Dresden Academy

Who: Adelaide and Simone Legaux
When: Over break
Where: Burnham City
What: Si is a troll. Adelaide is mortified.
Rating: Um. Particularly foul mouths and not-particularly-worksafe topics?


In the abominable warmth of summer, there was not a great deal Adelaide could do to stave off the heat. There was the air conditioning option, but no matter how high or low the temperature was set Simone and Jesus would get into a catfight over it being too warm or too cool. The ceiling fan did little except to move the hot air around the room in cycles. Opening the windows only let out the hot air to replace it with fresh hot air.

She’d spent the morning on the roof of the apartment complex, working up a tan with some of older girls from the tenth floor. They were all already friends with one another though, and even though they didn’t do anything to specifically exclude her or make her feel unwelcome she felt awkward trying to fit in with them, and excused herself to go and lie spreadeagled on the living room floor.

She was just beginning to drift into a lazy nap when a shadow fell over her face and the acrid sting of cigarette smoke tickled at her nose. She opened one eye to give her brother the best half-glare she could manage from the floor.

He gave her an unimpressed look. “Seriously? You’re going to hang around in a bikini? On the floor. Alone.”

“Problem?” She yawned and rolled over to look at him properly.

Si huffed. “No hot date?”

She laughed so hard she snorted. “Yeah, ‘cause ‘hot date’ is the first thing that comes to mind when I want something to do.”

He wrinkled his nose and gingerly sat on the floor beside her, trying not to cover her in cigarette ash. “Oh, ew. You know this is what we have furniture for right, so you don’t have to slum it on the ground? Uck.” He pulled a face and settled himself, glancing around the apartment from the new vantage point. “Seriously though... just gonna lie here all day?”

“That was the plan. Why? Want me to fuck off so you and Jesus can defile the poor filthy floor?” She asked with a smirk.

“Or,” Si suggested, looking as though he’d just thought of the most brilliant idea ever and was excited to share it, “maybe we could fuck off, and you could invite one of those boys you been hanging out with and defile it yourself?”

Addy just rolled her eyes. “Those boys I hang out with-- first of all, there are only two of them, so don’t make it sound like I got a roster of dudes or something-- are just friends. Our hanging out is confined to non-defiling acts and Xbox.”

“Bitch please! Just friends.”

She shrugged, because Tim and Luka were just that, friends. Granted, she did spend a huge chunk of her time with Tim making out and trying very hard to make it obvious that if he’d like to be more than just friends that she’d be very open to that, but he didn’t seem to have any inclination to act on it and her confusion was starting to catch up with her. She didn’t want to be the kind of girl who made out with her friends, and if he didn’t want to be anything more than a friend then she’d have to either be that girl, or stop kissing him, and she really didn’t like either of those options. It was quite frustrating.

“Addy.” Simone put a hand on her shoulder. “We’re definite on the whole... hetero thing, right?”

“For the last time, I am not a lesbian!”

“Okay! Jeez! Listen, then. Sweetheart. Enough with the butch-pseudo-lesbo-I-hate-men thing you got going on. Like, seriously. That Andre is thing is like whole two years ago. And did you even look at his yearbook photo? Total downgrade.” He made a disgusted noise. “What is his hair, seriously. That is just some fucked up shit going on and I just can’t. Does he even own a fucking mirror because--” he cut himself off before he could go on a completely different rant and forget what he’d sat down to say in the first place. He took a long, calming drag of his cigarette.

“I’m just saying. Don’t you think you should maybe move the fuck on? Go out and be free! Sow your seeds... whatever the girl version is. Have seeds sown in you? Or on you?” He grinned widely at the look of pure horror and revulsion this thought gave her. “Or--”

“Shut up! Okay, you can shut up right now. Every word that comes out of your mouth from this point on just encourages me to die alone with a house full of cats. And also-- brother fail! You are supposed to be keeping boys away from me and threatening to beat them up if they so much as have an untoward thought about me, not... trying to make me let them do things to me!”

He shrugged, not at all put off by her protests. “I am just looking out for you! Rosa tells me you’re like the school anti-sex crusader, and I’m just saying you don’t got the experience to go ahead and hate like that! I mean, you fucked a gay guy. I’m just saying from a gay perspective, I wouldn’t have any fucking clue what to do with that whole, woman-area, and he’s like a fucking virgin too so it’d be extra-bad and you can’t base all sex on how bad that little asshole fails!”

“She told you-- no! Si, no! Shut up! STOP TALKING.” She curled up and wrapped her arms around her head, trying to facepalm, cover her ears, and scratch her own eyeballs out all at the same time. “I don’t want to talk about sex with you! EVER. Everything about this conversation is wrong.”

He crossed his arms and sighed, waiting for her to come out of her horrified protective armadillo stance.

After a few minutes of what she assumed was blessed silence, she unrolled herself and offered him a powerful stink-eye. “Are you done talking about woman-areas?”

“I am done talking about ‘the lady garden’, or what the fuck ever.” He waved his hand dismissively, dropping ash all over the floor.

“And tell Rosa not to tell you shit like that! I don’t want you knowing about... about my sex life.” The concept was almost foreign to her, even just saying the words was strange.

“You don’t have a sex life to not talk about!”

“You shouldn’t know either way!” She shrieked. That was it, she was officially not telling anyone anything ever about anything to do with anything that might possibly relate to her interactions with the opposite sex. Questions would have to be googled.

He leaned over and shoved her gently. “I’ll make a deal with you, okay? You go on a date-- a date, not a hanging out-- and I won’t talk about your so-called sex life. Okay?”

Addy rolled her eyes and kicked him. “I am not going on a date.”

“Then I’m gonna bug you about your fucking sex life!”

“No one wants to go on a date with me!”

He kicked her back, barely concealing a sly grin. “I dunno. Luka looked pretty interested when you were gaming the other day.”

“That’s just his face. He has permanent ‘fuck me’ face.”

“Permanent... where’s your owl?” He snuffed out the end of his cigarette on the bottom of his shoe.

She narrowed her eyes. “Why do you want Pickle?”

“Because,” he said helpfully, kicking out as he stood and calling for the little owl. “If you’re not going to hit that, I’m going to hit it for you. Pickle! Pickle! Do you want to take a nice sexy letter to Luka?”

“Don’t you fucking dare!” Addy scrambled to grab her brother and wrestle him back to the floor. “If you-- swear to god, if you even try I will hack you into pieces!”

“Worth it,” he sing-songed, planting his foot on her shoulder and pushing away, grabbing a pen and notebook off the coffee table and dragging it to the floor with him.

“I’ll kill you!”

“Dear Luka,” Si could barely scrawl a single word on the paper before Adelaide was on top of him, kicking and clawing and trying to snatch the pen out of his hand. “I want your cock.” He continued even louder, giggling like a madman. His writing was even more disgraceful than usual, thanks to the combined distraction of his own laughter and trying to fight off a furious attack.

Pickle appeared at the windowsill then, casting a small round shadow over the tussling siblings on the floor. He hooted curiously, not used to such a scene over the mail.

Si squealed at a particularly vicious elbow to the groin and scribbled the rest of the note hastily. “You really need to fuck my brains out! Love and kisses, Adelaide. Pickle! Take it!”

“No, Pickle! NO!” The little owl dutifully plucked the paper from Si’s outstretched hand, narrowly avoiding Addy’s desperate, panicked swat and hopped back up to the window. He turned his head around, giving them a perturbed glance, before swooping off into the sky.

“Nooooo! Fuck! FUCK!”