|
Today, I woke up with the worst feeling of pain in my stomach, it's the bad kind of butterflies...the kind the don't let you study or do anything without feeling pain. I can't sleep without dreaming of him. He was the man of my dreams and now the man in my nightmares. I can't listen to music without being reminded of him. I am reminded constantly what it was like to be with him as couples walk down the street holding hands or every damn song on the radio. It's called heartbreak. For me, I've learned from experience that the pain doesn't get easier after the day of the breakup; but worse as the days go on until I eventually find someone else.The problem is this time there will be nobody else for a while. I don't care what you say, but even if the hottest guy on earth was to like me, I wouldn't be with him. I've completely lost trust in all men, and I am allowed to have this opinion. I'm allowed to be depressed for 15 days (one day for every month together). Then I have to get the fuck over it, but for now I'm allowed to vent. I know I've dealt with heartbreak before, but It's never been like this. I can truely say I loved him with all my heart, and I have never been able to say that with anyone else. I miss his family, his goals and dreams, his smile, how my dog Darcy would always go to his house to play with his dog Clark, being dorks together, not caring how I looked infront of him, etc..... He took everything I had to offer and I won't be getting it back anytime soon. I can say I have never felt this much pain before because I was not happy with myself even before we broke up. I weigh the most I ever have and I feel like I can't even flirt with a guy without him thinking I'm fat. I have never felt this disgusted with myself, and I don't have any real friends here, my mom could never be my friend. She's heartless. I'm really alone. I did just join the gym and my goal is four times a week. I'm also on a diet which will make me feel a lot heathier.
|
![[info]](https://www.scribbld.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
kelmo