thedirtysouth posted in blueridgeschool:

Mackenzie listened quietly as Tatum talked, relieved that the girl hadn't flat out thrown her out of the room yet. She didn't deserve as much forgiveness as the small girl was supposedly giving her. Perhaps that was one of the reasons why she had fallen so hard for the girl before she had even realized it. Mackenzie was a messed up kid, she had more anger issues than she could count on one hand, not to mention her issues with her parents. Her general trust of people was all shot to hell, and the only person she really trusted in her life was Hunter, who was just as messed up as she was in the head. Acting like an asshole was easier than really showing anyone her true self, at least then they couldn't call her anything else but an ass. She knew that she had acted poorly towards the younger girl in the past, always trying to make up for it of course, but she had let her impulsive tendencies get the better of her no matter how hard she tried. Every time, the girl let her come back, even if she was rude back to Mackenzie, the girl never left her. She always gave the blonde a good natured eye roll in the end and muttered a fond but gruff comment on how the taller girl was an asshole. Tatum was one of the few people in her life that hadn't left, even if she sometimes resisted the blonde's invasion of her space.

The same was true now, Tatum had every right to refuse to talk to the blonde, to yell at her and probably even hit her again. Instead, the girl was opening up to her even more and, while she kept suggesting that Mack would be happier to just forget about her, never actually told her that it was one hundred percent over. The blonde figured that she might just be wanting to hear what she wanted out of the younger girl's words, but she was pretty sure that wasn't the case. She knew that the other girl must feel something for her, there was no other way that any of this could have worked.

Especially since Tatum had just told her about Frankie, and Mackenzie had to think for a moment to figure out who the redhead must be referring to. It was all falling slowly into place now for the blonde, Frankie must have been the best friend, the one who killed herself. The redhead's actions suddenly made a lot more sense now, and Mack felt guilty all over again for the way she had acted. It hadn't just been the girl's father, although she was sure that was still a factor. It probably only enforced the idea that being gay, loving who you loved, was a bad idea. Mackenzie felt more tears welling up in her eyes, and took a moment to wipe them away again before speaking.

"T, I was already fucked up to being with," she said quietly, peering at the younger girl timidly. She wanted to reach out and pull the girl to her, to hold her and tell her it would be okay. She didn't though, not yet, she couldn't will her arms to move, so she just kept them in her lap, wringing her hands nervously. She was about to let out her biggest insecurity to the other girl, something she had never told anyone, not even Hunter. She knew that Hunter knew what it was, because they always danced around it, but they had never vocally said it. "You...you didn't do anything to make me act this way. I've got a lot of...anger and stuff...I'm too thick headed and stubborn to react rationally to anything. I-I'm just scared as hell to love you, okay? I-it scares the hell out of me."