nothing is crueler than children who come from good homes

OOC: Christmas presents!!

Sat, 25 Dec 2010 03:37:35 GMT

PRESENTTTTTTTTTTTTTTSSSS!!!

From Tobirama:

Madara/Hashirama: A robotic planter that has solar panels that walk it into sunlight during the day. He built it himself. Aren't you proud?!

Sasuke: A year-long member ship to a very exclusive club ... hmm!! Also a Lambie robe, since the one he bought him a year ago isn't as soft as it used to be. Also the slippers came free. Come on, put them on. You're gonna be so cute.

Izuna: Left inside Izuna's old apartment will be a neatly wrapped gift with a pillow pet!! inside. There's no note on who it's from, but he did finally leave Izuna's apartment key inside on the kitchen counter, of course locking the door behind him on his way out.

Itachi: Gift certificate for $50 for a local fish supply store!!

From Madara:

Izuna:All of this stuff. The photo album at the end has some pictures of Madara and Izuna together, some from the past and some from just the past year. Love. ;_;

Hashirama:Some goodies, and something in a box for the garden. That's right. He plans to sit around and sunbathe all summer while you bring him lemonade and kisses. Also you've got to put it together for him. Love you!!!

Tobirama:A projection screen but with a bonus -- it comes on shelves that allow it to be hidden when Sasuke isn't playing Halo and cursing at children.

Sasuke:A lot of bullshit. :O part one and part two.

Deidara:Some clothes! And yes that's a hat on the end.

Itachi: These things! And yeah that's an iPad!!1 and some other things, including a tea of the month club!!

Shisui: These things, which is a condensed version of what Itachi got. They're iPad buddies.

Sasori:A sign. :|

Ino: For being such a good bridesmaid, a Juicy Couture bag and Juicy bracelet!

From Shisui:

Itachi: A membership for some self defense training. :D Also some special weasel coffee (which people say is delicious apparently), and a penguin teaboy, as well as a set of tea for one strainers with cakes attached. Because Itachi don't use teabags. And it'll look like the penguin is trying to eat cake. And yeah, thought Itachi would like it.

Madara:Two shirts (One & Two) with peacocks. Because peacocks are loud and prideful, just like Madara. :o

Sasuke: A pair of Skullcandy headphones!! Because it's hardcore, like Sasuke.

Hashirama: Oak tree cufflinks.

Izuna: Has no idea where Izuna is, but will keep a gift of a big tin of gourmet caramel toffee in a bag out for him.

From Kisame:

For Ino, Sasuke, Itachi, Sasori, Izuna, and Hashirama.

Isn't creative. You all get the same thing. :D

Merry Christmas to everybody :B

[021]

Fri, 19 Nov 2010 19:22:46 GMT

It's with the greatest honor that I would like to announce that every single one of you is invited to attend the wedding of Madara Uchiha and Hashirama Senju on November 27th, 2010.

So me. My wedding. I decided to be ultra generous and extend an invitation to the lot of you. You will find formal invitations in the employee lounge, as well as instructions to the country club where the wedding will take place. I have one rule and one simple rule only. Don't any of you dare to try and crash this wedding. I've hired security so intense it's practically a SWAT team. You won't get away with it, trust me.

Other than that, it's open bar. And there will be gourmet food beyond what any of you can afford daily. And free gifts for all who attend. Plus the honor of witnessing the greatest love of our time.

Plus you get the day off work if you attend.

[20]

Mon, 01 Nov 2010 05:10:23 GMT

If any of you have information on the incident involving the sprinklers this past Friday, please call my office and have my secretary patch you through.

If not, then the address for this company's Halloween party has been changed. You will not be meeting at the company, you'll be meeting at [warehouse address downtown]. If you can't find a ride, just come to the company and we'll have a bus to take you there. This year's event specifics are a surprise, so be prepared for some treats and some tricks. Mostly tricks. Because you know me.

Furthermore, I'd like to announce that next month we'll be holding another promotional party for Paradise Lust, with free t-shirts and stickers and whips. And one lucky person will win a raffle prize to whip my ass with a knotted cat o' nine tails, so be sure to show up.

[019]

Tue, 05 Oct 2010 22:07:17 GMT

In case you didn't know, October is breast cancer awareness month. Now we all know this is a serious issue affecting both women and a few men. This is an issue we at Feel Good care highly about, because we love all the boobies we have. So in honor of this love, I've decided this weekend there will be a festival held in honor of breasts, where all money made off games and contests will be donated to help fund breast cancer research and cure development.

We support happy, healthy breasts. And want you to be happy and proud of what you've got, too. For this reason, we encourage all female employees to show as much cleavage as they want. Or skip the shirt entirely. Since this event is open to the public, please cover your nipples. We'll provide pink heart shaped pasties for any girls who dare to bare.

Now for men, we don't usually have nice tits. But I've decided this should be a 100% boobie loving fair, so there will be a contest on which man makes the best fake breasts and looks damn sexy doing it. So head out now, buy a bra, buy some grapefruit, and get ready to puff your chest out. If you've got a penis and don't want to wear fake breasts, you've at least got to dawn some pink. Get into the spirit.

If you have any questions, concerns, or love, let me know now. The event will take place this Saturday, opening at 10:00 AM. Attendance is mandatory. As if you'd dare to say no to charity.

SCANDAL omfg

Tue, 14 Sep 2010 14:37:57 GMT

You'll hear all over the news today that last night Madara Uchiha-Senju crashed his $89,000 Mitsuoka Orochi car when he was t-boned on the passenger side by a soccer mom in a Chevrolet Astro. Needless to say, the van driver was unharmed but Madara ended up in the hospital with a-- gasp-- concussion. As well as some bruising and a cut on his beautiful forehead. He needed two whole stitches. TWO!!

The car is totaled, but the press is making a huge deal out of it, only saying Madara was in a car crash and then showing the totaled car. No official info on his injuries has been released, just that he's "in stable condition." :O

That's all. *curtsy*

PRESENT TIME

Mon, 02 Aug 2010 20:47:06 GMT

HELLO

Today Madara got back from his Hawaiian vacation with Sasuke that half of you probably didn't even realize he went on. It's okay, you didn't miss out on much. But he did get presents for a few people so if you think he loves you then have a looksee!

• FOR Hashirama:
- a really expensive pen made from Hawaiian Koa wood. It's important or something. also a set of plant stands and this cutie and coconut massage oil because it smells nice, and a poster (nsfw?) of a pin-up girl. for him to jerk off to with the coconut oil, idk.

• FOR Izuna:
- 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and an expensive money clip made of gold!! you're a pimp, okay.

• FOR Itachi: a fancy ring to go with his fancy watch!

• FOR Shisui: a ring similar to Itachi's. he had a hard time shopping for these two.

• FOR Sasuke: this and this, because he couldn't resist?!

• FOR Sasori: a cursed tiki idol. he hopes it kills you.

• FOR Naruto: the middle set of those, and this tasteful bit of couture.

[018]

Wed, 14 Jul 2010 20:48:31 GMT

Today I had my photoshoot, and they sent me off with a mock-cover suggesting what it might look like. If you're interested, it's here, and it'll be the August 2010 issue, so go pick it up. I might even give you a free autograph. And yes, it's full nude. Exciting, I know. This might be the revitalization of my model career. I really missed the attention.

And with photos in mind, last night I went through some old photographs from my childhood, and being as kind as I am I decided to share four of my favorites.

[017]

Fri, 18 Jun 2010 00:17:38 GMT

I'm thinking of doing modeling for Playgirl. They offered me a chance to centerfold, and I don't think I can say no. It's just some nude shots, posing cutely. I figure if I'm naked most the time anyway, I should at least be paid for it.

And I suppose I should mention business.

Hell's manager and I have been discussing ways to expand and improve Paradise Lust and Angel's Hell. Into a strip club brothel funtastic experience. Inspired by a love hotel I went to while on holiday, I think adding in a small sex toy shop to Angel's Hell may be in our future. Like how hair salons have a product counter with all sorts of fancy shampoo, why not have a counter with fancy lube? And fancy vibrators with pivoting head action and twenty-one speeds. If you have any input on this, feel free to speak up.

While we're in brainstorming land, Feel Good, INC is always looking for ways to expand and improve, so all suggestions are welcome... just be reasonable. I'm not the king of patience.

[016]

Mon, 12 Apr 2010 13:37:05 GMT

His name is Aita, like the underworld god and not the American independent trucker's association. Yesterday I watched him rip a mouse's heart out while it was still beating. I hope to learn that skill to use on employees, I think.

[015]

Mon, 29 Mar 2010 22:23:43 GMT

Do any of you have any interest, or know anybody who is already into falconry?

[014]

Thu, 11 Mar 2010 02:09:43 GMT

If you're familiar with Bravo's "The Real Housewives of _____" series, then maybe you can agree that... they need to come to Reno. And film me.

Because I have a perfect marriage. And I look great on TV.

[event] IZUNA DATING APPLICATION

Fri, 29 Jan 2010 15:33:34 GMT

A good sized manila envelope:

--addressed to Minato Namikaze will arrive in the mail today. He should know already what it is. >:|

and blank for other hopefuls

Also included:

home fertility test in a medical grade sanitary bag

tupperware clearly marked for cooking samples, not sperm >:|

and a medium-sized brown bag which comes with an optional test and a note, explaining to pick out a gift to woo Izuna that fits comfortably in this bag (like a bonus round, in case your cooking sucks)

AND THAT'S IT. Have fun, Minato. Or whoever else would like to request a kit. Bahaha.

[013]

Wed, 27 Jan 2010 14:49:44 GMT

From this day forth, please refer to me as Mr. Uchiha-Senju.

Thank you.

[012]

Wed, 20 Jan 2010 15:00:21 GMT

The Nintendo DSi is an amazing piece of technology, with all sorts of enhanced graphics, a webcam, and etc etc blahblah. I'm not selling you one, so I can skimp on the details of it. But I am giving one away, brand new in box with the plastic wrap still on. While playing Cooking Mama, I noticed some of the touch pad features really aren't being used to the extent they could be. For all the games the DS offers, how is it that few of them are sex related? Here's what I have in mind, a game that not only lets you use the touchscreen to pull panties off and rub exciting places, but that also uses the webcam feature to snap photos of yourself and pastes them in with FGI employees so you can be the best stalker ever. Of course, you'd be pulling the clothes off our employees as well.

And here's what I want you to do. The problem is, as I'm told by several Nintendo representatives as well as top game developers, that there simply isn't a market large enough for one of these games that they'd be willing to "sully" Nintendo's name. Well I say that's bullshit, so I've created a petition. I want 50,000 signatures. The average price of a DS game is around $30, and with a guaranteed 50,000 buyers at the least, that's $1,500,000 profit. And I'm sure more than 50,000 copies will sell, because it's sexy. What I want my employees to do is help me gather these signatures, digitally and in person, by whatever means possible. Secure the sale, no matter what.

The employees who gather the most signatures (They have to be real people, too. Don't lie to me.) will each win a brand new DSi as well as a game bundle, that even has Cooking and Gardening Mama.

For a copy of the petition complete with company clipboards and pens, please head to Human Resources, where you will also find a more detailed copy of the rules and methods that will be in effect for this mission. I trust you'll all do me proud. I believe in you.

Furthermore, I will answer any questions or concerns you may have. If you have objections, I'd like to see you just try to argue them.

Thank you and good luck.

OMG XMASSS

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 02:00:27 GMT

Madara got people presents too, but unfortunately he doesn't like many people. I am sorry if he forgot you. He isn't. :(

Izuna: The chubby bunny gets a robe, and some slippers, and a mug, and some chocolate stirring spoons but the spoons look like this, and he gets a huge box of these and a big jar of these, and a year's supply coupon and an account at some fancy-ass coffee bean company. And a hug.

Itachi: The golden child gets a nice new (and plain!) apron, and new cutlery, and a shiny new tea set complete with a matching cake tray and plates, and his special window has been remodeled to have a bench similar to this with this color scheme and pillows. Underneath the bench is a flat mini-fridge that covers the expanse of the bench under area, and is concealed by a black little curtain. It's for him to store his cake and snackies where drunkiefaces can't get to it and eat it all.

Sasuke: Gets a copy of the plans to put in a chimney this summer into the mansion, so next winter his thin ass can have a nice warm fireplace to sit by. This is a very expensive undertaking so. :| But even with all that money about to be spent, he couldn't just take away the joy of opening presents so Sasuke also gets an ed hardy robe (but in black), and this cage with this sexy boy inside. Along with the pretty rat bby, there's a bunch of bedding, food, and a care guide. Because Madara wants Sasuke to have a pet, okay. And then a bunch of weird and exciting, and shiny, and frrnt types of tomato candy/snacks he got at an Asian grocer.

Hashirama: Gets this ring along with a sappy explanation as to why he chose it :| and this delicious dinner that he worked REALLY HARD ON. And also, four big ass candles but they're ALL mountain pine, for his old man of the forest. ♥

Naruto: Gets a Bombay Bad Boy. And here's a bonus pic.

Sasori: Gets a present even if he was a JERK ALL YEAR and kissed Hashirama's tasty but off-limits neck. He gets two candy jars like this with rock candy in one, and pastel candies in the other.

All of these gifts were delivered in person, coz he's nice. And smug. Etc.

[011]

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 13:22:10 GMT

Kakuzu, don't think what you did will go unpunished. Expect a pay cut out of your next films, for delaying a shooting and for traumatizing an actor. As well as a clean-up penalty, for leaving litter inside of the workplace.

[010]

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 00:04:00 GMT

I need a hobby that doesn't involve alcohol and can hold my attention for longer than twenty minutes.

[event] NARUTOS BDAY

Mon, 12 Oct 2009 06:15:35 GMT

Sorry this is late to the party but tomorrow (Monday) morning, Naruto will find the following gifts outside his employee locker. And because I'm lazy, his gift from Gaara is in this post too.

From Madara:

A lambie lamb costume with a note attached:

And a t-shirt. You wear the buttons of your fav flavors, omg.

From Gaara:

An artificial aquarium, so nothing will die. Isn't he thoughtful.

[009]

Sun, 04 Oct 2009 14:00:21 GMT

If you were part of an incident yesterday, please come to the clinic immediately.

[008]

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 22:14:11 GMT

At this point in time, the power outages should be fully repaired. The cause seemed to be faulty wiring, which was the reason for the delay in repair time. All systems are fully operational, and napping outside in the lounge with the excuse of power's out on your set won't work any longer.

If there are any other complaints or concerns, let me know. If not, then get back to work.

And have a wonderful day.

[007]

Tue, 15 Sep 2009 22:46:53 GMT

For the past two days, areas around the building have been sporadically losing electricity. I'm aware some of you have lost work, and I'm also aware it's an annoyance and hindrance to schedules. We are working to address the issue as quickly as possible.

Until then, please continue to work efficiently, and save your work often.

(( ooc: yaay, company event. feel free to torture them with lost work, elevator jams, etc etc etc. madara will update again when the outages are solved, so go crazy. ))

[EVENT] prison time omg

Wed, 02 Sep 2009 17:35:41 GMT

Just so you all know, your lovely boss has been arrested.

DETAILS HERE!

For the record, this was sparked on by this conversation with Itachi. Madara had to go lay the smack down on three assholes who dared to mess with Itachi. >| Based off Itachi's descriptions, Madara hired a private investigator to hunt them down, and once names and locations were acquired, he set out. To keeeeel.

Madara is currently hiding out at Hashirama's house, and has a few injuries (busted lip, torn-up knuckles, bruised ribs, and various bruises around his body) caused by when the guys fought back. He'll remain hidden for a few days, letting his injuries heal and the DRAMA!!1 settle. He may or may not answer his phone, depending on who is calling and what for.

Press will likely be lurking around the company, trying to dish up scoops. So this affects you all. :( Sasori, especially you. :D

[006]

Sun, 30 Aug 2009 21:42:29 GMT

An update. Some of the complaints about this past week have been heard by me. And I want you to know some of them were very entertaining. I have taken these into consideration, and will use your valued opinions in my plans for September. Though there were mixed opinions on men in skirts. Perhaps I should hand select the right men for the job. Any willing volunteers should speak up now.

September on it's own is fairly uneventful, but I will be changing that. So my suggestion to you now is if you're not in shape, you may want to start running in the mornings. Skip the elevator, take the stairs. Steer clear of the burger vending machines. Get nice and physical. Remember, we do have an open gym. I won't give names, but trust me when I say five extra pounds does get noticed.

Also on September 1st, I will be handing out free promotional gear for Angel's Hell. This includes T-Shirts again, and will be done in the lobby at noon.

In something more serious, whoever it is that's been playing pranks on the company as of late, now would be the time to inform you that the security system has received a massive upgrade. Just try to get past it. On top of that, there will be mandatory weekly training classes, three times a week, for all security personnel. This will continue for six months, under the care of a wonderfully ruthless drill sergeant. You will become enforcement cougars.

[005]

Thu, 06 Aug 2009 12:26:44 GMT

May I please call forth the attention of all security officers who were on duty last night. I would like incredibly detailed reports on the lapse in camera operations last night.

As an edit, for the time being all of food services has been shut down. And will continue to be closed until maximum heath grade standards have been achieved again. I apologize for any inconvenience.

If you have any information at all about the party responsible for this "invasion," I'm requesting you come forth. I will pay you up to $2,000 for anything you can give.

[004]

Tue, 28 Jul 2009 10:17:38 GMT

Attention all employees.

Your input is needed for a possible addition to our spectacular company.

A drive-thru brothel. Hush and consider it. Business men don't have time to stop in and go through all these choices and processes just to get a blowjob. We're losing money to a lack of convenience. This is the way of the future, and I refuse to be done in by some dirty-looking shit hole.

Thoughts? Opinions? Praises? Share with me.