{I tried to be like Grace Kelly}

FREDDY CHOPPING IS A PERVERT. FOSHIZZLE. I'M ONLY A FROSHIE AND I GET STUCK WITH THIS GUY? I CAN'T EVEN GET MOVED TO A NEW ROOM. HE NEEDS HELP. SERIOUSLY. NOT ONLY IS HE A COMPLETE PIG (FORREAL OUR ROOM STINKS LIKE DEER PISS?), BUT THE FIRST DAY I MOVED IN HE DIDN'T EVEN STRAIGHTEN UP THE PLACE. AND WHEN I OPENED THE CLOSET TO PUT MY CLOTHES AWAY, THERE WAS SERIOUSLY A PORNADO. A TORNADO OF PORN MAGS, DUDE. AND ANOTHER TIME I WAS IN THE PARK AND I SWEAR I SAW HIM TAKING PICTURES OF KIDS. MAYBE THAT'S WHY HE PRETENDS LIKE HE HATES THEM. EW.

Her middle name is Giselle. She was in Destiny's Child. She's bootylicious; I mean seriously, she's got a booty that goes on for days. She never ever has a bad hair day (omg lucky beotch!). Girl is almost thirty and can shake it like nobody's business, uh-huh. She's not only talented but also down-to-earth. I think it's cool when superstars don't take themselves seriously. She's got an alter-ego, and her name is SASHA FIERCE! WHY DON'T I HAVE AN ALTER-EGO? THAT WAY I CAN DO BAD THINGS AND BLAME IT ON THEM INSTEAD. Anyway, B is like totally perfect. Don't be hatin'.

Oh, I almost forgot! I was on Smashbox earlier and like, what the hell? They ran out of that one shade of eyeshadow. It's called Minx, and it's divine. What? It's for my mom.

Speaking of which, my momma is totally the best. She got me that new iPhone for Christmas. Except I can't figure out how to charge it...? Boo.

Ohmigaaaaaaw! Just got into the city and I cannot stand for this shit. Can the fucking clouds stop shitting snow for like five fuckin' minutes, for serious? This is so not good for my hair or my mood. It's like having a cat piss in your cereal or something. Ew, ew, ewwww. I miss Texas already, and some proper food (ilu mom), and some effin' SUNSHINE. Okay, it is not winter in Texas unless it drops below 70, and NUH-UH, THIS IS NOT WINTER, THIS IS SUBARCTIC TEMPERATURES WE'RE TALKING HERE. And it's bad enough that I have this weirdo roommate. Seriously, what the hell did I do to deserve this? He is such a creep and crowding up on my PERSONAL SPACE, and honey, I need a lot of space, lemme just tell you what.

Anyway, holidays were some kind of crazy. My family is always up and raising Cain, y'know, don't matter what occasion it is. Soooo redneck too, ew, I can't believe I'm related to those losers. Two of my cousins were like wrestling in the backyard just because my dad told them whoever won would get a Coke. UM HELLO THERE WERE FIVE FUCKING CANS LEFT IN THE FRIDGE, IDIOTS. Needless to say, somebody ended up with a missing tooth.