megnetic

This entry is of no importance to anything at all.

megan_goldstein@hotmail.com — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 16:39:34 GMT

Haha, So Shiori, Alex's on & off girlfriend. Hacked into my shit and read about me and Alex hooking up while she was gone.
While he was explaining all the lies he told me this past year. I told him first off he needs to tell her the truth- b/c it will come out anyways. and that if he really loves her, why is he talking to me? Go get her!

He hasn't talked to me since.
But he's a liar. Straight up liar.
And he wants to change, but can't.

And I'm done! haha FUCK finally right? Having to deal with his petty issues.

I'm sorry Shiori, I suspected you guys were together when we hooked up. But he insisted that you weren't. So shit happens. & I mean common the same shit happened to me with you & him.
So... Karma... ? yes...?

megan_goldstein@hotmail.com — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 19:51:41 GMT

Got my mind a little caught up after Cali,
It's weird how family can fuck with your head.

...
Stay true to yourself.

megan_goldstein@hotmail.com — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 08:47:05 GMT

My trip to Cali was successful. Got a lot figured out... Gained a lot of knowledge about the family.
Got some unfinished business taken cared of.

Back to Portland and it SNOWED!
Played in the snow for a while.
Froze.

I have a lot on my mind.
But the things on my mind are too jumbled up to spill out on this journal entry.
In fear of misconstruing something good, overdoing it... I want to keep things small and simple. Don't want to lose control.
Another fear of mine is writing about it and jinxing it. Which I might have just done...

... FUUUCk

Megan-- If you read this still...
Haven't heard from you, hope all is well and you're doing what you've been wanting to do. Always here if you need ANYTHING. (That goes for all of you)

I need to take a trip this weekend.
Modify my thought patterns.
Change of scenery.

megan_goldstein@hotmail.com — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 01:11:35 GMT

Hey so I have a huge favor to ask..
I'm going to Cali from the 21st-28th/29th...

I was wondering if anyone can take care of my cat...
Or i can give my keys to someone and they can just stay at my place for a week.
Or just stop by give some kitty love and clean litter box, fill food dish... etc...

I'll pay you 50$ and be eternally grateful!

Let me know!

megan_goldstein@hotmail.com — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 21:07:28 GMT

I think visiting Eugene to finally see Norm is going to be absolutely epic.
Nervous
Excited
Anxious

I just have to remember that everything is going to be fine.

megan_goldstein@hotmail.com — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 01:20:58 GMT

Ha.. ha...

So I had a college fund a couple days ago. Then I get a phone call from my aunt telling me that it's dwindling down and it's low. Very low. She said I have to get a job and a roommate.

Soo... Anyone need a place to live? haha

I'm pretty stoked about it.
I hate money.
But I feel better not just having it handed it to me.
Call me weird, but I'm excited to become more self-sufficient.

megan_goldstein@hotmail.com — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 21:34:27 GMT

I want to do something...

Hangin out w/ friends & family is fun...

I need an adventure.
Someone wanna go on a roadtrip?

megan_goldstein@hotmail.com — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 23:12:07 GMT

life dude...
damn.

Hang in there and you'll get somewhere.

Real friends will help you bury a dead body. Will tell you what's up but won't tell you what to do. Will be there at 4AM if you really need them.

Real people don't get caught up with everything. They don't go overboard trying to make themselves better than everyone else. They're just living to live. Just doing it.

Compassionate people will put themselves in others shoes. And even when shit gets crazy, you give people the benefit of the doubt.

Fucked up people don't want to work to break the cycle.

A couple things I was reminded of this week...

megan_goldstein@hotmail.com — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 03:26:20 GMT

And someone once upon a time told me I'm horrible at making decisions.

Moving to Portland, best decision I ever made.

Portland State is nothing short of awesome.
Meeting some great people.

The majority of my classes are P.E.

Scuba lab tonight was tough, but being the tiniest girl in class... I did the best out of anyone, even the guys. So now I'm qualified to learn scuba! I love it when people look at me and think, "Ha, yeah right she can do this" Then I pull it off like nothing and it makes them look like idiots.
I'm really happy with where I decided to live, 5 blocks away from the gym where most of my classes are.
Then 10 blocks away from any other class I could have.
It feels great to know that I did this on my own... That I can push myself to do things that I never thought I could.

I got a kitten, I fucking love her.
Haven't thought of a name yet but I'm stoked about it.

Haha I don't even know if you guys read this anymore. I feel like I'm talking to myself.

megan_goldstein@hotmail.com — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 02:01:54 GMT

God it's great to be out of Orange County.

megan_goldstein@hotmail.com — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 20:18:19 GMT

Camping trip sometime this weekend. Tell me you're down...

megan_goldstein@hotmail.com — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 23:48:14 GMT

I'm good, for now.. Hah

in search for my identity. i'll just keep doing what I love and I'm sure i'll find it.
Trusting the process.

reggae concert with mel t was amazing. letting loose to some amazing reggae music was exactly what i needed.

megan_goldstein@hotmail.com — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 21:14:34 GMT

Okay, so I need to get out already. Too many beautiful days to just sit in the apartment.

Lets start planning the first of many adventures this summer?

Mt. Hood Freeway
I got gas covered.
Need to figure out some great camping spots. I think I got a tent and a couple sleeping bags.

Who wants to go and whens good for everyone?

megan_goldstein@hotmail.com — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 05:33:21 GMT

It just hit me that I've moved and I'm embracing it. Life is pretty good, except for my speeding ticket. Hah just been busy and unpacking. I have to get my car registered and do a bunch of other small shit that requires a lot of time...

megan_goldstein@hotmail.com — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 06:56:14 GMT

fuck, I got scammed on craigslist. FUCK

megan_goldstein@hotmail.com — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 01:02:47 GMT

So I'm over it, there's a lot more fish in the sea.

And I'm ready to catch some ONO GRINDZ =)

Scenic route outside of portland. 200 miles... I think..

Anyone down?

megan_goldstein@hotmail.com — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 18:53:04 GMT

Fuck men, I'm dropping them and focusing on myself now.

megan_goldstein@hotmail.com — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 21:42:47 GMT

So I've been looking for apartments for about a week now. Found some good ones but I still want to make sure I've checked out everything so I'm most likely going to stay another couple days.

I can't fucking wait to live here, to be able to hang out with you guys again... I'm so fucking excited!!!

Sorry to anyone that has been trying to get a hold of me and can't... between me being all over the place and my brothers need to get me stoned 24/7. I have a really hard time remembering to call people back.

Annnd. I have a couple more appts to look at places today, and tonight I'm free... If anyone wants to chill, vent, cuddle... Call me. hah

5033478567

megan_goldstein@hotmail.com — Tue, 26 May 2009 22:34:27 GMT

I'll be there Thursday, around 7pm.

I can't wait to leave. Haha

megan_goldstein@hotmail.com — Sun, 10 May 2009 22:12:34 GMT

"Hi Megan , So many years have gone . Yet I knew in my heart you would find me . So looking forward to seeing you again . I have so much to say an show . Norm ."

E-mail he sent me, tugged on my heart strings just a little.
Hah.

megan_goldstein@hotmail.com — Sun, 10 May 2009 03:00:36 GMT

I finally got the balls to call him.

Wow.
It was incredible.
He was pretty much crying because he was so happy to hear from me.
He's such a fuckin cool guy.
So laid back.
He's 42, a musician and training to be a firefighter.

I called him and left a message saying
"Hey this is Megan Goldstein, pretty sure you know who I am and if that's the case we have some catching up to do, if not... Than you might want to call me anyways." Gave him my number and blahblah, a couple hours later he called me back.
Said, "Hey, daughter." and we both just started laughing. I told him I didn't even know where to start and he was saying the same thing. From the beginning it was just good vibes, we talked for about 2 hours.

We moved from Berkely when I was almost 2.
Norman was in my life until I was 3, he moved to Eugene so that he could be in my life and my mom was planning on having both my dads raise me. The reason for that was because of the money, Norman had none and my dad had a lot. But my mom and dad weren't right for each other.

When I was 3 my Aunt told my dad that he wasn't really my father and that cut Norman out of my life. My mom took me to see him once my mom and dad got a divorce, when I was about 7. That's how I remember him, but than he told me he was my father. So he lost me. I could tell how hard it was for him to lose me. He was almost crying telling me the story.

That's when we moved to Lake Oswego, and he didn't hear from me again.
He said he's been trying to look for me but couldn't find me. Which makes me think, my mom always seemed to be running away from something every time we moved. I was wondering why the plans changed so drastically when I moved back to Oregon, and how she insisted I moved with her to Hawaii.

So he's a really funny guy, I'm so glad I finally got to talk to him. We're going to meet up when I move up there and that should be really interesting. He wrote me a song and I can't wait to hear it.
I feel so bad, he cared about me so much and my mom just took me away from him and moved away. Didn't tell him where we were going.

I feel even worse, because I have no idea how my dad is going to take this. If I want a relationship with Norman at all, I can't just keep it from him.
But if I tell him I think it'll really hurt his feelings.

Normans a very artsy guy. He said if I ever go to Thailand he can send me in the right direction b/c he spent a while traveling over there. Also I have places to stay all around Holland and Italy. Haha
All his family knows about me, and my biological grandmother really wants to see me again. They were pretty much all waiting for me.

I dunno it's still kind of trippin me out. I was so happy after I talked to him though, but the last thing I want to do is hurt my dad.

megan_goldstein@hotmail.com — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 05:36:01 GMT

I found him. Norman. I think he still lives in Eugene, 541 area code.

He's a phone call away!
I just need to figure out what exactly it is i'm going to say to him.

megan_goldstein@hotmail.com — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 21:24:27 GMT

I've been pretty busy... but relaxed, and have been focusing on only a couple people.
Haven't been partying as much which is relieving, I just haven't had energy for it. Which means I don't go into work still drunk anymore, so my bosses are happy.
Studying not stop for this 8-Week Psych class I just picked up. Chapter quiz everyday, exam every other week. So much information. On top of all my other classes, it has come to be an insane work load.

Aand Zach is awesome. I really don't know if I see him in "that way" anymore. I'm hanging out with him in an hour or something and we're going to go paint a shed, how exciting... haha...I'm actually excited... I honestly just want to get naked and cover myself in paint. WOO. I'm so doing it.

Who wants to get butt naked with me and go play in the mud!?
Am I weird...?

megan_goldstein@hotmail.com — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 22:02:38 GMT

Didn't see Alex. I guess I have to hurt him for him to learn.

Gotta move on. It's been too fuckin long.

megan_goldstein@hotmail.com — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 00:20:40 GMT

Can't wait to get out of hereeeeee.

I'm going to Vegas in a couple weeks.
With 5 other girls that are insanely Orange County..

Why do I do things that I know I shouldn't do...?

This trip is going to piss me the fuck off I can already see it. I don't want to dress up and go clubbing, I want to dress like a fuckin weirdo, get piss drunk and start trouble!

Shitty deal