|
[29 Sep 2007|07:52pm] |
Alex,
There's so much that I could say to you, to hopefully bring you back home to me sooner but I know that you need to be there since, it is your home after all. I miss you so much though. I still have that ratty blue shirt you loved to wear around the house so much. I stole it out of your suitcase when you weren't looking, I hope you don't mind. I just needed to have a part of you near me while you are away. Sometimes I like to sleep in it, imagine you're holding me and whispering that everything will be okay and that you're going to be there for me forever. Sometimes, I keep it under my pillow because it stills smells like you and when I turn over, I just smile because it's still like you are lying beside me.
I got in to the University of Lousiana, the place I told you about. I got the letter the day after you left. I should have called you but I was just so excited that it slipped my mind. I'm going to move down to Lousiana in a few weeks and I'm so excited. I've always wanted to go there, ever since I was little. There's so much to see and to learn there; the cluture, the architecture, the beauty of it all. It's exactly where I want to be. Of course, having you there to share it with would make it even more wonderful. I guess I'll have to wait for a visit.....if you are coming back home. I hope so. I miss you.
I love you,
Madi
Alex,
Hey you! It's been so long since the last time I actually wrote you. Crazy, right? Lousiana is SO MUCH FUN! There's so much to see and do here and the party scene is absolutely crazy. I love it! I know that I should probably be focusing on school but how can anybody focus on anything as boring and dumb as school when there's so much fun to be had around you in a place like NEW ORLEANS?! You really need to get your ass out here so we can party it up together. I can teach you just how to have fun, baby. ;-)
So, how is Ireland? Still nice and green? Have you found any leprachauns yet? I'm sorry if this doesn't make any sense to you, it doesn't really make sense to me either. I just got back from a party with some new friends of mine and I'm little drunk right now. I think when you come visit, we'll go to a bar and we can get drunk together. Do you think that would be fun, Alex? I do. I think we would have lots and lots of fun.
I should end this now because I have a class tomorrow morning but I probably won't go because I think I'm going to have a major hangover. Staying in bed all day for Madilyn, defintely. Well, have fun in Ireland and say hi to a fairy for me. BYE!
MADI
Alex,
I hate this. I hate who I'm turning into, some kind of pathetic shell of who I used to be. I need you so much, I need you here to tell me how stupid I'm being, to show me that I can't live the way that I'm living, to tell me how much I mean to you and how much you love me and need me too. I miss you so fucking much, Alex and it's killing me inside. I feel like I'm spiraling out of control and that I'm losing who I used to be in this life I'm living. It disgusts the hell out of me. I want it to stop. I want to be the girl who used to smile, who used to laugh, who used to want to be something more. I want to be the girl that had you in her life.
I need you here. I know that you're probably still in Ireland and I'm sure that you've forgotten all about me; you're probably married by now to a beautiful irish girl and you both have two kids, a dog and you have a great job. I bet you're so much in love....god, that image really fucking hurts. I don't want to think about that, that you're gone still and that I'm never going to see you again, that you're married and I'll never have you to myself anymore. I'll never hear you whisper in my ear how much you love me, feel the way you used to stroke my hair and my back when we would be sitting together, hear that accent of yours that you know I love and that soothed me more than anything else. I hate this.
I can't do this anymore, Alex. I just can't. I'm so tired, tired of everything that my life has turned into. I don't want to do it anymore. Maybe I should give it all up and maybe then I'd feel better. Yeah, maybe I should do that.
I love you so much, Alex Flaherty and I'm so sorry for all of the pain I've put you through. Please.....forgive me.
|
|
![[info]](https://www.scribbld.com/img/userinfo.gif) neworleans |
[27 Sep 2007|09:47pm] |
|
why'd i give my life away, an affliction, so broken down and aching, shaking. now i’m all alone.
|
|