jrpushing

July 23, 3 am

hermione329@gmail.com — Thu, 23 Feb 2012 07:35:07 GMT

...

...

Yeah.

IDEK.

WHY! What did I do to deserve all this? Melly, Melia, work, Leslie, and now this. Just... Sigh.

Head. Desk.

Shrug.

This has been a memorable summer.

June 23rd, around noon

hermione329@gmail.com — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 23:16:27 GMT

I am having a really bad week. I need a break. ~~Maybe everyone's right and I do just need to get laid or lighten up or something. I wish I had a girlfriend.~~

June 19th, 2011. 2 am

hermione329@gmail.com — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 21:15:18 GMT

[PRIVATE! MY EYES ONLY! Why am I writing this down? IDEK I just need to get it out. DID I MENTION THIS IS PRIVATE? OK]

Why am I SUCH an idiot? I don't even know...

So okay... I kinda ditched school a couple months ago to go out with Melly before spring break. And then I left class and went and made out with her again a few weeks later. But we were at Chelle's party and she was flirting with all of these other guys and at first it didn't bother me because I felt like she wanted me anyway, but then she went to prom with Aaron.

Ugh I'm just rambling.

I got kind of jealous? I thought she didn't want me. And then she messaged me out of the blue and showed up here. And we were making out again. And she like pulled at my shirt so I took it off. And she had a bathing suit on and I was like what the hell and took her shirt off. And we kissed for a while. And then... She started like grabbing at my jeans and I sort of freaked out? And grabbed her hands and was like What are you doing? And she was like Taking your pants off, silly or something like that. I don't really remember. And I was like don't do that and she looked at me and then I was like I don't want to, not like this, not like... And then I told her to leave. LEAVE!

I am SO stupid! What the hell is wrong with me? I don't... I don't even know. Part of me is like I did it because I don't really know her or have feelings for her. Part of me is like I don't want to be like that, like fooling around with people I'm not with. Part of me is like are you stupid? Part of me didn't think she liked me that much, but then why would she come over here and kiss me like that and touch me like that and... AAAAAH! I'm so mad at myself.

But I didn't want to just mess around. And she doesn't seem like she wants a relationship, she flirts with everyone and has like a history, and I don't want to do that until I'm with a girl in a relationship not just like that. Not just fooling around like that. I don't even know. I feel awful about it. I think I hurt her feelings? I don't know. Shouldn't I feel good about myself for like wanting to wait to be in a relationship? I just feel stupid.

I'm just going to try REALLY hard to forget this happened.

Except I can't.

I hurt her feelings. I didn't get anything out of it. And now I am alone instead of having someone to hang out with and make out with sometimes. I have NO ONE. But did I even want her? Maybe I could have one day? I don't know. I feel like I should really want someone before I do something like that.

I'm just... ugh. I'm so stupid. I shouldn't have been making out with her period I guess. I shouldn't have led her on if I wasn't going to I don't know. I just don't know. How can you feel like you made the right choice and a mistake at the same time? Maybe I should have told her? I didn't want her to think I was stupid or something though. And she has way more experience and options than a guy like me.

I just... I don't know.

June 15, 2012 3pm

hermione329@gmail.com — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 20:52:56 GMT

So school's out so I'm gonna be at home a lot. Unless people have things going on. Chelle's party was the last time I went out really. I'm not much of a party person though, unless someone encourages me to go. I like just hanging out in my room apartment with a few cool people. It's quiet and nice and intimate. And private. I like having a room out away from everything on top of the separate garage. I think my siblings are taking up residence with me out there in the yard. It's sort of funny having all of us splayed out on the couch and the bed watching really old bad 90s movies. Who thought dressing David Bowie like that was a good idea? The world will never know.

I'm trying to get more hours stocking at the pharmacy. It's a pretty sweet gig getting to come and go as I please like that. I like it anyway. Probably gonna take some trips out to the lake with people. Hiking, swimming, you know the drill.

So long as I get to hang out with some cool people, have a good conversation, I'm all good. What's up with you all?

hermione329@gmail.com — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 22:12:55 GMT

Josh Roberts

NAME: Josh Roberts.

AGE/BIRTHDAY: 07-17-94

GRADE: 10th Sophomore

CLASS: family is close to poverty, but he acts middle.

FAMILY: Leslie Roberts sister, another younger sister and a younger brother. Single mother

SEXUALITY: Straight.

ACTIVITIES: theater, stucco, like hiking and camping and going to sporting games, sometimes plays for fun, but nothing serious

APPEARANCE: A handsome, yet casual dresser, Josh loves his skin tight t-shirts and jeans. He’s very casual and lives a very minimalistic life. He doesn’t have a lot with his stereotypical TV, Xbox, and bachelor black leather couch. He drives a blue Honda Accord and enjoys his Sunday-Monday weekends. He has dark curly hair that’s often in his face and eyes that light up when he smiles. He gives the best hugs, pulling you in tight and holding you there in his strong arms. He usually smells like a musky, manly vanilla.

PLAYED BY: Darren Criss

LIKES: Music, sports, going to movies, talking to people and helping them with their problems, hiking, camping, being outdoors, being onstage, having fun, chilling

DISLIKES: immature people, drama, people that bounce from guy to guy (or girl to girl), being used.

STRENGTHS: Josh has a big heart. He’ll sit around all day and listen to people’s problems. He’s very quiet and people often think he’s stoic, but he’s just a little bit shy. He’s really caring and devoted, believes in love, and wants to wait for the right girl.

WEAKNESSES: He gets really attached to people and things. He can be kind of controlling/bossy (big brother syndrome). He’s a little bit jealous when he’s in a relationship because he’s looking for exclusivity.

DETAILED PERSONALITY: Josh has a big heart. He loves deeply and is always trying to help others, but his feelings often frighten him. He keeps himself at arms length for the most part, but he tends to fall for people fast. It probably has a lot to do with his past and learning to treat strangers like family, but Josh hasn’t really made that connection.

He’s often scared of getting hurt, but he can’t help wanting to be there for everybody whenever he can. Because of this he gets taken advantage of. A lot.

Josh often has a lot of questions about fairness and the world around him. Why did these kids get everything handed to them? Why could someone else have what he wanted? Why was he so suspicious of people all of the time? It’s like he wanted to seethe best in people, and strived to do things for them, but he couldn’t help but wait for the other shoe to drop. This makes him a bit insecure, looking for love and reassurance, but without much security in his childhood and life as is there’s not much else he can do.

HISTORY: Josh had a difficult childhood. The oldest of four, he is the man of the house. His dad, whoever he was, walked out on his mom when he found out she was pregnant. Always trying to find herself a baby daddy, Josh’s mother paraded man after man in front of them. He grew tired of all of the “uncles” that disappeared after a few months, or when they found out she was knocked up again. Josh was the one cleaning up the messes and taking care of the kids while his mother was out. He felt betrayed by her, and felt the betrayal of all of the men that abandoned them. The worst was the cheating. He swore he’d never cheat on someone he was with, and wouldn’t tolerate it from other people either.

He tries to hold his feelings in check, afraid of getting hurt or being judged because of his background. But he has a big heart, and he wants to share that with someone that will return his feelings without hurting him like all of his other betrayals.

Josh is a bit of a loner because of these past issues. He loves nature and to be outside. It gives him an escape from the cage like atmosphere he’s suffering at home. His mom often disappears for days, or weeks, at a time leaving him at home to take care of his siblings. He’s learned to cook, clean, and even forge a signature or two on a permission slip.

He wants to get out of here someday, not necessarily out of Chicago, but definitely out of his mother’s house. At the same time, those feelings fill him with guilt. It kills him to think of leaving his family alone, especially his sister Leslie. They’re close in age and his mom made sure she kept him at home just to be safe that he would be exactly one grade above her. He’s a bit older than some of his classmates, but at least he gets to be close to her. She’s one of his best friends, even if they fight all of the time because she thinks he’s an old, stick in the mud man. She’s always telling him to lighten up, but whenever she gets hurt he’s the first one she comes to, no matter what. And Josh, not a judgmental sort, is always there for her.

---------

OOC Info
PLAYER NAME: Betta.
EMAIL: hermione329@gmail.com.
AIM/OTHER: disneynut4life1.