skylessnight

I really should say this

2009-06-28T16:11:41Z

My kitty cat died a few days ago, Boots who I had for 11/10 years. I will say I am over it but really I am not just don't want to talk about it.

In other news I am better in terms of health.

Should not write this but will

2009-06-19T04:58:21Z

Really I would not read this if I were you whoever you are but here it goes.

I am sick, been sick for awhile now and slowly getting worst to the chance I could die this year or soon. ITP is a rare disease in some cases there is no cure due to the body.

When I made my last post I had a bleed that lasted roughly 30 mins, half was heavy bleeding which made me light headed and scared.

A friend of mine who I have not met (just online but moving down here) offered me some money to pay for the bills which I may or may not take.

No idea what to do right now.

~finds the refund for the body~

Limits

2009-06-16T21:12:11Z

I don't know what to say. I am sacred yet numb at the same time. I dont know what to say for once.

Jacon 2009

2009-05-26T21:31:08Z

WHEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Went to Jacon Saturday and it was rather fun, took roughly 160 photos which I am still going though and trying to figure stuff out, colene had fun and got a few items and overall yeah had fun.

I just wish I had models to use :(

Taken from DA journal:

Yes still going with images from Jacon and uploading as I don't think people want to see 160 uploads from me all at once and I am sure more people will hit the mass delete then look at them.

I love Photography and love taking it more, I find myself wanting a better camera mainly in terms of speed as I find the one I use lacks speed as it has a HUGE delay in frames per second and the second flash bugs me as most models I take of move after the first one :(

I normally only do it at cons as that is when you have a ton of people as most don't like the idea of randomly taking photos of them even if I have a ton of ideas at times. I prefer people or nature such as storms, I wanted to take photos of a storm that we saw the other day as it was pretty strikes of lightning however the camera was being a pain so yeah, was kinda of funny when parts of the mall went out of power but yeah.

We spent the day with Amber, a friend of mine which colene likes and bonds well together hehe which I am glad as we are going to the beach in June with amber and her family and all. First time I really had sugar since a year but yeah it was fun. Sadly I don't have a lot of fun it seems.

I want more models and cosplay stuffies >.

~sighs~ I need a hug

2009-05-15T20:09:05Z

I think no I know I need a hug right now. Going to the doctor or ER in a day or so and I am very worried right now border line panic attacks. I have ITP http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Idiopathic_thrombocytopenic_purpura and had it when I was nine which could had killed me and even now it can kill me. I know colene knows of ITP as I am going though it badly with bleeding lots but yeah. I know she is deathly worried but I know I cant talk to her with it due to it will worry her more and more.

I can't do surgery due to the pocedure is potentially risky in ITP cases due to the increased possibility of significant bleeding during surgery.(from Wiki) YEAH umm no that does not sound good.

I don't know what I should do right now other then the doctors or ER and I am scared.

Hospitals and Mother's day

2009-05-09T21:04:57Z

I was planning to go to my parents place and go with them for out to eat and all and enjoy the day and would call them today to let them know.

However...

Before I could even call my mom I find that she called me without a message just a number(like always) yet she is in the Hospital due to she had a headache at work then she had sharp pains in her chest and her arm went numb. well she went to the Er yet doctors like always have no fucking idea what is wrong.

She just got back home but has to take it easy, so far no one knew what went on and I am still going over but I shall play cook there.

;_; NOTE: EMO and pointless

2009-05-08T04:30:22Z

Yeah I have not updated in awhile, but I have kept my eyes on it.

Stressed but college is out even if I am highly debating to just stop it as it is getting way to much money (6k in debt) and no job due to no one in this state is hiring it seems. Maybe I will go get a 6 week program or 6 month whatever and do something on anything, hell I will do anything right now for money. >.>

Does not I feel rather worthless right now due to not working and can't help with bills. Me and colene got in a fight about it but no one really won and it was really a misunderstanding of the account and all.

GOD I HATE SEX ADS on tv.

Yeah this is so short and emo like.

Time to find a place I can sell blood for or other body fluids like plasma.

O look a thing

2009-04-23T23:37:17Z

Comment on this entry, and I will:
1. Tell you why I friended you.
2. Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a color, a photo, a word etc.
3. Tell you something I like about you.
4. Tell you a memory I have of you.
5. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
6. Tell you my favorite user pic of yours.
7. In return, you must post this in your scribbld.

Tears of pain

2009-04-01T04:53:06Z

Do you even care anymore?

Close off your heart and soul and forget of the past?

Do you even care anymore of the pain we share or shared?

Why would you care, time is pointless just another word that has ben passed on to one from another.

Really why should I keep trying and always in the end fail due to this or that.

Do you even care anymore?

~sighs~ Life sucks

2009-03-29T00:27:11Z

Life really sucks at times you know?

My grandmother is sick, I have known this for awhile now, but she is not getting any better. There is something on her lungs, on or with as we think she could have lung cancer due to she has spent her life smoking and yeah now she is 70+.

She does not go to the doctor but if she is forced to. She spends days in bed at times and has no energy nor really talks about what doctors says about her health.

Very worried for her and about her. I utterly hate cancer. .____.

skylessnight @ 2009-03-27T12:06:00

2009-03-27T16:06:43Z

I think I am smarter today then I was the other day.

On other news, well there is really not much I can say. Not really talking with anyone on Scribbled it seems. Almost done with College this term, need to do a few more exams and I will know how I am off.

Joy to the world and all that

RAWR

2009-03-26T01:32:07Z

I hate college!!! I fucking hate it and stupid stupid stupid teachers who should not teach. How did the hell did they get the power to teach?

I want to quit and just leave out but no I won't, even if I should as college is not for me I know this and understand this as I hate the school system in the US.

Next term I am taking most of my classes online which might help me if not then I know the classroom will do.

Start of day:

8:00 wake up after going to bed at 2

8:40, sees that the cable is once again down so head to school

9:00 waiting in a office to talk to a adivosor for my mid final that is due

9:30 print all of the stuff and run to class.

10:00 got a B on it all...

11:00 help someone warp up 3 different essays

12:00 Did not do the work from last class so teacher kicked me out

2:00 State exit which I was rushed then another text

All in all very rushed and stressed, keeping a lot of things out of my timetable which I know no one will really read nor care about.

~sighs~

I wish I was a different person sometimes

Tuesday

2009-03-23T01:29:50Z

We are going to go out to the movies and mall around that day as we are both off, going to take some photos then play with adding things with photoshop or corel. Yeah not much of a update I know

;_;

2009-03-21T13:48:16Z

Strike me down god, o mighty striker of doom!!!

~sigh~

I can't stand Carol sometimes, and today I will beg any god being or higher power to end it all for me. Colene had to go take care of car stuff and all and Carol wanted to be with her so fine, we will leave at 9 am right? The clock goes off at 8 30 and Colene did not want to get up so I just laid in bed then got up bit before 9. Carol who was outside yelled at me a lot when I let the dog out on its about time or I have stuff to do and on and on. Then when she comes inside starts yelling more at me on how colene is not up and slams the door when she leaves.

So I get Colene up and such well she goes outside even if she does not want to while I clean some then when I take out the trash I go out. Carol just starts bashing the job in the yard I did last week and blaming me for carp which fine I can take. Colene later told me when we were alone that she did not yell at her just yell about me.

O mighty god just strike off my ears... ;_;

Maybe the day will brighten up...I doubt it as I have to deal with Carol all day and her bitcheness.

skylessnight @ 2009-03-20T16:15:00

2009-03-20T20:16:11Z

Yeah have not really updated anything in awhile or well it has felt like awhile. I have been down on some level once more and I want to move out of this state. My eyes can't handle this sunlight but the only other place really that I have left to run from the light is well north and it's cold there.

~sighs~ Ever felt like asking what is the point of it all? I have been asking myself that a lot and I find that sad on some level.

I plan on going over to the the Mall and Asia part of town (forgot the name off hand) going to take the camera and play with it, I miss doing photo shots so much.

Rawr

2009-03-19T06:33:14Z

Why do I even try at times? No matter what I do or say I still get yelled at or head bitten off.

wheee

2009-03-13T21:33:35Z

Had so much fun on Colenes birthday Thursday, we woke up at 8ish to get stuff ready as I had to fix food for us plus for a friend but we ran a bit late and Kim (friend) is so not a day time person and well she was not happy but enjoyed the coffee.

We went over to the asia type area and mall and hung out there all day, came back and got some pizza, tryed to get a friend but we got lost to the point we were at the airport and we all say fuck it.

Her mom is going to throw her a birthday party this weekend which is cute in my view. I love my ramune, it is my drug. First time I had it at Jacon me and a small group sam and syd well we drinked so much Sam does not remember that night and passed out from the suger, colene well has no idea what happened as well which makes me laugh on some level.

Going to play more zelda tonight as I want to know how it ends now

I hate the sun...

2009-03-11T01:03:11Z

Spent all day ( 10-6 ) working in the yard for Carol, gah cut my hands so much but o well most of the work is done. Just have to do some more cleaning in the house. Carol is pissed at me due to I left a tool outside and did not take a trash can full of branches to the side of the road right then but o well.

I hate the sun due to my eyes can't handle bright lights and does not help I keep losing any sunglasses I have or break them.

Need a new cell phone now, I broke it in half the other day when I spaced out holding it at school and when I came to it was yeah broke in my hands. I guess that is life for me.

I spent some money last week for Colene to cheer her up more or less. I got her a wii and Zelda. She loves them both and its her second zelda game which makes me laugh as I grew up with it.

We are kidnapping Kim on Thursday at 9, meaning I have to wake up at 7:30 to cook for everyone and all as I told Kim I would get her food for waking up at 9 as she goes to sleep at 3 or 4 am and does not wake until 12 due to her life.

One of my friends from high school is coming back home for spring break as she lives in Miami for school right now until she can get into UCF closer to home. As right now she pays about 5 gran a term for the housing there.

Odds are we will go to the beach and goof around.

One of my friends sent me the oddest thing telling me they saw me the other day. They said he looked just like me and even had about the same type of personalty which makes me go yay?.

Well I guess everyone has a twin in the world even if I don't believe that really.

God I am so tired right now, this time change and stressed from school. Semi Final project and I don't like my work even if I did what she asked. I guess I am always like this when it does not deal with topics I am not all yay for.

I found a online shop for Victorian clothing and I am like yay as I love the style and dress of that time period. One of the few time periods I could live in even with the bad meds there. Yeah more then once I wished I was born in another time period but o well.

Hehe I wuv family guy.

I am off to wash the nightmares away in a hot shower.

Dreams of the past burn into ashes

2009-03-03T15:27:48Z

Blah ._. This week has been fun well past week. End of the exams are coming up soon a bit after spring break which really I am not that worried about. A part of me does not really care about them nor the stupid teachers there.

Wedsday I might be hanging out with Stephanie have not seen her in a month or so due to her college has been hell but thankful she gets her degree March 13th which she wants me and Colene to go to. I told her I would try which I would as Colene will have to work.

The might bit is well Colene told her mom she has the day off and her mom has been a bitch latly plus Carol has been due to Taxes as Colene has to fill out another forum and all due to she made a mistake which they are yelling about. *_*

We(Colene and I) talked the other day on saving and what we really want to do and we both agree to start saving as we do want to go over and see the shrines and places in Japan in a few years. We both took the guess of it would cost around 10k due to what we want to do and how long we want to spend.

We are closing the bank account to re open it at another one due to the bank is just pissing us off to much. O well we will deal with that in a few weeks.

Haha

2009-02-24T04:39:40Z

PAypal is sending me the money back as the website gave in as it was fraud.

Well guess what I am not happy still, I found the one who used my paypal account and I have there ip address. I found they live in Asia so I am now filling a claim with the FBI. No one pisses me off and gets away with it.

GAH!!!

2009-02-23T22:52:01Z

I hate my day

More or less I hate it when people over react. Colene went on DA (art site) well it was logged on my account and she did not look but went to the images that were waiting as you can watch other people and see what they post. Well she found a image from a person who does hentai as in large boobs and thin body so she thinks I am watching them due to that...

NO I am not, they also make very pretty and good art works from different things like FF7 and a few other fan fics but she does not even think that. I just looked to see why I watch the person was remember all this AFTER she leaves for school storming off.

I hate it when people over react. As when she told me all this after getting me from school she was yelling in the car at me. GAH

I watch over 100 people due to different tastes some in art, some in photos. Even if most are more adult theme idea I still like and prefer some of the more pretty things that does not deal with nude bodies.

So now I have to wait until she gets home and odds are she will just think of all the bad things I could be doing and she most likely won't listen to me or see why I watch them...

WHEEE!!!

2009-02-23T00:43:00Z

I am not the type that really updates a ton of journals per day but today it seems I am, blah cleaned house today. It was fun to say the least as Carol who can be a bitch was well being bitchy at everything I did. Making rude remarks or just being an ass on what or how I did it.

Did not really sleep well, had odd dreams last night but I can't remember much just a child like voice saying things and a bell. (I hate the sound of an hand held bell by the way)

Updated some of my poems, I use to write more often but I am debating to take them down as they are rather sad and well bad in my view.

Gah I hate the smell of bleach and right now I still smell it. I think I want to live without any pets other then one not thousands.

There was more on what I was going to say but my mind keeps going to an shower which I might go take. Hot water sounds fun.

Poems

2009-02-23T00:25:43Z

Going to post a few of my poems that I made, some are from a few years ago and a few were made a few weeks ago. Yeah umm so here you go. Yes they do deal a lot with death and pain.

Wounds of the past:

Drip Drip Drip
I hurt myself
I cut myself deeply in my soul and mind
I knew what I did was wrong but I had to change it
They all said I should not do it
But I had to I could not let that happened
I paid the price for what I did

Drop Drip Drip
I hurt myself back then
I had cut myself deeply in my soul and mind
I am still injured by what I did
I paid a price for my actions
I am still paying the price for what I did

Drip Drip Drip
It is not healing
It is still the same cut
Blood and pain are falling from the wound

Drip Drip Drip
This wound is still bleeding
Will this wound ever heal
I will do it again if I get the chance

____________

So many times:

There are times I just wish death would take me, just end this endless pain that I suffer from.
There are times I wonder if anyone would truly miss me, odds are not.
There are many times when I wonder how death feels like.
There are times I would not care even if it feels like a thousand needles tearing the deepest parts of my soul apart.

So many times I find this life so pointless
So many times I find myself friendless when I thought I had at least some friends
I question just how long this life will take each time I look back at what I have done wrong in it.
So many times I just want to fade away into the dark abyess of death

How many times gods will play with my fate
How many days will pass as theses tears fall from my eyes
How many times will I cut my soul with icy daggers made from broken friends

There are times I just wish death would take me, just end this endless pain that I suffer from.
There are times I wonder if anyone would truly miss me, odds are not.
There are many times when I wonder how death feels like.
There are times I would not care even if it feels like a thousand needles tearing the deepest parts of my soul apart.

_____________

Tears:

The once clear droplets
Of rain fall from the
Once blue sky

Now they are red
Like the crimson sky

After they had suffered
So much they then passed
Away from the pain and guilt of life.

No one is saved as
No one can be saved
From death

The air smells of death
And blood as they have
Died

No one is saved as
No one can be saved
From death

It was years
and they held on to
life.

But then they
Had come and
They lost the will to hold on

So many had died
That day even the
World moans for
The great loss.

It is raining again.
The red droplets of rain
fall from the crimson sky.

No joy, happiness, pleasure
Nor any good emotion
Exist in the world anymore

Only sadness, pain, guilt
And other emotions similar
To that exist

All because they had died
So many of them
At once.

Even as I cry
Theses tears, I will
Never be the same again.

As even I mourn
The loss even if I
Did not know the victims

Now I try to sleep
Even if I know
I Cannot.

I can’t, as
I hear the rain outside
And I cry for the loss

May we never
Forget what took place
The day the world mourn

O my god

2009-02-22T16:38:44Z

gagjeiojfasdl;ijfaesp;lmjradsfjimkas

GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hate it when one thing happens another thing takes place, just found out someone got into my paypal and used it for a 60 dollar fee for some off the wall site that has hosting for websites...WTF?

Just had to block my card and send in so many claims to paypal and my bank but as it is not posted my bank can't stop it nor do anything until then. Paypal will take 10 days so I am like gah.

Colene has a gym membership that is going to hit the bank on the account on the 30th so I am like fuck. Colene is well not happy.

gajiojaeoifjapo;fk[pesrke

Sleep seems fun

2009-02-21T16:19:42Z

Well Friday was good.

Yeah just woke up and still very tired and worn out. It feels like I am missing something if that makes any sense and odds are it does not. It just feels like I openned up more then I have in years and my mind is like blah??

Yeah putting things in words right now is hard, maybe I will spend the day cleaning and finding things on the net or reading.