Wed, 15 Sep 2010 21:06:10 GMT

you are one in a million.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABYYYYYYYY! it's finally your 18th birthday and now i won't have to feel as if i'm raping you. lmfao jk. my baby is all grown up now! aka old :P but it's okay because you only get better with age. okay, lemme stop because i'm gonna post this up and chances are, you're gonna put this up too and people are only going to think i'm a freak. so with all that aside, i hope this birthday is the best one yet because well, eighteen is a pretty big deal and i'm glad that i can actually be with you to celebrate it! my original plans at first were to make a scrapbook but then of course, i would also have to have written you something so i figured that this idea was much more convenient. i'm crossing my fingers that you like it and don't think it's completely lame :[ and i hope that you like your gifts too! i know this doesn't even come close to my birthday present but, nothing ever will. i also know that whatever i say here isn't going to measure up to they way i really feel and it's going to come up short because besides the fact that i don't have way with words, the truth is, what i feel for you is indescribable, there aren't any words that can capture my love for you. i've tried many times before but there's just absolutely no words for it, there's no way to put it. i am going to try my hardest though and attempt to make this amazing because it's your 18th birthday and you deserve it! this probably won't make sense to anyone but us.

for you, i'd do it all over again.

there's no denying the truth, we had a past and things didn't seem to work out both of the times. i think i had already gotten to the point where i accpeted that things between us were only ever going to be that way. but everything started out again back in april with us talking every night until stupid o'clock. it became my nightly routine..well, "our" nightly routine is more like it. there i was, sitting in a hotel room ACROSS THE WORLD FROM YOU, on my laptop and we spent our nights talking about anything and everything that came up. only then, i was kicking myself in the butt each morning from the lack of sleep. because let's face it, you > sleep. i didn't care though, the tons of coffee intake were enough to get me through the days..even if i still did feel like my eyes were gonna burn out. well, i didn't think much of this at first, or maybe i just didn't want to let myself think anything of it so i wouldn't slip back into those feelings that i had pushed aside from our last breakup. yet little by little you found your way back into my heart and i found myself falling in love with you all over again. i would go on about my day and the thought of you would suddenly pop into my head and i would catch myself thinking about you every so often. i couldn't wait until my day was done to get back and do it all over again. i didn't think we we're going to get back together because we were both at a different place and time in our lives. i didn't think it was going to be possible to keep up a long distance relationship while i was out filming a movie in europe. but you came to visit when you had the chance and it made things a little easier. then, life somehow worked its magic and you ended up not too far from me in london for les mis and even though we spent a big part of relationship flying back and forth, look at us now.

staying up late and talking about anything and everything, does have its price to pay. i know that all too well. so, this definitely had to go in here because it was priceless and it still is. i love looking back on it because i can't help but laugh every. single. time.

(3:22:30 AM): what is a room no one can enter?
chicken selad 3:22 am
(3:22:52 AM): uhhhhhh
(3:22:55 AM): gimme a clue
nickenwang 3:23 am
(3:23:23 AM): it's something you can eat or get high off of lmao
chicken selad 3:23 am
(3:23:34 AM): GLUE?
nickenwang 3:23 am
(3:23:41 AM): .....
(3:23:49 AM): the glueroom?
chicken selad 3:23 am
(3:23:59 AM): LMFAO MAYBE
nickenwang 3:24 am
(3:24:08 AM): LMFAO wow
(3:24:10 AM): uh no
chicken selad 3:24 am
(3:24:29 AM): IDK I HATE YOUUUU LMFAO
nickenwang 3:24 am
(3:24:35 AM): LMFAO
(3:24:38 AM): MUSHROOM!!!!!!!!!
chicken selad 3:25 am
(3:25:05 AM): OH YEAH BECAUSE MUSHROOM ROOM IS SOOOO MUCH BETTER THAN GLUEROOM
nickenwang 3:26 am
(3:26:00 AM): .......
(3:26:04 AM): mushroom room......
chicken selad 3:26 am
(3:26:16 AM): yeah no i don't get it
nickenwang 3:26 am
(3:26:25 AM): oh man
(3:26:27 AM): it's not mushroom room
(3:26:30 AM): it's just mushROOM
(3:26:34 AM): it's a room you cant enter
chicken selad 3:27 am
(3:27:12 AM): OH MY GOD YOU DON'T KNOW HOW BAD I'M LAUGHING RIGHT NOW
(3:27:18 AM): i can't breathe dfnjgrukgnerj
nickenwang 3:27 am
(3:27:33 AM): LMFAO
(3:27:37 AM): slowest moment EVER
chicken selad 3:27 am
(3:27:48 AM): i was gonna say hello you should have said that from the beginning
(3:27:54 AM): then i realized YOU DID
chicken selad 3:28 am
(3:28:18 AM): and i look back at what i said and LMFAO WOW
nickenwang 3:28 am
(3:28:27 AM): LMFAO
(3:28:33 AM): yeah so.. imagine what im thinking

to love would be an awfully big adventure.

you know that some way, some how, i had to include this in here. it wouldn't be right if i left this out! now, i don't have the conversation where you told me i was going to be wendy and i really don't remember it or remember why you were telling me this but hey, i wasn't complaining. you didn't even ask, you just straight up told me i was going to be wendy, i was confused and i think i asked if it was wendy from peter pan? idk but it was and i went right along with it. the thing was, you just didn't know that i hadn't even really seen peter pan because i thought it was one of the boring disney movies. i saw it like once after that, barely paid any attention, and yeahhh lmfao forgive me :[ you came to visit me in london and brought me the cutest peter pan build-a-bear and bracelet and even though i wasn't a fan yet, it was too adorable to resist! and peter bear kept me company all the days we were apart. but! when we watched peter pan together for the first time, on one of our many movie dates, my opinion was forever changed. i actually did pay attention to the movie and as i was watching it, i noticed how peter and wendy were somewhat like us and i immediately fell in love with it. i have you to thank for introducing me to such cuteness and how now every time i go to buy peanut butter it has to be the peter pan kind and how anytime i see anything about them i get all excited and how i hate tinkerbell because she just gets in the way. so yeah, i love peter pan now, and i can't wait to dress up as peter pan and wendy for halloween, because i wasn't kidding about that. and you are going to wear tights. okay? okay. perfect.

i give my hand to you with all my heart,
can't wait to live my life with you, can't wait to start.

i remember you had asked me this once already and it incredibly freaked me out so bad. i didn't know if you were serious, i didn't know whether to run or what to even think of it. i felt like everything was coming at me too fast and i couldn't take it in. i thought you were just throwing it out there for the hell of it, just to say we did it. it terrified me because we're young and although we had been getting serious, we had given this a shot twice already and in the back of my mind, i was scared that this was going to fall apart like the other times. i was holding onto the fear of my past, of my mom having me at a young age and then watching my parents' relationship come to an end. i couldn't handle that happening between us. i thought you were out of your mind and as much as i wanted to say yes, that fear took over.

we had gotten into, back then, what had been our biggest fight and the first thing i went to do was vent to taylor. i felt like everything was going to go out the window from there on. i was telling her about how you deserved better than me and how i didn't want to lose you because i would never forgive myself ever again and right in the middle of this breakdown that i was having....you say this to me. again, it freaked me out beyond belief and those thoughts and the fear were in the back of mind. but my heart was telling me otherwise, it was different this time around. our relationship wasn't that sixteen year old fling anymore, and granted, we picked up right where we left off the second time but i knew that everything had changed. i felt it every time we talked, every time we kissed and when you held me in your arms. there wasn't a doubt that what we had now, was becoming our future.

i knew how much i love you and i decided to take the risk. i decided that i wasn't going to let anything get in the way of us being together forever. that night, my feelings did a complete turn around and that breakdown turned into joy. i didn't even know what to say, what to do, it was beyond unexpected. except, this time i knew i wanted to say yes. i was sure of us and our relationship. the insecurities of our past and my past were gone, i wasn't looking back anymore. people can say and think whatever they want. they can say we're only setting ourselves up for the biggest mistake of our lives but they don't know anything.

chicken selad 12:58 am
(12:58:53 AM): all you need to know is that im truly in love with you
nickenwang 12:59 am
(12:59:50 AM): September 17th, 2010. lets make it official.
chicken selad 1:00 am
(1:00:57 AM): i think my stomach just went all agbdrfjkslgsed
nickenwang 1:02 am
(1:02:40 AM): do i take that as a yes?
chicken selad 1:03 am
(1:03:23 AM): yes
nickenwang 1:03 am
(1:03:53 AM): i had planned to ask you on your birthday but.. i jumped the gun this time
chicken selad 1:04 am
(1:04:14 AM): ...............YOU COULDNT HAVE WAITED!
nickenwang 1:04 am
(1:04:22 AM): no :-\
(1:04:28 AM): not with this stuff going on
(1:04:33 AM): i want you to know how serious i really am about you
(1:04:35 AM): and about us
(1:04:37 AM): and about our future

if we would've followed through with this, we would've been getting married tomorrow. i'm glad we didn't though lmao. this was the informal way but it didn't fail to make my stomach do flips and turns because i knew that our relationship truly had changed now, but jsyk, i was by far relieved when you asked me the RIGHT AND PROPER WAY for my birthday. okay so, it wasn't on my actual birthday but july 25, 2010 was the most perfect day in the world. we hadn't seen each other in a bit, maybe a week or two? i was already back home and you were still in london and missed my birthday! which devastated me >:o but it was okay because little did i know, you had big plans for my birthday and you made up for it with the greatest and most amazing gift possible. i definitely didn't expect you to actually propose to me or even GET DOWN ON ONE KNEE that when we had dinner that night. everything about that night was perfectperfectperfect.

hold onto me, i'll hold onto you.
it's you and me up against the world,
it's you and me.

like every relationship out there, it hasn't always been easy. there are times when distance gets in the way or when we plan something out and then something else comes along. we've gotten into dumb fights, big fights, tiny fights that blew up in our faces, but in the end, we got through it all and it's made our relationship stronger for the better. we fought with each other and we've fought for each other. and as much as i hate fighting with you, there's no way to ever avoid that, there's no way around it. we're gonna disagree, we're gonna get on each other's nerves and we're go at it but i've learned that sometimes you have to bend, to compromise, to give something up in order to gain something greater and the love we have for each other is bigger than these small differences and insignificant fights. no relationship is ever perfect and all that matters is that we we're still there for each other even through the hardest of times. i know that you don't like opening up so much and i, open up way too much sometimes but i'm glad that we're able to talk about things, work it out, and make everything right again. you know that i'm always gonna be there, by your side, every step of the way. supporting you, believing in you, listening to you, through the good and the bad, i'll be there. we're in this together.

we've come quite a long way, you've changed, i've changed, a lot has changed, but my love for you hasn't, nor will it ever. i can't wait to move in together, get married, and spend the rest of our lives together. we talk about it often and i know that you sometimes think that i don't want it as much as you, but baby, i do. i can't wait until we can settle down and have our own place together and we have a little family. i want to do all this with you and sosososososo much more. everything we've talked about, family nights, halloween and christmas traditions, vacations, i want to do it all. there isn't anyone for me but you, baby.

you give me feelings that i adore.

i'm the luckiest girl in the world because i get to call you mine. i don't know what i did to get this lucky but i'm truly blessed. you came into my life and now i can't ever picture it without you and i wouldn't even want to, because life without you, isn't life. when i'm with you, the world makes sense, everything falls into its place. you bright up my life and fill it with happiness and love. when we're together, i don't have a care in the world, i have you and that's all that matters. when we're far apart, my days seem longer, there's no light because there's no you. when we're far apart, all i want to do is hold you and be by your side. i miss you the second i'm away from you, even if we're always talking, it doesn't take the place of you being there. i've never felt this way about anybody and it's the way i've felt about you from the very start. i knew you that something about you was different, you weren't like everybody else, and i could feel it every time our eyes met.

i love everything about you. from the way you say my name, to the way you still give me butterflies til this day. i love the way you laugh and the way you smile. i love the way you hold me while we sleep and i love waking up to you in the mornings. i love how comfortable i am with you, how i can trust you and tell you everything. you know all the ins and outs about me and you still manage to love me, despite my craziness. i love how you make me feel beautiful, even if i just woke up or look like the crap at its finest. i love you take my breath away. i love how you make fun of my lack of proper english and speaking skills. i love talking about our future and planning it all out because we're excited about it. i love kissing you. i love snuggling and cuddling. i love going to your games because not only do i get to cheer for you but i get to see you in your sexy uniform. i love our connection and how we're just that perfect for each other. i love your eyes and how i get lost in them. i love watching you play your freakin poker games and laughing when you start losing and then getting more excited than you when you start winning. i love your body. i love staying up waaaay too late and sometimes falling asleep before you or even falling asleep on you. i love how your arms wrap tightly around my body. i love how we have movie dates and get to be fatties together. i love going through your clothes and stealing your shirts and boxers. i love how we tell each other about our days and how we share random things with each other. i love how we draw the silliest things for each other. i love when we hold hands. i love when you bite me, even if i always scream. i love sleeping in your hoodie when i'm cold. i love the feeling i get in my tummy when you kiss me. i love how we've never gone a single day without talking. i love your voice. i can go on and on and still not even finish because there is too much that i love about you. but you know what? most of all, i love YOU.

and yes, i know that i've told you thousands of times before but i will never stop telling you. i'm extremely proud of you and everything that you have accomplished and are doing right now. your passion and your drive never ceases to amaze me and when you want something, you go after it with your whole heart. i admire you. i admire your strength, your dedication, your talent, your charisma, and everything that you are and stand for. you not only have given me hope and inspired me but millions of people out there. you're living out each and every one of your dreams and i love that i can be right there with you during the way, even if i'm not physically there sometimes for whatever reason.

i know you're gonna be like "WTH BABE! IT TOOK YOU THAT LONG TO DO THIS?' but yes, it did. you know how slow i am and how much my laptop and internet are haters, and i'm sorry i ignored you a bit but this was all for you, soooo shush. i hope this made you smile at least and i hope your birthday is amazing, fantastic, incredible, and everything you want it to be. i'm sorry this was late and i suck, i know. i love you, nicholas jerry jonas and happy birthday!

sjonas