Current mood:

depressed

39 weeks and two days
so it's after 3am and I'm watching a marathon of suite life of zack and cody on youtube. It's bad how addicted I am to that shower. Damn kid shows! I was thinking about my cousin being here, that I haven't actually spoke to him and my main rp partner going back to Washington State. I am also thinking how both remind me of the rut I'm in.


My cousin Visited for Christmas he came few days before the actual holiday and I am thinking about how better off I was then , than I am now. I could actually drive my car around to help me find a job and I could leave the house whenever I felt like it (if I had enough gas and/or gas money) I can't drive my car because I have out of state plates with expired tags and no Florida based Insurance for it. I finally got a copy of my car title here but I don't have the money to change over the rest of the plates and tags and insurance. Yeah, I'm a bit loser-ish now. Well more than a little. I don't like to and I don't normally get down on my self but when hardship after hardship compacts with each other into a circle of debt it kind of is staring you right in the face. Keep in mind I have a lot of other bills that I need to pay and don't have much money to do it with.

Thinking about my main RP partner moving is worst. She and her Aunt (oh I am really starting to hate Aunts in general) basically screwed me over and I had no where else to go so I ended up here. Little did I know how much the job market sucked down here. I guess that is what I get for planning a cross country move in about two weeks. I was so focused on getting my things in Colorado in Storage, saying goodbye to my friends, making sure my car made it to Florida, paying for the hotel, paying for gas, trying not to get lost on the drive, trying not to go crazy from boredom and loneliness driving alone in a car for two days and honestly getting laid before I left Colorado. I didn't think to take an in depth look at the job market around me. That part I screwed myself, but the whole reason I'm here I did not....well...I kind of did for not getting the terms of living with my RP partner and her Aunt over the summer in writing.

Jayson (RP Partner) and I had a dysfunctional friendship more like a rivial, fucked up Platonic marriage. Once a girl that we worked with asked me if we were a couple. I told her that we were both straight, I don't think she believed me. I told Jayson that Later on and had a good laugh about it because we thought the girl who asked me that was a Lesbian. Ironic more so I guess but funny non the less.

Anyway she got jealous because I had met a Guy over the summer and since we lived together she was there when I got the phone calls from him and all that jazz. I didn't spend as much time hanging out with her, I'm almost much tidier than she is, I don't waste energy and I don't bang on the bathroom door when your roommate just stepped out of the shower yelling about how I need to Pee!

So she started telling her aunt this and they basically tagged teamed me saying that Jayson and I both had to be out by a certain time no matter what! THey were both hardcore about this and Jayson was worrying about having to move back with her parents and all that. I come to find out after I moved that Jayson still lived there with her Aunt. She was suppose to help me by moving all my stuff into this storage place that her parents had. Well when my friend Josh went to keep it up all the stuff I had left at her Aunt house was still there and he told me that it looked like she had still been living there for awhile. I had a feeling before but that really pissed me off.

Yes, I still talk to this girl almost on a daily basis. She is a much better long distance friend than she is a friend to hang out with, not only because of all the crap I just wrote about but she is also a fat enabler or fat comfort friend. Every time I would talk about how I'm losing weight and how I think that my weight gain was actually medical she would have a fit.

I wish I took inventory of all my stuff back in Colorado and sent the list to Josh, cuz I don't know if she kept any of my stuff or not. I'm not too worried about my clothing and all that. Cuz I know she doesn't like my clothing, but I'm a collector and we have similar taste when it comes to that stuff. I have collected a lot of stuff, also some of my tech stuff, supple stuff, and cd's all that. Everything that I couldn't fit into my little car.

Thing is After I moved I got stuck and she's moving back to her beloved home state and I don't know if she's going to get stuck. I hope she does for like some Karmic Revenge for what happened. However, me saying that is putting bad Karma into the world and I'll get it back i think like three fold? She also has everyone she grew up with back there and I have....lets see....my aunt, uncle and three friends...two which are best friends and I haven't talked to them since early April and the other annoys me most of the time, but he has his good bits. But, since I can't legally drive my car and he lives on the other side of town, I don't get to see him much.

After all this, even given my irrational fear of age deceasing what I wouldn't give to be set back up into my Apartment with my two guy roommates, who both mean a helluva lot to me..and one I was sexing it up with, a steady job, working car, honesty awesome net connection on my lap top, and to basically go back to the happiest years of my life. I would give...a lot...of almost anything I had....Hence the fact that I need to keep trying to move forward.

Night,
Samson

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Do any of my readers role play online? Cuz I have this game I would like to start and since my main games are technically taking a break. I know I'm going to feel the bite of the RP bug soon enough.