No Tea Within 100ft Of This Journal!

-_-

Sun, 30 Nov 2008 13:14:59 GMT

I'm not going to Thanksgiving at my grandparents house. I'm not going to get to see my sister. I'm not going to get to spend time with the family I never see. I got up at 6 for nothing.

Why do I even bother?

I knew we weren't going to go. But then why was I so hopeful?

And of course seeing my obvious disappointment my mother sees fit to laugh and try to brush it off with some cheap 2 dollar gift at Wal*Mart?

Right.

I learned this a long time ago...

Wed, 08 Oct 2008 20:03:28 GMT

I learned a long time ago not to hope for things. I've been lightening up on that as of late for some stupid reason. Here I thought I'd actually go to New York? New York! I thought I'd actually get to see that beautiful city with the bright lights and the wonderful streets that sing.

I thought I'd get to see broad way. I thought I'd get out of this little green box and actually live life for once.

Mother disappointed me the first time. She said it was too dangerous and canceled my 16th birthday trip.

I never thought I'd get another chance.

Well, I got another chance. I got one. It was right there. I had the money. I was so hopeful. I was going to go to New York! It was impossible that I could go, but somehow, I could!

Today my dream trip was canceled.

I learned a long time ago not to hope for things. Because hoping hurts.

I told mum it got canceled just a few minutes ago. She said, "HURAAY! We can fill up the oil tank now!"

The money I was using wasn't effecting her getting any oil, and did she ever stop to consider how badly those words hurt? She could have at least said, "Oh, I'm sorry!" Or something appropriate like that.

But I learned not to hope for that either.

ahem

Sat, 31 May 2008 23:36:03 GMT

Conversation between my mother and I discussing gay rights.

Me: Aw! Mum, look at the gay couple! Aren't they cute? I'm glad Maine has that gay rights thing now.

Mum: Oh yes. Thank God we let all the Fags into Maine.

Me: Mother! How could you say that? There's nothing wrong with being gay.

Mum: The Hell there isn't. I don't think we should have even gotten the rights signed off.

Me: So if I wanted to be in a relationship with a woman I shouldn't be allowed to get the same wages as someone heterosexual? I should be discriminated against and rejected by society? Gee, thanks, I'm glad you want the best for your daughter.

Mum: I'm not saying that, Carol.

Me: Then what are you saying?

Mum: I'm saying that they shouldn't be allowed to marry.

Me: First, you aren't allowed to be married in Maine to the same sex, you just have rights, and secondly, that isn't what you said before. You said we shouldn't have rights at all. Not just be unable to marry.

Mum: Just drop it, you're pissing me off and I don't want to talk about it.

Me: Fine.
***

We were in a car at the store when this conversation started. How can she be like that? -sigh-

Er...

Sat, 17 May 2008 23:16:12 GMT

Dad: chipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchip!

Me: ...

Dad: ererereroooo!

Me: O.o

Dad: I LOVE THESE TURKEY HUNTIN' SHOWS!

Me: Dad. You sound nothing like a turkey or a rooster.

Dad: Get my pellet gun, I'm goin' huntin'.

Me: .... *facepalm* Damn hunting channel.

meme and foolery

Sun, 11 May 2008 21:58:56 GMT

1. What was the last item you bought from Tommy Hilfiger?:
Er... I don't buy from that... er... store? Brand?

2. Gummy bears or Gummy worms?:
Doesn't make a difference to me! ^^;

3. Do you go tanning?:
Nah, too boring and I don't tan right away, I burn even with sun block.

4. How many pairs of Converses do you own?:
One as soon as I go shoe shopping.

5. Do you like Gnarls Barkely?:
Who now?

6. What are you doing right now, other than this?:
Listening to music.

7. Do you own an iPod?:
Nope.

8. If you could change TWO things about yourself, what would they be?:
My weight and my skin.

9. Do you often wear straight-legged jeans?:
Sure? *shrug* It doesn't matter to me.

10. What was the last website (other than Xanga) you went on?:
livejournal.com

11. Do you like candles?:
Yes. The Scented kinds.

12. Would you ever get a tattoo?:
Yup.

13. Are you a shopaholic?:
What's that?

14. Describe your style:
A little eccentric! Just a lil bit. heheh

15. If you were to be any car, what would you be?:
yellow porshe 911 turbo with tint & all wheel drive and spoiler

16. Do you have highlights?:
Yes.

17. Would you ever want to be a model?:
No. too lonely

18. What video game system do you use?:
xbox

19. Do you ever say "that's what she said"?:
Yes. all the time.

20. What is tomorrow?:
Tuesday in my book.

21. Favorite color(s)?:
Crimson, blue, bright green, black, aqua

22. Would you rather have water or soda?:
soda

23. Do you have certain rings that you wear daily?:
yes, the one I bought at wal*mart.

24. If yes, describe them to me:
It has red stones around it and white ones in the middle.

25. What does your hair look like right now?:
Messy and pinned back with a bandanna

26. When was the last time you took a nap?:
Yesterday

27. How many hats do you own?:
Two

28. Have you ever played on a soccer team?:
yes, but I quit.

29. Do you have a fence in your yard?:
No, but I use to.

30. What do you plan on majoring in?:
English and minoring Education

31. Where are your pets right now?:
Sleeping in my room.

32. Is it supposed to be nice out tomorrow?:
Yes. Yes it is.

33. Have you ever been in a plane?:
No.

34. Would you ever go to Argentina?:
No.

35. Why or why not?:
Too many bugs.

36. How many purses/bags do you own?:
Two.

37. What is bothering you right now?:
My emotions.

38. What color is your couch?:
I don't have one.

39. Have you ever been to New Hampshire?:
Yes. Frequently.

40. How was this survey?:
I liked it.

Sun, 11 May 2008 21:31:30 GMT

Dear Notebook I can't find,

I'm kinda scared about leaving this summer. About leaving everything behind. What if I don't want to come back? What if I want to come back before the summer's out? What if I get depressed? What if my friends fill my place with someone new? What if my family doesn't have space for me when I come back? What if Father dies while I'm away? What if Mother gets sick? What if someone needs me and I'm not here? What if I get sick again? What happens when pain overwhelms me? Can Desi handle me? Can Desi handle both Skyla and I? Will I be able to make a connection strong enough to want to live with her permanently? What will happen to all my stuff when I get back? I can't possibly fit it all into that tiny room. What happens when I go school shopping? Will I have the money I need? What happens to my accounts online? Will they be closed? What happens to the people I'm leaving behind? Won't they get hurt? Will anyone miss me? Does anyone care? Do I care?

I envy those who don't have to make these decisions.

Thoughtfully yours,

Carol

Sat, 10 May 2008 20:39:37 GMT

I am a happy Carol. I found the chocolate chips Mum and Dad didn't know they had.

heheh

Hey!!!

Sat, 10 May 2008 20:17:52 GMT

New journal. I know. The Layout is ... AWFUL!

August? Could we fix it?

-Carol