| liam, reagan |
[Mar. 10th, 2010|01:38 am] |
Chancellor had told Reagan not to put off his own healing process. But Reagan hadn't really known how to even begin to work on his own healing process. Mostly, he just blocked everything out and just pushed forward. He got lost in painting, that had always been easy for him to do, and he was thankful for it the moment he'd been alone for the first time. Liam worked late nights, but he always came in, and Reagan hadn't had to sleep alone. Being alone during the day was a little unnerving, but he managed and just ignored how it made him feel. And at night, it was worse, but he could handle it for a few hours until Liam was there, and once Liam was home he was fine. Or at least it was easy to pretend to be fine.
But when Liam got the call about Chancellor's heart attack and had to leave straight from the office to fly out, and Reagan realized that he'd be gone overnight, panic started to set in. It was slow at first. It was even easy to push it down and forget about it for a while, but each time it came back, it got worse and worse. He almost called Liam about a dozen times, but he didn't want to bother him. Not when Chancellor needed him, not when it was something so important. Of course Liam had called him, but Reagan was short and quick to be off the phone because he was afraid he'd break down and beg his husband to come home which wasn't fair to him. Sleeping alone in their bed wasn't even an option, and Spooky wasn't exactly the most comforting thing, even if the little cat tried to be. Doors and windows were checked several times over, even though Reagan knew Adam wasn't coming. He was locked away in some hospital, but still, the irrational fear was there and Reagan gave into it. He tried to sleep on the couch but every noise or wash of headlights through the window as a car swept down the street left him on edge, and eventually he just went down to the basement to try and paint. When even that didn't work, he really started to freak out because painting always worked. So he did laundry and reorganized the closets, and then he started to alphabitize Liam's books in the man's study. Eventually around dawn Reagan just finally broke down and cried, sobbed really, sitting in the middle of a sea of stacks and stacks of books and that's where he just decided to stay. When the crying stopped he just sat there Indian style and sort of zoned out with his chin in his hands and his elbows propped up on his knees. |
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