| Ohmigod! |
[Feb. 12th, 2008|10:02 am] |
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Well, this is a new place. Not quite sure if I like it yet. Not been here long enough!
The link to my previous journal is http://heidigrl43434.greatestjournal.com/
My previous journal was at GJ, but it appears that A) They are having major system problems which may result in the site being shut down or B) They just don't give a shit about the site anymore and have lost all motivation so make up shit about system crashes to scare monger people into leaving, so they can shut it down.
The message boards hint at both really. And the guy who owns it apparently made it blatantly clear previously, that he doesn't care about the site anymore. Anyway, none of my business as long as I have a place to write.
I've moved into a new house with Wayne. It's a lovely place and it really feels like home. Although we have lots of extra space, keeping things tidy and clean is still a nightmare when we both work and have 2 kids to look after. We've got lots of other commitments as well, like working out, my diet group, the kids, etc etc. So the evenings are pretty busy.
Valentine's day is 2 days away, and I'm getting pretty stressed about it. I shouldn't, but I am. Last year Wayne and I didn't do anything for each other. Well, I bought him some stuff and hid it, and when I saw that he wasn't going to do anything, I just pretended I didn't buy anything either, because I didn't want to feel stupid. I took it back and got my money back.
I have no plans to do, or get anything for him this year. Valentine's Day isn't really something Wayne does. In fact, any relationship themed holidays aren't really Wayne's thing. Like anniversaries. And that's just the way he is. I tell myself that he probably didn't do anything for his other girlfriends either, and it's not just me, but I already know that's not true, so I'm having a tough job trying to convince myself.
I mean, it's no big deal really. I don't expect anything, so surely I can't be disappointed if I don't get anything. I'd like to think that's going to be true, but we'll see.
Wayne and I don't have a normal relationship. If I need help, it's too much trouble. I have to be completely self sufficient, yet make sure Wayne is completely happy, in order for things to run at an ok level. But as soon as I need help with anything, it upsets his balance and he can't cope. For instance, the time I asked for help getting my cross trainer. And last night, I was getting stressed about the internet not working, and asked him to have a go getting some information, but no, it was just too much trouble. He didn't give a shit if the internet worked or not, and because I care and needed it, it was a big deal for me to expect any help. And that's just how it always is. Unless Wayne actually cares, he isn't bothered. Regardless of how much I care, or how much something bothers me.
I can't say Wayne just lives for himself. He goes to work to pay the mortgage and bills, and he's pretty good with helping out with the kids a good part of the time. But when it comes to my emotions and happiness, that's where the buck stops.
I'm more used to it now than I was in the beginning, or for a long time. I don't argue about it as much anymore. I just accept it. This is how things are for now.
The future is changing though. I've lost 2 stone so far on my diet and I hope to lose a lot more. And my life will be drastically different then. I can't wait.
The future is bright, the future... is orange. |
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