Last night, I told him amidst our being so very close that it couldn't work. Terrible timing; Terrible timing. I was so very serious. As serious as I could be while drunk.
He thought I was joking.
Laughing, he just pressed his lips against mine. It was hard to resist.
Temptation at its best...
He wanted it so bad. I could tell. I kinda wanted it to. I wouldn't let him have it. Strength to keep myself from doing something dumb.
I finally said I had to go home and he requested I drop him off.
I tried to explain how it just couldn't work. He likes me... a lot and I knew it. He tried to play it off like he didn't but it wasn't hard to see he did. I didn't want a relationship and a relationship with him scared me so much. Our being sexual just made it worse and created an even stickier situation.
I should have never kissed you that night you called me. I don't understand anymore.
You hate me now.
The way you said that I was the only one you ever truely cared for..
That hurt just like how you wanted it to.
The way you slammed my door while it rained away on that dark dark night.
I called you today and you acted like any other. Only to text me five minutes later saying I make your life worse and that we are done. It's like you've broken up with me. We were never even in a relationship.
I feel so hurt. So heavy. I feel so wrong.

Tonight was my prom. It was okay.
The area wasn't themed. It had poor music. You can't really dance with many people because they are either too drunk or there are too many boundaries. It felt like a wedding.
Ended up at a place downtown in East Town. Huge party with a bunch of random ass people. Casey was there. I always find myself oddly attracted to him even though I'm pretty sure he doesn't give a fuck about me. Guys kept flirting. Adam wanted me to flirt my way into getting some weed. I kindly declined. A girl with cool dreads gave me a million hugs and let me borrow her flip flops. A boy with red hair named nick thought I was hot. He was really drunk though. We exchanged numbers. Brittany Grooters was there. I met a girl who used to go to my school freshman year who recognized me. Beth was stoned as fuckk. Life is good.
I enjoy meeting random people.


I did everything I could tonight to forget you.

Tony drunk called me two nights ago at 3:40 am. It isn't the most pleasant thing to wake up to. I let my phone go to voicemail and he left a hilarious message. I always save his drunken voice mails because we are both outrageous drunks and evidence against us both is good and I can't wait to show him.

The weather is stating that this Saturday, it's going to be 60 degrees and partly cloudy. I know that may sound decent but WHAT THE HELL?? It's been mid 70's to early 80's for the past week and now on the day of prom, it's going to be in the low 60's..... riiiight. I have a short dress too. I really really hope it doesn't get cold.

As memories sake I feel like posting how I met some of my significant others of the past.. I saw it on someone else's journal and it made me remember everything. Might as well write it down before I forget!
I remember my first boyfriend was Sam Moergen. He was a sophmore at my school when I was a freshman. He played guitar and trumpet in our marching band and I played percussion. On a bus trip on the way to a competition, he sat in the seat next to me and we started talking. I thought we connected so well that I developed a full blown crush till he asked me to be his girlfriend. Ohman; young love. Haha. He was my first kiss.
Then there was Andrew (forgot his last name; oops) and I met him shortly after ending it with Sam. I found out about him through my cousin Gabby. She said he was really cute and he thought I was cute (probably from photos) and she wanted us to meet. A week later, we all went bowling and I fell in love with Andrew. We dated all summer; which is a long time for me! He was my first everything.
My summer after sophmore year, I was at a show downtown called Beardcore. My friend Kat was with me and she knew some of the people who were playing in the show. At the time I thought it was the coolest thing in the world and that I was part of that "scene" scene in our city. I formed this undying crush on a boy that was hanging out with one of the bands but my friend Kat was liking him too. I got discouraged. I instead tried and make some other friends around. One of them was part of the band and the other was some punk kid who liked wearing my large sunglasses. Two days later, he found me on myspace and said he was bored and wanted to know if he could have my number so he could call me. It was a relationship ever since then haha! Tony and I weren't together for a too long period of time but now we are hanging out again which is nice.
One of my sorta possibilities who I would wish to consider one of my boyfriends was Richard. He was the preppy, crew member, partying kinda guy. I thought he was HOT. I met him after he sat down at a table I was at during class at school and talked to me and Casey about Spring Break. Ever since then, he would search me out during school and we eventually saw each other everyday. He asked me if I could be his girlfriend after a period of time but I told him I had to think about it. Later on I denied him at his Grad Party but I realized quickly that I regretted it. I could tell he wasn't totally happy when I went back to him about it. Ever since, we just hang out with each other rarely these days..
Lastly there is Logan. I met him through my friend Drew. I was going to see The Show Is The Rainbow at the DAAC. Drew saw his friends Logan and Adam were there. I thought Logan was cute and we started dating after we had a super long coffee break downtown. I had to break up with him once school started however because he lived so far away and I couldn't affored the gas.
NOW I'm single. harhar.
Fun looking back.
Now I'm going to go take photos of Freshman Girls Soccer for yearbook. hurrahhhh...

Join my new community?

I'm a tad drunk and I have to admit.
I really really wanted to fuck my ex boyfriend.
Scratch that.
I was really really close to fucking my ex boyfriend.

Am I allowed to say that we are falling for each other again?
Since this has been a repeated moment for the past week and a half since he called me?