[ as i set down these notes on paper ] - At last, I update. And it's angsty.

[ as i set down these notes on paper ] - At last, I update. And it's angsty.

Corpus Callosum

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At last, I update. And it's angsty.	[Nov. 10th, 2004\|04:46 pm]
Well, there's... this guy. I dunno if you could call him a boyfriend: we've been out once, a while ago; had lunch at a Chinese buffet. But he is kind of, you know? He's still acting boyfriendish, not being pushy or anything, just kind of "arm around the shoulders, peck on the cheek" sort of stuff. But I don't know if I really want a relationship. We get on all right as friends, but... But anyway. I think he's lying to me. Example: when the episode of the Tertiary Phase of Hitchhiker's was on, the episode where Douglas Adams himself plays Agrajag? He and I were talking about the episode (we're both Hitchhiker's fans) and I mentioned that Agrajag had been brilliantly funny, and he said, "my cousin plays Agrajag." I replied, "what, Douglas Adams?" kind of disbelievingly, and he backtracked and went "oh, or... someone. I dunno." It's not just small stuff like that. He's adopted, and when he's talked about them he's always spoken highly of both his birth and adoptive parents. But the other day he made quite an unfair joke about my friend having a big nose, which she's quite sensitive about, and she punched him on the arm (not a hard punch; just a "don't do that again" kind of punch). Then he started talking practically non-stop about having been abused as a child, and how he was trying to forget about it, and how he'd forgotten about it, and how it was always at the front of his mind (yes, I know these two things are mutually exclusive), and how my friend had brought it all back. And I thought: if he wanted to forget about it and move on, why was he talking about it? Well: not exactly talking about it. Just repeating variations on "I was abused as a child" several dozen times. I'm not trying to make light of children being abused: it's a horrible thing. I just don't think he really was. And now, my friend (the same one: they made it up pretty quickly) has told me that he told her to tell me (because I missed our last Explorers meeting, which is where we see each other) that his birth father was killed in the war in Iraq. And I don't know whether to believe him. He'd never mentioned his father being there before, but what kind of person would lie about a thing like that? But, with things before and what he said about being abused, I don't know if he wouldn't go as far as to make this up. But, if it's true, and his father really has been killed, and I don't believe him, what kind of person does that make me? I hate this war. I hate that people are killing each other and being killed by each other, in their thousands and (in the case of the British and American soldiers) a long, long way from home. I hate that people have to go about normally in their everyday lives, even if they have family or friends being shot at in some faraway desert. I hate that people can't trust each other.
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