Away with the fairies - Pt 2! - Post a comment [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
heidigrl43434

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Help! [Dec. 18th, 2008|10:19 pm]
Long time no write. I need to write more. Writing has always helped me.

I don't like my boyfriend. Wayne. He's not a kind, caring or loving person. I just really don't like him, and there's not other way I can say it.

He takes every opportunity to slag me off, or just say unkind things to me. I mean, I'm surprised some of the time, when he takes a harmless situation and uses it as an opprtunity to make me feel like a piece of shit.

Like last night. Let me go back a bit. Luke had a bed we bought off ebay which was a triple bunk. It wasn't the most comfortable thing, and it took up a lot of room. So, I offered to get him a sofa bed, again from ebay. I made every effort in picking a bed, however, what I picked was not as easy to fold and unfold as Luke and I had wanted it to be, but it is very comfortable. Anyway, so I asked Luke if he wanted to keep that bed, or get one that was easier to fold up, and he wanted one that was easier to fold up. So, I got a free one from Freecycle, but it turned out to be a bit basic and very uncomfortable. Luke hadn't had a chance to try it out yet, but I did and it was so uncomfortable. Now, Luke isn't the kind of kid who would tell you if he were uncomfortable. He slept on his old mattress in the old flat for ages when you could feel every spring in it. He never once complained. Wayne only realised how uncomfortable it was when had to sleep on it once.

Anyway, since the free sofabed was not comfortable, I saw one that was £18 in the Community Furniture Project. So I bought that. It looked more solid and much more comfy. Anyway, at the time, Wayne didn't say anything about it. However, last night when he cam ehome from work, I don't know what crawled up his arse and died but he laid into me about it. He complained that Luke hadn't even had a chance to try the black one. He was really annoyed that Luke didn't get to try it. The fact that I know it isn't comfortable isn't good enough. I was somehow stupid or inconsiderate for paying for his son to have a more comfortable bed. So I said fuck them, I'll sell the better bed and Luke can sleep on the uncomfortable one for all I care. I fucking paid for the sofa bed currently in his room (the first one from ebay) and the one from the CFP. I didn't see Wayne offering to pay for it or even give me half. I fucking bought the washing machine yesterday as well, and he hasn't offered me a penny towards that either.

I pay for 95% of all the shopping in this house as well, which goes ungratefully noticed.

So I pointed out to Wayne, that I could not understand why he was having a go at me for buying Luke a better bed. It appears as though he takes every opportunity to belittle me. He will even take situations that don't warrant such actions, and still manages to find a way to berate me from it.

I just don't like the man. I have every intention of moving out next year. I don't want to be with him any more. I don't want to be around Luke any more. I'm tired of trying to help Luke and not getting anywhere. I'm tired of things being my responsibility because 1) There's no one else to do it. 2) I'm better at it than anyone else. That's bull shit. Luke is NOT my responsibility at all whatsoever. I've given him plenty of effort and I don't want to do it anymore. He isn't as nasty as his dad, but he still has no respect for anyone. I believe his mum tells him to be the way he is when he's over here.

ANyway, I'm pretty fed up. I just want to get my own place next year. Things would be easier for me on my own. When Wayne is on lates, it's pretty much like I live on my own anyway. I get up with the kids and get them ready for nursery, I take them to nursery, I work, I pick them up from nursery, I make their tea and I get them ready for bed. Wayne gets home, gives me grief about what I haven't done around the house or not having made his tea, and you know what? Fuck it. I don't need it. How wonderful would it be to just NOT have the shit I get when he gets home from work?

And then, when he's on earlies, I still am the one getting up with the kids, taking them to nursery and everyday except my late shift, I pick them up from nursery, I usually still make the tea except on a late shift, and we both tend to put them to bed. But you know what? It's not worth it. I would live an easier life in my own place. I would have to make tea for anyone except myself and the kids. I wouldn't have to worry about Luke or Wayne. I could see that I'M taken care of, BEFORE Wayne and Luke. They don't allow me to do that while I'm living here.

I give up. I'm moving out next year.

I don't even play up to Wayne's nastiness most of the time. I just let it pass 9 out of 10 times, however sometimes it really gets to me and I fight back. I tell him that it's not acceptable to talk to me the way he does, but he doesn't agree. I always deserve to be spoken to like a piece of fucking shit.

Mean bastard.
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