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violet_lily ([info]violet_lily) wrote,
@ 2010-03-13 02:32:00

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Current location:Hell
Current mood: depressed
Current music:The cranberries-when you're gone

Where do I go from here....
I'm 20,pregnant,jobless,and depressed. I'm so sick and drained all the time. Everything is so exhausting...I'm always alone. I know I'm the one to blame and who could be the only one to change my life...but I don't want a life without him. Lately I feel like that's my only option. Somehow he thinks we could make it being far apart but I don't know if I'm that strong. I want to be...I try to be but I'm afraid by thoughts and depression get the best of me. I don't want to be like this. I want to be a great mother and I want my baby to have a great father. My life wasn't great but I know it could have been alot worse. I don't want my baby to have to deal with that stuff. I want them to have the best life I can possibly give them. I want them to grow up and be the person I never got to be. I want them to feel loved and not alone. I hate that I'm so in love with him...I hate that it controls me and how I feel lost when he's not here. I wish I could read his mind see if he really loves me or not...or see if he's ever gonna hurt me...truth is I'm already hurting. I hate fighting...we fight because I'm not strong enough to let him go. I don't want to be alone...well I guess in 7 months I won't be. I have my first ultrasound thursday..I hope he comes...my hearts gonna break if he doesn't. I want him to see our baby's heartbeat..I want him to know this is real.

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