All In

NOTICE...

b3llsb3llsb3lls@gmail.com — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 05:32:33 GMT

... Anybody on the staff, and I DO mean anybody, can call my cell phone if they have an emergency and need to get into the clinic after hours.

The locks on the door are there for a reason. Jesus.

If you don't already know it, the number is [555-lalalala]. Program it in your phones. Do it now. Hell, even put it on speed dial so even if you're really messed up you can still punch in ONE number to reach me. That's less than what you'd have to dial to reach 911 for crying out loud, so I don't want to hear any excuses.

Private to Madara

Would it be possible to have a more frequent security walk-by after hours at the clinic? Or a guard stationed in the hall there?

So tired and oh so squeamish~

b3llsb3llsb3lls@gmail.com — Sun, 16 Aug 2009 19:40:20 GMT

There is blood all over my clinic. Smeared on the countertops. Tracked on the carpeting. Bloody, bloody prints all over the goddamn prescription cabinet.

And there are pills missing.

Listen up, I want whatever IDIOT did this to come forward NOW. My phone is always always always always ALWAYS on for emergencies; obviously you were hurt enough to leak your lifeblood all over my office and in enough pain to think stealing my drugs was a good idea. I need to see you so I can treat you. ~~And beat you to within an inch of your life for scaring me so badly and turning my clinic into a biohazard. And then treat you again. And then press charges.~~

...Someone please help me clean the blood up. I can't stand to look at it anymore and I can't get it out. ~~Seriously, about to vomit here.~~ And until it's gone, the clinic will be closed; sorry for the inconvenience.

((OOC: Sorry this is a lil late, and also comments from me might be a bit slow as work is killing me dead again, the bastard. But I want to have fun too. :<))

there's no place like home

b3llsb3llsb3lls@gmail.com — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 09:11:14 GMT

I'm giving you a tour of my place, Suigetsu, in case you happen to win our little wager tomorrow. You won't win but I'm feeling generous, so this is more a taste of what you'll be missing out on.

This is the couch. Consider it your bed.

This is the kitchen. If you burn one of my pans, I will hit you with it.

The liquor cabinet. No touching.

The dining table... sit down to eat, please.

This is the spiral staircase that leads up to my bedroom; if you climb it without my permission I will kick you back down it.

This is my bedroom, where you will not be setting foot unless you need to walk through on your way to the bathroom.

Which is here. Put the damn toilet seat down and don't use all my hot water.

And meet Ton Ton. My baby. :)

May the best drunk win.

It's gonna be a what~

b3llsb3llsb3lls@gmail.com — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 20:15:24 GMT

I've seen an alarming number of blunt force injuries coming to the clinic lately. Isn't this supposed to be Feel Good Inc; why are you all hurting each other?

Also, to whoever stole the entire lollipop jar off the clinic reception desk... what the hell. I said take one. And I want my pig-shaped jar back.

... And does anyone want to go out for drinks on Sunday night, or even just hang out and watch a movie? ~~I don't want to be alone on my birthday.~~

General Announcement

b3llsb3llsb3lls@gmail.com — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 19:14:15 GMT

I understand there is a hideous stomach bug of some sort going around. I'm thinking it must be some type of food poisoning due to the severity and suddenness of onset, however I am still evaluating the situation. It could be a flu virus.

To those of you who are sick, I am coming around to each bathroom now with bottles of water and Pepto Bismol so hang tight as long as you can, help is on the way.

I also ask that anyone sick please let me know when you started feeling ill and what you may have eaten today, or if you came into contact with anyone severely ill recently. That would help me figure out what damned idiot caused this. Thank you.

Also, to anyone not ill, please don't go into the bathrooms! Seriously, you don't want to go in there. If you need to pee, just... hold it if you can. Or if anyone knows of an uncontaminated bathroom, let the rest of us know.

The Clinic

b3llsb3llsb3lls@gmail.com — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 09:06:34 GMT

Hey, everyone. Just so you know, every single staff member, actor or not, can come see me for medical care anytime. But I expect to see anyone having sex for money on screen or off either at Feel Good, Inc. or over at Angel's Hell weekly for an STD checkup. Buckle up kids, it's the law. I take all forms of insurance or cash for services. Now I know some of you have never been to the in-house clinic before, so I'll give you a little tour.

When you step through that glass-paneled door into my office space, the reception desk is the first thing you see.

I might be at the desk there, filling out medical paperwork. Don't worry if it's in piles; I know which file is where in there (mostly).

If I'm in the examination room with another patient the reception desk might be empty. Just wait patiently for me to finish and come back out... or if it's an emergency (or you're the big boss), come and find me. I'm probably here in the exam room:

If I'm not there, I might be in the lab just across from the examination room, running tests on your lovely patient samples. This place is off limits. We don't want any contamination going on, do we?

Office hours are 10am to 7pm, and you can walk in to make an appointment. Or email me. Or call my cell. Don't be afraid to come in and see me or just to chat; I'm here to care for you and make sure you're all healthy and doing alright. On that note, I also have condoms, dental dams, and birth control pills free to give away to any employee who asks, so please ask. Hell, I'll even leave an open box by the reception desk and you all can just take what you need.

Any questions? Concerns?

Application for Employment

b3llsb3llsb3lls@gmail.com — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 18:47:08 GMT

Character
Name: Tsunade
Age: 53 (but looks like she's in her twenties; totally had a ton of plastic surgery--the tits are real, though!)
Sexuality: Bisexual leaning more toward lesbian, but it's not well-known. She keeps her sex life close to the chest (and what a chest it is).
Role in company: Staff doctor to employees of both Feel Good, Inc. and Angel's Hell. (With salary and expenses most likely paid by employees' contributions to health insurance or out of their own pockets.) Also a former big-name star, so it's quite possible she could be persuaded to make the occasional come-back as it were.
PB: Scarlett Johansson

Background History:
Tsunade had a good childhood, always the apple of her mother's eye and daddy's little princess. She even (usually) got along with her little brother, Nawaki. Being a bit of a tomboy probably helped; Tsunade never shied away from tree-climbing or a raucous game of cops and robbers. Nawaki loved that game—he was always the cop, the Chief of Police, just like their grandfather had been. Playing was good practice for when he grew up, and Tsunade didn't mind playing the bad guy if it meant she got to help her little brother achieve his dreams.

It was all fun and games until Nawaki tried playing the hero in real life, pushing a woman out of the way of an oncoming bus—and getting hit by it himself. He was killed instantly, only twelve years old. The loss hit Tsunade hard.

She decided to take up her brother's dream of helping others, but in a less dangerous way. By becoming a doctor. Tsunade knew her parents couldn't afford to send her to college, so when she was just seventeen (and finally becoming ridiculously curvaceous, after spending most of her adolescence flat-chested) she started working in nightclubs without their knowledge to help put herself through med school. It was sort of demeaning work, but Tsunade liked the attention she got and it was the only way she knew she could make enough money quickly enough to cover her school expenses.

One night after work, a 'talent scout' approached her and offered her a role in an explicit film. Tsunade swallowed her nerves and took it, thinking of how much it'd help her on her way to becoming a doctor. Turned out she was a natural actress and with her talent and assets she became something of an overnight success.

During all her college and med school years, Tsunade continued to make ever-increasingly-popular porn flicks and ended up becoming a fairly big-name star in the field. For eleven years she reigned in the adult industry as Princess Tsunade, a nickname that stemmed from her early smash hit 'The Princess and the Penis'... her father would have been horrified to know the new connotations of his babyhood nickname for her. Tsunade wore it proudly.

But once she was a full-fledged doctor, Tsunade no longer needed the income generated by her movies. She'd achieved her dream, and while she admittedly still liked the attention and notoriety she got being a porn star, she'd finally met the man she'd give it all up for. He was a rookie cop named Dan with a heart of gold. Tsunade's tits weren't all he saw when he looked at her, she knew; he didn't even realize she was in porno until she told him. And he didn't care. Sure, he liked her body, but he loved her for her wit and her intelligence, her talent as a doctor. It meant a lot. And he shared the same dream her little brother had... someday, Dan wanted to be Chief of Police.

For a few years everything was going blissfully well in Tsunade's life. She was head of the ER in her hospital and enjoyed a loving and equal relationship with Dan. They were even talking of marriage. Until one day Dan rushed through the doors of Tsunade's ER... on a crash cart. He'd been shot multiple times by a suspect he'd been chasing, blood was everywhere and he was barely clinging to life. Tsunade tried to save him, rushing him to an operating room and trying to remove the bullets and stop the bleeding herself. He died in her hands. She never recovered from the memory of all that blood--his blood--coating her gloves, soaking her clothes.

After that, Tsunade fell apart. She started drinking a lot so she could laugh instead of cry, and quit being a doctor. What kind of doctor was she anyway if she couldn't even save the life most dear to her? And what kind of doctor couldn't stand the sight of blood? She spent years pushing all the pain aside by simply drinking and gambling. This really put a dent in her savings, considerable though they were, especially considering she had no money coming in anymore... But Tsunade just couldn't bring herself to care. Dreams and hope died with her brother and Dan.

It wasn't until she noticed signs of age in her reflection that reality started to sink in. Instead of facing her problems and taking better care of herself though, she spent the rest of her savings on plastic surgery, putting a neat mask over any unpleasantness.

But reality wouldn't be denied. She may have staved off age, but her notoriously horrible luck was finally catching up with her. Only when she found herself so deep in gambling debt that she was in trouble with the landlord did she finally admit she needed to go out and earn some cash again. (Like she'd ever give up gambling! Hah!)

With her looks, she could easily go back into doing movies again. But it felt somehow wrong to go back to that now that she'd known the touch of someone who loved her. (Sickening how such a cliché could ring so true.) So Tsunade decided instead to get back into medicine... this time, though, in a less brutal field than the ER or even a hospital.

Instead she decided to go into private practice specializing in helping those in the porn and prostitution industry. She knew firsthand how rampant disease was among sex workers and also how little anyone protected or looked out for them. There were laws on the Nevada books that required sex workers to be tested weekly for disease, but Tsunade knew that it didn't always happen. Tsunade found an employer in Feel Good, Inc. One of the few big companies that realized keeping its employees clean and healthy was actually very good for business... So she's putting her medical skills to good use, helping others, and is slowly climbing her way out of debt.

Personality, Likes & Dislikes:
Tsunade acts tough and has a fiery temper; she's more likely to snap at someone than ever compliment them. But despite this, she really does care deeply for those around her and can be very compassionate. It all depends on the situation; when things get serious, so does Tsunade. She's very capable of getting down to business and taking charge in difficult situations, staying calm and collected. (It makes her an excellent doctor!)
Otherwise, she can be rather immature and impulsive and is very much ruled by her heart. (This is why she likes to have good level-headed assistants around to make sure she stays on task.) Above all, Tsunade likes to have fun and stay active. She's a compulsive gambler who's got the worst luck ever. In fact, in the casinos she's known as the Legendary Sucker. Winning streaks make her worry; they're a sign that something really awful is about to happen. It's just the way her luck works.

There's not a lot Tsunade will ever admit to being afraid of; she likes a good challenge. But blood still makes her squeamish and a little nervous, though it doesn't petrify her like it did just after Dan's death. And she'll never admit it, but she's afraid of getting close to anyone again. Because her deepest fear is losing those she loves.

Likes: gambling, drinking, her pet pig Ton Ton, slugs (don't ask), being called Princess

Dislikes: paperwork, debts, being called granny, people who talk to her breasts instead of her face

Sample Post:

First Person

Listen up, everyone. Steer clear of Mr. Shino Aburame; he's a little crabby. And I'm not talking about his mood.

I wouldn't usually make this public knowledge, however as Mr. Aburame has rejected treatment for his infestation and has refused to voluntarily quarantine himself, the idiot has left me no choice. It's my job to keep you all healthy, after all. I can't let anyone endanger that.

That said, there's a box of free stuff here in the clinic. Yes, free! Take as many as you want.

They're called condoms.

I'm sure you've heard of them, but just in case you're bigger idiots than I thought, they're to protect you from STDs and pregnancy during sex. I bet not one of you is practising safe sex every time you go at it, and I sure as hell hope I'll lose this one since none of you have any kind of excuse. I've had this box of free condoms here in the clinic forever and it doesn't look like even one has been taken. Come on, guys, they're free! And ladies, I've got dental dams and birth control pills here too, also free of charge. There's no reason any of you should be exposing yourselves voluntarily to disease.

So stop giving me so much work and protect yourselves, please, for my sake? I don't like having crabby patients. (Especially when they won't let me treat them...)

Don't forget to come see me, for free stuff and for your weekly check up! If you don't come by Friday, I'll hunt you down myself~.

Third Person

Hell Hath No Fury...

"Goddamn it. Son of a fucking--grrrRR.... that IDIOT!" Tsunade growled through clenched teeth, trying to control herself and not curse too loudly. She had a patient waiting for her on the phone, after all. The eighth one that morning. With the same complaint.

A raging yeast infection.

Obviously something fishy was going on here. Tsunade had managed to pin down the source of the epidemic after grilling the fourth girl about all her past week's activities. As soon as she mentioned the soda commercial that the other three had also participated in, warning signals started going off in Tsunade's head. When the girl went on to explain that she'd had soda fizz on her nether region and had gotten into a pool full of soda pop, the little vein throbbing in Tsunade's forehead threatened to burst like a million tiny carbonated bubbles all rising to the surface at once.

Whoever had the idea to put naked girls into a pool brimming with soda pop was a gigantic moron and Tsunade wanted nothing better than to punch him--it had to be a man--in the face. Or maybe the nuts. It'd be sweet justice, after all. Make his reproductive organs ache as much as those poor girls' were right now.

She slammed her fist down on her desk instead, then took a deep breath, smiled, and picked up the phone she'd set aside. "Sorry for the wait. I'm all booked up through the end of this month. You were in the soda commercial, right? Uh-huh. Yeah, just," Tsunade exhaled in irritation, knuckles whitening as her grip on the receiver tensed, "just stop by the clinic and pick up some antibiotics. No, you don't need an appointment."

Tsunade let the phone clatter down into its cradle, glaring at it as if daring it to ring again. How many girls had been in that commercial anyway; half the staff of Feel Good, Inc.? Nevermind, she didn't really want to know.

No one looked after these girls, or the boys for that matter, let alone themselves. So it fell to Tsunade to make sure, at least after the fact, that they were taken care of. But damn it, did they all have to get sick on her at once? It tested what little patience she had.

The man who thought this commercial up had just better hope Tsunade never found out his identity. Her lips quirked in a sadistic smirk, one eyebrow still twitching irritatedly. He'd feel her sweet justice, all right. A punch to the nuts followed by soaking his bruised cock in soda pop. Let him feel that misery exactly for himself. Oh, men could get yeast infections. And if left untreated, it was even more disgusting and painful than a woman's... teach him to think about the actresses' safety first next time.

Damn. Not even noon and already Tsunade needed drink. Of something much stronger than soda pop.