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[Oct. 30th, 2008|04:25 am] |
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I want a fuckin' cigarette. x( |
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| Do itttt. |
[Oct. 30th, 2008|03:11 am] |
Fill this out and post it as a comment. :D
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| Spencer Tunick Update |
[Oct. 28th, 2008|08:20 am] |
x-posted to ![[info]](https://www.scribbld.com/img/userinfo.gif) dandi. Original update was here with a backstory on the artist and my nude adventures lol xD
Where's Waldo? Can you find me? :P (answer's in the comments)
( NSFW, nude art modeling with Spencer Tunick ) |
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[Oct. 23rd, 2008|02:24 am] |
I should probably change my name to "tankedgirl" heh. I'm tipsy.
My girlfriend is asleep. I take too much adderall. I'm wide awake. I want someone to talk to. Boo on me. I just went outside for a cigarette and it's cold. I hate it. Ughhh... I wish I had something interesting to update about but I don't. Life's fallen into a rut of predictability and it's not that fun. Meh.
I've been playing a shit-ton of Pokemon Pearl. This probably is why i've had no life recently hahaha. xD
Tell me of your recent adventures and delightful experiences. I need to know the whole world isn't in the same place I am right now.
Thanks for reading, as always m'dears. ♥ |
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| Liquids vs Solids eh wot? |
[Oct. 20th, 2008|01:02 am] |
All day i've been sipping 'Hydrocodone Compound syrup' and 'Promethazine/Codeine syrup'. Yum! I'm so thrilled I don't have to do a cold water extraction on another fucking pill. Ugh.
Tangent. Time for a warm bath and playing Pokemon! :D
How's life for you guys? Good I hope. Let's chat. ♥ |
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[Oct. 2nd, 2008|08:10 am] |
A long time ago, when I used to not be able to sleep, i'd get as drunk as my stomach could handle. If that didn't work, i'd pop as much vicodin as my liver could handle. If that didn't work, i'd pester my ex-girlfriend until she'd punch me as hard as my head could handle.
I'd usually sleep then.
Old habits die hard, eh? It's like that old lyric from that song by 'Garbage'...
...now all I wanna do is sleep.
It's 8:13 and Beth dashed off to work. I could hardly blame her. I choked her twice and she spooned me regardless. I feel sick. I couldn't even look her in the eyes. I don't want to be this person. All morning I begged with the ceiling and Jayson's ghost to please- for the love of god- make sure I got to someplace that wasn't here.
I didn't even take all my vicodin. I probably wasn't that drunk, just miserable.
I told Beth when we first met that she'd hate me eventually. That wasn't a dare or double-dare. It was a fact. I can't believe I can cut off her air and she'll squeeze my hand tighter instead of pushing it off her throat. I'm fucking disgusting. I want to leave her for her own good. She deserves better. How can such dysfunction make her happy when she knows it's impossible for me to change or reform? What hope is she holding on to?
I'm hungry.
I wish I still had a job. I wish I wasn't whoring myself out to photographers on the internet. I don't want to do any of this. I feel defeated. It's fucked up that i'm trying to deny myself the one goddamn thing that makes me happy.
Beth, I mean... aside from drugs or whatever. Ha. That's sick. Really.
When all of your wishes are granted (eh wot?) [...]
...many of your dreams will be destroyed.
It's all my fault. :( |
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| [!] |
[Sep. 29th, 2008|10:06 pm] |
So.. guess i'm here now. Things have been dull. I cut my hair. I missed Renfair. I went to a crazy goth-industrial party at some West Village shitbox and it was pretty fun.
Beth is standing behind me. Hi beth. ;D
She's getting cups for booze and I lost my train of thought. We were reading "Choke" in the car. I liked having her read it. There's something about the content I think that wouldn't exactly 'roll off my tongue' but I like it when she says it. It's okay. It's fine. It's actually better than that, but I know she's probably going to try to read this and I don't want her to think i'm a creep for enjoying hearing her read hetero-psudo-erotica. xD Oh well fuck I said it.
Beth just ran in eating toast. She forgot the cups. It's adorable... but I still roll my eyes and it makes me smile because it's totally okay when she does it in moderation.
I miss writing... like, not about life-dribble or musings. I miss subflavor with all of its insanity, intoxication on some usual level [more times than not hah]) and mega underlying life elements that are some blur between inside jokes and "you had to be there"s. It was- eh something about derailing in some life, metaphoric, literal sense because Beth made too much noise and I forgot what I was thinking...
...it's all probably apripoe anyway.
It pains me to end here but maybe this is just another beginning or some other cliche concept or douchebag fuckery.
♥ |
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