{I tried to be like Grace Kelly}

out of character.
hello my name is... Baba Yaga.
you can contact me at... ahoneymooninred.

in character.
hello my name is... Nicholas Rawlinson. You can call me Nick though, or Nicky, that'd be just fine.
my major is... (I LOVE) dance.
my age/year is... 18 / freshman.
i come from... Forth Worth, Texas, honey.

oo1. Okay, girl, let's not start with my birth and all, as spectacular as me shooting out of a vag can be. Wait, what am I talking about? That is so effin' gross. I just mean, well, fuck, I'm alive ain't I?! We'll Tarantino it instead, y'know, start from the end and work our way back. I love Allegro. It's so fun! All the instructors are some kind of batshit crazy though but it's kinda inspiring. I feel real at home here even though everyone talks funny. Especially the Russians. Whew, don't even get me started. I got bad history with them...

oo2. My dad was in the Navy. All my uncles were in the Navy. Grandpa was in the Navy. Hell, even my MOMMA was in the Navy. Being the youngest out of five boys though, and y'all can be damn sure I was expected to join the Navy too like my older brothers Kyle and Sean. Or y'know, play football or bowl professionally in a league, other great pastimes of the Rawlinsons.

oo3. Anyway, so when I was like in second grade we had to do this project on a historical figure. Everyone else did Martin Luther King Jr. and shit. I don't know how I ended up finding out about classical ballet dancers, but I ended up doing mine on Marie Camargo. She was one hell of a fierce beotch. So there I was with an 18th century dancer, and you know, things just clicked. Ballet is just this entirely different world where magical things are possible. The women are always beautiful (and fierce). The men are totally chivalrous. And let me just add, girl, the clothes are fan-fucking-tastic.

oo4. No one was too pleased about me wanting to be a dancer because apparently that's so Brokeback or something (tch, whatever, it's manly and stuff, you have NO idea), but y'know, I'm so good at what I do, baby, that it's not like anyone can deny this. So I convinced my parents to let me go to school at The Fort Worth Academy to train. The one condition was that I had to join the pee wee football team. Which was cool and all. I like dressing up and I got to like wear TWO UNIFORMS. How sweet is that. Shoulder pads make me look so good.

oo5. I love fantasy. The magical, the odd, the supernatural and paranormal. But not Harry Potter. Fuck that loser. I'm talking about the classics. Lord Dunsany and the Brothers Grimm. You knooooow girlfriend, stuff about witches and fairies. The good shit. Ever hear about the Cottingley Fairies hoax? That really got me going as a kid. I was convinced that I would find winged little ladies in the backyard.

oo6. I'm honestly a natural when it comes to dancing, I'm not even bragging. I've always believed the body can say so much more than words can, and I'm just a sorta physical kind of person - I probably speak more with my face and body language than I can with words. Well, that's not true. Whew, I do love to talk up a storm. But what I'm getting at is that I like to be active and I just don't feel right unless I'm (possibly literally?) juggling a million things. I mean, come on, dance rehearsals and football practises, on top of normal school shit? Don't tell me I never had a lot of work on my plate, nuh-uh girlfriend.

oo7. Although my focus is on classical ballet, I really admire modernists like Martha Graham and Isadora Duncan. Strong pioneering ladies! It's real wonderful just to be able to relax and freestyle sometimes, y'know, feel yourself (okay that sounds dirty, shhh), instead of being structured all the time. Plus they had some crazy ass ideas. I just love to dance. Period. Don't matter what it is. And maaaybe I want to roll around in a sheet too, okay? AND BE PRETTY, OKAY? Jeez!

oo8. I've pretty much spent my whole life in Texas, going through all the levels at the Texas Ballet Theater School. I started doing real poorly throughout high school because I was devoting all my time to my training for that big, competitive world of professional ballet out there. I mean, seriously. You can't fuck around with this shit. Go big or go home. When I'm done here at Allegro, I want to get into the Royal Ballet Company (honestly I am such a shut-in and I HAVE TO TOUR THE WORLD) and be famous and get to wear pretty costumes and stuff.

oo9. I have a case of synesthesia, but don't ask me to pronounce it or spell it again. It looks like an STD or something nasty. It's actually incredibly helpful if not um, FUCKING weird. I didn't know I was any different from any of the other dancers until I was about thirteen or so. Somehow I can perceive like... the tone or mood of music as a colour. An actual fucking colour, how bizarre. So it's like literally being able to express that aspect of a song when I'm on stage, instead of leaving it up to my own interpretation. THAT WAS A MOUTHFUL. (Shhh, that's also dirty.)

o1o. One last thing: Marius Petipa. If he were still alive, and I was gay, we'd be lovers. Even Balanchine wanted that shit, mhm. That's all I got to say about that one.

Do you promise not to tell? When he was fifteen, he kind of sort of (totally) made out with one of his football teammates behind the bleachers. And the year after that? Nick had a completely inappropriate teacher/student relationship with his dance instructor, a young Russian man named Dmitri. However, the sheer amount of testosterone in his family and his Christian upbringing (he's got a bad mouth but you can bet he still prays at his bedside every night and doesn't ever miss church) has got him completely convinced that he's straight no matter how you dice it, he's just slipped up a little on the way (sweet Jesus forgive me!).

pb/picture Cole Mohr.