urn:lj:scribbld.com:atom1:tommythetreetommythetreetommythetreedjehutyfan@hotmail.comtommythetree2009-11-12T15:29:20Zurn:lj:scribbld.com:atom1:tommythetree:484Christmas Letters...2009-11-12T15:29:20Z2009-11-12T15:29:20Z<br /><p>[Audio begins] </p><p>Dear Santa. For Christmas, I wish for a pruning shears, tree fertiliser some more leaves to grow out of my-</p><p>[There is a cough, followed by a female voice muttering unintelligibly]</p><p>What? Oh, come on, Theresa. It’s not tasteless when I say it!</p><p>You’re taking the fun out of it!</p><p>Alright, fine.</p><p>[Audible cough]</p><p>Dear Santy, for Christmas, I wish for industrial grade therapy for my daughter-</p><p>[More unintelligible muttering, this time with an angry twinge]</p><p>Oh for fuck’s sake, Terry, calm down. I was jokin’! Look, I’ll be serious this time.</p><p>Dear Santy, for Christmas, I would like two hundred pints of Murphys and a weekend in the Bahamas. Failing that, I would like not to have to record audio letters to a non-existent icon of modern commercial culture derived from a Christian saint who wasn’t actually all that great. Much love and ganja fumes, Black Tom.</p><p>Is that acceptable, darling? Good. Now fuck off, I’m trying to sleep. </p><p>[Audio ends.]</p>