||[21 Apr 2008|08:32pm]
what to say about life lately.... CRAZYYYYYYYY.
for one. Jay is getting married next month.... to Sarah.
whos pregnant. again.
Im happy for them... I am =)
I think...... its confusing I dont want him back, but I just dont want him to be with her.
even though hes a lying little... sweet heart.
Ive been talking to this guy at work. hes such a CUTIE.
and hes sweet, kind, nice. his names Seamus (like Shea- mus).
I call him babydoll hahaha.
OKAY... so Ive decided-ish on what Im hoping my graduation gift is from my rents.
Im completely in LOVE with this tattoo... and Ive never really WANTED one... but this one is AMAZING.
its like a heart with swirly lines coming off the bottom to the sides.
and its black with like an outline in pink (my fave color)
and I want my initials on the inside of the heart.
and in the swirls, I want my Moms, Dads, Sisters, and Brothers initials in them.
my Dad really is against tatts though. but its not like I want to get a big play boy bunny on my chest or something.
I want it on my lower back... a "tramp stamp"
and I wanna get my nose, and tongue peirced, but I really think my tongue is too short, so Im prolly not.
and if I can tone my tummie, I want my belly button peirced too.
my Mom said yes to my nose, but not to my tongue and belly button....
which makes no sense to me cuz those are the least visible of the ones I want.
I dont get ittttttttttt.
I want them so bad, and I wanna get them all before we go to Maine =)
Im praying to God they let me.
I miss Katie. we hardly ever talk anymore.
and we dont email eachother either.
its pathetic, the only time I talk to one of my best friends, is by email.
I hate it.
I was in such a good mood today. I was soooo loud, louder than normall, which yes, its possible.
Mr. Tracey wanted to tape my mouth shut.
he was like an inch away but I was like...
"I think duct tape would work better."
and he was like "Yeah, but I dont have any."
haha he kept giving me "dirty looks"
which made me crack up cuz he looked like a cracked out turrle.
haha well Im bored.
so I guess Ill go clean my room or somethinggggg.
||[13 Apr 2008|08:01pm]
Okayyyyy, so where to begin?
So much stuff happend latley, some bad, some good.
Im done with Jay, forever, after the shit that happend Friday, never ever again.
I had so much fun today though.
we had to work the inagurational picnic.
Stacey was cracking me up.
The steel drum band played the Star Wars theme song 6 times in a row, we decided its because they played it once for every episode.
I cant tell you how much I laughed today.
Ughhh I love life latley.
Although I doubt Ill be saying that when school starts again.
well, I guess Ill update again tomorrow.
I need to make dinner and do laundry <3
||[15 Mar 2008|11:26am]
why is it that the girl who wants love more than anything,
can never find it?
Im so torn I dont know what to do anymore.
Maybe Ill just be single for the rest of my life.
at the rate Im going, its either that,
or be hurt ALL THE TIME.
||[14 Mar 2008|05:29pm]
scratch that last post.
we're together <3
||[13 Mar 2008|03:58pm]
||"No Air" by Jordin Sparks
But how do you expect me to live alone with just me? cause my world revolves around you it's so hard for me to breathe
Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air?
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
It's how I feel whenever you ain't there
It's no air, no air
Well, he did it last night. Jay broke up with me. He left me a voicemail. He didnt even tell me....
heres the story....
I got home from school and went for a walk again. It was one of those 2:30 till 7ish kinda walks.
So Im walking and all of a sudden I hear "Courtney. Is that you?"
So I turned to look and sure enough, Josh Warfield was sitting in his car on the other side of the road.
"I thought that was you. You live in this town? I havent talked to you in forever girl. I miss you."
and he just talked about shit.
then he says "Your boyfriends name is Jay right?"
"Yeah. Do you know Katie Mason?"
"I was just chillin with them."
then I tried getting rid of him as fast as possible.
so Im walking and my phone says I have a new voicemail.
So I check it and I hear...
"Hey Courtney whats up its Jay. Umm I think whats best is if I take a break from everything. and stay single for a while then make up my mind later. cuz theres alot of rumors floating around and shit."
so I start crying. and of course at that time its snowing like a blizzard outside.
so I called my sister who couldnt understand me cuz Im crying so hard.
so Yeah. I got home, balling my eyes out. and Ma tried calming me down and Dads like "Its cuz you didnt sleep with him."
which didnt help at ALL.
so I was crying so hard my mom gave me niquill so I could sleep.
so I called Jay and I was like "What rumors are going around?"
"Dans been popping shit off again." (once again... DAN)
"Whats he saying?"
"Its not just him. It Sarah and Cheryl too." (shocking, his EX gf.)
"I dont even KNOW Cheryl. What exactly are they saying?"
"It makes sense. Their saying how your just 17 and your not ready to settle down. And how your gonna trick me into being with you."
"They said that once I fucked you, If I ever met soemone else or something, Youd say that I raped you."
"Thats RIDICULOUS. I wanted to sleep with you because I love you. I wanna sleep with one person in my life. I was hoping it would be you."
"He also said that you called and appologized and said not to tell me."
"Thats stupid. I did call cuz I cant hold grudges against people I care about. and I was gonna tell you when we talked. we just havent in three days."
then he was like whatever and hung up on me.
so like an hour-ish later he calls back and was like
"Im just trying to stop crying."
"Courtney, Im not saying Im breaking up. I just need a break."
"Thats exactly what a break is. and you just did."
"You know I care about you. I just need time."
so then we hang up and he goes "Dont be upset."
Umm okay. Im pretty sure I have a right to be upset.
so I get up and my eyes are all poofy from crying.
then I tell Ashley about it and she goes. "Josh drove by your house. thats why he was there"
stalker much? he scares the SHIT outta me.
I met him once and he already said how much he loved me.
Awww Ariel just gave me a jolly rancher.
I feel better now.
We're going tanning again after school.
I love tanning. Its horrible for you, but whateverrrrrrrr.
So yeah. Im so KSHDKSAHD,ASHDAUHDAHDU.
and I missed rehersal last night, cuz it would've been Jays and my two month anniversary.
so I thought maybe we'd chill.
so I might not be able to dance at Schuhplattlerfest.
which would SUCK.
I hope I can.
Tommorrow Omas taking me to MCC so i can go to the Financial Aid office.
since Im paying for it by myself....
well according to Dan, Omas paying it for me. which is another thing he said.
"Dan said your just gonna play it off like you want an apartment with me, but if you do your Oma wont pay for college for you."
whatever. Jays calling me tonight. supposedly.
Then Oma and I are going prom dress shopping. =)
not that I have a date anymore. STUPIDDDDD.
I hope things get better by prom. I really want Jay to take me.
I love him with all my heart and I dont know what I have to do to prove to him Im not lying.
but Ill do anything. I love him. I wanna be with him. For real. and I want him to be my first time because I love him.
and hes the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.
and I am ready to settle down. Ive never ever been the type of person who likes one night stands or shit like that.
I like real, LONG, serious relationships. and I want to find the "ONE"
which I hope is Jay.
but whatever. I dont want to start crying again. So I guess Ill leave.