A week had passed since the fall of Ba Sing Se. The princess, thankfully, was fully occupied with pacifying the conquered city, leaving Kouji somewhat less frightened than he would have been otherwise. Not long after dawn following… whatever had happened underneath the city, Kouji had been checked over by a doctor, pronounced to have a concussion, and carefully nursed through it. Physically, he was completely recovered from the day's events.

Mentally, however…

The boy glanced over his shoulder, looking up at Prince Zuko. In many ways, the prince seemed worse off than he was.

While slightly less off-balance than he had been when he'd retrieved Kouji that night, Zuko still drifted through a bleak depression. He took no part in his sister's pacification efforts, and at times even mentioned to Kouji that he was reconsidering going home with her. He mentioned it again now, and for the first time the boy gave his own honest opinion on the subject. "Good. I don't want to."

"How come?"

"For one, I've never been," Kouji said. "I'm colony-born. Two…" His voice trailed off, and he shuddered, huddling in on himself protectively.

"If we go back, I won't let them send you to one of the work camps, I promise," Zuko said.

Kouji blinked and looked up at him. "…work camps?" He sounded honestly confused.

"Yeah. Work camps. That's what's done with captured earthbenders."

The boy's heart stopped. "You… you're sure?"

"Yeah. Why?" Now Zuko looked puzzled — almost a welcome change from the bleak depression he'd shown all week.

Kouji looked at his feet. "I… I was told earthbenders w-were… killed."

Zuko blinked. "Why would earthbenders be killed? They're too useful, 'specially in mines and stuff. Less likely to be killed in cave-ins, plus they can get more done faster."

Kouji turned away from Zuko. He didn't know. All he knew was the questions his older brother had asked their father, and the answers that had been given — the answers that had decided all three children that the Fire Nation was not worth their loyalty, not worth their bending.

"I won't let that happen, either. If we go back." Zuko hugged his knees to his chest and stared at the ground. "Plus, I think my sister's taking some of the Dai Li back with her. They're earthbenders."

Kouji's eyes widened, and then closed as he hugged himself tighter. Their father had lied… but why? The venom in the man's voice had been real enough, his hatred as well, enough to convince him and Ichiro that if Kouji were discovered, their father would have killed him himself…

Hot tears leaked from his eyes to roll down his face.

Zuko looked up, and came over and hugged him, saying nothing.

Weeping, the boy clung tightly to his prince, occasionally managing to whimper, "Why?" between sobs. The teenager had no answers, and didn't even try for platitudes. After ten minutes or so, Kouji quieted, but he didn't let go.

Zuko didn't pull away, either.

* * *

For a day or so following Kouji's breakdown, Zuko was quiet and withdrawn again, and the colonist followed him everywhere like a hedgedog. That much about Kouji, at least, hadn't changed. One afternoon, Zuko abruptly slipped off on his own, telling Kouji he'd be back soon, but there was something he needed to take care of.

Kouji did not like being alone, and fled out onto the palace grounds, then shimmied up a tree. He'd already shown Zuko that tree on the third day, promising his prince that if Zuko was unable to find him, he'd be there. When Zuko was away, it seemed to be the safest place for the boy to be.

Zuko didn't find him there until well after dark. "They're leaving in the morning. I… still don't know if I'm going. But I think maybe probably."

Kouji poked his head out from the branches that concealed him. "What changed your mind?"

"Mai." He gave a little bitty smile.

Mai.

Kouji had met — or at least been introduced to — Azula's two henchwoman, Mai and Ty Lee. Being who he was, he had bowed deeply, like any good colonist, and then hid behind Zuko until permitted to flee.

He hadn't realised, however, that Zuko liked one of them… that way.

Maybe because Zuko hadn't really realized (or possibly remembered) it himself until that evening.

"…oh." Kouji let go of the branch and dropped to the ground, landing in a light crouch by his prince.

"So I might go back. I don't know. I need to think about it again."

"Oh," said Kouji a second time, his eyes dropping to the grass.

"If I go, will you come? I promise I'll keep you safe." Which was a lot to promise, since he wasn't one hundred percent sure he could keep himself safe — he had, after all, technically failed in his appointed task, and Azula's assurances weren't worth much.

Kouji gnawed on his bottom lip. Despite Zuko's reassurances, he was still afraid of his homeland — and still terrified of Princess Azula. "I…"

"We don't have to decide 'til tomorrow morning," Zuko said, quietly. "So you don't have to say right now."

"Okay," said Kouji quickly. "I'll think about it."

And pray Zuko decided to stay.

Zuko led him inside, back to the room they'd been sharing since the first night, dragged a chair over to the window, and curled up in it. Rather than take the bed, Kouji nestled against one of the legs of the chair, close to Zuko.

When he woke early the next morning, Zuko hadn't moved. By the look of things, he'd been up all night, thinking about what to do and getting his mind all twisty and depressed again.

Kouji felt like throwing up. "Zuko…?"

"Yeah?"

"You okay?"

"Yeah."

"'Kay." He hesitantly uncurled and rubbed his hip.

"You?"

"Fine," Kouji lied.

Zuko gave him a long searching look, but decided not to call him on it. "Did you make up your mind?"

Kouji shook his head. "Dunno still. I'll go with you to th' dock, though…"

"If you want to stay, I'll just go tell Azula myself that we're not coming."

"I don't know, Zu," Kouji whispered. "Fire Nation scares me, but… I've got nothing here. I don't know."

Zuko nodded. "Okay. Okay. Whatever you decide, I'll stick with you and keep you safe."

Kouji nodded, and tried to calm his rebellious stomach.

True to his word, he did accompany Zuko to the dock, trailing at the very edge of the group.

"Well?" Azula said when they got there, eyeing her brother.

Kouji looked up at Zuko, and then past him, to the princess.

A dark, frightening thought occurred to the boy: Azula wanted Zuko to go back to the Fire Nation with her. He'd already seen that Azula always got what she wanted, no matter how she had to get it.

If he chose to stay…

"Zu…?" he said, his voice wobbling.

"Yeah?" Zuko reached for his hand, but didn't take his eyes off his sister.

Kouji swallowed hard. "I'll go."

Zuko nodded, then told his sister, "We're coming with you."

"Good."

* * *

Almost as soon as the ship set sail, Kouji discovered that the sea legs he'd developed while on Prince Zuko's ship over the winter had long since vanished. He spent the first three days vomiting and miserable, unable to keep down even water until the second day.

Zuko, worried, stayed with him, avoiding the crew and his sister and even Mai.

Kouji looked blearily up at him. "S'okay," he managed to croak. "Did this… when I first joined you… last winter."

"I know. Still."

By the fourth day, Kouji was on the mend, able to keep down both water and clear, thin soup, but his illness had caused him to lose weight, making his already-large clothes even larger on him.

This upset Zuko even more, and he withdrew further, reconsidering his decision to not take Kouji and leave Ba Sing Se the night before they'd loaded onto the ships. Mai managed to drag him out of the room once or twice, but never for very long.

Luckily, from then on Kouji's condition only improved, and he began gaining back what he had lost, though he refused to leave his room and refused even more to be parted from his bags of sand and of dirt. When he slept, he curled his body around those bags like a lifeline.

Zuko left the room nearly as rarely, only leaving at night while Kouji was sleeping.

The single time Kouji attempted to venture out of the room, he ran into one of Azula's Dai Li agents. The man gave him a calm, penetrating gaze that sent the boy fleeing right back into the room.

Zuko, at least, didn't seem to object to him not leaving the room--though he rarely made conversation, he seemed to appreciate the company. And he finally asked for his knife back.

Kouji was glad to return it; he hadn't liked needing to hold onto it for his prince. His own little knife was still hidden away in his belt. The prince didn't seem quite as glad to have it back. He wouldn't even look at it, just stuck it under his pillow for safekeeping.

Kouji glanced at him curiously, but didn't ask.

As they neared the Fire Nation, Kouji dared to venture out on deck, needing to see blue sky and clouds before he went utterly barmy. Zuko asked if he wanted him to come along.

"Please?" Kouji replied. He didn't want to be alone.

The teenager nodded, and followed him out onto the deck.

Unlike the previous winter, Kouji simply strolled over the deck, looking around and exploring with one hand on his sand-bag at all times. The sheer joy he'd worn several times was gone, the exuberance, the enthusiasm. Zuko followed him, also notably less passionate than he had been the previous winter.

The boy worked his way to the stern and settled there, staring out over the expanse of water. The prince settled next to him, closing his eyes. After ten minutes or so, Kouji asked, "What's going to happen when we get there?"

"I don't know, exactly," Zuko admitted, still with his eyes closed.

"Do you have an idea? Even vaguely?"

He shook his head. "It's been three years, Kouji. I don't know how much has changed."

"Okay." Kouji turned away from the water and sat down next to his prince.

"And the last time I saw my father…," Zuko trailed off, still not opening his eyes.

The colonist leaned into him, trying to reassure him.

"It didn't end well," he finished, almost a minute later, deciding not to go into detail.

Kouji nodded, and didn't pry.

Zuko seemed relieved at that, and finally opened his eyes. The boy managed to give him a small smile, and took the prince's hand in his. "Y'know something Zu?"

"Yeah?"

"I think that, if my dad had found out about the earthbending, he'd've killed me himself. So despite… everything… I'm glad I went with you last winter."

Zuko closed his eyes again. "My father did this," he lightly touched his scar, "because I said something I shouldn't have." He whispered this somewhat hesitantly, like it wasn't something he was used to sharing.

Kouji nestled closer to him. "I'm sorry, Zu…"

"Not your fault. I knew I had to keep my mouth shut and I talked anyway."

"Why?" The question escaped Kouji's mouth before his brain could engage, and the boy winced.

"I thought a proposal was unethical. I said so," Zuko told him, woodenly.

"…oh." This sounded familiar. Why? He moved even closer, practically inside Zuko's jacket now.

"So I had to duel, to answer for my disrespect. I thought I was going to fight the guy I'd disagreed with." Apparently, once he'd started, he wasn't going to shut up until the whole story was out.

"But it wasn't?" Kouji didn't mind. Zuko was a very private person, and Kouji wanted to know more about him.

Zuko shook his head. "I didn't find out 'til the last minute, but Dad was duelling me himself."

The boy's jaw dropped. "What?"

"My speaking out reflected badly on him." Zuko stared at the back of his eyelids.

Dismayed, Kouji hugged Zuko tightly.

Zuko didn't hug back, barely reacted to the embrace. "I froze," he said, flatly. "I said I was sorry, begged for his forgiveness. He told me to stand up. I couldn't — or wouldn't — doesn't matter, I didn't. He said I had to learn respect."

"And he… did that?" the boy whispered.

"Yes."

The hug grew even tighter.

"That's when I was banished." Zuko opened his eyes to stare out at the water. "He didn't even come and see me before I left."

"…how old…?"

"Thirteen."

Kouji's eyes went even wider. Even in the colonies it was known that Agni Kai participants had to have reached their majority of sixteen.

"Crown prince counts as adult status at twelve," Zuko said, answering the unspoken question. "But he still has to have a regent if he inherits before sixteen."

"Oh." Kouji's hold loosened only because his arms were starting to hurt.

The teenager was silent for a few seconds. "Azula was there. Watching. So was Zhao."

The boy trembled slightly.

"She was smiling."

She's insane, Kouji thought. And I'm going to have to be even more careful in the Fire Nation. The minute she doesn't need me anymore…

Zuko had fallen silent again, once more closing his eyes.

"And now you're going back," Kouji said softly.

"But I didn't manage to…" He trailed off. "Never mind. Yeah, I'm going back."

Kouji nestled closer to Zuko, now all but sitting in his lap, and closed his eyes. They sat in silence like that until the sun set. "I'm going back to our cabin," Kouji said softly, getting up.

"I'll be in in an hour or so," Zuko replied, not rising.

"All right." Kouji padded away from his prince, trying to ignore the feelings of dread rising in his heart. This was going to be a horrible summer.

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Current Mood: nauseated
Tags: au, avatar, fanfic, sf zukoline, small flame

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