The killer in me is the killer in you

cravings

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 04:36:14 GMT

I've had a nearly insatiable craving for cocoa lately.

I wonder what that means.

---
Sir Integra Hellsing

Waaait wait wait

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 06:31:56 GMT

Okay, what?

Just when I thought that--

You know what? I just....I need a smoke.

We knew about this about a day or two before it was announced, but I'm still having trouble processing it. Of course, Iscariot is having a field day with this. I suppose this whole thing would be much worse if Maxwell were still an issue. He was much more...vocal than his replacement has been. It's a welcome change.

Still, I bet you can guess who isn't looking forward to work for the next few months.

---
Sir Integra Hellsing

Breakfast of Champions

Mon, 18 May 2009 12:08:36 GMT

On that note, I'm completely not having taffy and Kool-aid for breakfast. I don't know what you're talking about. Alucard certainly had no idea about it, either.

alucard: go eat your taffy.
integra: ^-^
integra: taffyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy~~ ^-^/
integra: *pat pat* Taffy.
alucard: e_e b You just stay right there.. I'll be back.
integra: ^-^~! taffy.
integra: walter never lets me have taffy in the morning! you're the best!
alucard: Good thing I'm... INVISIBLE. Or I'd really get shit for this.
alucard: MWAHA!

This isn't a ploy to get a certain butler to throw things at me. No no.

Oh hey a leaf!

---
Sir Integra "Currently Engaged in an Epic Leaf-chase" Hellsing

/stares forever

Mon, 18 May 2009 07:04:19 GMT

Now, Walter. The floozies do not take that long.

---

Integra

Honestly, some people...

Sat, 04 Apr 2009 11:43:44 GMT

What the...

...Proof that I don't need to be awake at seven in the morning.

---
Sir Integra Hellsing

This is what I deal with.

Wed, 18 Feb 2009 18:36:13 GMT

If anyone has ever wondered what my nights look like, this is pretty much it.

Walter Invents the Plague: Part I

integra: walter
integra: do you really want to stand between me and caramel?

walter: ...
walter: ma'm
walter: why do you do this to me

integra: because it's my job

walter: /sighs
walter: /coughs all over all the caramel
walter: here
walter: ..there
walter: now you can't have any

integra: ...you realize that i don't mind your germs, right?

walter: do you want the plague?!
walter: do you!?

integra: do you have the plague?!

walter: YES

integra: ...
integra: if you had the plague you couldn't work

walter: yes i could

integra: and i'd have to let seras do all of your work

walter: YES I COULD

integra: NO YOU COULDN'T
integra: NOW I WILL ASK YOU AGAIN
integra: DO YOU HAVE THE PLAGUE

walter: ....................
walter: I...
walter: ....

integra: ANSWER
integra: THE QUESTION
integra: MISTER DOLLNEAZ

walter: I DON'T KNOW
walter: I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ANYMORE
walter: I DON'T KNOW AAHHHH /SOBS

integra: YOU DON'T KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU HAVE THE PLAGUE??

walter: STOP ASKING ME THINGS
walter: STOP
walter: AAH
walter: AHAHAHAHAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

integra: /stare
integra: /STARE

walter: /STARES BACK

integra: /STARES EIGHT TIMES MORE
integra: /STARE /STARE /STARE /STARE /STARE /STARE /STARE /STARE

walter: WTFFFFF

integra: YEAH
integra: YEAH THAT'S RIGHT
integra: YOU PLAGUELESS POOF

walter: /stares

integra: /stares

Walter Invents the Plague: Part II

integra: hey hey hey
integra: plague-haver
integra: you still didn't tell me if you're over your cold
integra: /stare

walter: i have the plague
walter: that is all

integra: oh my god
integra: i'm going to strangle you
integra: /s.t.a.r.e

walter: what

integra: /stare
integra: not giving your master a proper report on your health is a criminal offense, you know

walter: i said i had the plague! what more do you want!

integra: you don't actually have the plague you liar!

walter: I don't?

integra: no, walter
integra: you don't

walter: oh

integra: yeah
integra: but you did have a cold
integra: /stare

walter: and now i have the plague

integra: ....
integra: excuse me, won't you?
integra: /leaves room
integra: /loud banging heard from hallway

walter: lmao

integra: /comes back, giant red spot on forehead
integra: ok, hello

walter: rofl
walter: what the...

integra: it's
integra: it's just better not to ask

Walter Invents the Plague: Part III

walter: alrighty, i'll reply in the morning, falling asleep right now :3
walter: see you in the mooorning
walter signed off at 1:02:41 AM.
walter signed on at 1:31:55 AM.
walter: k so maybe i lied

integra: lmfao well that didn't take long

walter: rofl

walter: well, i have the plague. so i couldn't sleep.

integra: oh
integra: my god
integra: i will eat your face

walter: what?
walter: WHAT?

integra: /just STARING

walter: WHAT THE HELL DID I DO NOW

integra: YOU DO NOT HAVE THE PLAGUE

walter: YES I DO

integra: HOW MANY TIMES
integra: DO I NEED TPO
integra: NO
integra: NO YOU DO NOT

walter: yes i do

integra: ok
integra: prove it

walter: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pneumonic_plague
walter: my coughing up a lung wasn't a hint to you
walter: okay
walter: i have the damn plague
walter: now take that lung and laminate it then frame it

integra: i ain't laminating shit

walter: i know
walter: you're laminating my lung

integra: ....
integra: /stare
integra: okay so where's your fever
integra: and rapidly developing pneumonia

walter: i'm kind of dead so i don't appear very hot

integra: oh wah wah i'm dead but i can still get the plague
integra: do you hear yourself?

walter: what do you WANT FROM ME LADY
walter: I HAVE THE DAMN PLAGUE
walter: I'M NOT LOOKING FOR SYMPATHY

integra: YOU DO NOT HAVE THE PLAGUE

walter: OK OK

integra: YOU JUST COUGHED

walter: FINE
walter: WHAT DO I HAVE
walter: HUH

integra: A COUGH

walter: HUH MISS SMARTY PANTS

integra: YOU HAVE
integra: A CAUGH
integra: COUGH
integra: SDFGHJ

walter: NO
walter: I DON'T
walter: OK

integra: YES

walter: I DON'T HAVE A COUGH
walter: I HAVE THE PLAGUE

integra: YOU HAVE A FUCKING COUGH

walter: NO

integra: YES

walter: NO

integra: YES

walter: NO

integra: NO PNEUMONIA, NO FEVER, NO PLAGUE

walter: NO

integra: SO YOU'D BETTER GRAB SOME PNEUMONIA OR GRAB A MOP

walter: here is the question
walter: DO I TAKE NYQUIL OR NOT
walter: DOES NYQUIL COVER THE PLAGUE

integra: NO IT DOES NOT COVER THE DAMN PLAGUE

walter: oh shit

integra: EVEN THE IMAGINARY ONE

walter: well what do i do

integra: you lay down and cuddle up

walter: hmmm
walter: no i think i'll take nyquil: plague
walter: nyquil cold & plague excuse me

integra: ....
integra: i'm going
integra: to strangle you

walter: k
walter: but i don't think that's covered in the symptoms it helps
walter: nope strangulation: not included

integra: oh it's about to be

walter: sorry it's not on the bottle

integra: /takes bottle
integra: /writes it in doctor scribble
integra: there
integra: damn you

walter: ...
walter: hm
walter: there's
walter: something illegible here
walter: i think it says i have the plague

integra: it says strangulation

walter: no
walter: no, it definitely doesn't say that
walter: it says i have the plague
walter: see? see right here?
walter: i better take this

integra: dok: no, zat definitely says strangulation.

walter: NO ONE FUCKING ASKED YOU
walter: GO THE HELL AWAY OKAY

integra: dok: D: VHY ARE YOU SO ANGRY AT ME I AM JUST UND DOKTOR

walter: OH I DON'T KNOW
walter: COULD HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE FACT YOU KINDA
walter: KIDNAPPED ME AND TURNED ME INTO A FUCKING VAMPIRE
walter: HAMLET I JUST GOT TURNED INTO A FUCKING VAMPIRE!

integra: dok: oh you're so dramatic
integra: dok: HEY ACTY

walter: LISTEN TO THE WOMAN JOHN
walter: HE HAS THE PLAGUE

integra: dok: i vast like HEY EVERYBODY, I CAN'T VATCH ZIS
integra: dok: I SINK I KNOW ZE PLAGUE VHEN I SEE IT OKAY

walter: why are nyquil tablets fucking HUGE

integra: why are you taking nyquil??
integra: doesnb't that interact with excedrin?

walter: cause i have thr plague
walter: i tiik excedrin at like 2pm it's been 12 hrs

integra: /stare
integra: /stare

walter: I ONLY TOOK 1

integra: WHAT'S THE RECCOMMENDED DOSE?

walter: 2

integra: OKAY THEN
integra: BUT STILL
integra: /STARE

walter: I'M SMALL OK
walter: IT DOESN'T TAKE MORE THAN 1 TO DO THE JOB

integra: ....

walter: lol
walter: lol

integra: /d
integra: /i
integra: /e

walter: lmfao

integra: /s

walter: LOOK
walter: I HAVE THE PLAGUE

integra: DFGH

walter: DON'T EVEN START WITH ME

integra: YOU DO NOT

walter: OR I WILL GIVE IT TO YOU

integra: HAVE
integra: THE FUCKING PLAGUE
integra: FINE
integra: GIVE ME YOUR IMAGINARY
integra: BULLSHIT PLAGUE

walter: no
walter: NO
walter: i dont want you to die

integra: ..../facepalm
integra: then why would you even--
integra: you know what
integra: okay

walter: lmfao
walter: IDK I HAVE BRONCHITIS OR YOUR FACE OR SOMETHING

integra: WHAT THE
integra: FUCK
integra: HOW DID
integra: THIS GET FROM
integra: THE PLAGUE
integra: TO BRPONDFSTRSD

walter: lmfao
walter: THE PLAGUE SOUNDS COOLER
walter: ALSO: IT'S THE PLAGUE

integra: /BANGS HEAD
integra: /ON DESK
integra: /FOREVER

walter: I HAVE WHATEVER MAKES YOU COUGH UP LUNGS
walter: IS THAT THE PLAGUE
walter: I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S THE PLAGUE

integra: THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT THE PLAGUE

walter: YEAH IT IS IT'S THE PLAGUE I KNEW IT
walter: I'MG LAD YOU AGREE
walter: ....
walter: I'M GLAD TOO

integra: YOU DON'T EVEN
integra: HEAR ME
integra: WHEN I TALK
integra: DO YOU

walter: YEAH I KNOW IT'S KIND OF GROSS

integra: ALL OF THIS USED TO BE ORANGE GROVE

walter: WELL IT'S ONLY TEMPORARY

integra: fghjk
integra: THE PLAGUE??

walter: YEAH
walter: WHAT ELSE

integra: sdfghjkl;
integra: ertykilop;'
integra: sdcfvgbnhm,./
integra: erfgtujkilo
integra: /letter opener

walter: look
walter: look.
walter: it's the plague. just admit it.

integra: i will do no such thing

walter: yeah well
walter: next time i have to cough
walter: i'll cough in your face
walter: and then when you die from the plague
walter: you'll get

integra: i'd like to see you try little man

walter: it was the plague
walter: what else is it then
walter: huh
walter: huh punk

integra: ANYTHING ELSE

walter: like what
walter: there is nothing else

integra: bronchitis
integra: a cold

walter: did you just make that up?

integra: yes

walter: i've never heard of either of these things before

integra: yes, i made up bronchitis

walter: "cold" "bronchitis" come on these don't even sound like words
walter: be more creative
walter: it's the plague

integra: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bronchitis i even made a wikipedia page about it
integra: in .25 seconds

walter: what the hell
walter: why would you do that
walter: god

integra: because
integra: oh
integra: i don't know
integra: i DIDN'T?

walter: well how'd it get there then
walter: you obviously planted it
walter: no one else is stupid enough to think of something called "bronchitis" lol it sounds like a fucking dinosaur

integra: you know what it is walter
integra: i bet it's emphysema
integra: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emphysema from all of your bullshit smoking

walter: no
walter: it's the plague

integra: you're a brontosaurus
integra: how do you like that
integra: that's right you shut up

walter: what
walter: i wasn't paying attention
walter: i was too busy having the plague

integra: because of your emphysema

walter: no
walter: i don't have that
walter: just the plague
walter: also: i need a cigarette
walter: can you find me one

integra: yeah, maybe you can make one
integra: out of all the tar you're coughing up
integra: from your emphysema

walter: i'm not coughing up tar
walter: coughing up crap
walter: and blood
walter: it's not tar
walter: okay
walter: fuck you

integra: if you're coughing up crap, it's way worse than the plague
integra: just saying

walter: ..................
walter: /stares
walter: get me
walter: a cigarette
walter: for that

integra: pff
integra: what do i look like, the butler?

walter: yes
walter: yes you do
walter: you look like the butler right now

integra: i'm not going to help you with your emphysema

walter: i'm the master
walter: and you're the butler
walter: right now
walter: and i have the plague
walter: so you should go get me a damn fag

integra: pffffffffffff
integra: PPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

walter: PFFF ALL YOU WANT WOMAN BUT YOU BEST LISTEN TO YOUR BUTLER
walter: ...MASTER
walter: YOUR FUCKINGFJA;SLKJ

integra: YEAH
integra: YOU CAN'T EVEN BE MASTER FOR 2 SECONDS WITHOUT BUTLER COMING THROUGH

walter: i hate you

integra: you want me

walter: Unnamed Jan (2:19:10 AM): You have the plague.
walter: hah
walter: hah
walter: HAH

integra: you fucking made him say that
integra: JAN IS NOT A DOCTOR
integra: DOK IS A DOCTOR
integra: AND I HAVE DOK
integra: AND DOK SAYS NO FUCKING PLAGUE

walter: Unnamed Jan (2:20:26 AM): Jan is a brain surgeon. Fact.
walter: (2:20:32 AM): obviously
walter: (2:20:39 AM): you are quite the brain surgeon
Unnamed Jan (2:20:42 AM): Feel free to quote me on that one.

integra: you're both retarded

walter: ...duh

integra: you can quote me on that

walter: /stares

integra: /stares

walter: /stares

integra: the only one certified to diagnose the plague is me okay
integra: and i say emphysema

walter: suuuuure
walter: riiiiiiight

integra: because you spent your teenage years sucking down fags

walter: .................................
walter: what the
walter: Unnamed Jan (2:23:54 AM): Well she is quite right about you being a retard, Walter. I can't really argue with that. Spot on, a very clear-headed and accurate analysis of the situation at hand. Clever and insightful, it answers all the questions anyone might have had about Walter's personality in an elegant and intelligent manner that vindicates your comrade and elevates her to amongst the world's greatest thinkers. Feel free to quote me on this one.
walter: (2:24:07 AM): ....................................

integra: .....jan just got brownie points

walter: LOL

integra: pot brownie points

walter: Unnamed Jan (2:25:07 AM): SCORE! 8D
walter: i hate you two forever

integra: you love us

walter: no
walter: i hate you
walter: when i die of the plague you'll be sorry

integra: hate us with looooooooove?
integra: you're already dead

walter: shut up
walter: die again
walter: undie
walter: whatever
walter: f;alsk

integra: hee hee, undie
integra: like underpants

walter: ....................
walter: i hate you
walter: so much
walter: forever
walter: /dies
walter: /OF THE PLAGUE WHICH I HAVE YES I DO SHUT UP

integra: NEIN NO PLAGUE

walter: too late already died from the plague

integra: no you died from nazis

walter: no

integra: w/e you so did
integra: nottheplague

walter: /dead from the plague still

integra: you're dead from nazis

walter: shut up i am not

integra: wtf okay then
integra: you fell on the way to the zeppelin
integra: and died

walter: .........

integra: well? if the nazis didn't do it?
integra: maybe you tripped on your own wires
integra: or choked on a pretzel
integra: they are german, you know

walter: ...........................................

integra: because i mean, if you had the plague when you were human
integra: i drank after you a lot
integra: even before we left for the war
integra: so by that logic

walter: .............

integra: you gave me the plague

walter: no
walter: i just caugtht the plague
walter: caught

integra: lies and faggotry

walter: no you

integra: is that really your best defense?

walter: no u

integra: maybe it's the emphysema

walter: look lady
walter: okay
walter: look
walter: i took nyqil
walter: also nqyuil
walter: .......nyquil
walter: and i am

integra: LMAO

walter: having the plague
walter: so just

integra: retarded

walter: shut your piehole

integra: yeah you are retarded
integra: for thinking you have the plague

walter: wtffffffffffffffffffffffffffff i hate you

integra: maybe the retard plague

walter: WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN TO ME
walter: GOD
walter: I'M DYING HERE AND YOU'RE LAUGHING AT ME

integra: BECAUSE YOU DO NOT HACVE THE FUCKING PLAGUE

walter: yes i do

integra: I AM LAUGHING BECAUSE ALL THE FAGS YOU SUCKED DOWN IN YOUR TEENS ARE CATCHING UP TO YOU

walter: i have the plague
walter: i am going to k
walter: ill
walter: you

integra: yeah okay, i'd like to see you try
integra: come on plaguey
integra: plagues mcgee
integra: invisiplague

walter: ..................
walter: what the
walter: hell
walter: just
walter: did you say

integra: be careful everybody
integra: the mighty invisiplague is loose
integra: he may infect your children
integra: with nothing

Walter Invents the Plague: Epilogue

walter: k i'm going to sleep now
walter: GOING TO SLEEP NOW
walter: WITH THE PLAGUE

integra: YOU BETTER GO TO BED
integra: WITH YOUR SANS PLAGUE

walter: going to bed with the plague
walter: see you tomorrow
walter: goodnight and sweet dreams

integra: sweet dreams snugglebunny
integra: i'll just be here
integra: sad that you love jan more than me D:

walter: yeah well
walter: ....
walter: /stabs

integra: WTF
integra: fghjk
integra: fine, fine
integra: you don't want any cuddles

walter: YES I DO
walter: BUT I DON'TWNT TO INFACET YOU

integra: YOU WILL NOT INFECT ME

walter: I DON'T WANT TO INFECT YOU

integra: YOU KNOW WHAT
integra: EVEN IF YOU DO IT'S OK
integra: BECAUSE I'VE HAD MY PLAGUE SHOTS

walter: OH
walter: REALLY?

integra: EVEN MY IMAGINARY ONES
integra: TOTALLY

walter: OH
walter: OKAY
walter: /HUGS

integra: /SNUGGLES

walter: YAY

integra: NOW DO YOU LOVE ME?

walter: OF COURSE I LOVE YOU

integra: MORE THAN JAN?

walter: YES, MORE THAN JAN

integra: YAY!!

walter: NOW
walter: GO TO BED SOON
walter: OR ELSE

Or else what, you might ask.

Maybe he'll give me the "plague".

Of course, we redeem ourselves with moments like these.

integra: do you want me to post something somewhere? anywhere? ever?

walter is idle at 10:45:47 PM.
walter is no longer idle at 10:47:10 PM.

integra: /gnaws on yoooouuu

walter: /spaced out omg

integra: omggggg

walter: OKAY UM LET'S SEE
walter: /STARES AT WORLD
walter: how about...
walter: ...turtles are making their move to overtake the world...
walter: discuss.

integra: oh god it's worse than millennium
integra: cause it'll take them a millennium to get to us
integra: HAH.
integra: GET IT?
integra: it's funny because turtles are slow

walter: lmfao
walter: hey
walter: you're pretty cute

integra: rotfl wtf it's totally rude to talk to mirrors when other people are talking to you
integra: jeez, walter
integra: jeez

walter: lmao
walter: what the
walter: i'm talking to YOU young lady

integra: wow you're a lady?

walter: ....

integra: :D!

Integra

fghjkl;'

Sun, 11 Jan 2009 06:29:55 GMT

I hate everything in the world right now.

What I should have said was nothing.

Mon, 13 Oct 2008 11:08:20 GMT

Well I can certainly tell you who isn't up at seven in the morning because she filled up on Halloween cookies and root beer somewhere around midnight.

---
Sir Integra Hellsing

My secrets, you say?

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 12:27:40 GMT

Apparently this survey wants me to reveal 105 secrets about myself. Well, since I don't have to be at a meeting until later this afternoon, why not?

1. real name
Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing.

3. single or taken
Very taken.

4. zodiac
Scorpio with a Virgo rising.

5. male or female
Female.

6. elementary
Home schooled.

7. middle
Home schooled.

8. high school
Home schooled.

9. eye color
Blue.

10. hair color
Blonde.

15. are you a health freak
Haha. Hahaha. Ha. No.

17. do you have a crush on someone
Perhaps.

18. do you like yourself
Of course I do.

19. piercing
Ears.

20. tattoos
...>> One, apparently.

21. righty or lefty
Righty.

FIRSTS -

22. first surgery
Possibly to get my tonsils out when I was young.

23. first piercings
Ears.

24. first best friend
Does Walter count?

25. first trophy
I've never been a big trophy person.

26. first sport
Vampire eradication. Although I am fairly decent at air hockey.

27. first pet
My darling Baskerville.

28. first vacation
Father took me to Paris when I was 10. There was a contact there that was having a rather nasty infestation that required our assistance. There wasn't much for me to actually do, though. I sat in on a lecture that father gave, listened to the details, gave an opinion or two that may or may not have lead to a constructive conclusion, and sat by drinking cocoa while they set up the particulars. After that, though, he and I spent an extra day to go sightseeing.

30. first crush
Hilariously enough? Dracula. From a few old movies that I'd seen, up to the newer ones of the time. Aside from that, I think there was a neighbor boy that I was rather smitten with before his family moved.

CURRENTLY

49. eating
Waiting for breakfast.

51. I'm about to
Eat?

52. listening to
A commercial on TV. Tales from the Darkside is on otherwise.

53. waiting for
Food.

54. wearing
A camisole, glasses and a black skirt that I found on the...I...mean...not...the floor. In the drawer! Yes, the drawer.

FUTURE -

55. want kids?
Someday it seems that I'll have to produce an heir or heiress, regardless.

56. want to get married
It's not something that I can see happening with the current state of things. I'd like to, but for us as things are, it would feel like a mockery.

67. careers in mind
I have the career that I love.

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE PREFERRED SEX?

68. lips or eyes
Either, really. Although I do love eyes that have a story to tell.

69. hugs or kisses
Hugs, probably, although I'll never complain about a stolen kiss from him.

70. shorter or taller
Taller, preferably.

71. tan skinned or light
I don't really have a preference.

72. romantic or spontaneous
Both.

73. dark or light hair
I am a sucker for dark hair.

74. muscular or normal
Normal, please.

75. hook-up or relationship
The term "hook-up" does not exist in my vernacular. I only accept the real thing.

76. similar to you or different
Similar enough that we "get" each other, but different enough to balance one another out.

HAVE YOU EVER -

77. kissed a stranger
No thank you?

79. Been in love?
Of course.

80. Got sick from drinking to much?
It's "gotten" and...well...I'll just say this: Absinthe is a powerful thing.

81. Went to Rehab?
"Gone", and no.

82. broken someones heart?
Not that I know of?

83. turned someone down?
All the time.

84. liked a friend as more than a friend?
Not to my recollection.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN -

86. yourself
Vehemently.

87. miracles
Yes.

89. Santa Claus
Haha...I believe that Walter has a very old red suit stashed in a closet somewhere.

90. Sex on the first date
I'm British, what do you think?

91. Angels
I was raised by one.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY -

92. Is there one or more people you want to be with right now?
Of course.

93. If you could bring back someone that died, would you? and why?
Do I even need to answer this?

94. Are you cold?
The temperature is actually rather fair.

LASTS -

95. Text message
Probably Yumiko.

96. Received call
Pip.

97. Call made
Alucard.

98. Comment on myspace
I don't have a MySpace.

99. Missed Call
Pip.

101. You hugged
Alucard.

104. You slapped
That's been a while. I...actually can't remember.

105. Said I love you to
Alucard.

Well that was...secretive.

And now, I have eaten a decent breakfast and am ready to start the day.

---
Sir Integra Hellsing

From yesterday

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 18:25:26 GMT

I've forgotten what I said to spur this, but I'm still laughing about it today.

alucard: What, is that a crack about how I don't have a heart?
integra: You have a heart!
alucard: I've impaled thousands!
integra: You have a heart, you just don't have a whole lot of patience.
alucard: . . .

---
Sir Integra Hellsing

Yet another survey.

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 09:06:12 GMT

Of course the reports aren't ready yet. An hour later, you get another survey!

Chapter One

What is your name as it appears on your birth certificate?
Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing

Do you prefer your middle/second name to your first name?
Not particularly. I enjoy all of my names.

Has anyone ever made fun of your last name?
That actually made me laugh. Thank you.

Does anyone ever misspell your name?
Always.

How old are you?
24.

What season were you born in?
Autumn.

Does this season suit you?
Of course!

Were you a late or premature baby?
Not to my knowledge.

How did you celebrate your last birthday?
I think I spent most of the day working, then Alucard retired for the night with me. Yes, resting with him is my guilty pleasure.

Do you still live in your hometown?
Yes.

What kind of town is it?
Large.

Is it famous?
Very.

What is your nationality?
British.

Are you proud of it?
Of course.

What does your voice sound like?
You'd have to ask those that I talk to.

Chapter Two

How much do you care about clothes?
Not much at all, really.

What is your style?
Strictly buisness. Except, of course, for those rare occasions when I have either been excused from my duties for the day or invited to a ball or other such gathering.

What was the last item of clothing you bought?
I believe it was a new pair of gloves.

Could you spend hours in a dressing room trying clothes on?
Actually, on certain days, I probably could.

Or are you one of those people who truly loathe shop mirrors?
Not particularly.

Are you more of a window-shopper?
I do window-shop on occasion.

What do you spend most of your money on?
Cigars.

How important is your appearance to you?
Fairly important, but I don't obsess over it.

Describe your;
Hair: Long and blonde.
Eyes: Blue.
Body shape: Curvy.
Lips: Smirking.
Stomach: Irritable.
Butt: Not for you!
Nose: A nose.
Hands: Surprisingly delicate.
Fingernails: Varying lengths.

What shampoo and conditioner do you use?
Honestly, whatever is in there at the time.

Do you enjoy bubble baths?
Ohh yes.

How often do you take them?
Whenever I've had a particularly stressful day.

How long can you sit in them?
A surprising amount of time if I have a CD player in the room with me.

Do you shower daily?
More or less.

What shower gel or soap do you use?
Anything for sensitive skin.

What time of day do you shower/bathe?
Sometimes in the mornings, sometimes very early (1 to 3 in the morning) if I can't sleep.

What color is your bathroom?
White with marble accents.

What kind of shoes do you wear?
Work shoes, unless the occasion calls for either no shoes at all or heels. I'm surprisingly agile in heels.

Do you believe in the theory "you can always tell what kind of person someone is by their shoes"?
Not at all.

What do you sleep in?
Any number of things, from nightgowns, to silk pantsuits, to a camisole and a skirt or shorts in the summer.

What is your favorite make up brand?
I don't buy enough to truly pay any attention, honestly.

Do you think you are pretty without make up?
Of course I do!

How often do you pluck your eyebrows?
Whenever I remember that it's an option. This is usually before one of those formal gatherings.

How often do you shave your legs?
Whenever I need to? I don't really keep track.

Chapter Three

Three things in your purse/pockets:
1. Cigarette case
2. Lighter
3. Some buisness card that I was given recently

Three things you do when you're really stressed:
1. Smoke like a chimney
2. Sedatives are my friends
3. Shoot something

Three places you go on a daily basis:
1. The kitchen
2. My office
3. My bedroom

Three favorite bands:
1. Garbage
2. Lordi
3. Metallica

Three nicknames you go by:
1. Countess
2. Master
3. Princess

Three of your favorite restaurants:
1. I can't
2. Recall any
3. Offhand

Three favorite alcoholic drinks:
1. I don't
2. Really drink
3. That much

Three things you are wearing right now:
1. Parents' engagement rings
2. Nightshirt
3. Night skirt

Chapter Four

How much television do you watch in a day?
Precious little, honestly.

What are your favorite TV Shows?
I don't know of any off the top of my head. I do know that I enjoy Whose Line Is It Anyway? a fair amount.

What was the last DVD you watched?
Probably Count Duckula, because I know how much he hates it, haha.

What was the last album you listened to?
The Black Album.

What are you reading at the moment?
The Vampire Encyclopedia.

What do you love to do during your spare time?
Pretend to be elsewhere.

Do you have a job?
I have a calling.

What do you want to do as a career?
I'm doing what I love.

What did you do today?
Work.

What will you do tomorrow?
Work. I'm so exciting.

How much time do you spend online?
Precious little, lately.

What are your favorite outdoor activities?
~~Shooting trespassers~~ I suppose I'm rather fond of archery when I get the chance.

What is your favorite season?
Autumn and Winter.

Do you listen to a wide range of music or one particular kind?
A varied range indeed.

What CD do you listen to most?
Aria 2: New Horizons. The arrangement of the selections are all so amazingly calming, despite the fact that a majority of the material is so sad (operas, and all).

What is your favorite film?
The Birdcage.

You were expecting me to say Dracula, weren't you?

Chapter Five

How easily do you attract the opposite/same sex?
I don't notice.

When was the last time you were asked out?
One of the Knights tried to set me up with some stuffy nephew of his. I politely declined.

Are you single or taken?
Very taken.

[The rest were removed because they were much too personal]

Chapter Six

Have you ever stolen a street sign?
This is a beautiful question. I almost wish I could say yes!

Have you ever peed in the woods?
...Haha, no?

Do you like popcorn from those big tins?
I did, until I got sick from one of them.

Is it okay for guys to wear pink?
Surely.

What is your favorite food?
Italian food, mostly. Fettuccine Alfredo is amazing.

Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
I was busy learning how to properly exterminate the undead when I was a child. I lacked time to learn about knot-tying techniques.

Would you ever pose nude in a magazine?
No thank you.

When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone?
Yesterday. Work demands that I write a fair amount of letters.

Can you change the oil in a car?
No.

When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for halloween?
Haha...ohh this is an embarrassing one. Well, I was a ghost one year, I think. I know I was a Princess on more than one occasion. I think I was a vampire for the sake of irony one year. Lately though, I haven't had the drive to really dress up, so Alucard usually picks something for me to wear and if I approve, we make it to a gathering or two. I'll give you three guesses as to who he is almost every year.

Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
Only to a few select Paranormal magazines.

Do you sing in the car?
Only in my head.

Ever fired a gun?
At least once a day.

When was the last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
A few years ago, actually. I should have that done again.

Do you think musicals are cheesy?
I do, but some of them can be entertaining. I'm just not much of a musical person.

Have you ever eaten a pierogie?
Unfortunately no! But I hear they're good and I'd like to try one.

Wal-Mart, Target or K-Mart?
I have no preference.

---
Sir Integra Hellsing

A brilliant waste of time.

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 07:53:29 GMT

I haven't done one of these in a while. It's fairly uninteresting, so feel free to skip it. I'm just wasting time until I get the night's report so that I can go to sleep.

Accent: British.

Booze: I rarely drink, but when I do, it's either wine or whatever Brandy father kept in the decanter.

Chore I hate: Please don't make me list them all.

Dogs: Hellhound.

Essential electronics: Computer. I suppose the telephone also, but the less I have to be on it the happier I am.

Fragrance: Cigar smoke and exasperation.

Gold: I prefer silver. Blessed in advance.

Hometown: London, England.

Insomnia: I'm posting this at almost 4am. What do you think?

Job title: Director of the Hellsing Organization.

Kids: Seras.

Living arrangements: The family manor.

Most admired trait: I own Dracula?

Number of sexual partners: I fail to see how this is anyone's buisness but my own.

Overnight hospital stays: A few.

Phobia: Would I really be so public about that? Honestly...

Quote: "Never, never, never give up."

Religion: Protestant.

Siblings: None.

Time I usually wake up: It varies from day to day.

Unusual talent: I can sing fairly well. I suppose that's unusual?

Vegetable I refuse to eat: There are a few, actually.

Worst habit: Smoking, midnight snacking, shouting obscenities in my head with every word Maxwell speaks to me...I'm sure there are others.

X-rays: A few.

Yummy foods I make: I'm not allowed in the kitchen that much, but I can make a pretty decent Key Lime cake!

Zodiac sign: Scorpio.

---
Sir Integra Hellsing

Greetings

Thu, 29 May 2008 08:34:43 GMT

So, I see that our new mercenary has found himself a journal here too.

Hello, Frenchman.

---
Sir Integra Hellsing

Another conversation

Wed, 07 May 2008 01:58:16 GMT

alucard: I choked on my own throat.
alucard: Man, the pros and cons of being immortal number 23852: You cant die, but you /can/ be an idiot.
integra: that is going somew2here
alucard: You should put it somew7here.
integra: you know what you can do?
alucard: Somew3here great.
alucard: Wha9t can i do?
integra: don't you have some spit to choke on?
alucard: ...

---
Sir Integra Hellsing

Conversing with the immortal.

Mon, 28 Apr 2008 15:58:55 GMT

integra: mm, my eyes are getting sreeepy
alucard: Psh, SLEEP IS FOR HUMANS.
alucard: ...
alucard: Oh, right.
integra: ...
alucard: Sorry.
alucard: :/
integra: well, you know...
integra: we CAN remedy that...
alucard: Nope, we cant.
integra: psht
integra: only because you won't get rid of that perverted coffin of yours
alucard: I can only please one human per day, today is not your day. Tomorrow isnt looking good either.
integra: how many other humans have you been pleasing?!
alucard: Oh, lets see here... NONE.
integra: oh the future isn't looking good for you, my friend
alucard: I'm not sure if you realize this.. But I'm a snail right now. A snail. Not a dog, or a bat, or mist, or even rats but a snail. And thats just awful.
integra: well you should have thought of that before you said you were pleasing other humans.
integra: and i wouldn't have had to say snailucard snailucard snailucard
integra: so you see how this is your own doing
alucard: . . . I hate you.
alucard: So much.
integra: you want me.

---
Sir Integra Hellsing

Odd

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 07:11:11 GMT

I realize that the piano lessons that I took as a child never truly wore off. Sometimes, when I'm typing, my hands seem to think that they're playing a piano instead of typing up a report or whatever it is that I'm doing that day.

I just found that interesting.

---
Sir Integra Hellsing

Happy sigh.

Fri, 14 Mar 2008 22:31:35 GMT

Every time I clean, I realize exactly how much I love Swiffer. Because I can get so busy, dust tends to accumulate to a...well, a near frightening degree. But when I finally find time to clean, this product never ceases to amaze me.

Not to mention, when fully extended, the Swiffer duster is a perfect balance to use for baton twirling.

...I think I've said too much.

---
Sir Integra Wingates Swiffer Hellsing

Groan.

Thu, 21 Feb 2008 03:24:57 GMT

The other day I was minding my own buisness in my room. Alucard was out on one mission or another when I realize I forgot to tell him something before he left. So, naturally, I pick up the phone on my dresser and dial him.

*rrrring*

Alucard: *picks up, heavily accented* So. How much does a polar bear weigh?

Me: ...*sits stunned for quite a while before laughing* I hate you.

Alucard: *grinning* No, really! How much does a polar bear weigh?

The question, followed by a series of "I hate you"s ensued for quite some time as I went to the kitchen to get a drink, trying to be quiet so I wouldn't wake Seras.

Finally, while trying very very hard not to make it obvious how much I'm laughing (Damn his infectious grin), I concede.

Me: Alright, I don't know. How much does a polar bear weigh?

Alucard: *still accented* Enough to break the ice. Hi, I'm Vlad.

...

There are days, my friends, when I don't know whether I want to kiss him or kill him.

Note to self: If you ever forget to tell him to get milk, let it go.

---
Sir Integra Hellsing

Hilarity

Tue, 12 Feb 2008 12:04:37 GMT

I just recieved a book in the mail entitled "Shut Up and Drink Your Blood".

It's extremely cheesy and ridiculous, but there are a handful of things that actually made me laugh, the name included.

I just had to share the absurdity of that. I'll bet it was Alucard's doing. I need to keep him away from my computer when I'm gone.

---
Sir Integra Hellsing

Working

Tue, 15 Jan 2008 15:32:43 GMT

So after about a day or so, I finally got this working to my liking. Immeasurable thanks go to cosmicdesign. I could not have done it without you!!

Nothing to update at the moment. It's rare to find me actually active anywhere, as I try to keep myself busy at the office. This will mostly be a friends-only journal. Just a place to vent my thoughts and frustrations of every day life as it has become. I may do the same publically, but it will probably be a rarity.

That seems to be all.

---
Sir Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing