wanderlust

user name

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 21:58:00 GMT

Why did you choose your user name? Is there any special meaning or story behind it? <input ... >
View Answers

I chose my user name because of a few reasons. A. being that I was tired of my old one (halfwaywhore), and B. I like it. The story behind my user name is a short one. I was watching Across the Universe, and how there was so much discontent in that movie, and it really opened my eyes that there should be more peace in the world. There were a few floating around in my head like lovenothate lovenotwar stuff with peace blah blah, but I just decided on this one because people are so angry these days. Chill out for a second and be nice. Do something kind for another person.

Last day of summer...

Mon, 11 Aug 2008 21:41:21 GMT

Alright so today is my last day of summer break. Tomorrow I go back to school as a senior. I was recently reminded that the first day back to school is the most important day of the whole year. It's a day of first impressions, and the day that people can look at you in a different light. They can see how you've changed over the summer. The boy or girl you thought would never get cute, suddenly might have. This day holds so much promise in it. It could be the best day ever, or the worst.

     Something else I was also recently told was to say what you need to say. Holding everything inside of you is extremely bad for you. It stresses you out, something you don't need at the start of a new year. I was encouraged to talk to those that I'm not on the best of terms with and just apologize, and try to mend these friendships. They are something that I should be cherishing because after this year, I won't ever get that again. I won't be seeing them every day, and we will all be going our seperate ways. It's a hard thing to think about, the fact that you have been going to school with a group of people for 13 years of you life. 13 years that some say were the best days of their life. 13 years with these people and after graduation, you will never talk to some of these people again. This is a really sad thing to me.

     Lately I have been thinking about my future. My grades, my work ethic, my motivation, but most of all, how much I depend on my friends to back me up and be there for me. As a libra, it is in my nature, my character to be very indecisive. I don't like to go and do things alone because I am very shy around new people. When I go try out for drum corps. I'm going to be a nervous wreck. It's going to practically kill me to drive all the way to Ohio by myself. It's going to kill me to spend two whole days around people I had no idea even existed. I've posted about it before, but I don't like akward social situations. This is an akward social situation to me. Ugh. But this experience is going to be a big step towards my main goal this year. Taking the intiative to actually go and have fun, will take a lot of confidence on my part.

     I've also been thinking about guard, and how I want this year to go. I know that I've always joked about trying really hard. I know it would be very difficult for us to win state, but for fucks sake, I would at least like to get there. I've made a promise to myself that I'm going to start trying harder. I'm going to make myself a better guard member, and a better team mate.

This year my classes are:
1. Band
2. Bio 2
3. Study Hall
4. English Lit.
5. Orientation to Careers
6. U.S. Government
7. Weights

I didn't have to take weight, I just switched so I didn't have to take art. I originally took art because I thought it would be fun. I though, you know, I can draw, I'm decent. But then I realised, it is a class, and I don't want to be graded on what some teacher thinks is my potential. Now I believe that weights is sort of a "blessing" to have. I've been wanting to tone my body for drum corps. Really strengthen my body. I want more than anything to be that total package they are looking for.

II guess I hadn't realised that I've typed that much... I'm sort of proud of myself. Anyways, I have more laundry to do, and my brother wants me to play Zelda with him. So I shall go.

p.s. I really can't wait to get to my senior project. Not the crazy shit I have to do, but the actual making the shirts... That's going to be so fun.

writers block

Fri, 25 Jul 2008 04:25:56 GMT

Do you have a remarkable phobia? Does your phobia have a large impact on your life?

I would say I have a lot of little fears...but only one real phobia. This phobia is called glossophobia, the fear of public speaking. It's a type of social phobia or Social Anxiety Disorder. Physical symptoms often accompanying social anxiety disorder include excessive blushing, sweating (hyperhidrosis), trembling, palpitations, nausea, and stammering. Panic attacks may also occur under intense fear and discomfort. I would say that yes, this had largely impacted my life in a lot of ways. I've always been shy, but speaking infront of people is horrible. I have all of those symptoms when I have to speak. I think it's a good and bad thing to make public speaking mandatory. Good because it forces you to speak, so maybe you might get over it. Bad because they grade you on something that barely anyone is good at. Sure make me speak, but don't grade me on something that is almost physically impossible for me. One thing I'm not happy about is that I have to do a lot of public speaking for my senior project. Ugh I just hate it. When I had to do my U.S. History speech, I was nervous all day, I didn't eat lunch, and I had a sick feeling all day. It was horrible...really.

I'm trying to over come this fear by trying out for the spring musical. Every single part has a solo, but I really want to do it. I was first thinking the bakers wife, but I think I'm getting too ambitious. So I'm thinking maybe Lucinda or Florinda. I'm trying to research the other female characters (Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Jacks mom, and cinderellas step-mom), but there is nothing about these anywhere on the internet. I just want to know specifically line count, how big the solo is stuff like that. I don't mind much about range, because I can sing anything. I just don't want something big, I don't want to choke on opening night.

oh goodness....

Sun, 13 Jul 2008 20:55:40 GMT

Alright...so I'll admit it. I think I'm drunk right now....or really really tipsy. Yes I have had 3 shots of tequila. I'm kind of dizy, and laughy. It's fun and stuff.

p.s. I'm obviously stupid. I just turned on music so I could truthfully put something in the music section.

what the fuck am I doing up at 7 in the morning......

Fri, 11 Jul 2008 11:34:49 GMT

Yeah, for real. Why the hell am I still up at 7 in the morning when I clearly don't have to be up. I could have slept in today. Cunt. Oh well, I guess I did tell her to wake me up, and that's okay. So yesterday was the last day of mini-camp. It was very hot, and I got burnt like toast. Piss. I had sunscreen on all day too. Oh well, I got rid of some of my lines, and the ones I got from the past two days aren't that bad. I've been trying to get into this whole sunscreen era. It's kind of hard for me to understand that I can still get tan when I wear sunscreen. But I wore spf 15 on my face all day, and spf 30 on my upper arms, shoulders, chest, and back. I never put anything on my legs. It's pointless. I don't have huge lines from my sunglasses, which makes me super happy.

Speaking of super happy.... We learned 20 sets of drill, which is pretty good. The band can march and play 15 of them, which is really good. This means that we are going to have most, if not all of our show done by the end of band camp. Now I don't really know how this is going to play out for the guard. I know we are supposed to be getting some work next week...but next week is optional. So maybe the next next week. We have practice Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. We're picking up another day, which kind of sucks, but I know we need it. We're going to have tough competition this year, especially since a lot of our good instrumentalists graduated. We are left with like 70 (probably less) people, and our sound is going to suffer from that. My drill is super easy except one set, which is good. Plus that one set isn't that bad. It's like 4 steps. Oh! We start the show on weapon! Hell yeah! I hope the work is challenging, and fucking cute as hell.

So on Thursdays I always take my dads check in and put it in his account. Well I stopped by the mailbox, got the check, and I saw my dad coming so I stopped and talked to him. He told me that the fluid in my grandmas lungs wasn't a cause of the cancer she has, no, it's a whole new cancer. He was so upset, as he was driving away, he was crying. I felt so bad for him. So on my way to town, imagine you just found out your grandma has 2 cancers instead of one, and you just got home from mini-camp, which means your wore out, your tired. Basically, not in a good mood. So I was driving driving, and right before McDonalds, there is a stop light, and I was already stopping, but this girl like slammed on her brakes, and we bumped. Thankfully it was just a little one, like a nudge, if I may. But yeah, it did nothing to her truck, and it did nothing to my jeep. Which is good because I only have PLPD, which means it's automatically my fault, which I'm taking the blame anyways, yeah it is my fault, I was driving too close to her, and I've been told to stop doing that by my mom and dad. Shitty. Anyways, but she called her husband, and he told her to call the police, because that's what you're supposed to do. I wait like 5 million years for that cop to get here, and he checks everything out, and was like okay well you cant file a report unless you do more that $1,000.00 of damage, and bia, there was none so ha. But we exchanged info and I went along. After this I still needed to get his check in before 5 o'clock. I missed my turn not once...but twice. I was 5 minutes late. They had just closed. I was pissed. So while nothing is wrong, it was still really embarrassing. I know I looked like shit, because I hadn't changed from the day, and I was sweaty and I smelled gross, and I'm sure I looked gross.

Today I am going to see my grandma. I don't really know when I will be leaving, but I know for sure, later in the afternoon. I'm driving down to Tipton, and from there my dad is driving to Indy. Usually I just wait until she gets back home to see her, but I feel like I haven't seen her in so long, and with this new cancer, I think she could use the company. I kind of nervous about the drive, because I don't really know where I'm going. I know it's all highway, but when it comes to the turn off and stuff, I'm so unsure. If I get fucking lost, I'm fucked. Oh well. it's worth it.

So yeah, I think I might go running with Hope today. Not too far because I don't think fatty can run too far anywhere. But I think it would be a good idea to start getting in shape, and not just to look good, but it will make my life easier. Like maybe I can build up some stamina and not totally die at band camp. I could actually run to my set with out dying. Plus I do want to look good lol. I was to get into real shape, because I'm planning on trying out for Glassmen. You have to be so good, so I'm trying to get better at everything.

Well, I think that is enough for now dont you?

lahbay lahbay lahbay.

Sat, 05 Jul 2008 06:13:30 GMT

Alright so I hope you all had a wonderful 4th of July. I know I certainly did. At first we had Tony, Suz, Rich, Missy, Alyssa, Richard, and Lexy over. We lit of some bottle rockets and fire crackers. We decided we needed more, so me, alyssa, richard, and Keaton all pilled into my jeep and went to Ulerys. We bought lots of those little fireworks that you dont have to be over 18 to buy. That was fun, so we lit some of those. Then we ate, then we got in the pool and had an exciting game of volleyball. As usual, the girls won. ^_^ Then we had to go to the fireworks help in Walton. So we went there, and they were pretty good. We came back home and lit of more fireworks, but the ones my dad bought, like the big ground displays. That was pretty fun. This is definately one of my favorite holidays. I was so mad though, I will be 18 in September, so I was kind of mad that I couldn't buy other stuff we wanted. Oh well, next year will be kick ass.

So I've decided that I am going to quarter-finals with TJ, Nick(TJ's brother), Alyssa, and Hope. Other people are debatable. We aren't really sure. But I'm so excited. I also decided that when this November comes along I am going to be trying out for Glassmen drum corps. I don't know how I will get the money if I actually make it, but I'm sure I can think of some way. I'm also quite sure I'm not going to make it anyways. You have to be super fucking good to make it into a division I corps. Well, I guess it's World class now, but it's like the same thing.

I was thinking about how this is my senior year and how this will be my last year of high school guard. And I thought that I would want to just get right into school and stuff, but I really don't want to stop going guard. I know I could always join a winter guard, but if you're wanting to do drum corps, you age out. After like 20 or 21, you can't do it anymore. If you're older and try to do winterguard you have to be damn good. I just want to do them once, if I can get a second or third year, then hell yeah. I just want that sort of close-ness you can get from being on a team you know? I've always said that I would make sure to keep in touch with everyone from high school, but as I've talked to other people, I realise it's nearly impossible. And to think about this is really sobering. People you've been around for 12 or 13 years of your life, it's hard to get my mind around not being about see them again. Going off to college and getting busy and stuff. I just think about what it will be like not having my bff's around when I graduate. Brandon is going south, and I know Hope is going to BSU. Eden is going to stay in Logan, and go to Ivy tech, and I'm going to do the same, but if I do drum corps, then we won't even be in the same classes. *sigh*

Well, I better get to bed, I have people coming over tomorrow. It's going to suck. My dads friends are coming over, and I don't know any of their kids, so it's going to be akward and stuff. So yeah, I'm hoping either Alyssa, Eden, or Hope can come over. My mom was like well, you probably shouldn't have someone over, and I was like okay, I don't care. I'm going to have a shitty day tomorrow because I'm around people I don't know. I'm having a friend over, and we're going to have fun damn it! Anyways...about that bed, I should go, they're going to be here at like 11...to early for me.

<3 megan

fun party stuff.

Sat, 05 Jul 2008 04:22:52 GMT

Directions:
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 4-7 sentences on your GJ along with these instructions.
5. Don't you dare dig for that "cool" or "intellectual" book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest (unless it's too troublesome to reach and is really heavy. Then go back to step 1).
6. Tag five people.

     "The hearing's on my floor, in Amelia Bones's office. She's Head of
the Department of Magical Law Enforcement and she's the one who'll
be questioning you."
     "Amelia Bones is okay, Harry," said Tonks earnestly. "She's fair,
she'll hear you out."
     Harry nodded, still unable to think of anything to say.

I tag.... <lj user="manderr">, <lj user="dandi">, <lj user="just__dance">...yeah only three because I only have 4 friends and 1 of them tagged me...

DCI was Ballin'

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 03:13:39 GMT

So I have to say that DCI was so fucking awesome. We got there like 30 minutes late though. We missed two corps. and we got our tickets for $5 instead of $20. Which was awesome...except our seats were shitty. They were horrible, but it was still fun. It made me want to play the guard game so much. I was like bitch I want my show right now. Being a performer myself I find it hard to actually sit and enjoy a show. It's so compulsive to be like oh hey they werent together...oh they dropped that! It's almost a nuissance. But everything there is like fifty times better than anything any band in Indiana could ever do. It's seriously amazing. I'm pretty sure that I am going to DCI finals. If I can't I'm going to cry sooo much. The tickets are $125 which sucks, by my mom is paying for the gas so I'm okay with that. I told my mom that I could pay for the ticket but I can't do both, and she was like oh I'll pay for the ticket and you pay for gas, and I was like...okay! The ticket is $125! And then she was like oh...I'll pay for the gas. It was pretty funny.

Today we had a car wash, that was fun-ish. I'm so ridiculously tired right now though. So I'm going to bed.

Fucking HUGE!!!

Thu, 26 Jun 2008 03:10:35 GMT

Alright 2 posts in one day. I'm on a roll. So I've been thinking about senior projects for fucking ever. I've had so many ideas including but not limited to:
Swim suit design
Battle of the Bands/Charity thing
Fashion line
Graphic design
Interior design
Remodeling my room or bathroom.

But I think I have finally found an idea that excites me to no end, and I can afford. This project is a t-shirt line. This line will be promoting peace. Peace of all kinds. Peace with the world, peace with other people, peace with yourself, just peace in general. Truthfully, it is ridiculous that there is so much hate in this world. I was also thinking about extending this to all major issues. I was going to take special orders. Like whatever color shirt you want with a certain color of paint. I was going to stencil everything. I know this is going to take forever, but it's worth it if people will listen. I was also thinking of contacting 17 magazine and Cosmo Girl, because they are really big on peace with yourself, like loving yourself and the body you were born with. I think that is really important because you were born with it, and you can't really change it. Don't be ashamed of it, it's yours and only yours, for a reason. Everyone is perfect in their own way. I was thinking about doing minor reconstruction of the shirt to make it a little cuter, like not so t-shirty. I don't know about that though. My mentor will be my grandma, so that will be good. I was also thinking that I've said "I've been thinking" way too damn much. Oh well. I'm going to say it like 5 more times. Anyways, I was going to sell them and the profit I got I was going to keep enough to keep making the shirts and buying the supplies, but donate the rest to the Peace Corps. or something like that. Or maybe make a scholarship. I have no idea. But I've got the foundation...and that's important. I'm so excited. I'm pretty sure the board will approve. My angle will be how being stressed and unhappy affects your health or something like that.

To those of you who don't really understand senior projects, they are the single most important thing you have to do when you are a senior. You do it, or fail. End of story. It takes you all year, and you don't really do much else your senior year. It's huge.

So lately I've been contemplating things. I can't believe I'm a senior already... I don't feel mature enough, I don't feel old enough. I don't want to grow up yet...I'm just not ready. I'll be 18 in September. That's insane! I'm not mature enough to be an adult! Anyone who knows me will agree.

Have you ever been thinking about past relationships and thought "I would really like to try that again..." I've been thinking that lately. I've just realized how truly immature I was. I know a million ways to handle things that used to just ignore. I still realize that all of the variables are the same. There is still 350 miles between us. His mom still hates me I bet. His friends think I'm a huge bitch because of the immature way I handled things. I was talking to Wade the other night and I was like... Fuck, I miss talking to him. I told him that too. I was like, I hope that's not weird to say. But yeah, I just realized in that moment how much we've grown up and apart...but back again. We're still the same people. I can still open up to him like a fucking book, in a way I could never open up to anyone else. It's just so fucking weird. I hate that I'm still not over him. I want to be over him, and I want to be with other people. But when you make future plans, you have things set up just the way you want them set, and those dreams of a perfect future are hard to erase. In the back of my mind I can see up ending up together because we really are perfect together. I bet anyone a million dollars that we would still be together if we went to same school. That sucks, and I hate it.

The only thing that still has my mind boggled is why I still haven't had a real boyfriend. I think it's weird that online I have all of these boys saying I'm so hot, beautiful, and if I lived near them they would date me in a second... But here in fucking Indiana, the place that actually matters, no one likes me. That sucks... a lot. I just don't understand. I wish I could just get a real answer on this. I would really like to know.

*sigh* Anyways, I think I am done for now. I think I've done good today. I also think I've said "I think" 5 more time like I said. ha.

<3 megan

How many pair of shoes do you have? Out of those pairs, how many do you wear more than a few times a

Wed, 25 Jun 2008 19:45:24 GMT

How many pair of shoes do you have? Out of those pairs, how many do you wear more than a few times a year?

I have sooo many pairs of shoes. I wear most of them... There are a few that are gross and I refuse to wear. Things I should get rid of...oh well.

Tonight was guard try-outs. That was fun. Tomorrow is the Panther Stake out. Which means the oh so anticipated lip syncing contest is tomorrow. We're doing paradise city. It will be cute.

Ugh. I'm excited to be a senior, but nervous and sad. Like I want to be a senior, but I don't want high school to end.

I've been thinking about getting a job. Maybe at the drive-in theater. It's at night and on weekend only so it will go well with my week day schedule which is watching my brother and sister. ew. But oh well.

What personality trait has gotten you in the most trouble?

Wed, 25 Jun 2008 18:50:14 GMT

What personality trait has gotten you in the most trouble?

I would say either my anger or my stubborn-ness. I don't have like anger problems, I just get bitchy and I say things I don't really mean...or rather I mean, I just wouldn't normally say to them... I'm very stubborn.

What happened the first time you were left home alone as a child?

Wed, 25 Jun 2008 17:59:29 GMT

What happened the first time you were left home alone as a child?

I'm not really sure what happened. I was never really left at home because I always like to go places. But a more recent time... It was my brother, sister, and I. We were watching meet the robinsons and all of a sudden we hear this like knocking on the sliding glass windows. Because its like this ... there are two sliding glass windows and my sister was laying on the couch, and I was sitting in the chair infront of the other glass door. So we freak out because no one likes to hear weird noises when they are home without parents. So we just calmly go back to watching our movie. So after a while I was like.... maybe we should call mom and dad.... So I did and they practically laughed at me. :[ Sad I know. Well turns out it was the rocking chair outside the window, the wind was blowing hard I guess... lame. And another time, I didn't know my dog liked to knock on the window with his tail when he wanted in so I hear a knocking noise and I freak out. Becuase I guess he was on the hot tub cover and I thought it was a person, so I call my grandma and she and grandpa come down. Ugh. Not very good. In the end I felt like a retard, but I wanted to be safe. you know?

What do you most hate sharing with other people?

Wed, 25 Jun 2008 17:38:10 GMT

What do you most hate sharing with other people?

I hate sharing a lot things. One of the biggest things though are CD's. I refuse to let anyone borrow CD's because I've seen how people treat their cd's and just throw them around and let them get scratched. It's one of my biggest pet peeves. Another thing I don't like sharing is clothing. Guard members are notorious for borrowing and not giving back. Bitches. B still has my white heart bikini....She's had it since last summer. But she "can't find it"...I don't think she's looking all the hard.

Annie is FINALLY over. God I'm so happy. I official have nothing to do, and I'm loving it. I just get to relax and read and stuff. Unfortunately my head is pounding right now. ugh I hate this. My mp3 player has officially died. How sad :( I've been looking online for good japanese recipes, and I've found a few good ones. I'm a little unsure about the japanese rice, it sounds like a lot of work. But I've decided to start cooking elaborate meals now that I don't have anything to do.

new!!

Wed, 09 Jan 2008 02:12:46 GMT

Hello to anyone who reads this! I'm new here obviously. I'm from gj (vanilla_rain). If you want to know anything about me, let me know!