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[25 May 2008|02:27pm] |
I am a married woman. Been married to M for about a year, but we lived together for about five years before we got married, so it feels more like six years. M is a great guy, though he can be a little… annoying and socially awkward at times. He does at times drive me crazy, but other times he is sweet and funny and great. We don’t have a great sex life, but we get along really well most of the time and he treats me really well. My problem is not really with him though.
The problem is that I seem to be developing a crush on S. She is a very close friend, and she also happens to be my boss. The biggest problem with this is that this person is a female, and is very adamantly straight. I also have always identified myself as straight, though I have on rare occasion developed small crushes on girls, I have never acted on any of these and never really wanted to.
I am feeling very guilty about the feelings I am having for this S. I can’t seem to stop thinking about her and wanting to be around her. She and my husband get along pretty well, so often it’s the three of us, or a larger group of us and some other friends. This makes for fun, but also can be uncomfortable for me. To top it off, she is about ten years older then me, and is single. Recently, she has been making lots of comments about how much she needs to find a guy because she is lonely. I hate seeing her lonely, and my crush on her just makes this even worse. I do not know what to do. I don’t want to lose the friendship we have, and I really just want her to find someone that makes her happy. But at the same time… I can’t get her out of my head.
Recently, a mutual friend of ours has been hypothesizing that S is actually a lesbian, and is just not admitting this to herself, or doesn't realize it yet. J thinks that this is why S can't seem to find a guy that makes her happy. Hearing this only drives me more crazy. J has recently started hitting on S, not out of real interest (I don't think) but more to try and get her to admit she likes girls. The whole situation is driving me CRAZY. I wish it would stop.
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