i'm a legend in the locker room

2008-12-30T01:35:12Z

out of character.
hello my name is the artist formerly known as amanda
i am this many in years a hundred
am i experienced? you want it i got it
you can contact me at afterwards3
where did i come from? momma always said i came from heaven~

in character.
name of composer Felix Mendelssohn

hello my name is Felix Jacob Mendleson
my major is piano performance // composition
my age/year is 20 // junior
i come from Frannie, Wyoming. It's funny 'cause my sister's name is Fanny.

#one I'm Jewish, bitch. The whole Hanukkah shebang. Don't hate. Celebrate.

#two And I'm a twin. And you know how annoying little sisters are? It's even more annoying when they're Fanny. Girl seriously is always trying to bring a playa down, man. Always with the "FELIX STOP MAKING OUT WITH GIRLS ON MY SIDE OF THE ROOM" and the "FELIX STOP TAKING MY SKINNY JEANS" and the "FELIX STOP SPITTING ON MY TOOTHBRUSH." God, you'd think she hates me or something. Except she doesn't. Twins means never having to say you're sorry.

#three Been playing piano since forever. I rock the shit out of some keys, not gonna lie. I mean. It's not like there's much else to do in Frannie ( <--- that's Frannie not Fanny) The Frannalicious ( <--- that is Fanny) and I both had fucktons of lessons as kids. It was either that or open up a methlab or something, and seriously how am I going to explain all the antifreeze purchases to the parentals.

#four Only I'm pretty damn near sure I'd be better at making meth. At least that gets you chicks, you know? So maybe I slacked off a little when I was in high school. Whatever. Fannalanna and I had this great thing going, you know? She'd do the practising for the both of us, and I'd do the popular social stuff for both of us. I love being twins.

#five Except for you know how if Fannoramma gets hit by a car or something, I feel it? Yeah doesn't quite work the same way for practising. Sometimes this twin thing isn't as logical as you'd think, am I right? So by the time college applications came around, I was wayyyy behind on like everything. The parentals were totally heart set on me deucing out to Allegro though, so I looked pretty shit out of luck.

#six Good thing I shaped up in time, though.

#seven Even managed to convince parentals to let Fannernator come with. Yeah, we're a pretty package deal. Anywhere I go, the Fanster's going too. Twins means never letting go. (Unless we end up totally Titanic in which case MAYBE WHEN I'M OLD AND WRINKLY I'LL TELL YOUR STORY FAN.)

#eight And that's my life. Parentals wanted composition, and I guess I'm okay at that, so that's what I do. Not my favorite, if I'm being brutally honest here, but whatevs. Like I care. It's not like I had any plans for myself anyway.

#nine Basically I spend my days lately trying to get Fanny to come out of the closet. I keep telling her, you know, Fanster, babylove, I love and accept you. It's okay if you're a lesbian. Really. I know some excellent lesbians I can set you up with. I love lesbians! But she keeps insisting she's not. It's sad really. I just want her to be happy. Oh yeah, sometimes I study too. Should probably do that more, but this whole college thing's, well fuck, it's a lot harder than people tell you.

#ten I'm addicted to my cellphone. Man you don't even know. I'd marry the thing if I could. It's my lifeline.

#eleven Same goes for the goatee. I spent twenty years on this earth dying for a goatee and now I've got one so you just shut your trap Fanna-tastic because the goatee stays.

#shh Fuck. Okay. Top fucking secret, you got this? Fuck. Alright, number six? Total bullshit. I didn't shape up anything. Fanny's the one playing on my audition tape. All it took was a little bit of photoshop and the parentals making her swear she'd never breathe a word. And listen, okay, I'm not a fucking idiot, I know it's lying and stuff, but what else was I going to do? Like I could get in on my own. And it was the only way our parents would let her come too. So it worked out really well for everyone. And I'm not doing it again. I'm not. No matter how fucked I am in junior seminar. ~~So fucked.~~

pb/picture Adam Brody

a new meaning to after school special

i'm a legend in the locker room