink water/tea and a few other things. Which shoe goes on first? Usually my right, but I don't really notice. Do you dye your hair? Yes. I wanted it red last month but the stylist decided to give me a dark, dark auburn... I still want to go straight red for March. Did you wake up happy today? No, my dream was horribly indecisive and lost (I wandered for ages and was being chased/ stalked/ hunted the whole time), and my mother woke me up when she was in a bad mood. How often do you take pain medicine? Rarely. I'd rather deal with the pain. Do you like to wear lip gloss/chap stick? No, I very rarely use chap stick and only do that when my lips are practically bleeding. Are you waiting for something? I'm waiting for my life to turn around, but I need to take action for that to happen. What were you doing at ten last night? Still at work. Did you cry today? No, too angry with myself. I did last night, but only because I'm addicted to the weird shock you get when your eyes water. Tears feel dirty to me. Last person you hugged and how old are they? My grandmother, she's about 74 but looks 50. Did you have a dream last night? Yes, see a few questions back. How many piercings do you have? None. Holes are one of my biggest and most severe phobias. Who was the last person to say i love you to you? Selph and Chaos, in a very random and unexpected 'disconnection' earlier today. Where were you on July 4th? I don't recall. Do you prefer warm or cold weather? Cold, I guess. I need to work up my endurance, and even though it's inconvenient, I love snow and ice. What do you currently hear right now? "I Can't Understand" by Air Traffic. Totally unprovoked, and a perfect fit. What are you dreading right now? My future. Do you celebrate 4/20? April 20th? I don't think I do... If anyone came to your house on your "lazy days" what would you be wearing? I can't stand lazy days. Most likely, I'd be wearing jean capris and a black t-shirt, regardless of the weather. Last time you saw your best friend? I haven't seen my old friends in years... Are you/have you ever been in love? Yes, always am and always will be. How do you like your eggs? Hard boiled, or scrambled with ketchup and peppers. Is anyone on your bad side right now? Just me. Will you keep your last name when you get married? I'm a religious celibate, kid. When is the last time you left your house? Yesterday, to go to work. I'll have to later on today, too. Is your phone on vibrate or ring? I don't have a cell phone. What brand are your pants right now? I don't know and it doesn't matter. Did you eat breakfast this morning? Yeah. For once it didn't make me sick, which is good. Do you like marshmallows? No, too sweet and messy. What irritates you most on the internet? It wastes far too much time. I'd rather stay off it if it wasn't the only place I could type. Do you own expensive perfume/cologne? No, the only cologne I wear is my brother's and I don't even know what that is. Do you love anyone? Yes. Do you hate anyone? No... but I'm afraid I'm beginning to hate myself. | ||||||||
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December 22nd, 2008
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| Dude I think this is my second favorite online journal that is publicly viewable. Seriously. Visible icons, Sailor Moon mood theme, awesome background, easy interface... it's awesome. My aqua journal is tops, of course, but this one's cool too! Anyway. I know I've been gone for a while... there's a good reason. I've been running a lot, as usual. I've also been hiding, and trying to find myself again. I've been catching happy little fragments of my childhood in butterfly nets and keeping them close to my heart. I could have sworn I'd never find them again, but wha-la! Praise be to God, they were just around the corner. So I found a few of them again. I don't want to lose this like I did when I first had it... I don't want to take it for granted. I need to appreciate and keep this little bit of joy, of simple happiness, of innocence and sunny weekend mornings and first snowfalls and Celebi cards and lined-paper comics and locking myself in my room and thinking about the Dream World in front of the mirror. Philosophizing in the third grade. I used to. Now for an update on everything else. Geez, was I ever an emo crazyhead back in May! Wow! Looks like the early fall months were pretty darn bad, too. Man. 2008 was just really rough for me, I guess. Lynne and Natalie are back. I'm so glad. They're both helping me very much. I also invited Reverend Mofo and Bogardus into my headgang, and they accepted! So now I have a crazy monkey preacher and a Nohrin military gambler in my head helping me out. Awesome stuff. Julie hasn't touched me in days, I think... I honestly can't remember, but it's been a while. My mind has been desperately clawing to pieces every incident in which she tries to mindrape me, so I don't remember any of them. They happen, I guess, and then I'm so broken and/or traumatized from the self-disassociation that my mind just... eats itself. It's scary. Anyway. On that note. Remember, way back in one of these journals (I think my LJ) that I said, "there are some things that I can't even talk to Chaos and Selph about?" Well...they know. No, I didn't tell them. Chaos found out by accident, after getting into a fight with Laurie one too many times and she decided to fill him in on the graphic details of my mental hell. I remember that evening, because he was in a serious state of shock for hours. He confronted me about it, too. "Why didn't you tell me she was doing this to you?" Furious, hurt, scared more than anything else. I felt the same. So Chaos found out without my knowing... found out everything. Understood, knew everything. It scared me, humiliated me at first to know that he now knew everything I had suffered at Julie's hands, but thank God he didn't condemn me or shoot me down or even shun me. No, he just focused his fury on Julie instead of Laurie, and every time that girl so much as looked at me maliciously he'd practically be at her throat. It just offended him, I guess... both the fact that I hadn't spoken up about the abuse and the fact that she was abusing me like that in the first place. But I am glad that he understands the most important thing. I never wanted for any of that abuse to happen, and I still don't. He doesn't hold it against me, and I'm slowly learning not to hold it against me either. Unfortunately, I do want Laurie's abuse when she gives it to me, and Chaos is still very distraught by that. I'd stop, but... the pain keeps me sane. I need that shock, that icy burn, to keep my mind focused. I just wish I could get it another way then handing the controls over to my resident violet maniac and letting her give me another scar. Selph found out because he's around me all the time. I let it slip, once. Selph was wondering why some evenings I'd suddenly spiral downwards into a horrible self-loathing fit, even when I was having a fantastic day up until that point. One day I was trying to explain without mentioning Julie, but I guess I said something that I shouldn't have because, before I realized it, Selph was screaming and crying "you mean she's the reason you're like this? Why didn't you tell me?" Same as Chaos. I trust them, I really do... but I didn't tell them this because I knew it would hurt. Needless to say, I was forced to slowly fill Selph in on the details... slowly, painfully, as I had tried to keep him innocent where he wouldn't have to worry about this sort of thing. But he wanted to know... he didn't want to be blind to what I was going through. Once he understood it all, Selph decided to go all out in keeping Julie away from me whenever possible, in whatever way he could. Actually, I'm very thankful for that. All that painful admittance and all the fights it triggered... Selph and I have grown even closer together because of it all, despite the pain and confusion. We were virtually inseperable before, but geez.... look at us now. So the fighting has subsided for now. Julie's gone MIA, thank God, so everyone outside of my main 4 is quieter than usual. I'm in a better mood that usual, too, as I've been dealing with this problem since last January and only recently have I begun to realize how to stop it. On that note, with feeling better than usual... Chaos and I are celebrating our 5th anniversary on Tuesday. I know, I know, that's very unlike me. I have never been one to keep track of birthdays and anniversaries, let alone remember them. But now, I'm looking back on memories and nothing has dates... it feels broken, disjointed. Like I want to catch it but it's just a filmy fragment and it keeps slipping through my fingers. So I'm trying to make these things a big deal... trying not to take them for granted. I'm planning a ridiculously detailed picture for it, too. I won't give away any details now, but I've been planning this thing for months so I'm really looking forward to getting it done. But seriously... my red and blue pencils are going to be dead when I'm done! Well... I could keep on ranting about music and Pokemon and my childhood and eBay and Christmas and Jimmy and all that but it's already 3AM and I should really get to sleep. Unfortunately, when I opened this update page there was a saved draft here that I'd like to finish first. So, here's another quiz ganked from that girl who I may never know but love anyway. How many keys are on your keychain? I don't have my own keychain to put keys on! If you were given a canvas and watercolors, what would you paint? I'd paint something creepy, as I'd be using watercolors and all. Gotta love the inky style. What do you regard as the most repulsive form of music? Anything that has to do with sex and/or typical dating relationships. I don't like the subjects very much. Whose mind, besides your own, would you like to control? No one. What is the most dangerous occupation? Crab fishing? What is the first thing you do when you get out of bed? Notice the time, have a mini heart attack, and then run out into the kitchen ASAP. What do you consider the greatest threat to mankind? Itself. If you could project yourself into the past, where would you go? I'd just go back to when I was around 11 years old... find all my ideas all over again. What are you thankful you are not doing right now? I'm thankful that Julie is keeping her hands off me. I'm also thankful that I'm not eating! What is your favorite kind of candy? I don't like candy. What is your favorite thing about the beach? The water... otherwise I can't stand beaches due to the atmosphere. It makes me panicky. If you were invisible, where would you go? Everywhere. Nothing would tie me down. What is one object in your home that you are embarrassed to own? Old tablets full of teenage immaturity... Fill in the blank; When I dance, I look like: I'm trying too hard. Who is one person you wish you would have never met? I don't know. Even the people that have caused me far too many problems have helped me to mature as a better person. What is your favorite fruit? Apples are good. I swear I get this question every time. What is your favorite kind of cookie? Don't like cookies. If you were an evil dictator, where would you rule? I wouldn't be evil in the first place! What do you need to get right now at the drug store? Um... vitamins? My levels keep plummeting so I might. That and ADHD medicine. What song(s) do you keep hearing over and over again? In my head, right now? Well, besides my current soundtrack, there's: "Man" (The Bird and the Bee) "Kaze to issho ni" (Kobayashi Sachiko) Random background music from the 10th Pokemon movie What was the happiest age of your life? 1998-2002. Totally awesome, hands down. What is your favorite piece of clothing that you own? A red FANG shirt that I got in 2003 or so! They don't make shirts like that anymore... bell sleeves, small v-neck, huge cathedral-burts pattern on the chest. I love that thing and I still wear it around the house. What two words describe your lifestyle? Running and hoping. Which ocean creature fascinates you most? I like those freaking sea anglers. You know, the ones with the phosphorescent heads? They're bizarre. On a scale of 1-10; how religious are you? 9? To be blunt, as a kid I would have lost my religion if not for Myume and the other J-Monsters. Justice and Dev are helping me like crazy now. What historical figure would you most like to have a discussion with? Gandhi, possibly? I could use some insight. What color looks best on you? Like I would know, I always wear professional black and white. What is your favorite thing about being sick? Not having an appetite. Whats new? I finally joined that forum I've been hunting down since I was 12! Yeah! Why are you here right now? Caffeine in my system thanks to mom, can't sleep. Maybe I'm afraid to sleep tonight. Maybe I just want to hold on to these hours. Maybe I feel I didn't live enough during the day so I'm taking the night. Here in this life, I'm here to change lives the best I can... What commercial do you find most annoying? That Wal-Mart one where they say "No way!" "Way." because every time it comes on, my mother and grandmother start an insult-fest of how stupid that sounds and how stupid people look when they say it and how stupid the producers must have been and so on and so forth... What was your favorite meal growing up?I don't recall. I don't remember any food from my childhood, just memories from school days! If you had to spend the rest of your life in one place, where would it be? The first dimension of the Dream World. Ha! Win! Fill in the blank; I am so much smarter than: no one. Now listen here-- my grandmother always says "you're as good as the best, and better than all the rest." I don't believe that at all, sir. What do I say, then? "I'm as good as the best of us and as bad as the worst of us." We all are. What one person or thing reminds you of the 80s? I wasn't alive in the 80s, dear. What is college really good for? Getting the heck out of the house, away from the yelling. That and I talk to Selph all freaking day, and we have some beautiful conversations. Where is the most beautiful place you have ever been? In this world? Either New York in the winter or Angel Falls, that huge forest with the ton of waterfalls (someone was with me that day; it might have actually been Selph). In my dreams? Don't even get me started. What body part aches you the most right now? My eyes burn, my right hand hurts a bit, and my back is killing me. My headache is gone, though! When is the angriest you have ever been? I don't know. I don't like to think about that, as I don't like being angry. I can assure you, though, that it was probably after one of my first major Julie attacks... Laurie was brutal back then. What do you waste your time doing? Meandering aimlessly. On a scale of 1-10; how much do you trust people? 5. I'm simultaneously trusting of everyone and horribly paranoid. If you were forced to choose your own death, how would you die? I'd be a martyr, no matter how scared I am. On a scale of 1-10; how photogenic are you? Zero, no kidding! I look absolutely horrid in photos as opposed to real life. I only seem to look good in natural light, too. What aspect of your personality could use a little work? I need to be less selfish, less angry, less ignorant, less inconsiderate, and less blind. I also need to learn to think ahead, to concentrate, to keep promises faster and to make sure I never lie. What is your greatest addiction? The J-Monsters. What issue are you sick of hearing about? In the world? Why people hate Obama/ Biden/ McCain/ Palin/ etc. even though the election is over. Personally? Everyone berating me because I don't want to have a gender. If you were a professional wrestler, what would your ring name be? Angband-- hell of iron! (Inside joke, don't mind me.) What language would you like to master? I want to learn to speak German and read Japanese. What is your favorite dish at a Chinese restaurant? Sushi. Who would you least likely expect a phone call from? Sega of America. I'd like a phone call from them, but it's not likely, unfortunately! What is the longest you have ever gone without a shower? Probably one full day. It's happened many times before, thanks to schedule or extreme fatigue. What is the saddest movie you have ever seen? Crash. What time do you usually fall asleep? Five minutes after I hit the bed. Except last night, though... I couldn't fall asleep for hours. Don't know why. Where is the worst place to be stuck waiting? For something that you might never experience again if you don't get there right away. What is the cutest animal on Earth? Scottish folds, maybe. What hobby have you always wanted to pick up? Cello, saxophone, breakdancing, skateboarding. One day! 3:17 AM, my friends. Have a good night... and Merry Christmas, if I don't see you until then. It was nice to see you again! | ||||||||||||
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![[mood icon]](http://www.scribbld.com/img/mood/aikaterina/sailer_moon_sprites/blah.gif){kind=small}
Tired, but good.October 19th, 2008
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| What type of day are you having? Morning was okay. Evening was hell. Was there anyone who "made your day"? One guy at my job today who made this hilarious wisecrack. I needed that. Are you liking how you look today? Yes, for once. I still want to cut my hair Johnny-style, though. And dye it blue. Do you have anyone crushing on you? Yes, and it's ticking me off. Have you ever eaten a bug? I accidentally swallowed a bug once, yeah. Are you vegeterian? No. I might give it a shot, though. Are you a mother or a father? No, thank God, and I never will be. What kind of toothpaste do you use? Pepsodent. Good stuff. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? No, but I used to sleep with my Pokemon plushies. They helped, too. I might go back to that if I ever get my own bed. What was the last gift someone gave you? Shelby gave me some gum last week, haha. Do you appreciate that person? That person was a stranger, but sure. Are you on any type of drugs? No. I'm afraid my mother is going to try and put me on some heavy ones, though. Are you in love? With two humanoids, yes. Do you even believe in love? Yes, but it's ridiculously hard to find nowadays. How many things are you really thinking about right now? Nothing. My mind is a blur. Do you like picnics? No, I don't like eating and I really despise eating in public. Have you finished school yet? No, still in college. What is/was your worst subject? Everything. My mind is shot. What's your father's middle name? Like I'd know that. Are you American? Yes, but I doubt that's a very good thing in this day and age. Are you waiting for anything? Am I ever. Are you going to bed after this? No, I need to exercise first. Have you ever watched fahrenheit 9/11? No, but I probably will eventually. What book are you currently reading? Nothing. I'm unfortunately too busy to read. I am writing one, though. What song did you last listen to? "Racing Green" (High Contrast) What movie is in your DVD player? I don't watch movies. How many windows are open in your computer? Four-- this, my alternate dA account, silencexxxkills' journal, and my WMP. Are you a very stressed out person? Yes. Are you single? Yes and no. Do you like Jerry Springer? I don't watch television, and I certainly don't watch immature programming. How many times have you gone to a foreign country? Zero. I'm a little paranoid of planes. Do you ever want to get married? Heck no. I'm celibate and I'm proud of it. Do you like animals? Yes. I used to loathe them, but empathy hit me out of the blue one day. Do you like High school musical? No, and I could care less. Are the Jonas brothers cute? Cute isn't in my vocabulary, and no. Do you miss anyone? I miss the freedom I had before I met a certain kid. Did you get a full 8 hours of sleep last night? No, but I got close, which is very unusual for me. Have you ever gotten alcohol poisoning? No, I don't drink. My mind is screwy enough. What were the last words you said to your dad? "Thank you." He gave me $40 in gas money, first time he ever did that. I don't see him very often. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? I try. Are you currently frustrated with a boy or girl? Yes, because he wants a relationship and I DON'T. He just ignores every freaking thing I tell him. Have you ever slapped someone across their face? Yes, myself. When is the next time you will kiss someone? In this reality? Never, unless a dimension rips open sometime in the future. Do you love anyone? Yeah, but platonically, and I'd be put away if I ever said who. Do you hate anyone? No, I can't hate. Do you wish someone would call you right now? No. I don't like phones. Do you have any weird inside jokes? Yes, mainly "chess games" and "ad infinitum." Do you personally know anybody who has more than five tattoos? No. I might end up with three in the future. Last place you drove to? Work. Do you eat ranch with your pizza? Both those things make me sick. How often do you drive? Once every day, practically. I'm in college and I have a job. Is anything sore on you? My joints always hurt. Are you a forgiving person? Yes, very. Is there anyone you wish you were with right now? No, I have everyone I need in my head. Do you have any piercings? No. Holes freak me out. Are you typically a jealous person? A little. I don't like it. You talk about your feelings or hide them? Eh, it varies. Did you enjoy your last weekend? I don't remember it. Do you think you will be in a relationship in a month? Ahaha, yeah right. Do you miss anyone? Yes, my old girlfriends. It's better that they went their own way, though. I don't need the clutter, but I do miss them. Do you smoke? No. When was the last time you felt unbearably guilty? Right now. | ||||||||
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![[mood icon]](http://www.scribbld.com/img/mood/aikaterina/sailer_moon_sprites/aggravated.gif){kind=small}
I'll burn your face off.
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| If you were______ what would you be? [a flower] Wisteria. [a fruit] Blackberry. [a vegetable] Tomato. [a spice] Ginger. [a color] Red. [a bug] Flower Mantis. Short Answer [are you left handed or right handed?] Right. [are you smart?] A little... I think I have potential, but I don't know how to use it. [whats your middle name?] Wisteria. [how many personalities do you have?] Just me! I have several 'voices' upstairs, though. [how many piercings do you have?] None. [tattoos?] None, eventually will have three. [do you like v-8?] Tomato juice ftw. [what was your first word?] I have no idea... probably 'mommy,' haha! [are you superstitious?] No, but I do wonder from time to time. [do you read your horoscope?] No. [do you believe in that stuff?] Nah, you can easily apply horoscope there to you and you can still interpret it as 'true.' [can you do a cartwheel?] No, but I'd love to. [do you have bangs?] Yes, Nny bangs. They grew on their own, honest. [do you have contact lenses?] No. [can you drive?] Yes! [what do you drive?] The family car. I don't mind. [do you snore?] I heard that I do. It's because I sleep on my back. [Do you drool in your sleep?] Rarely, but it happens sometimes. Human fault. [do you lick your envelopes or use a sponge?] Fingers and water. [do you keep a journal?] What are you reading right now, kid? But seriously, my journals aren't really journals at all... [what languages do you know?] English, and a little knowledge of Latin, Spanish, German, Japanese, and Italian. [what's the best awards show?] I only watch the Oscars, and only some of that. [do you like onions?] I don't mind them. [do you like cotton candy?] Yes, but it doesn't like me. [do you like Pina coladas?] A bit. Non-alcoholic, though! [what instruments can you play?] Piano & violin. I'd love to learn cello, drums and saxophone. [what words do you overuse?] "Well," "that's true," "though," and "y'know," for starters. [what do you sleep in?] Normal clothing. I can't stand pajamas. Too loose. [whats your bedtime?] I don't have one, and my schedule keeps me up stupidly late. [how many pillows do you have?] Two, but one is chiropractic. [do you like to sing?] Only when no one else is listening. I need practice before I can sing comfortably in front of people. [are you any good at it?] I'm decent. I want to take lessons but I'm kind of nervous. [how many cds do you have?] Ahaha, too many! [how many times have you moved houses?] Zero. [what do you think of chain letters?] Silly and senseless. [do you like where you live?] I love the woods here, yes. [is your room messy?] I share my room with three other people, so yes. [how many people go to your school?] Geez, a fair amount. [what is your bf/gf's name?] I don't use those terms, and I'd have to list several names! [do you like your writing?] Yes. [do you like to finger-paint?] No, too inaccurate. [what do you smell like?] Me! [are you organized?] Only when it comes to my papers and artwork. Otherwise... not at all. [what do you put on hotdogs and hamburgers] Ketchup, if I have to eat them. [do you sleep with a stuffed animal?] I used to-- mostly Pokemon plushies. [do you sleep with socks on?] When it's really cold, yeah. [are you ticklish?] I'm hypersensitive, so probably. I'm also good at desensitizing myself, though. [do you talk to yourself?] Me and all the other voices in my head. [is your house 1, 2, or 3 stories?] One, not including the basement and attic. [do you have a basement or an attic?] Both. Both are full of junk and cannot be walked through. [what flavor fluoride do you get at the dentist?] I don't remember. That was a long time ago. [did you go to preschool?] Yes. [are you a morning person?] Yes. [whats your favorite outfit?] My pinstripe suit. [do you have a friend that you wish wasn't?] No, I love all my friends. [who has the most annoying voice in the world?] No one that I know of. [do you believe in ghosts?] I believe they probably exist. [do you believe in bigfoot?] Ditto the above answer. [whats your favorite feature (on yourself)?] Nothing right now. I can't stand much of me. [what do you do when you're nervous?] Panic, start shaking, and start self-abusing. It's habit but I want to quit. [who's your role model?] God. [what celebrities do you look like?] None that I know of. [what celebrities do you act like?] None that I know of. [do you like classical music?] Yes sir, but only if it has depth and feeling! [how old do you wish you were?] I wish age had no affect upon me. I want to live without an age and die when it's my time to go. [what will you name your daughter?] No kids for me, no sir. [son?] NO KIDS. [have you ever thought you were gonna die?] Yes, all the time. Last night I felt like it, too. [where's the farthest place you ever traveled?] Wyoming, USA. [where do you wanna go?] I want to get lost in my head and not come back. | ||||||
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chances are i'm half awake
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